His Mind Is An Empty State Of What The Fuck, On Repeat. It's Like A Static Hum In The Back Of His Mind,

his mind is an empty state of what the fuck, on repeat. it's like a static hum in the back of his mind, leaving him unable to do ANYTHING until kuni is inside. it's only at this point that kami manages to get to his feet, lurching toward the door to slam it shut, locking it once more.

he's still not sure what's actually happening, only that there's a sense of URGENCY that has him even more on edge. "i'm sorry," kami says, clenching his teeth and holding back the urge to snap. "if i can't call you by your fucking name―" he stops there, looking back toward the door. he doesn't know his neighbors well enough to have a solid connection. he's doubtful any of them would actually care about someone named kunikuzushi, but he also hasn't been part of his cousin's world. he doesn't know what exactly is going through kuni's mind.

"so basically you let me think you were dead for months on end." his voice is flat. he's still running over all the information in his mind, trying to make sense of it. it's only giving him an even bigger headache, and threatening to pull him down into some depth of despair and heartbreak. kami gets it though. LOGICALLY, he can understand why kuni did what he did. kami isn't sure he'd take the same exact road, but he can understand burning all bridges (literally) to get out of trouble.

emotionally though, kami feels betrayed and heartbroken. he'd thought their bond had been a lot stronger than this. kami had relied on kuni for A LOT, and part of him is even wondering if his own demons had helped contribute to this, like kuni WANTED to get away from him.

his eyes are starting to wonder from these thoughts, so kami turns away to hastily wipe his eyes. he's not going to start crying now, not when there's so much to actually discuss. he still needs answers, though he's not sure how likely he is to get all of them right now. kuni is probably exhausted, and needs a place to stay and... kami has a spare bedroom...

"...if you had to do all that, then why come back at all?" kami asks. his voice is neutral, forcing himself to turn back to his cousin. "why not just let me THINK you were gone forever? i would've coped, survived, something." it's not a lie, either. even after his downward spiral thanks to his own mother, kami eventually found a way to bounce back. he likes to think he'd bounced back quicker after kuni's death, with it only taking a matter of months, instead of years.

his life is still a shit hot mess though.

"...and i'm assuming you want to stay here?" he's reaching for kuni though. desperately needing to FEEL how solid his cousin is. as mad and depressed kami is over the entire incident, kuni is still his cousin. someone he always held in high regard. to lose him again would destroy him.

despite  his  numerous  requests  (  demands,  really  )  ren  isn't  expecting  it  when  the  door  finally  DOES  open.  this  time,  he  doesn't  have  the  chance  to  swallow  back  his  surprise  —  the  hacker  audibly  yelps,  and  nearly  falls  over,  only  just  barely  managing  to  catch  himself  at  the  last  possible  moment.  (  fortunately;  if  he  landed  on  his  laptop  he  would  be  furious.  )  ❝  yes,  yes.  kunikuzushi.  why  don't  you  say  it  louder  —  i  don't  think  the  entire  neighborhood  has  heard  you  yet. ❞  he  knows  it  isn't  kaminari's  fault;  his  cousin  isn't  aware  of  the  circumstances  surrounding  —  well,  ANY  part  of  the  mess  he's  gotten  himself  into.  he's  horribly  stressed  and  his  nerves  are  frayed  and  it's  compelling  him  to  lash  out  unjustly.  he'll  remember  to  feel  guilt  for  that  later;  at  the  moment,  he  only  has  enough  mental  real  estate  to  tackle  one  MISTAKE  at  a  time.

the  door  is  open,  so  ren  decides  he's  going  to  take  advantage  of  the  opportunity  before  his  cousin  comes  back  to  his  senses.  deft  hands  snatch  up  the  flower  pot  resting  on  the  porch  beside  him.  it  contains  a  SUCCULENT  —  a  tiny,  yet  vibrant  thing  with  healthy  leaves.  (  it's  all  he  has  for  luggage.  )  he  rises  to  his  feet  and  slips  inside  kaminari's  home  swift  as  the  breeze,  nudging  the  door  shut  behind  him.  it's  only  then  that  the  hacker  allows  himself  the  luxury  of  a  sigh;  it  feels  like  a  weight  has  been  lifted  off  his  chest  —  not  entirely,  but  enough  so  that  he  can  draw  breath  without  a  STRUGGLE.   ❝  i'm  a  member  of  this  family. ❞   he  says,  looking  down  at  his  cousin.  there's  a  twinge  of  sympathy  in  his  eyes  —  as  if  that  simple  fact  alone  has  DOOMED  them  both.  ❝  naturally  there's  a  lot  of  things  wrong  with  me,  but  we  don't  have  all  day  to  list  them. ❞  he  at  least  has  the  courtesy  to  nudge  the  other  with  his  shoe.  it's  a  gesture  that  might  be  construed  as  playful  or  annoying  (  or  both  )  under  different  circumstances,  but  here  it  serves  as  proof  of  his  existence.

well.  that  was  supposed  to  be  the  easy  part.  the  hard  part  is  actually  explaining  himself.

