hi I’m nihyun, i write for svt (mainly)

602 posts

Blueberry

Blueberry
Blueberry
Blueberry

Blueberry​

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More Posts from Nihyunluvskookie

3 years ago

Regret ✿

( Bang Chan x Reader )

{ ex au , angst maybe }

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Regret
Regret
Regret
Regret

It’s been years you have broken up with Chan and it still aches you. You wish you would have trusted him instead of others. You knew him more than anyone but then you did the mistake. And even after that you didn’t wait for him too you were in love with the wrong guy when he tried coming back, you again pushed him. Then why are you sad now? Why does it hurt you now thinking of him? it was you who did all the mistakes, he even tried his best. but now he found someone, and you should be happy for him then why are you not happy. Why are you jealous of that girl? why do you feel like it’s your place when you left that place? 

Many thoughts were going on your head as you keep staring at his picture when he was with you. You started remembering how happy he made you. He brought you flowers the first thing in the morning. He cheers you up whenever you feel down. He showered you with numerous amounts of hugs. It started to hurt you more as everything starts coming back. You still have all those voice texts you didn’t delete them. You started replaying them.

Regret

Voice message 1: Hi y/n , how was your day baby ? when you reach home and see this reply okay ? I love you.

Listening to his voice soothed you but at the same time something inside you started paining. 

Voice message 2: Y/N…….Babyyyyyyyy….. where are you ???? you know what happened, I got that offer I was talking about, and I wanted to tell you first please come soon I want to celebrate with you.

You remembered that it was the day when he got an offer from his first investor. And he was waiting at home with all your favorite foods and chocolates to celebrate. He was so happy that day and was basically jumping the whole time. Thinking of that moment a soft smile crept on your face.

Voice message 3: Hey baby, I need you I feel so down. I need your hug rn. Can I come over?

It was from the day when his dog died, and he was super upset. And sent you this text at the middle of the night. He came over and was crying like a baby and then slept in your lap first and when you brought him to the bed, he hugged you the entire night. And you started missing his warm hugs which were oddly the most comforting thing in the entire world.

Regret

Voice message 4: Hey y/n , umm I needed to talk to you actually , is something going on with you cause you are acting really weird these days. Talk to me okay.

This was from the moment when you were confused between choosing him or your career and now you regretted your decision you wish that you would have talked to him about everything clearly that day. Then you guys might have  reached a different conclusion and would be eating ice cream right now.

Voice message 5 : y/n please think of the decision please baby you know I can’t stay away from you. I will wait for you I won’t even bother you for anything just don’t push me away please baby it’s tough. I really really love you. We can find some other solutions just don’t go like this. It is breaking me apart. Don’t you remember all those promises we made to each other that we will never give up on each other then why are you doing this. If you want I will leave everything and come with you. You mean so much to me please don’t leave me like this. It hurts so much. Please don’t run away from me. I love you y/n and I always will. 

Listening to this and remembering how he broke down when you gave your final decision to leave him made your heart cry more. It was that day that changed both of your lives and you still regretted this decision of yours the most. But nothing can change now he is gone you left him. You pushed him away when he was holding you tight. 

Regret

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3 years ago
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3 years ago

[8:08 pm]

[8:08 Pm]

“Seungcheol one shot”

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x female reader

Genre: Angst,

Warnings: mention of blood and self harm

Word count: 1.3 K

A/N: i want to say, don't hurt yourself no matter what, things will get better, just don't hurt yourself, you are really precious to some people out there. If things get hard, hang on there, things will get better

.

[8:08 Pm]

[8:08 pm]

I shut the door, infront of her face, she can’t make me feel shit like this, she can’t, not after I wanted to be happy for once. She didn’t have to come to me just to make me feel miserable.

Even I have no idea how devastated I was, everything just hurts at this point. I wanted to get rid of all the thoughts, I was helpless, her guilt tripping worked on me, and I am really feeling like a mistake.

‘You are the worst child ever’

‘You don’t deserve to be here’

‘Hope no one ever gets a child like you’

‘I wish I never had you’

‘You are of no use, why are you still here’

‘You are such a rebel who never does anything I want and never listens to me. You will be alone, forever. Everyone will leave you’

‘You can never survive, no one needs you here’

These words hurts me, everytime I hear from her, but today it did something more to me, which I never wanted myself to feel, she told me everything I was feeling the same. Her words worked on me; I wanted to do something for once and finally I did but she can’t see my happiness and she cares about her reputation and everything? Is it this hard for her to accept me the way I am.

