One Of My Mum's Ways Of Trying To Comfort Me When I'm Feeling Self-conscious Is By Telling Me That "there

one of my mum's ways of trying to comfort me when i'm feeling self-conscious is by telling me that "there will be a man one day who will love me for who i am"

and there i am, a closeted bisexual greyromantic with a preference for women, sat on my bed, pondering how to tell mum that no, the actual chance of me marrying a man are very miniscule, and no, romantic love won't be the thing that changes my life stop that's so amatonormative and heteronormative i hate both-

coming out as aro like

i think everyone involved in ~the discourse~ at this point is kind of vaguely aware of the campaign on tumblr a few years ago to kick “”het-partnered”” bi people out of the community (i know there’s still that one post about “”bi people in straight relationships”” at pride circulating)

what a lot of people may not know is how absolutely, incredibly nasty it got in the tags. people started making posts about how most bi women were “faking it,” that “bihets” were invading the community and should kill themselves, that bi women were responsible for lesbians getting raped, that bi people deserved the abuse we got because we’re “liars and cheaters.” 

new blogs kept popping up every day dedicated to mocking “bi tumblr” by adding comments about “breeders” or “fakers” onto bi positivity posts or screenshotting bi people’s posts out of context to justify harassment. people started adding “biphobe” to their url or description like it was some kind of joke, mocking the idea that biphobia even existed because “sweetie it’s just misdirected homophobia :))) you’re lucky we even allow you in :)))))”

so when y’all do the exact same thing to a-spec people and then turn around and tell us it’s for our own “”protection””” like… what kind of gall does that take? how fucking gullible do you think we are? 

it’s very fucking apparent that you’ve only stopped attacking bi people rn because it’s no longer the ~tumblr cool thing~ to do. y’all aren’t being slick at all

Still, the problem with people accepting queer people once they see them in a loving, committed relationship is that there is no room for queers who are not alloromantic, or for queers who like flings and hookups.

How am I to be seen as a real person if your criteria for accepting queer people is me being in a romantic relationship? If I’m aromantic, but pansexual, bisexual, or polysexual, will you only call me a slut, or confused, or inexperienced? If I’m aromantic, but gay, will you claim it’s just a fad, or that I want to be cool or in with the times?

Using “queer people can be in loving committed relationships too” is very helpful in getting people to acknowledge that we’re normal too, but it also completely alienates aromantics who don’t get into romantic/qp relationships, and less so, anyone else not alloromantic.

Common Questions About Aromanticism

What Does ‘aromantic’ mean?

Someone who is aromantic doesn’t feel romantic attraction, which can be described as, but is not limited to, wanting to date someone, wanting to do romantic acts with someone, or “butterflies in the stomache” feelings.

What does ‘alloromantic’ mean?

Alloromantic simply describes someone who is not on the aromantic spectrum. 

What is the aromantic spectrum?

Romantic attraction is a range. There is not only black and white, there are many colors in between them. The aromantic spectrum includes people who do not feel romantic attraction and people who feel romantic attraction only at certain times or under certain circumstances, such as grayromantics, demiromantics, quiromantics, ect.

So, aromantic people don’t feel love?

Abolutely not! There are many types of love. Aromantic people can still feel platonic, familial, and other types of love.

Can aromantic people be in romantic relationships?

Yes! Most aromantic people choose platonic or queerplatonic relationships, but being in a romantic relationship does not make an aromantic less valid.

Are all aromantic people asexual?

Nope! Many are, but romantic and sexual attraction are different. Just as asexual people can still feel romantic attraction, aromantic people can still feel sexual attraction.

What is amatonormavity and why are aromantic people included in LGBTQA+?

Society generally plays romance to be “The strongest kind of love” and romantic relationships to be an important goal in life for everyone. Society tells aromantics that a romantic partner is an important thing that everyone should want and is incomplete without. Because of this, aromantic people often feel broken or invalid, and push themselves into romance, which is why aromanticism needs awareness.

What are some places to learn more or ask questions about aromanticism?

my favorite, arospecawarenessweek is a wonderful advice blog, and they have a great glossary of terms here. Some other popular aromantic blogs include aromanticaardvark, aromantic-heartstrings, aroramblings, and aromanticismspectrum

Happy Arospec Awareness Week!!!

my biggest glow up was realising that finding a romantic partner wouldn't somehow fix all my problems, saying fuck amatonormativity and accepting that i'm aromantic