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the fact that i’ve ALSO had to do this (and she searched for marauders fandom thingz™️ on tumblr)

just had to explain what crimson rivers is to my therapist

good god why am i crying

i find it vehemently poetic that theo was raised, and used, and abused, by three doctors, surgeons, for ten years of his life, and when he finally starts to craft himself some sort of a life outside of their captivity, he finds most solace in liam, who's own stepdad is a doctor, a surgeon, but a caring one, who's always been supportive and never hurt nor laid a bad hand on his stepson. and i find it beautiful that, through fics - because the writers never did them the justice they deserved - we get to see theo realize that life's not all bad; it's not all pain and suffering, and people aren't all bad, adults aren't all dangerous, doctors aren't all malicious. and it takes him a while to learn this, and maybe an even longer time to trust liam's dad, but in order to get closer to liam, he has to learn to trust his dad, and it's really hard at first, but before he even realizes, it's easier than he could ever imagine.

and i like to imagine, too, that maybe theo grows enough, and gains enough trust, that he works alongside his dad as a medical assistant. maybe he was around liam's house long enough - because god forbid liam let him live in his truck any longer - that his dad worked up the courage for a couple days to invite him to go to work with him. because despite caring for him deeply and starting to love him like a son, he didn't want to step on his toes or drive him away, but theo wasn't in high school anymore, nor did he plan on attending college, but he's learning he has loads of medical experience, and despite the tragic things that happened to him, he seems to enjoy the field. so, he brings him to work one day and opens his mind to the fact that a real hospital is full of people who truly want to help, and do the best they can for their patients, and offer nothing but genuine care and gentleness to those in need. and after a day of watching and learning what science and medicine is supposed to be, theo finds himself breaking down on the drive home and liam's dad, a surgeon, but a kind one, comforts him, and assures him he's okay, and he doesn't have to go to work with him again if he doesn't want to, and hugs him, warm and close, and rubs his back in a way he hasn't felt since he was eight years old and still being read to by his mother, ten years ago. and in that moment, he realizes how safe he is now, with liam, and with his parents, and he realizes they care for him, truly, and won't let him get hurt, and he realizes he wants to work with his dad, he wants to explore the other side of science, he wants to do something good, and wants to be good, both for himself and for others. so he watches a little longer, and eventually, he's invited to help, passing tools and reading charts, and with time, he's allowed to work on his own, he's trusted, and he does his job well. and liam's dad offers praise when he does well; he provides comfort when he's hurting, on particularly busy days, or on days when they do the best they can, but can't save everyone. and for the first time in his life, he feels like he has a home, a family even. he feels - he knows - he has people that care about him and value his presence in their life; it doesn't feel faked, it's genuine, and it's obvious. and, in the middle of the night, when the two return home from a particularly late shift, they find liam and his mom awake in the kitchen, laughing, despite the fact that liam has school in the morning and his mom has work, but neither seem to care about that. they usher the doctor and doctor-to-be into the room and share the video on the tiny phone screen, and soon, all four are bursting with melodic, sleep deprived laughter, and in that moment, theo realizes the truth about himself he'd never thought possible - he's happy. actually, undoubtedly, happy.

okay but im just thinking about how once liam has made his peace that he has feelings for theo - that theo is even his anchor - and recognizes the changes he's made and is willing to give those feelings a chance. and when they start dating, liam learns about just what theo went through with the dread doctors and then also in hell, the absolute guilt that he has to deal with for having a part of sending theo there along with the anger on theo's behalf to the pack who keep making digs and threats at him because yes theo did bad things but theo is a survivalist, and was a traumatized child when he was taken

regulus is so unbelievably real for this. i hope you know that you just described my exact internal monologue when im on my period as a trans guy

pain - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - word count: 288 - trans!regulus

Sighing, Regulus shifted slightly in bed, trying to ignore the pain radiating from his lower abdomen. He frowned, trying to calm his anger. Not only did it make him feel awful to be reminded of what was going on inside his body, but the entire process was deeply unpleasant. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball.

