Don't Worry, There's A Limit To How Much Gooning The Gooner Can Goon And You're Past It Already.

Don't worry, there's a limit to how much gooning the gooner can goon and you're past it already.

My goon-scouter-inator says your goon level is over 9000 gigagoons. Good job!

Evil inator #2: THE GOONER-INATOR!

It's a hypno machine that brainwashes people into becoming my loyal goons! With an army of goons I'll be the unstoppable GOON MASTER!

Why do all my lab assistants keep snickering? GET GOONIFIED! *goon zap*

😍🎂

the superhero just did that thing where they caused my evil facility to self destruct then begrudgingly saved me and carried me to safety 😳😳😳

Humans are the only species whose females have enlarged breasts their whole lives after puberty.

As anyone with large boobies will attest, massive fuckin’ titties are kinda inconvenient. Especially before the invention of fitted bras able to contain the power of your super stuffed up milkies. Also they get cancer a lot of the time.

So, it seems kinda weird to evolve massive honger donger, doinky boinkies, right? Why aren’t human women flat chested? Why evolve to be attracted to them?

You might think that we evolved bazongas because its a sign to men that the women can feed their baby. And you would be wrong! It turns out boobs evolved for an entirely different and much funnier reason.

Link to article

Forget genetically modified cat girls (but we should do that too), let's make genetically modified anime girls! With nanotechnology-laced magical girl Japanese school uniforms/french maid outfits! And holographic stand abilities! And robotic Pokemon!

This shark evolved to have two mouths. 

That’s right, Slifer the Sky Dragon’s silly looking double mouths are totally scientifically accurate. Based on limited archeological evidence of a long extinct weirdo shark. Oh yeah, and it was roughly 2 meters (6'7") long. So that's fun.

Metopacanthus granulatus is a Chimaera, a group of cartilaginous fish distantly related to sharks and rays. Unlike a shark’s rows of teeth, chimaeras have very distinctive mouths with just a few beak-like tooth plates. So maybe the second mouth evolved to be better at catching fish than what the true mouth would be capable of? I guess? Why not just change the main mouth? I want whatever evolution was smoking when it made this.

The "teeth" of the secondary mouth thingy (I don't even know what to call it) are actually just modified dermal denticles, which are the shark equivalent of scales. But shark denticles are made of tooth enamel instead of keratin. So modifying them into teeth is pretty straight forward. In fact, all teeth likely evolved from modified denticles or scales. Its secondary mouth thingy is so primitive and simplistic that the very first jaws (pun unintended) to ever evolve probably looked a lot like it.

Anyways, I think a trap door leading to a tank of these guys would be a great addition to any laboratory's decor. That's twice the biting action for half as many sharks!

Here are my sources. Unfortunately all the good papers for the extinct Metopacanthus granulatus are in German, so beyond the knowledge of mortal men. If anyone has a translation of the primary German papers on the topic, or is able and willing to translate it, I would be interested in seeing that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metopacanthus#cite_note-2

https://palaeopedia.tumblr.com/post/155290637858/the-metopacanthus-1837-phylum-chordata-class

http://palaeos.com/vertebrates/bones/dermal/mandibular-dentary.html

I hate the trend of important fossils disappearing into private collections. They belong in a museum, or at least in my lab so I can build them into my new Mechatyrannosaurinator™.