John Gives Dean The Talk When Deans 14 And It Consists Ofno Means No And A Box Of Condoms Tossed His

John gives Dean The Talk when Dean’s 14 and it consists of “no means no” and a box of condoms tossed his way as Dad’s on his way out the door, leaving Dean and Sam at a motel that’s paid up through the end of the month, cans of SpaghettiOs covering the dresser and a gallon of milk in the minifridge. Dean shoves the condoms into his duffle, next to an identical box, and doesn’t bother telling John he lost his virginity three towns back to a junior who was pissed at her boyfriend.

John tries to give Sam The Talk when Sam’s 15. He forgot the previous year, always tries not to look too closely at Sammy and he’s small for his age, and Sam cuts him off before he can get started. “Dean already covered it,” Sam says and John feels a sense of relief as he ruffles Sam’s hair. Sam can see it in his eyes and smiles wryly, doesn’t bother telling John he lost his virginity two years back to his brother in a sticky-hot motel with broken AC.

HELLOOOOO omg you're on tumblr now!!!!! this is angelszn from ao3 (the one with the sam's magic pussy fic that led to your INCREDIBLE dean's magic pussy series) 🥰

Omgosh, it is not you! That's too funny! HI! I'm on Tumblr now! 👋😄👋😄

This is excellent timing, because I was going to leave you a comment on AO3 soon! I did an interview on the Idling In the Impala podcast (@idlingintheimpalapodcast) which is all about SPN fanfic, and we talked about my Sandman 'verse, so of course I talked about how your fic inspired the whole thing. 🥰 The episode comes out on Tuesday! You should listennnn. 🤩💖

BRB, going to read your fic again... 🫠

All hail the magic pussy! ✌️👅

A male victim is laying on the floor of a dark house, lots of blood everywhere.

Dean: *stomps downstairs two steps at a time, walks over to where Sam is kneeling down next to the dead body and kicks his foot a little bit* Dead, or pinin’ for the fjords?

Sam: *rolls eyes*

Dean: *shines flashlight directly in Sam’s face, grins*

Sam: C’mon, dude’s big, help me roll him over.

Dean: *tucks flashlight under arm and squats down* Back door’s busted, signs of a struggle in here, but nowhere else, just like the others.

Sam/Dean: Werewolf.

They roll him over and look at the cavern in his chest where his heart used to be.

Dean: Yep. *stands up, brushes himself off*

Sam: *touches some of the blood with his finger, but it’s all dry*

Dean: I figure dead since sometime this morning, maybe around eight or nine.

Sam: *looks up* You’re getting that from the state of the blood, or what? Rigor?

Dean: No, there’s still breakfast dishes on the counter.

Sam: *looks around* He’s got some nice stuff but dude’s not the greatest housekeeper in the world, the dishes aren’t necessarily from this morning. I mean, it’s pretty cluttered.

Dean: No, they were definitely from this morning.

Sam: How do you —?

Dean:

Sam: *anticipatory bitchface*

Dean: Bacon he cooked still tasted pretty good. Cold, but not like —

Sam: *shines flashlight accusingly on Dean’s face* Oh my god.

Dean: *badly mimicking Sam’s voice* You’re contaminating a crime scene, Dean, this werewolf will never see his day in court.

A FEW MINUTES LATER

Dean: Somethin’ pretty obvious you’re missin’ here, Sammy.

Sam: *looks at the corpse more intently* What?

Dean: Dude’s well over six feet tall.

Sam: And?

Dean: Would you describe his shoulders as… broad?

Sam: What’s your point?

Dean: Would you describe his build as “lumberjack with an absurdly long torso”?

Sam: Ohhh. *straightens* Shopping.

Dean: Aw, Stanford gets it now. *tosses Sam his duffel*

Sam: *almost doesn’t catch it, flashlight angrily back in Dean’s face*

Dean: Up the stairs, swing a left. I think I saw some suits.

Sam: *starts up the stairs*

Dean: *doesn’t even try to mumble* A suit we don’t need to have altered for once, Ginormica.

Sam: *bitchily from halfway up the stairs* Don’t you have some dead guy breakfast food to be eating?

Dean: Mmm, yes I do. *looks at the victim’s feet* Hey, try on some shoes, too!

Sam: *distantly* Shut up.

Brochester Hijinks Masterlist

That porn trope of straight frat boys losing their gay virginity to each other on film, and they interview them on the couch first, except...

Straight single dad Jensen having his first gay encounter with good buddy Jared who's done this before and is happy to show him the ropes.

Yeah, maybe, but it'd make for excellent viewing.

dean be like yeah i got diagnosed wit ptsd…. PROFICIENT TALENT FOR SUCKING DICK!! and sam would be like dean you have at least 5 distinct diagnoses according to the DSM V and deans like haha dick sucking manual

rereading my own writing is just a constant fluctuation between "damn, girl, you wrote this? (affectionate)" and "damn, girl, you wrote this? (derogatory)"