Am I really a mistake?

Will I be alone? Forever? Everyone will leave me one day? These thoughts scare me everytime, and this is scaring me, this is my biggest fear. I can’t stop crying, my heart hurts, I am alone, I miss warmth, am I really alone?

I want someone to hug me tight, I want someone by my side, because I can’t do this anymore, I want to end this suffering, I was few steps away from self-harming, I stopped it but why am I looking for ways to do this? just because it’s my coping mechanism? i can’t do this to myself not after he saved me. He always told me he will there be by my side, whenever I feel alone.

The room is filled with my crying noises only, “No, I can’t do this” this was the only thing I was saying to myself just to calm down and stop whatever I am doing but it wasn’t helping, my mind wasn’t listening to me.

I was holding phone in one hand, I went through the contacts and called him right away, I can’t do this anymore, I need to hear his voice. My tears were blurring my vision, I tried calling him once, twice, thrice, but my call was never answered, my phone fell from my hand. My legs went weak, I couldn’t think straight, is this everyone wants? Am I really a mistake? Should I leave? No one needs me here, everyone left me alone already, what am I waiting for?

“one more step and suffering will end here only.” The devastation in me was clearly visible, which couldn’t take it anymore.

Tears started falling more, I couldn’t stop crying, the feeling of being alone was eating me, my comfort person is not here, why can’t I deal with myself alone?

‘If you are depressed, you have to get help from people around you. Don't do it on your own’ his words were ringing in my ears, but my mind wasn’t listening to it at all.

I am just alone after all, I wish I was bit stronger to handle this, her arguments make me hurt more than anything else, it was not the first time I am like this, she was the reason I started self-harm, she never knew, she can never, I was losing myself everyday but there was this one person who helped me to get back at myself, I thought I was getting better but I don’t see myself doing better, she can break me into pieces. The power her words hold that she can make feel shit, unloved, alone, miserable and I can’t help but to absorb it instead of ignoring.

What can I do she is my mother after all?

I was holding the blade, so tight, that my other palm was already bleeding, “one more step” and everything ends.

That’s when I thought everything is over, there I saw him running, he came running towards me, and hugged me tight, the blade fell on the floor.

Blood already started flowing through my hand and leaving the stains on the floor, my legs went weak, I fell, he was still holding me tight in his embrace.

“Erica!”

There I broke down, my cries got louder, how he comes and saves me everytime?

“what were you trying to do just now?” he shook me hard, looked at me and then hugged me again

“You are not this weak Erica, you are not this weak, how many time I have told you, I am here for you, I can’t lose you Erica not you”

“I can’t do this anymore Seungcheol, I can’t do this anymore” I was holding him tight, my bloody hands were holding his shirt tight, making his white shirt go red. He was caressing my back, he was trying to calm me but I wanted to let it out, I just couldn’t stop crying. My cries got louder and louder; I just couldn’t think straight. What was I trying to do just now, I was trying to end everything? What about my loved ones?

“Please stay Seungcheol, please stay.” I was sounding so desperate; I just couldn’t think of anything else but him and his warmth.

“I am here love, I will never leave you, so stop hurting yourself.”

“This hurts, she hurts me everytime cheol, this is so sick.” My cries were never ending.

He lifts me up, and made me sit on the bed, he was about to go, I held the hem of his shirt, “I am not going anywhere. I am here” he removed my grip and went to bring the first aid box. He came back, he was sitting on the floor, he took my hand, he was cleaning the blood

“don’t give the power to anyone to ruin you and make you feel like this, that you want to end everything” his words making my body numb, I couldn’t help but to cry harder. “always remember you are someone’s pride, happiness and source of strength”

“I’m sorry” that was all I could utter, even I don’t know myself what was I doing back then, how come he always makes me feel better whenever I feel like everything’s over.

He cleaned the blood carefully and applied ointment; he was dressing it carefully. I couldn’t help but to cry more. He always takes care of me.

“Is it hurting a lot?” he asked softly, I shook my head.

“Cheol?”

