Kami's Exhausted. Tired. It's His Own Fault, Really, Pushing Himself To Work The Last Few Days Of The

kami's exhausted. tired. it's his own fault, really, pushing himself to work the last few days of the work week when he felt under the weather at best. it's a good thing he had today off, he'd PLANNED to spend most of it sleeping. at least, for the most part, he's feeling better. it must be the lack of patrons or customer service voice he has to put on.

at the very least, kami had anticipated lying in a miserable stupor for most of the weekend. not that he'd planned on shutting anyone ELSE out. but sometimes, his thoughts ― even with his medication ― get the best of him. he's found it far more helpful to let himself stew in self imposed misery before reaching out for a sense of normalcy.

when he hears the knocks on his door, he groans and hoists himself up off the couch, knocking his phone to the ground. he'd intended on MAYBE browsing the internet at some point today, but that's forgotten about as he rests his hand on the doorknob. kami realizes he probably should actually check to see who's at the door ― he hadn't expected company, nor had he ordered food. there should be no real reason for anyone to just randomly knock on the door.

he pulls it open.

for a second, kaminari stares at the figure before him. too tired, head pounding, and just confused. this... looks like someone he'd once known a long time ago. months and months and―

he promptly SLAMS the door shut, even going the extra mile to turn the lock. all at once, his chest tightens and aches, like he's having a heart attack randomly. cluching his chest, kami sinks to the ground, turning his back to the door and leaning against it. he's breathing heavily, hunched forward with knees drawn up. cluching his temples, kami lets out a terrified moan, staring wide eyed at the ground.

"no, you stopped haunting me," kami blurts out. voice, probably muffled through the door. he EXPECTS 'kuni' to hear it. "i'm on meds now, you stopped haunting me. you aren't supposed to hurt me anymore. why are you me?"

no, NOT him. kuni. she'd introduced herself as kuni this time. the wave of panic rushes over him again, threatening to drown him. kami almost can't even breathe, save for wheezing rasps as he presses his trembling fingers more painfully against his temples. "you're dead. you're both dead. makoto why? please stop haunting me, please just leave me alone. i'm... please..."

he  can  hear  his  blood  roaring  in  his  ears  loud  enough  that  it  threatens  to  drown  out  his  THOUGHTS.  the  door  before  him  looks  more  imposing  than  it  has  any  right  to  be.  knock.  knock.  knock.  that's  all  he  needs  to  do  —  that's  supposed  to  be  the  easy  part,  yet  ku ...  no,  ren  finds  himself  freezing  when  it  counts.  (  cold  feet.  just  his  luck,  huh?  )  it  probably  doesn't  help  that  this  is  the  longest  he's  spent  in  public  in  —  well,  MONTHS.  the  brunt  of  his  social  interactions  have  consisted  of  monosyllabic  exchanges  with  the  night  shift  cashier  of  his  local  convenience  store.  after  a  while  they  stopped  even  questioning  the  vast  amounts  of  caffeine-leaden  garbage  he  was  putting  into  his  body.  in  hindsight,  that  probably  wasn't  a  good  thing.

okay.  enough  stalling.  an  inhale,  an  exhale  —  and  he's  raising  a  hand,  rapping  knuckles  sharply  against  his  cousin's  door.

ren  waits  and  waits  and  waits  for  him  to  answer.  he's  adorned  himself  in  a  dark  jacket  with  a  hood  large  enough  to  comfortably  shroud  any  recognizable  features  from  wandering  eyes.  (  fucking  security  cameras  might  as  well  be  planted  on  every  street  corner  these  days.  )  the  lower  half  of  his  face  is  adorned  with  a  mask,  and  when  the  door  FINALLY  cracks  open,  he  preemptively  hooks  a  finger  beneath  the  thin  fabric.  ❝  ...  kaminari. ❞  the  name  feels  awkward  on  his  tongue,  like  the  months  and  months  of  separation  have  left  it  feeling  unfamiliar.  he  stares  at  his  cousin  —  meeting  the  eyes  that  bear  such  eerie  resemblance  to  his  own.  he  really  should  have  taken  the  time  to  plan  out  what  he  was  going  to  say,  but  he  didn't  and  there's  no  point  in  agonizing  over  what's  already  done.  ❝  i  know  how  strange  this  might  look,  but  i  can  explain. ❞  and  he  punctuates  the  reassurance  by  tugging  the  mask  down,  revealing  his  face  in  full.  same  indigo  hair,  same  piercings,  same  shadows  beneath  his  eyes  from  a  decade  of  substituting  coffee  for  sleep.

