Title Made Me Cackle And Then The Poem Made Me Emotional, 10/10 I Have Feelings About This

Title made me cackle and then the poem made me emotional, 10/10 I have feelings about this

-Ranboo

would you love me if i was a worm?

would you love me if i was a bird, a dragon, a piece of stardust?

if my hands were claws and my teeth were sharp and my edges were rough and my body uneven

if i was so much more than what your eyes could see

would you be scared of me? would you be scared for me?

if i told you i was different from what you thought i was

would you believe me?

would you ask me questions, would you try to understand?

if i showed you this vulnerable part of myself

would you judge me? would you laugh at me?

can i bare my chest for you knowing of the knife you keep pointed at me?

can i present my brain for you to dissect knowing you could pick out the parts that make me unique?

can i put my beating heart in your hands knowing you could crush it between your fingers?

can i trust you? do you trust me?

would you still love me if i was not who i told you i was

and would you still love me if i tell you who i am?

...

would it be worth it?

Update; an explanation for the next post being a new intro + bit of an AMA

I didn't realize when I made a 'rule' for myself about this blog, but I did. I don't think I ever post about my experiences anymore. It wasn't a conscious decision, it was just defending the status quo- sooooo I'm ending that because I'm sick of it. Have a wall of text!

TL;DR: A new kintype resulted in the realization that "oh shit, there's more than just me in my head." Turns out I'm plural. the AMA is simply because we're new and, save for me (Frog,) have a really fuzzy sense of identity. We're trying journaling to help but so far all the others are just... sort of as in the dark as I am.

This blog was made to be a sort of "interactive journal," and yet because I found comfort in the memes and sillyness that made me feel normal it became about that. I only posted about my Alterhumanity, and typically only in the form of memes. So!

Hi. Y'all haven't seen me in a while. A lot's been going on! I recently had two pretty major identity crisis /j breakthroughs. For one, I am fictionkin. I started a little sideblog ( @vines-of-mine ) for that and got to work on paying attention to that part of my identity as Alhaitham. (Yes, Alhaitham. Yes, from Genshin Impact.)

This, however, led me to something else. Suddenly I had way more ability to just decide to do something and do it without executive dysfunction kicking my ass. Different ways of speaking felt more natural. I felt like I'd been plonked into someone's life, looked around, went "damn you live like this?" and got to work. Within two days my room was clean, my altar had been taken care of finally, etc. I chalked it up to just... "Oh, well of course! It's a mental shift, and I can embrace my more serious side when there's no expectations for how I talk."

Ultimately, it was the "Damn, you live like this?" feeling, like I was an outsider in my own life, that made me question things. As often happens with me, the moment I opened myself up to the idea that I was plural, I opened a floodgate. I am fictionkin; I do believe I have a past life in a world that somehow, in some way, made its way into our world as fiction. There is just also... another Alhaitham hanging around in my head, who instead of having an identity with "also is Alhaitham" built into it, just fully is exactly as I/we were in that life. There's others, now, too. They've been here much longer. Alhaitham is just the one who got plonked in here recently and therefore interrupted the status quo enough for me to go "hey, wait, what the fuck was that?"

So now I'm here doing the spiderman meme with another Alhaitham, in my own head, while a witch and an enderman share popcorn in the background.

Now at least so much makes more sense. The way my tail phantom shifts were often more like an enderfolk tail than a dragon tail. The goddamn ears that weren't dragon ears, were more like cat or canine ears, but I couldn't figure out what that was about. The way my inner dialogue really is a dialogue sometimes, not a monologue. Etc. Etc.

I'll be posting a new intro, but!! I wanted to mention that questions are not only allowed but encouraged and appreciated :D If anyone wants to know more feel free to spam my inbox, I don't mind. We're all new to this and sometimes being asked questions helps us actually realize the answer. Beyond that, really, I just wanted to start posting more about my own experiences and this is sort of necessary context for all of it.

We've learned two things recently;

1. I, Ranboo (which sounds formal but I'm just telling you who's talking,) CANNOT do water. Maybe someday I'll have to but so far it's just... I can't unless I end up forced and I don't know how much anxiety it would cause but the thought of it alone causes a lot.

2. I am able to bribe Techno into fronting for like two minutes to take our meds or something if water absolutely has to be dealt with.

Conclusion; I am a happy Enderfolk, I don't have to deal with it.

rb to join the crow murder

Ranboo: "Ooh, maybe I'll get ice cream with Oreos-"

Techno, in the back of my head: "You go, Oreo man-"

Ranboo, vaguely offended: "Don't call me Oreo man?????"

This dragon.exe has stopped working please try again later.