❝  i  know  it  seems  extreme. ❞  obviously.  ❝  faking  my  own  death  isn't  the  sort  of  choice  i  would  make  if  i  had  any  other  option.  i  needed  to  disappear  —  and  the  only  way  i  could  do  that  WITHOUT  being  seen  as  a  loose  end ...  was  if  they  thought  i  was  no  longer  in  any  position  to  TALK. ❞  it  was  either  that  or  run  —  but  if  he  ran,  there  was  no  telling  what  they  would  do.  target  his  mother?  fine  —  she  could  fend  for  herself.  target  kaminari?  he  didn't  deserve  that.

anxiety  has  afflicted  him  with  a  strange,  nervous  sort  of  energy.  ren  finds  he's  started  to  pace  —  back  and  forth,  back  and  forth  like  an  animal  trapped  in  a  too-small  cage.  ❝  the ...  that  group  i  was  involved  with.  i  know  you  weren't  exactly  fond  of  them,  but  they  were  worse  than  i  ever  let  on.  considerably  worse.  i  still  continued  to  lend  them  my  services,  because ... ❞   because  he  liked  feeling  useful.  feeling  powerful.  how  stupid  of  him.  ❝  ...  not  important.  i  had  to  leave  —  and  kunikuzushi  needed  to  die ...  so  to  make  a  very  long  story  short,  that's  precisely  what  i  arranged  to  have  happen. ❞

"be confused. i relish in it."

oficeandwind || "nope."

"What the hell-!"

today i'm thinking about ships.

♡ Munday Meme ♡

Some questions to get to know the mun’s rping habits!

When did you start writing on Tumblr?

Who was your first muse?

Who are your longest rp friends?

Favourite thing about roleplaying?

Least favourite thing about roleplaying?

OTP for your muse?

NOTP for your muse?

What are some similarities between you and your muse/muses?

What are some differences between you and your muse/muses?

Would you be friends with your muse if they were real?

Would you write with duplicate characters? How do you think your muse would react?

Have you any old muses that you’d love to bring back?

What’s one random headcanon about your muse that people mightn’t know?

Who is an author that inspires you?

What do you look for in a rp partner?

Favourite trope?

Least favourite trope?

Are there any AU’s you’d like to explore but haven’t had the chance to yet?

Do you listen to music whilst writing? If so, what kind of music?

How do you overcome writer’s block?

Are there certain characters that you gravitate towards?

Short, medium, or long threads?

Do you ever get jealous when rping? How do you handle this?

What about your muse are you most proud of?

Chongyun spends so much time wishing they didn't have their yang energy and would love to overcome it, that they never once consider that it might be beneficial for other people to just be in Chongyun's promiximity.

Somebody: Oh my god, can I stay next to you? I feel good suddenly

Chongyun: wtf

"uh huh," chongyun says absently, leading the way to the body of water. "i'll just tell my whole body not to succumb to human limitations. even though i'm human." there's an upward curl of their lips that ren can't see, as chongyun's back is to him.

they also pause here, standing still for a moment to allow ren to catch up. "hey ren? i have another question." the conversation is changed, dropped for something much more DEVIOUS. the smirk on chongyun's face grows wider as they snatch ren's wrist firmly, using their free hand to casually drop their claymore on the ground.

"remind me again, what does water smell like?"

chongyun charges forward, lunging into the water and dragging ren with him.

there's  a  brief  pause,  a  moment  of  consideration  —  the  wanderer's  face  is  so  expressive  that  it's  clear  the  instant  the  grin's  intention  CLICKS.  features  settle  into  a  playful  look  accordingly;  head  tipping  back,  one  thin  brow  arching.  ❝  in  that  case,  maybe  you  should  just  CHOOSE  not  to  be  poisoned  next  time. ❞  ren  tells  them,  tone  dismissive  to  the  point  of  clear  parody.   ❝  surely  you  can  do  that,  can't  you?  stop  being  and  susceptible  to  deadly  substances  —change  starts  with  YOU. ❞

a  joke,  obviously.  he  isn't  so  oblivious  about  the  finer  intricacies  of  human  bodies  —  quite  the  OPPOSITE.  still,  it  can  be  fun  to  play  the  out  of  touch  immortal  from  time  to  time.  (  it  feels  like  a  jab  at  his  past  self.  )

he  follows  their  gaze  towards  the  water,  eyes  bright  with  poorly  concealed  curiosity.  ❝  dinner  and  a  show?  interesting. ❞   ren  certainly  isn't  complaining  —  for  once.  he's  never  required  food  to  survive,  never  felt  the  gnawing  of  hunger  in  the  pit  of  his  nonexistent  stomach,  but  he's  still  acquired  a  peculiar  fondness  for  FISH  nonetheless.  ❝  knock  yourself  out.  i'll  be  the  judge  of  your  culinary  prowess  —  just  don't  expect  me  to  hand  over  any  bonus  points  out  of  pity. ❞