“Hmm” he hummed

“Can I please cuddle with you? Please?” my voice broke while speaking.

“Let me keep this first aid box” he was so tender with his words, his voice is my comfort, I just can’t help it but to love him more, how come I was thinking of leaving everything behind and put everything to and end. The way his love made me stronger, I don’t want to leave him, he is my everything, my pride, my happiness and my strength.

He kept the first aid box and came towards me, he was cuddling with me and pulled the blanket and covered me, I hugged him tight and I felt safe. He was caressing my hair, “love” his voice was nearly a whisper

“hmm?”

“don’t care too much about other, love and trust yourself more and I am here for you, forever. So never do it again please, it scares me. I don’t want you to do something like this because of someone who never cared for you.”

“I’m sorry”

“I love you, I can’t lose you, you are so precious to me and to everyone” he kissed my forehead.

“I love you, thankyou so much for everything Seungcheol” I said and closed my eyes.


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3 years ago

No body, No crime

No Body, No Crime

Synopsis: “I think he did it but I just can’t prove it." 

Pairing: Seungcheol x fem!reader 

Genre: crime/mystery, not really romance 

Warnings: mentions of blood and dead/dismembered bodies, death, kinda creepy 

Word Count: 1.7k words

The dingy diner was a place she frequented even when Jeonghan was still there. It was a small building near the lake and dock with a red neon sign that said ”The Diner“. He said he liked the food there better than the famous restaurant near the entrance of town. There weren’t a lot of people who came in, especially during dinner time, which made it an ideal place to talk without being overheard. This was also good for her since she and Seulgi were now using the diner as a secret meeting place.

_____ walked towards the diner with her hands in her pockets when she heard footsteps behind her. Careful not to slow down and alert the strange person that she had noticed someone following her, she strained her ears to listen more closely. The footsteps were heavy which would point to the person following her be most likely a man. It didn’t sound like the person was wearing normal leather shoes that white-collar workers of the town typically wore. From her intuition, the male behind her was wearing boots, those thick ones that were usually worn by laborers or people who tended to move around a lot.

The mysterious male entered the diner shortly after her which confirmed her suspicion that he had been tailing her. _____ was also right about him wearing thick boots to which he paired with dark jeans and a black leather jacket. His face was splattered with dirt like dark freckles across his face which would have been quite handsome had he not been scowling. The man was staring rather creepily at her, his eyes narrowing when she glared back.

After sending a quick text to Seulgi to inform her of the strange man, _____ ordered her regular set and took her seat on one of the stools by the counter.

"You’re _____ right?” the girl turned in her chair to come face to face with the strange man, his face now free of dirt. He took a seat on the stool next to hers. “I’m Seungcheol. Seulgi told me about you.”

Seulgi told him about her? What did that even mean? _____ was very sure that her friend would never double-cross her, considering that it was her own brother’s disappearance that they were investigating. She didn’t know whether to consider this as a betrayal or not.

The diner’s door opened, revealing a breathless Seulgi. Her pants were dirty near the shoes as if she had been wading in a dirty river. But it looked like she didn’t even notice as her expression clearly said: “I found something.”

“Both of you follow me,” she said before running out of the diner and not even waiting for their response. _____ and Seungcheol looked at each other then ran after her.

Keep reading

3 years ago

I’m missing you //

image

Pairing: Bang Chan x female reader

Genre: Fluff and maybe a bit of angst

Warnings: No warnings <3

Word count: 2K

Tags: @stayhavens

A/N: This is my first time taking part in a writing event, hopefully this is not boring

{04:45 pm}

I tried to focus, on making new music beats; since I decided to complete it by tomorrow, I have to do this because I know if I don’t then I will miss him like crazy and my overthinking will kill me. While making music, I was occupied by Chan’s thoughts

 {6 days ago}

08:01 pm

I opened the door and saw Chan standing, he was holding rose bouquet. “this is for you” he gave it to me, I took it and hugged him tight, he lifted me up, and brought me inside. “I missed you so much, so so much that I my mind couldn’t stop thinking about you.” I told him

He put me down and we settled on the couch, I looked at him, he looked adorable. He suddenly pinched my cheeks, “Awwww I missed you too baby”

 “Chan I wanted to ask you something” he nodded “You didn’t forget about our date right? I wanted to take you out… I just… wanted to spend time with you… you told me you’re free” he looked at me with his loving eyes.

