My Mom: How Are You?

My mom: How are you?

Me: I’m not okay and I’m never going to be and I want to cry. I mean, uhh, I’m alright. Yeah. Totally fine. Just… uhh… tired. Yeah. Tired. That’s all.

I don’t blame her for not being able to understand. I just want to wake up feeling well-rested for once. To feel… alive.

It’s really just starting to hit me now. I wanted a diagnosis so that people would believe me, but having it also means that the doctor is confirming my worst fears. That no, I’m not going to just wake up and be okay. This isn’t some cruel joke that the universe is playing on me.

There are medications and treatments for “pain management,” but that doesn’t mean “making the pain go away.” It means “making it somewhat more bearable.” And based on my track record with meds, I doubt that it’ll do much, if anything.

The crushing reality hit me on the way back home from work today.

I’m always going to be in pain. Until the day I die. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I am sick. And there is no cure.

Would be worth it

Unrelated: I have also been injected with praying mantis DNA

Most of Corpse’s songs hit different when you’re chronically ill. You can feel the pain in his voice, the fear that there might not be a tomorrow. The rage at how unfair it all is.

Especially songs like “Cabin Fever,” “Agoraphobic,” and “Life Waster”

Dragon eye thing I found at the craft store. I get shifts where it feels like my eyes look like this, so I simply had to buy it. Still not totally sure what exactly I am, and starting to think I’m some kind of shapeshifter, but I know that there’s something about yellow eyes with vertical slit pupils that just feel right

If I had money to give you, I wouldn’t hesitate, but all I can do is try to spread your message in the hopes of more people seeing it.

please, dont just scroll away hi! im delilah, im an autistic ptsd-ridden tgirl thats gone homeless twice in the past 3 months, and i very urgently need some help

im out of my spiro, and im nearly out of my estradiol, and i need to be able to pay this months rent. im still figuring out life, but with all the shit ive gone through, its difficult to do it without help.

ive been so stressed that ive been going days without eating at a time, and ive been struggling to find respite from that stress. im working on getting my second job, but with how shitty im feeling, its been hard to do it.

please, if you can, any help at all would be so, so greatly appreciated. im terrified of going homeless for the third time in a row, ive been sexually harassed, stolen from, threatened, and without a soft place to sleep for days at a time, and i dont want that happening again.

ive got a lot of things i want to do with my life, people i very desperately love, and im working on my first album ever, please allow me the freedom to continue.

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