"be Confused. I Relish In It."

"be confused. i relish in it."

oficeandwind || "nope."

"What the hell-!"

chongyun ducks when the fish is chucked at them. they turn to look over their shoulder just in time to see the miniature splash of the fish landing back in the water.

"wet dirt―" chongyun mocks, turning back to face ren. it's their inside joke. even though multiple people have been part of this conversation, this is a moment shared just between them, a moment chongyun will always look back on with fondness and even awe.

"i'll show you wet dirt," he continues. ducking into the water, chongyun scoops up a small handful of dirt in question, along with a good sized handful of water. proceeds to SPLASH ren. (there may or may not be a tiny fish mixed in with that splash.)

what  does  water  smell  like  —  ?  the  question  would  sound  like  complete  NONSENSE  in  any  other  context,  yet  the  wanderer's  eyes  widen  as  recognition  washes  over  him.  it's  too  little,  too  late  to  save  him  —  the  fingers  curled  around  his  wrist  are  akin  to  a  shackle.  he  just  barely  has  the  time  to  open  his  mouth  and  squawk  a  particularly  undignified,   ❝  CHONGYUN. ❞  before  the  exorcist  lunges  and  sends  them  both  careening  into  the  water.

ren  flails  around,  a  whirlwind  of  waterlogged  fabric  and  confused  limbs.  when  he  sits  up,  it  comes  with  a  veritable  waterfall  sloughing  off  his  kasa  —  and  an  irritating  thump,  thump,  thumping  on  his  head  has  him  realizing  he's  somehow  managed  to  scoop  up  a  fish  in  the  process.  like  his  hat  is  little  more  than  an  intricately  decorated  net.

❝  ... ❞  he  grabs  the  poor  creature  and  immediately  throws  it  at  chongyun's  face.  ❝  wet  dirt. ❞  dinner  is  served.

WHAT CHEST PIECE REPRESENTS YOU?

black rook

You are the Black Rook. As a piece that can move inwards and outwards, you're a master of self-reflection. Being the black piece, you hide an inner beast within you. Perhaps you're one to rush headfirst into trouble, was it for a friend's sake? Or your own? Are you the overprotective type? Did you know your grip was that tight around someone's neck? For all your protectiveness and deliberate planning, you can't wash the blood off your hands that easily.

tagged by: no one, i stole it. tagging: you.

Chongyun spends so much time wishing they didn't have their yang energy and would love to overcome it, that they never once consider that it might be beneficial for other people to just be in Chongyun's promiximity.

Somebody: Oh my god, can I stay next to you? I feel good suddenly

Chongyun: wtf

REN.

it's so foreign in his mind. it's easy enough to remember; only a single syllable. he clicks his tongue, trying to say it out loud, but it's like his voice stops. kami can't bring himself to utter anything right now. the tears are threatening to come back. even as he squeezes kuni's...no, ren's arm, kami feels a lump in his throat that he hasn't felt for years.

everything is rolling over him and threatening to crush him. he's not a crier, he hasn't let himself cry in so long. and yet, his very REAL cousin is here, offering his best iteration of an apology, and just. he's here.

letting his arms drop, kami sniffs, trying to swallow that stupid lump. it's not going away, and his throat is just filling up until he almost can't BREATHE again. it's a painful ache that's spreading up and stinging his entire face. this is embarrassing.

"of course―" i want you to stay here, is what kami WANTS to say. but his voice is too broken right now, stumbling over tears and a wave of embarrassment so strong he might as well be nauseous.

kami's hands come up to press over his face. his cousin, his stupid, reckless, best friend, is not allowed to see him so weak and pathetic right now.

( IT'S OKAY TO CRY, THOUGH. )

and yet, kami's sobbing. sitting back down on the ground, almost collapsing in a boneless heap. he hunches forward, as if THAT would hide his embarrassment from ren. ren. not kuni. it's amazing that the simple name is already starting to click in his mind.

or maybe kami's just latching onto anything at this point to make it more real than anything else has ever been. he wants to force some words out. say ANYTHING, but nothing comes to mind. his head is yet another buzz of jumbled thoughts and fragments of statements, but getting the actual words out is nigh impossible at the moment.

"―you fucking―" is all that comes out. you fucking idiot, i love you. "―don't ever―"

he sniffs again, trying to stop himself. it's not working well, almost like the NEED is too compulsory, and kami just needs to let the sobs run their course. "―stupid bitch―"

he's not sure who that last one is directed at: himself or ren. maybe a little bit of both. they're both amazingly idiotic; it runs in the family. they're both stupid for different reasons, but up until now, it's always worked. he feels stupid right now, certainly. stupid for letting grief impact his ability to live, stupid for being so emotional over ren coming back. no longer kuni.

