They Make Me Ill - Tumblr Posts

Leo Valdez wants to be loved

Jason Grace wants to find a place to belong

Piper Mclean wants to know she she is, craves an identity all her own

And they all found each other, pushed together by fate and outside strings, but they made it work and found what they needed most in each other.

A home. A family.

another incredibly sick and twisted thing about bridge to the turnabout is how edgeworth notoriously hates planes (as stated in aai1) and YET charters a PRIVATE JET the SECOND he hears about phoenix being Maybe Dead

wish

if byler is not cannon (🕯️ which it will be 🕯️) WHAT WAS THE REASON DUFFERS? WHAT WAS THE REASON?

these will never not be insane

Target Practice.

(+ Alt version below)

Sharing a sunset, holding on to a shattered bond

Inktober 2024 Day 13: Horizon

Base Lining & Sketch:

i NEVER moved on from this.

They make me ill, THEY MAKE ME ILL. They make me sick. And they make me ill.

Haven’t collabed with @renconner in a long while for a mini comic (minus our big one, Instinct). We were talking about one of Stan’s lowest moments involving being outside with that damn sign, so we decided to make a comic with Stan remembering it. I’ve also kinda of assumed Filbrick would lie to Ford about what’s going on with Stan (Stan probably did too to some extent).

Sooooooo cute!!

end of beginning

monster

First meeting

AOT SPOILERS

When they were at the ocean bro ☹️☹️☹️

And Armin was so happy that his dream had finally been fulfilled, do you think had he ever been so elated before? And he turns to Eren, who shared the same dream, and EREN ISNT SMILING. HES POINTING OUT, AND HE SAYS

"If we kill all our enemies out there, will we finally be free?"

And Armin realizes that they never shared a dream. That the ocean wasn't enough for Eren, that it had never been. It hadn't been the marvel of the sea that allured Eren like it had him, he wanted more more more. They were never aiming for the same thing, this wasn't a shared dream, it was just another step to Eren. Just another landmark. It'd never be enough.

CW: MCD

Soap wouldn't mind being in love with a boy, if it didn't mean he was in love with "The Ghost."

Ghost wouldn't mind being in love with Soap, if it didn't mean he was in love with a boy.

The tension on base was palpable. It was unexpected, unusual, and deeply unsettling. The usually inseparable pair that was Soap and Ghost, were both acting as if they'd gotten into an argument, and their prides were keeping them from discussing it.

The once easy and smooth banter between the Lieutenant and Sergeant was now painfully forced. Like there was some thin line they were dancing across, ever so ungraceful. They were colliding into each other, like stars drawn too close together, and together, they would burn.

It was painfully awkward between the two of them. They were drawn to each other by some force stronger than the laws of the universe. They were still inseparable by physical standards, but they actively avoided interaction despite their constant proximity. Yet, as they both felt their feelings colliding into something bigger, the more they pushed the other away.

The water boiling under the strings of their fate was bound to bubble over at some point. It would drown both of them, lest they acknowledge the ever-growing flame of feelings between them.

Soap always knew that Simon was untouchable. That Simon was so deeply guarded beneath the facade of Ghost that breaking down that concrete wall would shatter something unfixable, be it for better or for worse. Soap thought he'd be fine. That he could avoid the enviable. That he wouldn't fall for the man that was meant to be his soulmate.

It wasn't even that he had a problem with it. He's an open guy and has no problem dating a guy. But Simon. It could've been anyone but Simon, and it would've been fine, great even. Gods how he wishes he could take it all back, go back before he fell, hell, before he met Simon, if only to save him the agony.

Soap wishes he could run away. He wishes he could blindly fall into whatever is festering between him and his Lieutenant. But he knows Ghost won't catch him. Not because he doesn't care, not because he doesn't want to, but because Ghost simply won't accept it. Soap knows the fall is too high, and he'd never survive it. But, he is tetering dangerously over the edge of oblivion, and he can't pull himself back.

Ghost knew he had fallen for Soap the moment he met the bubbly Sergeant, who treated him like he was just another guy. He loved Soap because of how the sergeant looked past his cold exterior and his rank. He loved Soap for being so damn patient with him, even when Ghost would push him away. He loved how easy it was with Soap. How they could bicker and mess around like school kids, how they could talk like they've known each other for forever. He loves how they just click and how they just feel so right.

Ghost would never let Soap closer than a bent arms distance away. Just close enough to mean something, yet just far enough for it to never be enough. Ghost would've claimed Soap as his the second he saw the smaller man if he weren't just that. A man. Had Soap been a girl, Ghost would've poured his heart out, taken the leap of faith, and caught Soap on the way down into bliss. But Ghost couldn't have that. Deep down, something burned into his soul and told him that it was wrong. He had no problem with queer people, but it wasn't him; it couldn't be.