❝  it's  kuni.  seriously.  and  i'm  not  dead  —  never  was. ❞  weight  shifts  impatiently  from  one  foot  to  the  other.  he  has  to  fight  the  urge  to  look  over  his  shoulder.  ❝  can  you  hurry  up  and  let  me  in?  standing  around  out  here  is  making  my  skin  crawl. ❞

@oficeandwind new and improved modern AU!

"uh huh," chongyun says absently, leading the way to the body of water. "i'll just tell my whole body not to succumb to human limitations. even though i'm human." there's an upward curl of their lips that ren can't see, as chongyun's back is to him.

they also pause here, standing still for a moment to allow ren to catch up. "hey ren? i have another question." the conversation is changed, dropped for something much more DEVIOUS. the smirk on chongyun's face grows wider as they snatch ren's wrist firmly, using their free hand to casually drop their claymore on the ground.

"remind me again, what does water smell like?"

chongyun charges forward, lunging into the water and dragging ren with him.

there's  a  brief  pause,  a  moment  of  consideration  —  the  wanderer's  face  is  so  expressive  that  it's  clear  the  instant  the  grin's  intention  CLICKS.  features  settle  into  a  playful  look  accordingly;  head  tipping  back,  one  thin  brow  arching.  ❝  in  that  case,  maybe  you  should  just  CHOOSE  not  to  be  poisoned  next  time. ❞  ren  tells  them,  tone  dismissive  to  the  point  of  clear  parody.   ❝  surely  you  can  do  that,  can't  you?  stop  being  and  susceptible  to  deadly  substances  —change  starts  with  YOU. ❞

a  joke,  obviously.  he  isn't  so  oblivious  about  the  finer  intricacies  of  human  bodies  —  quite  the  OPPOSITE.  still,  it  can  be  fun  to  play  the  out  of  touch  immortal  from  time  to  time.  (  it  feels  like  a  jab  at  his  past  self.  )

he  follows  their  gaze  towards  the  water,  eyes  bright  with  poorly  concealed  curiosity.  ❝  dinner  and  a  show?  interesting. ❞   ren  certainly  isn't  complaining  —  for  once.  he's  never  required  food  to  survive,  never  felt  the  gnawing  of  hunger  in  the  pit  of  his  nonexistent  stomach,  but  he's  still  acquired  a  peculiar  fondness  for  FISH  nonetheless.  ❝  knock  yourself  out.  i'll  be  the  judge  of  your  culinary  prowess  —  just  don't  expect  me  to  hand  over  any  bonus  points  out  of  pity. ❞

WHAT CHEST PIECE REPRESENTS YOU?

black rook

You are the Black Rook. As a piece that can move inwards and outwards, you're a master of self-reflection. Being the black piece, you hide an inner beast within you. Perhaps you're one to rush headfirst into trouble, was it for a friend's sake? Or your own? Are you the overprotective type? Did you know your grip was that tight around someone's neck? For all your protectiveness and deliberate planning, you can't wash the blood off your hands that easily.

tagged by: no one, i stole it. tagging: you.

REN.

it's so foreign in his mind. it's easy enough to remember; only a single syllable. he clicks his tongue, trying to say it out loud, but it's like his voice stops. kami can't bring himself to utter anything right now. the tears are threatening to come back. even as he squeezes kuni's...no, ren's arm, kami feels a lump in his throat that he hasn't felt for years.

everything is rolling over him and threatening to crush him. he's not a crier, he hasn't let himself cry in so long. and yet, his very REAL cousin is here, offering his best iteration of an apology, and just. he's here.

letting his arms drop, kami sniffs, trying to swallow that stupid lump. it's not going away, and his throat is just filling up until he almost can't BREATHE again. it's a painful ache that's spreading up and stinging his entire face. this is embarrassing.

