Personally-published - Personally-Published

Ilook at my ex best friend

We make eye contact in the hallway at passing timeW

hen I saw her I just wanted to hug her

Just once give her another chance to apologize

Or at least give me the closure on why she did what she did

Just one more chance

Even when I know she doesn't deserve it

I had the feeling that she never cared about me or our friendship

She definitely cared even less now if at all to begin with

But when I looked in her eyes I didn't see any anger

I didn't see the indifference on her features like I expected

I'm not entirely sure what i saw

I ask myself why she changed?

As if I know

Or ever will

Depressed feelings you can't quite escape

But when the numbness takes over

You realize how comforting you're own sadness felt

would anyone wanna see my older drawings?

"I love you. why can't you accept that?"

I want to believe you

I really want to

and I'm trying

God I'm really trying

but I can't

for some reason

I can't

I can't imagine anyone could ever think of me that way

and I know if I keep pushing you away you'll end up leaving

and I take full responsibility that it would be my fault

no matter how hard I try I can't accept your way of thinking.

Why do you love me?

How could you love me?

I could list all my flaws

you cannot tell me you would still love me

and if you did

I don't believe it

I can't

no matter how much I want to.

You'll leave I know you will.

You will see that I am not worth it.

I'm not worth all the time or the effort.

You will realize that I am too much work.

I'm too complicated.

I need you to understand.

You can keep trying

But I can't guarantee I will ever accept that anyone could love me.