However, his body, as usual, had wonderful timing. Because James Potter was sleeping next to him, snoring lightly in his ear.

He sighed again. Of course this would start now. He and James hadn't talked much about things like this, and he'd done his best to hide everything he could from him, so as not to remind him that he was different. But his body had other plans.

Because as another shooting pain ripped through him, he let out an involuntary moan and the boy next to him awoke, his eyelids fluttering softly.

"Okay, Reg?" James mumbled, still half-asleep, arms coming to wrap around him.

"Fine," he gritted out, but his tone was so clipped that James immediately sat up.

"What is it?" he demanded, completely coherent in a matter of seconds.

"Nothing! Nothing, it's just..." But hazel eyes full of concern drilled into his soul and he faltered immediately. "Cramping. That's all," he mumbled, looking away.

"Cramp...? Oh!" It took him a moment, but as soon as he understood, he wordlessly pulled Regulus closer, giving him the warmth and comfort he didn't know he wanted but so desperately craved. "How can I help, baby?" he asked, pressing a kiss to his temple.

"This...this helps," Regulus whispered, relaxing a bit into his touch.

But the pain potion and hot chocolate James brought him later were very helpful as well.

god thiam makes me sick :(( the fact that theo was conditioned so heavily into just going through the motions and being so lost once he gets out of that situation that he doesnt know what he likes to do for fun is so sickening because what do you MEAN this CHILD was manipulated so heavily that he doesnt realize he is allowed to be more than what he was ‘created’ for

today im offering you theo trying to figure out what his hobbies are and what he likes and at first he resorts back to practical stuff: only reading non-fiction books to further his knowledge, only working out alone to keep his body in shape, only ever full shifting in order to patrol, etc.

and liam telling him that hes allowed to do things for fun. liam telling him that he could try picking up something thats fiction, for once, and theo realizing that he likes sci-fi books (because he liked star wars as a kid.) liam dragging him onto the field and teaching him how to play lacrosse and theo realizing that sports can actually be fun and that its not just a way to train. liam and theo spending the full moon together and full shifting while running through the woods and theo thinking about how it feels like they're pack. realizing that hes not a lone wolf anymore.

theo trying to figure out who he is outside of "the first chimera" and reliving his childhood/teenage years and liam being the one to aid him in that journey.

PLEASE ME AND WHO

liam being scared of change/people leaving him, "hayden left me. scott's leaving, too." and theo constantly staying for him. theo didnt need to stay at the hospital in s6a, he had plenty of opportunities to leave. he TOLD liam he was going to leave and then he didnt. he stayed and fought by liams side and then sacrificed himself for liam.

and then the zoo. liam asked theo for help, but theo AGREED to help. and again, he doesnt need to do any of that, but he keeps trying to help and protect liam while liam is struggling (like in the locker room with gabe)

and then the finale... scott calls him and tells him liam needs help and theo immediately rushes to the hospital. like. he was driving, we dont know where, and he couldve easily left beacon hills and told scott to fuck off.

but he went back for liam. he stayed for liam.

Something that I love that is basically canon is how in tune Theo and Liam are. Like post season 6 I imagine the pack find it so startling to the point where it’s almost creepy.

I like to imagine that sometims when theres a break or intermission after/during a meeting or get together one of the pack will be like, “where’s Liam/or Theo?” And the other will know the exact location just immediately before any other supernatural has picked up the other’s scent or hearing. There are also totally times where someone will ask them both a question or for their opinion and Thiams eyes will just meet and everyone else watches as the two have a whole conversation without any direct communication. You could argue others in the pack can also do this like Stiles and Scott or Derek and Stiles or even Mason and Corey. BUT Liam and Theo are on a whole other level. What’s the best about this concept though is the absolutely hilarious faces the pack makes when they do anything like this in front of them-Liam the angry beta and Theo the chimera of death are so universally understood by one another that no words are needed between the two, and that is just shocking to everyone else. Both boys have so much trouble verbally communicating how they’re feeling/thinking with everyone, and so for both of them to find someone that can literally just tell with a look is so meaningful.

