Love Is A Strong Word | Seo Changbin

love is a strong word | seo changbin

pairing: changbin x fem! reader

au: ice skating (based on)

genre: angst, very little fluff if you squint ig

wc: ~13k

warnings:  injury (related to ice skating), issues of abandonment, self doubt, making out, mentions of sex (not described), reader being unable to express their feelings, alcohol, i prolly repeat words, particularly ‘love’ i mean…duh

a/n:  listen yo, this is absolute shit okay? courtesy: my extended date with writer’s block, and life in general.

tags:  for @stayhavens​​ event “stay together: will you be mine?) i do make the season of love seem depressing, so sorry about that(っ °Д °;)っ ; @angstyskzclub​

Your thumbs hover over the keypad, doing a little dance as you chew your bottom lip in thought.

The frown that had etched itself on your brows had not ceased since the past five minutes, and you had yet to come up with a coherent sentence to type out.

Your eyes flicker to the first blue bubble from your end.

[ you ] : hey, long time…

You grimace at it; does one usually start off a message like that to someone they haven’t talked to in almost a year?

You were already starting to regret this.

Gazing into the distance as you try to come up with a possible explanation for the sudden influx of texts you had bombarded Changbin previously, your eyes glaze over with the thick winter air, your mind slowly diverting from the box in your hand to your surroundings.

The lights from the cars shimmer on the wet street in fuzzy patches, decorating the street with a momentary carpet of red and yellow.

The rain patters down on the tarpaulin in a steady drizzle with a low hum, splaying a curtain of soft golden by the ongoing cars, like bright beacons on the busy street.

You stand under the stall, the heat of the pan beckoning you closer to its warmth and you obligate by huddling near the steaming pan of fried noodles, an exquisite scent of red hot chilli sauce wafting into the air that you sniff at in delight.

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HYUNJIN & FELIX for CLIO

No body, No crime

Synopsis: “I think he did it but I just can’t prove it." 

Pairing: Seungcheol x fem!reader 

Genre: crime/mystery, not really romance 

Warnings: mentions of blood and dead/dismembered bodies, death, kinda creepy 

Word Count: 1.7k words

The dingy diner was a place she frequented even when Jeonghan was still there. It was a small building near the lake and dock with a red neon sign that said ”The Diner“. He said he liked the food there better than the famous restaurant near the entrance of town. There weren’t a lot of people who came in, especially during dinner time, which made it an ideal place to talk without being overheard. This was also good for her since she and Seulgi were now using the diner as a secret meeting place.

_____ walked towards the diner with her hands in her pockets when she heard footsteps behind her. Careful not to slow down and alert the strange person that she had noticed someone following her, she strained her ears to listen more closely. The footsteps were heavy which would point to the person following her be most likely a man. It didn’t sound like the person was wearing normal leather shoes that white-collar workers of the town typically wore. From her intuition, the male behind her was wearing boots, those thick ones that were usually worn by laborers or people who tended to move around a lot.

The mysterious male entered the diner shortly after her which confirmed her suspicion that he had been tailing her. _____ was also right about him wearing thick boots to which he paired with dark jeans and a black leather jacket. His face was splattered with dirt like dark freckles across his face which would have been quite handsome had he not been scowling. The man was staring rather creepily at her, his eyes narrowing when she glared back.

After sending a quick text to Seulgi to inform her of the strange man, _____ ordered her regular set and took her seat on one of the stools by the counter.

"You’re _____ right?” the girl turned in her chair to come face to face with the strange man, his face now free of dirt. He took a seat on the stool next to hers. “I’m Seungcheol. Seulgi told me about you.”

Seulgi told him about her? What did that even mean? _____ was very sure that her friend would never double-cross her, considering that it was her own brother’s disappearance that they were investigating. She didn’t know whether to consider this as a betrayal or not.

The diner’s door opened, revealing a breathless Seulgi. Her pants were dirty near the shoes as if she had been wading in a dirty river. But it looked like she didn’t even notice as her expression clearly said: “I found something.”

“Both of you follow me,” she said before running out of the diner and not even waiting for their response. _____ and Seungcheol looked at each other then ran after her.

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Still with you ~

“Jungkook one shot”

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x female reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: mention of accident

Word count: 786 words

A/N:  song recommendations to listen while reading listen to 🎶 Still with you by Jungkook 🎶 

We can’t hold people, forever, they are meant to leave us alone one day and that was the fear growing inside me, ever since I realized I am already in love with him. I always wanted to hold him close, and always prayed that he would never leave me. I never realized that I already loved him more than myself, and to the point where his absence will destroy me. The promises we made with eachother, were meant to be broken at a time, yet we thought we would keep the promises alive.

