This Shark Evolved To Have Two Mouths.

This shark evolved to have two mouths. 

That’s right, Slifer the Sky Dragon’s silly looking double mouths are totally scientifically accurate. Based on limited archeological evidence of a long extinct weirdo shark. Oh yeah, and it was roughly 2 meters (6'7") long. So that's fun.

Metopacanthus granulatus is a Chimaera, a group of cartilaginous fish distantly related to sharks and rays. Unlike a shark’s rows of teeth, chimaeras have very distinctive mouths with just a few beak-like tooth plates. So maybe the second mouth evolved to be better at catching fish than what the true mouth would be capable of? I guess? Why not just change the main mouth? I want whatever evolution was smoking when it made this.

The "teeth" of the secondary mouth thingy (I don't even know what to call it) are actually just modified dermal denticles, which are the shark equivalent of scales. But shark denticles are made of tooth enamel instead of keratin. So modifying them into teeth is pretty straight forward. In fact, all teeth likely evolved from modified denticles or scales. Its secondary mouth thingy is so primitive and simplistic that the very first jaws (pun unintended) to ever evolve probably looked a lot like it.

Anyways, I think a trap door leading to a tank of these guys would be a great addition to any laboratory's decor. That's twice the biting action for half as many sharks!

Here are my sources. Unfortunately all the good papers for the extinct Metopacanthus granulatus are in German, so beyond the knowledge of mortal men. If anyone has a translation of the primary German papers on the topic, or is able and willing to translate it, I would be interested in seeing that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metopacanthus#cite_note-2

https://palaeopedia.tumblr.com/post/155290637858/the-metopacanthus-1837-phylum-chordata-class

http://palaeos.com/vertebrates/bones/dermal/mandibular-dentary.html

Don't worry, there's a limit to how much gooning the gooner can goon and you're past it already.

My goon-scouter-inator says your goon level is over 9000 gigagoons. Good job!

Evil inator #2: THE GOONER-INATOR!

It's a hypno machine that brainwashes people into becoming my loyal goons! With an army of goons I'll be the unstoppable GOON MASTER!

Why do all my lab assistants keep snickering? GET GOONIFIED! *goon zap*

I wish that any kind of mad science lab equipment was cheap. You'll have more luck in the slasher villain lawn tools isle. Or the pet, werewolf, and abomination of nature care isle

what're some of the best quality (and fairly cheap) products in the evil store?

Some of the cheapest but best quality stuff would be the beakers! Those things are made to be super durable and easy for new scientists to use!

A supervillain and a superhero are tired of hearing how hard each other's jobs are so they switch for a day

First person to give me a writing prompt gets this gold star ⭐️

Humans are the only species whose females have enlarged breasts their whole lives after puberty.

As anyone with large boobies will attest, massive fuckin’ titties are kinda inconvenient. Especially before the invention of fitted bras able to contain the power of your super stuffed up milkies. Also they get cancer a lot of the time.

So, it seems kinda weird to evolve massive honger donger, doinky boinkies, right? Why aren’t human women flat chested? Why evolve to be attracted to them?

You might think that we evolved bazongas because its a sign to men that the women can feed their baby. And you would be wrong! It turns out boobs evolved for an entirely different and much funnier reason.

Link to article

Imagine Dexter or Jimmy Neutron actually growing up and trying to get a PhD. You think they'd bother writing papers? No, they'd make a robot to do it for them then go to a frat party with aliens or some shit.

And how we have ChatGPT.