No one even knows how to describe the two of them separately anymore, including each other, because they are just so unanimously ONE. One soul, one brain, one heart. They love each other but it’s also just SO MUCH MORE than that!

oh absolutely and as you said, i love that this is canon. there's so many instances of this in s6 and while liam constantly tries to deny it, hes always looking for theo. and its so lovely how they just get each other. even in s6a when theo hasnt been back yet for long, they effortlessly fight next to each other. obviously s6ep20 is an even better example of this because they're so in tune, they easily work off of each other cues, and they even get so physical with it??? they stay right by each others side, liam literally rolls himself over theos back and theo gives him a little boost to further his momentum. like its actually so cute of them how well they understand each other.

and that's not even getting into their whole eye contact thing... them wordlessly communicating during the confrontation with gabe in the locker room and liam turning to look at theo when peter complains about his car getting destroyed are two moments that immediately come to mind for me. also, theo turning to look at liam after they leave the police station, when the pack fakes leaving beacon hills. they have so many moments where they look at each other and literally just. stare. they dont say anything, the pack doesnt fucking address this either??? its just them looking into each other's eyes and it makes me crazy. like that scene in s6ep16 where mason asks liam "should i come with you guys?" and instead of answering, liam looks to theo. theo looks back at liam and THEN answers mason. like. ok. just liam expecting his bf to answer his best friend and said boyfriend immediately reacting. whatever.

scott, at least, actually canonically sometimes looks at them a bit suspiciously (heres a lovely compilation of that by my dear oomf on twt) and its absolutely hilarious to me. i dont doubt that the pack would side-eye them occasionally but i feel like they'd accept thiam being thiam relatively quick, because they're already so used to their gay antics in canon. like when theo dragged liam into the bathroom at the police station in front of the entire pack?? and no one stopped him? liam didnt try to fight back either??? like, alright. their surprise wouldnt stay for long because even before they're in an actual relationship, they already act that way with each other.

going away from canon, i totally agree with them knowing where the other one is. i think they become obsessed with keeping track of each other's scent and heartbeat, but in a very sweet way. they find it calming and reassuring. theo unconsciously listening to liams heartbeat as a background noise. just in the back of his mind, because it makes him feel more comfortable. and being able to pick out liams scent literally always bc hes spent so much time looking out for it. i feel like for theo its more of a soft indulgence. he loves liam and automatically does these things. it makes him happy, even if he wouldnt admit it.

for liam, it stems more from insecurity and fear. liams abandonment issues ("hayden left me. scott's leaving, too." his reaction when he hears that morey are planning to go to the same college (possibly "leaving liam behind") and as a hc: his bio dad leaving him and his mom) and the way theo throws himself into danger for liam. liam would keep track of theos scent and heartbeat to make sure that he's still around, that he's still alive. liam feeling relieved everytime he has proof that theo hasnt left. that theo hasnt gotten himself killed. as you said, they kinda suck at verbally communicating so liam wouldnt be able to articulate this to theo. that liam has this anxiety of theo leaving, in whatever way, like everybody else. thankfully, theos actions would be enough to calm liam. he himself would never think this of himself, but hes incredibly reliable when it comes to liam.

i love this concept of them going from being liam and theo to liam and theo. in s6ep16 there's two scenes where characters refer to them as a pair (nolan talking to the hunters about them and scott mentioning them to malia, lydia & argent) and its something so simple but it makes me so giddy. they're a pair. they belong to each other. they're liam and theo. and they fit each other so well. they mirror each other in a lot of things, but they also complete each other. theo is the calm to liams anger and vice-versa. they make each other angry, they make each other happy, they suck at verbally communicating but they effortlessly understand each other. they each think of themselves as a monster and help each other learn that thats not the case. they're liam and theo and im insane about them.