 Someone told me once

 “Promises are always meant to be broken”

  I was still looking out of my window, everything reminded me of him even rain. I got out of my room and walked towards the rooftop, as soon I stepped, the rain drops started touching my body slowly.

It felt so nice, the water droplets touching my skin tenderly, it felt as if it will take away all my pain, it felt nice. As if something was holding me till now. With my wet feet I was standing under the rain reminiscing our memories.

He would always dance with me under the rain and I would always walk to him, with my wet clothes and he would hug me tight, under the rain. Those three words which always felt like magic spell to me, he would whisper it to me whenever he hugged me, “I missed you”. These three words were no less than a healing to me.

He would always know if I ever cried under rain, it was just me who loved to cry under rain when I am in pain because you can't see my tears because of raindrops and he would always catch me, “I always said, don’t cry, let’s cry together and let’s go through the pain, together.” And would hold me tight, his grip on me would be tighter after that and he would always make me feel comforted, as if those words which he always told me were real.

Everytime I would reply “Jungkook, thankyou” and he would hold me tight and kiss me softy on my lips.

If only those words were real, maybe I wouldn’t have been crying right now, with immense pain, which feels like my heart is ripping apart.

There was this time, when he and rain were my comfort but it feels so surreal that once my comfort turned into my painful memories with endless pain now. It’s the pain, that can’t be spoken or described in words but heart can only feel and the tears won’t stop falling down.

Even now, I am getting wet under rain but I don’t feel good and my mind can’t stop playing our memories, as if I am watching us right now, both of us looked so happy under rain, running, laughing, dancing together. My tears can’t stop falling, the feeling of losing someone who meant you everything, he left me leaving me in despair,

“What am I supposed to do now Jungkook? What am I supposed to do now?” these questions can never be answered, never because he is not here anymore

Everything hurts more now, now that he is not with me, it feels I am still holding him every second and refusing to let him go. This is how someone feels when you know you can never see the person anymore, who was your everything and will be everything till the end.

I can never forget the day, we met into an accident, just to save me, he came and I was saved but he, he left me.

If only I didn’t receive the call and ran towards him, he would’ve been with me right. Why did even my body freeze there, why couldn’t I move from middle of the road, if only I did that he wouldn’t have run toward me. “If you never ran towards me and wrapped me in your arms securely that day, you would’ve been by my side right now.” He would’ve been smiling right now, under the rain with me. I can never forget it and forgive myself, it’s been 3 years already.

 It would’ve been better if it was me instead of him, that day. How can he leave here alone to suffer? Everyday, “Why didn’t you take me along when you left?”

 How am I supposed to live like this, when that person came me to me as my happiest memory and I ended up hurting him like no one else can ever do.

"I wish this rain could take away all my pain like it did always"

“I miss you Jungkook and I still love you. Can you hear me from there?”

[8:08 pm]

“Seungcheol one shot”

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x female reader

Genre: Angst,

Warnings: mention of blood and self harm

Word count: 1.3 K

A/N: i want to say, don't hurt yourself no matter what, things will get better, just don't hurt yourself, you are really precious to some people out there. If things get hard, hang on there, things will get better

.

[8:08 pm]

I shut the door, infront of her face, she can’t make me feel shit like this, she can’t, not after I wanted to be happy for once. She didn’t have to come to me just to make me feel miserable.

Even I have no idea how devastated I was, everything just hurts at this point. I wanted to get rid of all the thoughts, I was helpless, her guilt tripping worked on me, and I am really feeling like a mistake.

‘You are the worst child ever’

‘You don’t deserve to be here’

‘Hope no one ever gets a child like you’

‘I wish I never had you’

‘You are of no use, why are you still here’

‘You are such a rebel who never does anything I want and never listens to me. You will be alone, forever. Everyone will leave you’

‘You can never survive, no one needs you here’

These words hurts me, everytime I hear from her, but today it did something more to me, which I never wanted myself to feel, she told me everything I was feeling the same. Her words worked on me; I wanted to do something for once and finally I did but she can’t see my happiness and she cares about her reputation and everything? Is it this hard for her to accept me the way I am.

Am I really a mistake?

Will I be alone? Forever? Everyone will leave me one day? These thoughts scare me everytime, and this is scaring me, this is my biggest fear. I can’t stop crying, my heart hurts, I am alone, I miss warmth, am I really alone?