He will never accept the love he has for Soap and it will ruin him. It tears at his heart every time he shoves the sergeant away. His feelings nearly suffocate him when he sees people flirt with Soap. He desperately wants to claim him. Jealousy scorching deep lines into his heart and soul. His gut wrenches, and he feels sick about the whole thing if he allows his mind to linger on it for too long.

Much like glass, too much pressure on the unstable bond they upheld, and they were bound to shatter. It happened days before a mission. Two volatile men, crushed by the weight of feelings bigger than themselves, unable to communicate what they feel.

It's nasty. It's an entirely verbal altercation, but words cut deeper than physical wounds, and words can stick and reopen those wounds at any time. No one dared interfere. The words said were harsh and had an edge of anger that only the hurt could manage. They both burned like bonfires, only fueled off of each other. Their prides were the only thing keeping them from burning out entirely.

They would never be the same. That was the end of them. Two soulmates, names carved into each other's hearts, souls forever intertwined in the destiny of the universe, broken by the will of ill timing. They'd never get to know what they could've been. The amount of joy and exhilaration of loving the one destined for them in every timeline. They wouldn't even know what they had, as small as it might have been, until it was gone.

It wasn't even a few days later when Soap died in action. His heartbreak making him reckless. He never saw Simon again. He died alone, his Lieutenant elsewhere on the battlefield, not wanting to be near the source of his own agony. He died, knowing that their argument was their last real interaction. The torment of that thought alone was enough to kill him. No one would ever know it, but Simon's name was the last word he ever spoke, as his body finally gave out.

Ghost would never recover. They recovered Soap's body, but Simon could never bear the weight of seeing it. He forever blames himself for Soap's death, but he knows there was never anything more for them. Not in this life. The part of Ghost that was Simon died the day Soap did. Ghost would never love. Soap was the only one who could've filled that role, and still Ghost wouldn't have allowed it.

Ghost would die some years later on a mission. His job was his life, and he had thrown himself into it, full force after Soap died. Ghosts body would never be found, but he died with Soap's dogtags pressed against his heart like it would save him.

The things that burn the brightest always go out the quickest. Soap and Ghost were just that. Two stars that burned so brightly they burned out, taking the other with them. They were soulmates. They were lovers. But that was never made for this lifetime. Their happy ending destined to fail along their crash course.

Photographer!Ghost

just a silly idea I had

cw (brief mention of mcd, kinda mw3 canon, so ya know)

Ghost was not so much the artist, but was always content to be his lover's muse. Ghost loved seeing what Soap's mind could conjure. Ghost also quite enjoyed spoiling Soap by buying whatever art supplies the man wanted. He supported and encouraged any and every creative outlet possible, even going as far as to give Soap his own art room.

When Soap died, he avoided the art room like the plague, as if stepping in there would physically wound him. He couldn't stand being in the room that once held so much joy. Dangling happiness in front of him, as if the room was trying to taunt him with all he lost. It would take months for him to go in that room again, and even longer for him to dare touching anything.

Ghost was never creative like Soap was, but when someone recommends photography to him, he tries it. Both because he has nothing better to do, and because he secretly hopes that the art of it will connect him to Soap.

He struggles hard at first. He doesn't typically spend much on himself, and without Soap there anymore for him to spoil, his savings are solid. He does research and gets an expensive camera, yet he can't seem to get any cool shots like people on the internet seem so effortlessly able to get. He gives up for a month or so, putting the camera out of sight and almost completely forgetting about it.

He stumbles upon it again by accident, and tries again, more out of his own stubbornness of not wanting to be defeated by it, than actually enjoying it. He owns it, and becomes incredibly good at it, not exactly professional, but good enough. he carries the camera with him everywhere, and even has a few people hire him for small shoots. It's become a major hobby for him and he finds some peace from it.

Eventually, when going through the hundreds of photos he has, even the few he got framed because of how proud he was of them, he realizes something. He realizes how he hardly has any photos of Soap. The man that he cherished, worshiped, loved more than anything, and yet there's hardly any physical evidence that they were ever together. He has far more photos of random people, places and other things, and that fact burns him for a while.

Eventually he makes a resolve, to himself, to capture as many moments as possible with the 141, his friends. Be it the good, the bad, and everything in between, he refuses to let anyone else be erased to so little. He refuses to lose a single moment, a single memory, when he has the constant reminders of how easy it is to loose it all.