like yeah them as a ship is obviously something i love. but its not just them in a relationship that i find interesting about them. even if you dont ship them, their dynamic is so fascinating and their interactions are really fun. the way liam goes from "hating" theo to trusting him but still being in denial about that so he keeps lashing out at theo (threatening to kill him, saying scott will never trust him, etc) and the way theo goes from only being interested in his own survival to deeply caring about liam, saving his life and staying for him. all this is extremely romantic and homoerotic to me, but even if, for some weird reason, you do not read it that way, you still cannot deny that theres a bond between those two. they're linked to each other, no matter how you view their relationship.

found out my bsf is a marauders fan because he commented “literally regulus black?” when he saw my green converse

my ultimate goal in life is to randomly bump into a marauders fan.

like without meaning to at all.

maybe like randomly i’d see a guy wearing a werewolf shirt then i’d snicker and say moony under my breath but some marauders fan from a mile away would hear it and whip their head towards me, and we would make intense eye contact until we’re both rushing towards each other giggling like a couple of ten year olds because we realized we both are feral for a bunch of fictional wizards.

that’s it, that’s my goal.

random thoughts at 8:30pm with felix!!!! i had a friend at theater camp over the summer and i saw him again at the farmers market i work at and he had curly black hair that had been dyed blue and it was faded sea-aquamarine-ish and HIS NAME WAS REGGIE and im pretty sure i was in love with him. anyways thats it for todays episode of random thoughts at 8:30pm with felix!!!!

THATS WHAT I SAIDDDD (im in love with you btw) AND YES THATS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED

Things I Genuinely Want to Know About My Mutuals (You should reblog and answer these)

What is your favorite song? Why?

What is your least favorite book?

What conspiracy theory do you wholeheartedly believe in?

What is your weirdest talent?

Do you think a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable?

okokok so allegedly when divers were exploring the titanic they found a 'P' which??? titanic doesnt have a P in it??? and so the theory is that the olympic crashed into something and had a hole in it so the creator of the ships switched them for insurance reasons

Things I Genuinely Want to Know About My Mutuals (You should reblog and answer these)

What is your favorite song? Why?

What is your least favorite book?

What conspiracy theory do you wholeheartedly believe in?

What is your weirdest talent?

Do you think a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable?

There She Goes (The La's) idk why i js love it and how it sounds also it reminds me of jily (sorry jegulus i still love you) ALSO ALRIGHTY APHRODITE now hear me out it reminds me of my ex but not in the 'i still miss u' way

i dont really have a least fav book bc i love books‼️‼️ but probably if i had to choose itd be The Mammoth Hunters (Jean M. Auel)

THAT THE TITANIC DIDNT ACTUALLY SINK AND IT WAS THE OLYMPIC INSTEAD

i dont really have one 😭😭

fruit.

Things I Genuinely Want to Know About My Mutuals (You should reblog and answer these)

What is your favorite song? Why?

What is your least favorite book?

What conspiracy theory do you wholeheartedly believe in?

What is your weirdest talent?

Do you think a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable?

me when when my mom says "maybe u shouldve kept the name {...}" when i was 'complaining' that my friends always call me Feliz

my best friend found out my deadname and was like "oh, it's so pretty, why'd you change it?" and I'm freaking out

guys how does one start a conversation when texting 988 bc saying 'i wanna kms' makes me cringe but WHAT DO I SAY AAAAKSJDHFJ anyways back to our regularly scheduled marauders and poetry later

sorry i missed ur bday by a day 🙁🙁 but happy bday sirius‼️🫶

poems(ish) pt one

anger. 

it festers, like an infected wound left untreated.

i want to hit something.

break something. 

anything.

i can't. 

it shouldn't get this bad.

but it did.

now i'm angry, restlessly angry.

i want to hit something.

break something.

break someone.

watch them bleed out, their blood staining my hands and clothes and face and-

i can't.

it wasn't supposed to get this bad.

but it did.

i wanna eat ur fic /pos

we don't have enough fic about gwen stacy!! and we don't have enough fic about gwen stacy being trans!!!!! anyway i thought i should fix that:

plz read..... i am BEGGIGN.......