"of course―" i want you to stay here, is what kami WANTS to say. but his voice is too broken right now, stumbling over tears and a wave of embarrassment so strong he might as well be nauseous.

kami's hands come up to press over his face. his cousin, his stupid, reckless, best friend, is not allowed to see him so weak and pathetic right now.

( IT'S OKAY TO CRY, THOUGH. )

and yet, kami's sobbing. sitting back down on the ground, almost collapsing in a boneless heap. he hunches forward, as if THAT would hide his embarrassment from ren. ren. not kuni. it's amazing that the simple name is already starting to click in his mind.

or maybe kami's just latching onto anything at this point to make it more real than anything else has ever been. he wants to force some words out. say ANYTHING, but nothing comes to mind. his head is yet another buzz of jumbled thoughts and fragments of statements, but getting the actual words out is nigh impossible at the moment.

"―you fucking―" is all that comes out. you fucking idiot, i love you. "―don't ever―"

he sniffs again, trying to stop himself. it's not working well, almost like the NEED is too compulsory, and kami just needs to let the sobs run their course. "―stupid bitch―"

he's not sure who that last one is directed at: himself or ren. maybe a little bit of both. they're both amazingly idiotic; it runs in the family. they're both stupid for different reasons, but up until now, it's always worked. he feels stupid right now, certainly. stupid for letting grief impact his ability to live, stupid for being so emotional over ren coming back. no longer kuni.

"―stay."

kami needs his cousin here. not to test how real he is, kami very much is relieved that this is not a figment of his imagination. he's okay, he's going to BE okay. his support system is back, and they can tackle any other conversation once kami is actually able to speak again. until then, he's just going to cry and feel like a stupid bitch about it.

he  thinks  the  lock  clicking  into  place  behind  him  should  be  a  source  of  COMFORT.  they're  inside  now  —  shielded  from  the  prying  eyes  of  the  world  beyond.  it  feels  like  every  time  he's  out  in  the  open,  the  stares  are  a  physical  weight  upon  his  back  —  heedless  of  whether  they  actually  exist  or  not.  realistically  ren  knows  a  simple  door  won't  be  enough  to  keep  either  of  them  safe.  monsters  can  lurk  in  plain  sight;  behind  a  disarming  smile,  an  anonymous  username,  in  crunched  numbers  and  lines  of  code.  the  deeper  he  allows  himself  to  sink  into  his  PARANOIA,  the  worse  he  feels.  it  would  be  one  thing  if  his  fears  weren't  based  in  reality,  but  unfortunately  the  hacker  knows  firsthand  just  how  real  they  are.  ❝  ...  call  me  ren  now.  that's  the  identity  i  assumed  after  —  well,  everything. ❞  his  alleged  demise.  ❝  people  will  ask  questions  if  they  hear  you  speaking  with  a  dead  man.  you  should  spare  yourself  the  trouble  and  crush  their  curiosity  before  it  starts. ❞

kaminari  has  every  right  to  be  FURIOUS  with  him,  of  course.  he  tries  to  imagine  how  he  would  react  were  their  positions  reversed.  would  he  be  angry?  hurt?  probably  —  but  that  doesn't  make  his  cousin's  line  of  questioning  sting  any  less.  gritting  his  teeth,  he  forces  himself  to  cease  his  relentless  pacing.  every  bone  in  his  body  feels  locked  into  place,  joints  traded  for  cement.  ren's  throat  goes  tight,  tight,  tight  to  the  point  of  actual  pain  —  like  an  invisible  set  of  hands  wish  to  choke  any  effort  to  DEFEND  himself  out  of  him.  ❝  i  didn't ...  want  to  abandon  you. ❞  abandon,  just  as  every  single  person  in  their  lives  meant  to  protect  them ...  ultimately  ABANDONED  THEM  instead.  ❝  i  had  to  stay  away.  lay  low.  it  was  the  only  way  to  guarantee  you  would  be  safe. ❞  honestly,  the  fact  he's  even  here  now  is  still  a  risk  —  six  months  may  feel  like  an  ETERNITY,  but  in  the  grand  scheme  of  everything,  it's  hardly  a  drop  in  the  bucket.  just  barely  long  enough  for  his  presumed  demise  to  be  convincing.