Sometimes I think about how little Obi-Wan knew about what happened with Anakin and what this must have looked like from the few things he knew and why he tried so hard to give Anakin every possible chance.  (I THINK ABOUT IT A LOT.)  Not just because he loved Anakin–though, that was very much a part of this, too–but because he believed in Anakin. Their last interaction is one where Anakin admits that he was acting arrogant and unappreciative of everything people have done for him.  Yeah, he can be a brat sometimes, he gets way too caught up in his own shit instead of realizing how it comes across to others (the whole thing with being put on the Council is part of this, that Anakin was late for meetings because he was off doing other stuff, that he refuses to stop and see how it looks from the Council’s side of things that Palpatine is forcing them to accept Anakin, that it looks really bad, because everyone knows Anakin wanted to be a Master, etc.), and Obi-Wan sees the good in him still.  He believes in Anakin, because he always comes back around. This is why Obi-Wan tells Mace, “He will not let me down.  He never has.”  Not because he doesn’t recognize that Anakin makes mistakes, but instead because Anakin always comes back around, he has never truly disappointed Obi-Wan before, it’s only ever that (as Ewan McGregor has said) Obi-Wan was disappointed for him, not at him.  Whatever minor disappointments are between them, it hasn’t touched the bigger picture Obi-Wan believes in for him, that he still believes Anakin can overcome. The last time they see each other, Obi-Wan tells Anakin how proud he is, all the more so because he sees Anakin come back to himself again right there.  He believes that Anakin, no matter what temptations he faces, no matter what troubles he faces, will always overcome. Then he comes back from Utapau, Anakin is pledging himself to Sidious, he’s choking Padme, he’s declaring that he’s brought peace and justice and security to his new Empire, he’s killing younglings, he’s quoting Palpatine’s words rather than his own.  And this is too far, they can’t truly go back, not to the way things were, but Obi-Wan still has to believe there’s a chance for something of Anakin to come back, that’s why the entire fight (as Nick Gillard, the fight choreographer says) is designed to show Obi-Wan giving ground at every turn, to try to give Anakin the time to come back.  The last time Obi-Wan saw him, he came back.  He admitted his arrogance, he smiled at the praise, this is how Anakin has always been! But this time Anakin refuses to come back, he just keeps doubling down on it, unable to admit to what he’s done, even to himself.  Until even the last moment, Obi-Wan is still asking him not to try it, to give him one last chance, because maybe maybe maybe Anakin might find it in himself to admit his arrogance, admit his mistake, and at least try to fix something of this. And this is why their ending means so much.

Because Anakin finally did come back.  It took him a very long time to be able to do it, to finally let go of all the hate and rage and pain he’d held onto all his life, but he did it.  That’s the person who admitted his arrogance and mistakes, the one Obi-Wan was so proud of, the wise and strong Jedi he loved. This is why, as Pablo Hidalgo once said, “I’ve heard it said that George thinks he had help from the other side after self sacrificing.“  This is why Obi-Wan helped him over, because he’s always believed that Anakin could do it, could come back, if he chose to do so.  This is why Obi-Wan kept giving him chances, as many as he possibly could, even on the Death Star, he lets it be Vader’s choice about how this ends, he warns him about the path ahead of them. And, when it’s all said and done, when Anakin finally rises above again, Obi-Wan is there, smiling to see him, helping him over to the other side, probably with a, “Hello again, old friend.”

Me when tragic siblings:

My ultimate weakness is depressed old man adopts feral daughter so drifting stars au straight up broke into my house and ate my salad bc jfc i need more of it.

Anyone who shares my brainrot: yo the song Space Song by Beach House is literally so drifting stars core am i going insane or what

Wwaaaaaahh I can't stop being emo about Stan & Fordddd. Bc they're two sides of the same coinnn,, they're both insecure,, but stan is afraid of abandonment, while ford is afraid of connectionnnn

Cus Ford had to meet impossibly high expectations!! But no one expected Stan to amount to anything!!

And so ford became deathly afraid of getting close to people, because his real self didn't live up to his unattainable self-image. That shame made him scared of being truly seen and understood, so he pushed everyone away!!

But Stan already felt unwanted, he relied on external validation to give him worth. His self-image was so poor, his self esteem so low, that he pretended to be someone else. He wanted family more than anything, because he couldn't love himself!!

All they ever wanted was love and acceptance, but to truly be loved, ford had to destroy his own self-identify, where as Stan had to create his!

Stan & Fords story is about ego!!! Ego death and rebirth ggaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh ooouughhghu

i will shield you from the waves if they find you, i will protect you

inspired by these tags x x