“How can I forget Y/N? It’s been three years we are dating but till now we couldn’t spend our Valentine's Day because of my schedules and this time I got chance and how am I supposed to forget? Of course, I remember. I can’t wait” and pecked me on my lips, I looked at him, he leaned closer and kissed me. My hands were securely wrapped on his neck, he pulled me closer and my breath hitched but he didn’t stop kissing me. We met after two weeks and he is on a break now, it’s very difficult to meet him because of his schedules; and I missed his touch, I missed him.

He let me go after he was out of breath; our breathing was uneven. He was about to kiss me again, but I stopped him and he pouted; I gave him a peck since he was cute.

“Wanna go out for dinner?” he asked me and I nodded,

“Let me go and get changed, give me 10 minutes” I told him and went back to my room.

I got changed into peach colour dress and wore black cardigan, applied very light make up. Took my sling bag and went downstairs, Chan was playing with his phone.

“Baby” I called him.

“huh?” his eyes diverted towards me. I walked towards him and he was coming towards me, soon he was standing infront of me. He pulled me closer by my waist; he was leaning to kiss me again, “Not now, or else we might get late Chan. Let’s go” he pouted again and his hands left my waist and held my hands.

“As you wish madam” he said cutely and I smiled at him.

I locked my house, and we went towards his car, I sat inside. He got seated and was about to start driving but his phone started ringing, it was Hyunjin. I don’t know why but he was staring at the caller ID for too long instead of picking it up, “Chan, Hyunjin is calling pick it up” I told him and he snapped out from his thoughts. “Huh? Huh hmm” he said and was about to pick up the call ended. Hyunjin called again, he picked it up.

“Something happened? Jinnie?”

……………….

“Now?”

………………

“Okay, I am coming” he looked at me while talking.

“Yes, I am going there straightaway, don’t worry. It won’t take long for me to reach. Bye” I had a hunch that he is going back to his company.

“I’m sorry.” Chan looked down, I didn’t want to make me feel bad or apologetic, “It’s okay Chan, go and we can meet later.”

“I’m really so-

I cut him off by pecking his lips, being with Chan for 3 years; I know him how he always feels sorry for me when our plans get cancelled but I always understand him because his work is important and dating an idol isn’t easy, I trust him with everything and I don’t want to make his life harder; I am here for him as his support and love; I will never ever come between his work.

“Now go and let me know later, okay? Take care” he nodded and I got off his car and waved at him. I saw his car going and I went back home; I changed into comfy clothes and cooked something for myself, I wondered if he ate something or not. I miss him.

 {1:00 am}

 I was battling with myself should I text him or not, I wanted to ask him if he ate or not but I didn’t want to bother him. I was about to text him and a text popped up from him.

‘Y/N but I am going to Australia for work, I am on the way to airport right now. I really wanted to spend my whole week with you but I am sorry, I am really sorry. Sometimes I wish I could love you more than you love me.’ I closed his text and without thinking twice I grabbed my jacket, phone, car keys and wallet. I went running downstairs. My head couldn’t think straight, he was leaving and he doesn’t know when he will come back. He is on his way to airport right now and how am I supposed to stay calm knowing that?

I was driving my car, my tears started falling, I don’t know why it started hurting me a lot. I know he was feeling sorry but I can’t leave him like this. I had no idea then when did he left his dorm and I had no idea when will he be reaching airport and when is his flight. I tried calling him but being Chan, he won’t pick up. I was going crazy, how can he leave like this without a goodbye,

“Chan, Chan, CHAN, are you thinking you’ll leave me without a goodbye right now? I am not letting that happen when you always inform me about your schedules and always tell me to wait so why now? I am not letting that happen” I was talking to myself and crying. It took me 40 minutes to reach airport and I had no idea about him. I wanted to call everyone else but I had no guts inside myself to talk to anyone. I parked my car and went inside, I was running and searching for him. I tried calling him again, but he didn’t pick up. I went towards the “check in” area with hope, I was running and my eyes were searching him. I went around the airport for good 15 minutes, I tried calling him again, “Chan pick up, Chan please, uh please pick up” I was murmuring.