I want someone to hug me tight, I want someone by my side, because I can’t do this anymore, I want to end this suffering, I was few steps away from self-harming, I stopped it but why am I looking for ways to do this? just because it’s my coping mechanism? i can’t do this to myself not after he saved me. He always told me he will there be by my side, whenever I feel alone.

The room is filled with my crying noises only, “No, I can’t do this” this was the only thing I was saying to myself just to calm down and stop whatever I am doing but it wasn’t helping, my mind wasn’t listening to me.

I was holding phone in one hand, I went through the contacts and called him right away, I can’t do this anymore, I need to hear his voice. My tears were blurring my vision, I tried calling him once, twice, thrice, but my call was never answered, my phone fell from my hand. My legs went weak, I couldn’t think straight, is this everyone wants? Am I really a mistake? Should I leave? No one needs me here, everyone left me alone already, what am I waiting for?

“one more step and suffering will end here only.” The devastation in me was clearly visible, which couldn’t take it anymore.

Tears started falling more, I couldn’t stop crying, the feeling of being alone was eating me, my comfort person is not here, why can’t I deal with myself alone?

‘If you are depressed, you have to get help from people around you. Don't do it on your own’ his words were ringing in my ears, but my mind wasn’t listening to it at all.

I am just alone after all, I wish I was bit stronger to handle this, her arguments make me hurt more than anything else, it was not the first time I am like this, she was the reason I started self-harm, she never knew, she can never, I was losing myself everyday but there was this one person who helped me to get back at myself, I thought I was getting better but I don’t see myself doing better, she can break me into pieces. The power her words hold that she can make feel shit, unloved, alone, miserable and I can’t help but to absorb it instead of ignoring.

What can I do she is my mother after all?

I was holding the blade, so tight, that my other palm was already bleeding, “one more step” and everything ends.

That’s when I thought everything is over, there I saw him running, he came running towards me, and hugged me tight, the blade fell on the floor.

Blood already started flowing through my hand and leaving the stains on the floor, my legs went weak, I fell, he was still holding me tight in his embrace.

“Erica!”

There I broke down, my cries got louder, how he comes and saves me everytime?

“what were you trying to do just now?” he shook me hard, looked at me and then hugged me again

“You are not this weak Erica, you are not this weak, how many time I have told you, I am here for you, I can’t lose you Erica not you”

“I can’t do this anymore Seungcheol, I can’t do this anymore” I was holding him tight, my bloody hands were holding his shirt tight, making his white shirt go red. He was caressing my back, he was trying to calm me but I wanted to let it out, I just couldn’t stop crying. My cries got louder and louder; I just couldn’t think straight. What was I trying to do just now, I was trying to end everything? What about my loved ones?

“Please stay Seungcheol, please stay.” I was sounding so desperate; I just couldn’t think of anything else but him and his warmth.

“I am here love, I will never leave you, so stop hurting yourself.”

“This hurts, she hurts me everytime cheol, this is so sick.” My cries were never ending.

He lifts me up, and made me sit on the bed, he was about to go, I held the hem of his shirt, “I am not going anywhere. I am here” he removed my grip and went to bring the first aid box. He came back, he was sitting on the floor, he took my hand, he was cleaning the blood

“don’t give the power to anyone to ruin you and make you feel like this, that you want to end everything” his words making my body numb, I couldn’t help but to cry harder. “always remember you are someone’s pride, happiness and source of strength”

“I’m sorry” that was all I could utter, even I don’t know myself what was I doing back then, how come he always makes me feel better whenever I feel like everything’s over.

He cleaned the blood carefully and applied ointment; he was dressing it carefully. I couldn’t help but to cry more. He always takes care of me.

“Is it hurting a lot?” he asked softly, I shook my head.

“Cheol?”

“Hmm” he hummed

“Can I please cuddle with you? Please?” my voice broke while speaking.

“Let me keep this first aid box” he was so tender with his words, his voice is my comfort, I just can’t help it but to love him more, how come I was thinking of leaving everything behind and put everything to and end. The way his love made me stronger, I don’t want to leave him, he is my everything, my pride, my happiness and my strength.

He kept the first aid box and came towards me, he was cuddling with me and pulled the blanket and covered me, I hugged him tight and I felt safe. He was caressing my hair, “love” his voice was nearly a whisper

“hmm?”

“don’t care too much about other, love and trust yourself more and I am here for you, forever. So never do it again please, it scares me. I don’t want you to do something like this because of someone who never cared for you.”

“I’m sorry”

“I love you, I can’t lose you, you are so precious to me and to everyone” he kissed my forehead.

“I love you, thankyou so much for everything Seungcheol” I said and closed my eyes.

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