Feeling

Feeling

“I’m going to be okay, “

I say, huddled under the table

as shouts echo inside the room

Fists clenched, eyes shut

Heart fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings

I sensed the Feeling for the first time then.

“It’s going to be okay,”

I tell myself, wrapped in a starry blanket

the material soft in my fists.

The Feeling is more familiar now, has been

given a name I don’t tell anyone

Books and assignments pile up around me

Growing up is hard; the Feeling has

made that clear.

“It’s alright, you can do this,”

I insist, the plastic cup denting in my grip

half full of tepid liquid.

The Feeling, now a constant, vibrates inside of me,

It’s a new beginning, a fresh(ers) start

I walk up up the strangers, a half smile on my smile,

“Hey, are you guys freshmen too?”

An hour later, they are strangers no more.

“Hey, it’s okay, you can tell us anything,” I feel

a reassuring hand on my shoulder. The Feeling

disagrees, “they will leave you,” it taunts. I look

at the awaiting faces around me, a new family,

and smile –the Feeling is wrong- I open my mouth

and finally say its name out loud.

“What do you mean?’’ my mother asks

And my father’s face echoes it, the Feeling expands until I suffocate; the pride in my brother’s

eyes pushes it down, I take a deep breath and let it out.

“Thank you for being brave.”

My love holds me that night

The Feeling sulks when my parents dote on her.

“We’ve been together so long”, the Feeling muses

“We have,” I agree, “but I think it’s time we part.”

“You can’t get rid of me forever,” the Feeling teases

“I can try,” I retort, “I can keep trying, I am not alone anymore.”

“No you’re not,” it glances at the people around me,

“You don’t want me anymore,” it grins, “I’ll visit sometime.”

“Don’t” I tell the feeling, as a hand patiently opens

my clenched fists and slip into mine.

I hereby propose that we re-christen ' coming out' as one's 'unstraightening'

Complete!!!

TRUST

Is it alright I wonder

to ask you to stay

Is it alright, tell me,

to ask for more

Can I be your 'one'

Can I trust that you won't leave

Cause you are not the first one I've given myself away to

Many pieces of Me are scattered among people

And some have given theirs a warm home

While others' lie in the trash

I have loved and loved and loved

But I don't think anyone has ever loved loved loved me back

It is scary

and sad

but I heal

I have healed every time

And I will heal again if you decide I am not worth it

I have stripped myself bare before

Only to be wounded and scarred

But you tell me you wish to caress me instead

That- That I have never knowm

So tell me, should I trust you?

Trust you to look at my scars and not run away

Trust you to hold me, gently,

Trust you with pieces of Me in hopes that they may find a new home

Tell me

Is it alright for me to love you?

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS

Relationships: Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | JinJung Hoseok | J-Hope/Min Yoongi | SugaJeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V/Park Jimin

Characters: Kim Namjoon | RMKim Seokjin | JinJeon JungkookJung Hoseok | J-HopeMin Yoongi | SugaPark Jimin (BTS)Kim Taehyung | V

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - High School Kim Seokjin | Jin is a Good Hyung Kim Namjoon | RM is Whipped englishteacher! namjoon nurse!Jin vminkook namjin - Freeform Sope Eventual Romance Attempt at Humor Fluff Domestic Fluff Brotherly Love POV Multiple Just namjin fluff Srsly so much fluff Kim Seokjin | Jin & Kim Taehyung | V are Siblings

Language: English

Stats:

Published:2020-07-13

Completed:2020-11-20

Words:42988

Chapters:25/25