Unable To Let Go Yet It Hurts Being Too Close.

Unable to let go yet it hurts being too close.

You’d think after fearing the inevitable all your life it would hurt less when the inevitable finally happens.

But it doesn’t, it hurts just as much; if not more.

Maybe because it’s the one thing you hoped more than anything would never come true.

How can I accept who I am, when I want to abandon all that made me to be?

To be a woman

is to change

constantly.

Raised to know your name

is temporary

and your home is fleeting.

When I was little

I envied my brother

our last name was forever his.

Our family line

is one and the same

and yet I will be

some forgotten member

of the family tree.

I struggled to accept

my storyline would soon enough

be lost in time.

To be a woman

is to bid farewell

to multiple versions

of yourself.

- fleeting thoughts 9/26/24

I can feel my heart beat

in my chest.

As though

despite the blood flow,

my mind detects

unrest.

We’re always moving

spinning on an axis

time fading into tiny facets

it all passes too quickly

to fathom.

I can’t keep up.

Just because I take what comes doesn’t mean I do not wonder what drives us forward.