"―stay."

kami needs his cousin here. not to test how real he is, kami very much is relieved that this is not a figment of his imagination. he's okay, he's going to BE okay. his support system is back, and they can tackle any other conversation once kami is actually able to speak again. until then, he's just going to cry and feel like a stupid bitch about it.

he  thinks  the  lock  clicking  into  place  behind  him  should  be  a  source  of  COMFORT.  they're  inside  now  —  shielded  from  the  prying  eyes  of  the  world  beyond.  it  feels  like  every  time  he's  out  in  the  open,  the  stares  are  a  physical  weight  upon  his  back  —  heedless  of  whether  they  actually  exist  or  not.  realistically  ren  knows  a  simple  door  won't  be  enough  to  keep  either  of  them  safe.  monsters  can  lurk  in  plain  sight;  behind  a  disarming  smile,  an  anonymous  username,  in  crunched  numbers  and  lines  of  code.  the  deeper  he  allows  himself  to  sink  into  his  PARANOIA,  the  worse  he  feels.  it  would  be  one  thing  if  his  fears  weren't  based  in  reality,  but  unfortunately  the  hacker  knows  firsthand  just  how  real  they  are.  ❝  ...  call  me  ren  now.  that's  the  identity  i  assumed  after  —  well,  everything. ❞  his  alleged  demise.  ❝  people  will  ask  questions  if  they  hear  you  speaking  with  a  dead  man.  you  should  spare  yourself  the  trouble  and  crush  their  curiosity  before  it  starts. ❞

kaminari  has  every  right  to  be  FURIOUS  with  him,  of  course.  he  tries  to  imagine  how  he  would  react  were  their  positions  reversed.  would  he  be  angry?  hurt?  probably  —  but  that  doesn't  make  his  cousin's  line  of  questioning  sting  any  less.  gritting  his  teeth,  he  forces  himself  to  cease  his  relentless  pacing.  every  bone  in  his  body  feels  locked  into  place,  joints  traded  for  cement.  ren's  throat  goes  tight,  tight,  tight  to  the  point  of  actual  pain  —  like  an  invisible  set  of  hands  wish  to  choke  any  effort  to  DEFEND  himself  out  of  him.  ❝  i  didn't ...  want  to  abandon  you. ❞  abandon,  just  as  every  single  person  in  their  lives  meant  to  protect  them ...  ultimately  ABANDONED  THEM  instead.  ❝  i  had  to  stay  away.  lay  low.  it  was  the  only  way  to  guarantee  you  would  be  safe. ❞  honestly,  the  fact  he's  even  here  now  is  still  a  risk  —  six  months  may  feel  like  an  ETERNITY,  but  in  the  grand  scheme  of  everything,  it's  hardly  a  drop  in  the  bucket.  just  barely  long  enough  for  his  presumed  demise  to  be  convincing.

he  doubts  kaminari  will  see  it  that  way.  no  one  likes  a  martyr  —  yet  another  reason  why  ren  is  such  a  wholly  unpalatable  individual.  (  even  so,  he'll  bear  his  anger  if  that's  what  it  takes.  )

lavender  gaze  flicks  up.  he  sees  kaminari  reaching  for  him  and  extends  a  hand  —  an  open  invitation  to  prove  that  he's  solid,  real,  alive.  ❝  i  heard  about  the  funeral. ❞  ren  says.  it's  a  bit  hard  to  look  directly  at  his  cousin  directly,  so  he  settles  for  the  wall  behind  him  —  somewhere  just  off  to  the  right.  ❝  it's  pretty  typical  of  my  mother  not  to  care ...  i  guess  i  just  thought,  considering  the  circumstances,  she  might  actually  feel  compelled  to  give  a  damn. ❞   he  exhales  a  quiet  huff.  how  stupid.  how  naive.  ❝  ...  i  think  you're  the  only  one  who  actually  cared  i  was  gone. ❞

his  free  arm  hugs  the  flower  pot  even  closer  to  his  chest,  almost  as  if  it's  meant  to  serve  as  a  lifeline.  ❝  if  you're  willing  to  have  me  here,  i'll  stay. ❞  he'll  even  pay  rent  —  money  is  always  easy  to  acquire  when  one  isn't  afraid  to  resort  to  more  QUESTIONABLE  means.   ❝  ...  but  i  understand  if  you  would  rather  not.  i  just  wanted  to  give  a  little  closure.  all  things  considered,  that's  probably  the  least  that  i  owe  you. ❞

sometimes two bros just need to cry it out together.