he  doubts  kaminari  will  see  it  that  way.  no  one  likes  a  martyr  —  yet  another  reason  why  ren  is  such  a  wholly  unpalatable  individual.  (  even  so,  he'll  bear  his  anger  if  that's  what  it  takes.  )

lavender  gaze  flicks  up.  he  sees  kaminari  reaching  for  him  and  extends  a  hand  —  an  open  invitation  to  prove  that  he's  solid,  real,  alive.  ❝  i  heard  about  the  funeral. ❞  ren  says.  it's  a  bit  hard  to  look  directly  at  his  cousin  directly,  so  he  settles  for  the  wall  behind  him  —  somewhere  just  off  to  the  right.  ❝  it's  pretty  typical  of  my  mother  not  to  care ...  i  guess  i  just  thought,  considering  the  circumstances,  she  might  actually  feel  compelled  to  give  a  damn. ❞   he  exhales  a  quiet  huff.  how  stupid.  how  naive.  ❝  ...  i  think  you're  the  only  one  who  actually  cared  i  was  gone. ❞

his  free  arm  hugs  the  flower  pot  even  closer  to  his  chest,  almost  as  if  it's  meant  to  serve  as  a  lifeline.  ❝  if  you're  willing  to  have  me  here,  i'll  stay. ❞  he'll  even  pay  rent  —  money  is  always  easy  to  acquire  when  one  isn't  afraid  to  resort  to  more  QUESTIONABLE  means.   ❝  ...  but  i  understand  if  you  would  rather  not.  i  just  wanted  to  give  a  little  closure.  all  things  considered,  that's  probably  the  least  that  i  owe  you. ❞

chongyun ducks when the fish is chucked at them. they turn to look over their shoulder just in time to see the miniature splash of the fish landing back in the water.

"wet dirt―" chongyun mocks, turning back to face ren. it's their inside joke. even though multiple people have been part of this conversation, this is a moment shared just between them, a moment chongyun will always look back on with fondness and even awe.

"i'll show you wet dirt," he continues. ducking into the water, chongyun scoops up a small handful of dirt in question, along with a good sized handful of water. proceeds to SPLASH ren. (there may or may not be a tiny fish mixed in with that splash.)

what  does  water  smell  like  —  ?  the  question  would  sound  like  complete  NONSENSE  in  any  other  context,  yet  the  wanderer's  eyes  widen  as  recognition  washes  over  him.  it's  too  little,  too  late  to  save  him  —  the  fingers  curled  around  his  wrist  are  akin  to  a  shackle.  he  just  barely  has  the  time  to  open  his  mouth  and  squawk  a  particularly  undignified,   ❝  CHONGYUN. ❞  before  the  exorcist  lunges  and  sends  them  both  careening  into  the  water.

ren  flails  around,  a  whirlwind  of  waterlogged  fabric  and  confused  limbs.  when  he  sits  up,  it  comes  with  a  veritable  waterfall  sloughing  off  his  kasa  —  and  an  irritating  thump,  thump,  thumping  on  his  head  has  him  realizing  he's  somehow  managed  to  scoop  up  a  fish  in  the  process.  like  his  hat  is  little  more  than  an  intricately  decorated  net.

❝  ... ❞  he  grabs  the  poor  creature  and  immediately  throws  it  at  chongyun's  face.  ❝  wet  dirt. ❞  dinner  is  served.

CHARACTER ANALYSIS: WANDERER VS CYNO.

i've talked extensively to people about my thoughts on this, so i'm going to preface this entire post with my OPINION that wanderer is playing around during this fight. he's incredibly strong and has hundreds of years of fighting experience over the other contestants. he was ordered to keep an eye on them, not to actually harm them. THAT SAID, "playing around" also doesn't mean not doing anything. he's clearly still fighting, but i think the difference is that he's enjoying himself more than he anticipated. and of course, there are contestants that brought him a decent enough challenge and even tested his skills. but ULTIMATELY wanderer was not throwing his full strength into the ring. he was taking it easy and holding himself back. please don't come at me.

that said, let's get on with it!

