Rl-nancyholbrook - Sleep Deprived Artist - Tumblr Blog

“everyone go report this post for suicidal idealization right now so that the police can find their IP address and go to their house . you have no excuse not to reblog this and if you ignore it you are a bad person” do you actually know how messed up that wording is ?? I know you are trying to help , but you are both making people with OCD heavily uncomfortable and you could potentially be putting someone’s life at risk . some of us need to vent online because we cannot afford a therapist and we live in abusive households . our abusers would act all sad in front of the police to us dealing with suicidal thoughts , but you don’t want to know how our abusers would react once the police left . it can be heavily dangerous for both minors and even adults . the fact that we can’t even trust people online to keep us and our secrets safe due to a vent post is disheartening . don’t make our safe place into an unsafe place .

“why don’t you contact any of your irl friends or an association that can help you ?” I did . for years in a row . and you know what ? I only wasted my time and energy because a lot of people love to pretend they care , but they won’t even check in your direction when you are hanging between life or death . “just get a job to afford your own house” well , what do you think I am trying to do ? as if getting my own place will actively stop abusers anyway . even if people like me do manage to leave , a whole bunch of us is currently dealing with trauma bonding , which will most likely make us regret leaving and we may go back to our source of pain because the abuse is familiar and our brain doesn’t know what to do or who we are if we are not actively being abused . for the record , most of us are not allowed to go away in the first place .

may I mention , a lot of people will suicide bait you , so please be careful who you put your energy into . there’s people who enjoy themselves when they see you suffering for them , and they will keep the act for as long as you allow them to . if you genuinely feel that someone is lying about suicide , take care of yourself first . I am begging you .

also , tag your stuff correctly . I sometimes forget to tag triggers when reposting something , but I always check later if it’s necessary to tag anything that I might have missed . if I have missed an important tag in a post , let me know . anyway , if you wouldn’t like to accidentally get triggered , well , then don’t do something you know will trigger others on purpose just because you didn’t bother taking five seconds of your time to add a couple of hashtags . I am tired of seeing posts about suicide when I am not in the mood .

There should be an equivalent to asking "how's the wife and kids?" that's like "so how's that fictional man of yours doing?"

Endlessly diabolical how you can't say words like rape and suicide uncensored without either being criticised by idiots or punished by conglomerates.

The female rage of wanting to fuck up an abuser, make them feel the pain they put you through. Wanting them to know just how much you suffered because of them by giving them what they deserve.

But the other part of me wants them/him to do it again. Part of me wants to be back in that situation.

I want that comfort they/he provided during or after the abuse.

The brain is so complex when it comes to trauma bonding, trauma in general and the cycle of abuse (if comfort is applied afterwards can especially make you feel that conflicted sense of attachment)

if you play piano in public you should get five hundred dollars in the mail i LOVE hearing people killing it on the piano

Why are the swifties not only misusing the term manic episode but also comparing taylor's garbage "I'm crazyyy 🤪" album to fall out boy's album Mania which was actually written by someone with bipolar disorder about his experiences with his actual mental illness that he has in real life. I can't do this. Don't insult pete wentz like that

it’s always “ mental health matters ” until someone develops vaginismus , hypersexuality and / or cnc because of trauma . the brain can react in strange ways , you know .

you can set boundaries for your own comfort and safety of course , just remember everyone’s brain reacts differently to similar situations , so please don’t judge someone for that if you joke about your trauma as a coping mechanism .

disclaimer : i know these don’t always happen because of trauma , but in some cases , they do , that’s why i wanted to post this .

idk if Tumblr will keep the boops going after today, but through the power of discord emoji, you can boop your friends in a server. or idk, paste them in someone's askbox.

people who don’t have boops on, I respect your peace but also picture me standing outside your blog scratching the door like a cat wanting to be let in

behind the scenes photography of horror sets will always be extra special to me: the juxtaposition between the mundane and horrific with surreal images of people going about their jobs whilst covered in blood or posing casually in front of a mutilated body it's just such a specific vibe

First step to supporting survivors is by understanding that we all come with different reactions towards our trauma and/or abusers.

Understand that if you meet one survivor, you have only met one survivor and that we aren’t monoliths. You cannot compare one survivor to another. We’re all incredibly different.

Understand that one survivor can be incredibly complex, and have conflicting/contradicting feelings and thoughts.

Understand that brains are an incredibly complex organ that we still don’t fully understand, and that trauma and/or abuse can heavily impact our brain and who we are as people. This isn’t something that someone can just “get over,” because it has impacted the very organ we navigate every corner of our existence with.

Understand sometimes people look fondly on their most traumatic years/moments, this is normal and absolutely not indicative that the individual isn’t suffering.

Understand some survivors still love the people who traumatized them and some may be uncomfortable with you insulting the people who have hurt them. We all have different boundaries when it comes to our abusers.

Understand that survivors often swing between love and hatred, and overall have complicated feelings about their abusers.

Understand that everyone’s circumstances are different and that not every survivor can readily leave their traumatic/abusive environments. Some of us will never escape for a multitude of reasons.

Understand that some of us will never lead a “normal” life because of what happened.

Understand that you’re not going to fully ‘understand’ but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t offer your support and a listening ear. You don’t have to ‘get’ something to be compassionate towards someone who has suffered and is still suffering.

Something about surviving trauma that I don't see mentioned all that much is the boredom.

When your body and brain is used to constant stress and the adrenaline of dangerous/abusive environments, peace and calmness feels dull and strange and unfamiliar. This can often cause trauma survivors to miss their trauma and feel nostalgic for it, or even seek out risky situations/people to experience some sort of thrill again and stave off the boredom. The chaos is familiar and it quite literally can become addicting to a brain that has been conditioned to feel the most alive/electrified when there is danger.

The bust of a middle aged man made out of butter was sitting on my bathroom counter. It turned and began to scream at me, but the scream was utterly silent. Everything was so silent. I was so frightened of the butter bust.

had a dream that I met a wizard and we fell in love and became unhealthily attached to each other so we decided to meld into one single creature together but the process was horrifically slow and painful and most of the dream was us lying in bed holding hands while lesions opened up in our skin and seeped out blue and green fluid and the wizard said "this is going to take a very very long time" and I said "that's ok"

"It's just a TV show" maybe to you. I absorbed it into my soul though.

I unfortunately had to make a new Discord account so if we were mutuals there please text me your username!!

got told at lunch "you feel like Tumblr Incarnate" and i had to tell them i've been here for 13 years and counting. i was here three years before dashcon happened. i saw the mishapocalypse. i survived the gigapause. i've been here longer than the shoelaces post. i've been here since it was hipsters versus fandom and i played both sides extensively by overdoing the sepia filters on everything and making my own flashing galaxy gif edits for my fandom posts. i'm every tumblr. it's all in me

Testsoterone and my absolutely terrible meow.

"don't mass reblog/like :/" coward. fool. somebody just went through and liked and reblogged 64 things from my blog in the span of half an hour at most. and i've never felt more alive in my life

I wish we could interact with sourcemates the same way we did in the source. Just, continue from where we've left off. Some of us parted so abruptly, and some of us had undone business be it good or bad.

I fully realise why this wouldn't work. Despite possibly having known one another in a different life, we are now but stangers. Moreover, when you talk to a sourcemate, you don't even know if they are from the same canon as you are.

It just bothers me. I have feelings and memories of the source, I am still connected to it yet with no way of finishing what never got to reach a conclusion.

That's the curse of remembering your other lives, I guess..

frog