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My Happy Ever After

Fairytales are fiction

People don’t have fairy godmothers

To turn their woes to weds

Princes don’t hold dances

Where they suddenly meet their love

Bibbidi bobbidi boo

Just simply won’t do

Happy endings don’t exist

Love isn’t a fairytale

But then I saw you

They say that princes

Aren’t charming

But what about princesses

Can they prance around the floor

With all eyes tracing their steps

Can a princess meet this peasant

And live a love so enticing

What am I talking about

Surely there is no way

This story ends without tragedy

But when I’m near you

The lights are brighter

My shoulders feel lighter

And it couldn’t feel any righter

Than being beside you

Seeing your smile enchanting me

Like each of the spells you cast

I thought fairytales couldn’t be real

But now it seems

That I might just get to see

The book closing with a

Happy ever after

Nothing here is familiar

None of the noises

Voices

Faces

But one is familiar

Well not familiar

Though I know it better than my own

Or at least the sparkling eyes

Adorning it are

It’s probably the thousandth time

I’ve been magnetized to those eyes

Each time I see them

The face is never known

But they always feel like home

The eyes always glow

With laughter and light

As well as

Sadness and spite

I meet those eyes for the

Second

Fifth

Fourteenth

Sixty-Eighth

One Hundredth

Three thousandth

Ten millionth

Infinity

Time

Eyes always the same

On one person

Who always changes

What’s wrong with you, freak.

Get a life.

No one needs you.

Give up,

You’re never going to amount to anything.

Forget the nice things people say to you,

They’re all lying.

Will you ever do anything that’s meaningful?

Why do you try?

Everyone is struggling,

You aren’t special.

You just want attention.

You’re such a faker.

Leave everyone alone.

They don’t want you.

No one cares.

Get it through your thick skull,

You are useless and replaceable.

It’s all I hear anytime I try to sleep.

Anytime I’m alone.

Anytime I’m with others.

Anytime.

But I don’t want to hear it.

I don’t want to give up.

I don’t want to forget what people say.

It is true.

I’m not useless.

I’m not replaceable.

I’m not ashamed.

I’m not forgettable.

I’m not broken.

I’m me.

I’m passionate.

I’m unique.

I’m proud of myself.

I’m perfect as I am.

I’m human.

I’m how I’m supposed to be.

And to those voices in my brain,

It would be incredible

If you kindly shut up.

Shut

Up

Shut the fuck up.

I really love the quiet.

My creativity and I can meet.

If quiet had a price, I would buy it.

Like lemonade in the summer, it is sweet.

But the thing I hate,

In the quiet comes silence.

It allows my thoughts create

A world full of hurt and violence.

My mind travels too far,

Away past my line of sight.

Like the horizon being chased by a car.

I struggle to hold on to the last of my light.

I try to escape the dark,

But it isn’t a walk in the park.

I found you abandoned in a boat house.

I took you with me,

So you weren’t so alone.

You promised you would help me

To stay above the surface.

You would make sure I wouldn’t float off.

You promised.

But when I was thrown in to the deep end,

I realized you were made of cement.

Through my attempt to stay afloat,

I was pulled under the sea.

And all the while,

You clung to me.

You asked me to help you,

Make everything better for you,

Fix everything for you.

You, you, you

And I always felt obligated to do it

Because I was scared of letting go.

I did it all for you,

Even if I couldn’t breathe.

It was there that I drowned,

In your bottomless ocean of lies.

But at least being dragged down meant,

The waves would bother me no more.

Sun filters through the window,

Like a bright beacon entering the room.

Chirping birds create a beautiful and welcome symphony.

Children are playing outside happily,

They’re giggling and smiling,

Innocence surrounding them.

Flowers are in bloom,

Bright like fireworks everywhere.

Trees are providing shade for people lounging under them.

The world outside is so bright and lovely,

But sitting inside,

Darkness surrounds my brain and all my thoughts.

My head is against me,

And everything is wrong.

Am I as imperfect and broken as my mind makes me feel?

Is every mistake I make one that will haunt me forever?

Why does it feel like my room is closing in on me?

What is wrong with me?

Can someone fix me?

Why does everything feel empty and hollow?

Do my friends really care?

Or are they just lying to me?

Hanging out with me because they “love having me around”

Why can’t all my thoughts just leave me alone?

Leave me alone.

Please.

I don’t want to feel this anymore.

Every thought is negative and painful,

A perfect contrast to the beautiful outside.