here we have our first screenshot. he's not touching layla, he merely is taking the diadem from her. it's a huge blink and you'll miss it moment, and i had to slow the video way down to capture this shot because of how fast he's moving. had he been more serious, wanderer would have at least done something more. this is the first hint we see that he's holding back/taking things semi easily. he's just taking it and going.

i really love this shot of her confusion. layla has no idea wtf just happened. wanderer is a zoomy boy, okay? very "hi bye!". i love it. she's heckin confused, probably didn't even see him.

oh but faruzan definitely saw him. now she's mad. it had just been between her and layla, and now EVERYONE'S there, all fighting for the diadem. competition just got more high stakes for her. go faruzan, get your crown.

THIS was the first moment i realized wanderer wasn't being serious. if he were actually competing, he probably wouldn't have slowed down/stopped to stare at faruzan. everyone else was in it to win. he's just holding out the diadem and. dare i say, even taunting her? hat guy you silly billy.

bonus dialog after he stole the diadem right out from layla's arms. again, zoomy and zippy boy.

look at he go.

this is the first time he's being targeted. notice how he's not attacking her back. he's attacking her device in self defense.

self. defense. though, i will admit that he does throw out some half assed blades later on, but for now, he's protecting himself.

so far, yet again, he's moving in self defense. i don't know for sure if he knew the others were laying in wait and purposely flew toward them. i feel like tighnari definitely planned on hitting him, but wanderer is flying at the moment, and is still moving fast. quick reflexes though, i'm impressed. wish i could be like that.

this is his expression to cyno's weapon being thrown in his direction. to me it looks focused, like he's thinking on the spot and less "i'm going to demolish this guy." wanderer is actively thinking while moving. either for strategy or to dodge, but i love the tiny detail in that his gaze is focused right on that staff, and he looked very in the zone. and of course in the next shot, he uses his own abilities to knock the staff away.

now cyno, on the other hand. cyno is also very focused. he's definitely not playing around. that expression, what little we can see of his eye, very much screams "i'm going to pummel you into the ground." he wants that card. he's here for the win and he's going to take it.

the fact he lands and immediately starts running tells me he's NOT going to hold back. he's throwing his all into this. i love the contrast between him and wanderer. wanderer seems more focused/thinking on the spot on how not to hurt them. whereas cyno is looking to win and wanderer is someone he can target. especially considering wanderer is still holding the diadem. to me it also is very telling how low to the ground cyno is. he's still hunched forward, that guy has speed on his side and he's using every bit of it to get to wanderer.

here is wanderer, readying himself to attack cyno. and again i say he's holding back. because in the next shot-

he's landing on cyno's staff.

i've already talked about and reblogged recently a previous post where i went into detail over how strong wanderer is. if he really wanted to, that staff would not have stopped him from kicking cyno's face. we know cyno is strong, he's incredibly strong. but wanderer is also hyper strong and can do things that i don't think cyno can. plus, it looks like, to me at least, that he didn't even aim for cyno's face. the staff came up to block cyno, and wanderer immediately landed on it. there are a lot of things he could have done to take cyno out, but DIDN'T. every time i think about this entire cutscene, this moment right here is the biggest giveaway that wanderer's not being wholly serious. he landed on the staff and stared down cyno, and then jumped off. cyno may be taking this fight serious, but wanderer is holding back.

wanderer DOES throw out an attack, but i feel like it's him knowing that cyno's also fast as hell and can dodge easily. going back to the beginning, he didn't hurt layla or faruzan because he didn't want to hurt them. since cyno's also very strong, i'm pretty sure wanderer was comfortable enough to throw something out, knowing cyno could handle it. in that same vein, i don't think he got that chance with tighnari earlier, because he was too busy dodging all those arrows. i digress.

wanderer attacked because he knew cyno could easily dodge.

like so. cyno's able to block the attack because cyno is a very skilled fighter. not that none of the other contestants aren't skilled, but wanderer also just stopped to stare at faruzan rather than attack her. he had every opportunity to throw his anemo at her and layla, but he's only doing it with cyno. probably because cyno is also very fast and quick on the reflexes. still, it's a cool scene, it's my favorite cutscene in the entire game.