“Y/N”

“Chan” I broke down, I missed his voice.

“Y/N” I looked back and saw him standing. Without thinking twice I went and hugged him tight. “Y/N don’t cry” his words made me cry more, for some unknown reason I didn’t wanted to let go of his warmth right now, everytime he went out of country, I felt sad but this time I don’t know why I felt worst. I wanted to hug him because I was sad.

“baby, I am here. Don’t cry.” I looked at him.

“I’m so-

“Stop saying sorry, it’s not your fault. I missed you and how can you leave without a goodbye. How can you? Tell me” I started crying again.

“I felt sorry, I know how much you wanted to spend these days with me but because of my schedules-

“Chan don’t be sorry, I am proud of you. Schedules can’t be helped and I can only wish you all the best and take care of yourself. And it’s okay, and don’t feel sorry, ok? It’s not your fault and I love you” he wiped my tears away.

He hugged me, “I love you too and thankyou for being so supportive and understanding me always”

I looked at him and smiled.

“Hyung, we need to go and do our check in right now, others are waiting.” I heard Jisung say, he came towards us.

“Y/N, you’re here?” he looked confused but understood. “This time too, Chan hyung is going with us, don’t worry we will try to complete our work and will try to be back as soon as possible. And don’t cry too much for him, do you know how sad he was while informing you and he kept ignoring your calls because he didn’t want to make you sad and it was Hyunjin who saw you and told him to find you.”

“Yah, why are you telling her everything like this- Stop Jisung” Chan shut him up.

“Chan, don’t be sad and I am really okay. Just be ok and take care of yourself. And Jisung take care of yourself and be safe.” I let him go, my heart wanted to cry out again but I stopped myself and held my emotions from an outburst.

“Chan go, it’s time. And have a safe flight, I love you” I told him. He pecked my lips, “Love you too and don’t miss me too much” I waved at him. He was smiling and how could I cry. I turned back as soon as he was out of my sight and my tears started falling.

 {Present}

{06:00 pm}

I sighed and kept my headphones on the table. I wanted to make this song for Chan and wanted to give him today as a gift. I miss him again. We talked 4 days ago and till now there’s no update of him. I miss him and I really want to meet him, it’s not even possible. He’s not here.

My phone started ringing, I went to pick up in a hope it can be Chan. I looked at the caller id it’s my bestfriend.

“Tina”

‘Y/N you’re free right now?” she asked

“Yes I am”

‘Let’s go out for dinner and have some fun.’

“Huh? Now? Suddenly?” I asked. I wanted to turn her offer down but then I thought it’s better to go out somewhere rather than staying at home and missing Chan and crying over him.

“I am coming, send me the address” I got excited

‘Wear something pretty, I’ll be waiting there. Be there in 30 minutes. Bye’ she hung up.

I went back to my room and started choosing one outfit. Something told me to wear white and red. I took out white dress and red sweater. I put on light makeup and didn’t forget to wear my favorite pendant and the couple ring with Chan. Somewhere deep in my heart, it told me to wear the ring because it’s a symbol that I am taken by him. I took my sling bag, my car keys, wallet and my phone and went downstairs. I wore white heels and went out.

 I started driving to the address, Tina texted me. It took 20 minutes to reach there. I went there, it was a beautiful place. I looked at the view and it was decorated with red roses and different flowers, because it’s 14th February.

I started missing Chan, I wanted to meet him and started craving for his warmth. I went inside and sat on the vacant table. I called Tina but she didn’t pick up my call. I was waiting for her and then something caught my eyes. I was looking for Tina but I saw Chan coming with a bouquet of red roses; I thought I am day dreaming and I stood up because my eyes can always betray me. I could hear his footsteps and he was getting closer and closer.

“Happy Valentine’s Day baby”

He said, I blinked few times, my eyes started getting teary. I don’t know but it was teary. He gave me the bouquet, I took it.

“Awwww baby don’t cry. I am glad I made it here and how’s the surprise?”  he looked at me and I was still amazed. I hugged him tight and he hugged me back.

“I missed you Chan and thankyou for everything. For everything” I could feel he was smiling. I was just holding him too tight, “I missed you too” he said.

“I love you Chan” I looked at him.

“I love you too” he was smiling.

I tiptoed and kissed him


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