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GUESS WHOES BACK BITCHES. Love being mentally unwell 🤪 I feel so happy being back on my bullshit. Never really related to you 4n4 being about control but it really is and I feel so safe when I'm starving myself. I feel accomplished and not like I'm floating through life without a goal.

I'd never wish this on anyone yet for me, I can have a little bit of 4n4. No salami

Reblog if youre gonna be active 4n4 blog in October 🎃🕷

Didn't pass out we winning 💪🏽😈

Really don't want to pass out at work tomorrow but the only option is to eat and really don't want to do that either :/

You ever feel tricked by how much you ate. Like I know I meticulously planned this dinner 2 days in advance am within my calorie limit. but I'm just so full.. :/

I'm going to gain weight I feel it. Tomorrow was my weigh day too 😭😭😭😭

low calorie lunch idea - onigiri and sushi rolls - calories below

calories:

50g sushi rice - 173kcal

50g cucumber - 8kcal

14g edamame - 18kcal

2 sheets of nori - 10kcal

small chicken schitzel - 121kcal

1 tsp roasted sesame seeds - 30kcal

1 tsp sugar and salt in the sushi rice (I didn't have rice vinegar) - 30kcal

total - 376 kcal

these are really tasty and fun to make and actually super filling because of the rice, easy to adjust to how you like it as well :) best part is the very low calories, and they can actually be kinda healthy depending on what you put inside!

Maybe I am just a dumb ass bitch.

Like why am I doing this to myself. If I have the self controle to eat 500 cals a day why can't I just do this healthily.

Is it because I want fast results, because I don't want to exersize. I'm such a loser if that's the case...

But I love the controle, I love that I'm taking back my power. How my stomach literally hurts if I over eat.

... but does that make me an attention speaker, fuck it I am. I want people to worry about me. Wtf does that make me then? A narrsasitic bitch?

But I'm so scared of being who I was, shoving food mindlessly down my throat. Being the ugly fat friend who always asked people if they were going to finish their food.... wow that was a visceral memory.

Maybe I will just starve till I die. Fuck it