i mean, look at the way cyno's sliding to dodge. guy's practically doing the splits. but no, more seriously, look at the expression on his face. he's just as focused and determined, though i still think they're both focused and determined for different reasons. like i said earlier, cyno wants that card, wanderer just wants to do his job and make it out without anyone getting seriously hurt.

again, wanderer being really fast and dodging cyno's attacks. he's still throwing out his anemo, but he also flies around to make sure cyno's paying attention first before attacking again.

it's hard to see since even with the video playing really slowly this is what i'm able to get. but cyno was able to block the attack. the fact that wanderer waited until he could tells me he was holding back. were he more serious, he wouldn't have waited. at least, i don't think.

cyno is running so fast here it looks like he's gliding. maybe wanderer is a little more serious at this point. here is an opponent who can match him in speed at the VERY least, if not strength. i would even wager to say he's impressed. he's used to being the lone wanderer, hating the world around him and belittling everyone for being weaker than him. but here comes cyno who can match him in terms of speed and agility. who WOULDN'T be impressed by that? so maybe wanderer is a little more serious about who he's up against, especially considering they've been fighting each other more than anyone else in the competition fought each other. in this last round, at least. doesn't mean overall wanderer is completely serious over the whole competition.

another act of self defense. though i think in this case he didn't exactly have a choice. cyno caught him off guard. wanderer didn't have time to dodge or launch a counter attack -- cyno was too quick for him. no choice but to block the attack.

i feel like in this moment, it looks like wanderer wants to keep fighting cyno. the stare down is really intense, and it's intimidating when you see that cyno's surrounded by electro. the guy is ready to destroy something. i feel like, at least for the briefest of seconds, they both forgot about the competition and were more interested in fighting each other. but kaveh was attached to faruzan's device and flying in really fast.

bonus, i love that layla and faruzan have just been. standing around the whole time. i don't know where tighnari went. probably looking for another angle to shoot wanderer with.

just because wanderer is distracted by a flying kaveh, doesn't mean cyno is. more proof that wanderer isn't completely serious. why else would he turn his back on an opponent? cyno's not distracted, he's gonna get that diadem and win. he's so determined.

kaveh isn't even a threat. he's flying right by everything, probably too panicked and confused to let go of faruzan's device. but wanderer is reaching out anyway to spin him around. which, to me is the whole point: he may have had some enjoyment and flying around, but ultimately, the diadem was not his to take and the competition wasn't his to win. cause if he wanted to win or cared at all, he would've just taken the diadem to the podium himself. which wasn't what he was ordered to do but that's beside the point. the entire fight was nothing more than idle time wasted (and some unspoken bonding with cyno, i'm convinced of it.)

he's actively spinning kaveh around, though i think the device kaveh is still holding is helping. i don't think wanderer really intended to hurt anyone, he's just moving them around, toying with all of them.

cyno's still coming for the diadem. he wants it. but wanderer purposely holds it out. maybe he planned for it? because cyno succeeds in knocking it out of wanderer's hands. it goes flying up, leaving it open for kaveh to use his toolbox to grab it.

which of course, the force sent kaveh tumbling head over heels right to the podium. had wanderer not grabbed him and redirected him, wouldn't have happened.

the rest of the scene is kaveh basically winning the competition. but my ultimate conclusion is that wanderer was holding back. he didn't start attacking the other contestants until cyno came along, because cyno is just as terrifying as he is. i feel like wanderer enjoyed the fight, and would have continued had kaveh not shown up with the device, which provided a perfect opportunity for wanderer to redirect him and send him flying to the finish line.

wanderer was in the competition because of orders, and didn't NEED to fight. he could have continued to toy with everyone, but cyno brought out a different kind of focus in him. i'd like to think he enjoyed that fight, but he was definitely holding back. there were moments where wanderer could have kicked cyno in the face or launched him, but he didn't. and the only reason he attacked was in part because he knew cyno could dodge, and in part because he was keeping cyno distracted long enough for kaveh to come flying in.

it's another testiment to wanderer's strength and even character development. it's one of the reasons he's my favorite character, because while he's still the loner and an asshole at times, he does show his respect toward people in his own way.