I Get This Feeling That Can Best Be Described As I Dont Exist.

I get this feeling that can best be described as “I don’t exist”.

Or maybe “I only exist” makes more sense.

Like. There’s nothing under here. I’m functioning, sure, I make it through the day to day to day, but I’m not like. In it. I’m just droning through. I don’t have any dreams or ambitions or anything, there’s nothing beyond fulfilling my basic programming and shutting down.

I’m just… here. That’s it.

i hate that my default to cure boredom is eating.

Update- Back on my BS

haha i love forced r3coveryyyyy hahaha

my parents made me g.in like 5-6k.g or I'd end up in the hospital </3

I got up to like 57-60k.g and i hate how I look now. luckily I'm getting an active job soonish so I'll be in charge of my own meals and can get myself under control.

~~~~~~~~~

Today's food di.ary;

Breakfast:

custard cream biscuit x2 (66x2) - 132c.al

tea (16x3 [sugar] + 5 [soy milk]) -53c.al ish

Lunch:

Hungry Jacks/BK chips - 308.5c.al

Hungry Jacks/BK nuggets x6 - 256c.al

Monster Energy Ultra Gold - 11c.al

Dinner: (since I have to eat in front of parents)

Pepperoni pizza - 660c.al

Total: 1420c.al

At least it's less than my BMR? And I did some walking today so I'll be fineeeeee (I think)

i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again i wanna get bad again

The thoughts in my head are too loud I want them to stop I don't want to think anymore