It's That Time Of The Month When I Wanna Rip My Stomach Open With Bare Hands And Throw Away My Uterus

It's that time of the month when I wanna rip my stomach open with bare hands and throw away my uterus

slowtember // wind

My biggest flex so far while reading the shatter me series is I'm the same height as julliette, we both have the same hair and eye color

THEN WHERE IS MY AARON WARNER

How do people just leave their childhood home one day knowing they most likely won't see it again? I remember the day we moved into this house that my parents spent almost a decade building even tho I was barely 2 years old. I vividly remember the night we officially moved in and everyone helping around and my youngest aunt vacuuming inside the yellow wardrobe and I remember the demolished color of the garage door of the house of our neighbor as our car pulled in the driveway. I remember my parents taking me and my brother to check up on the process of the house before it was finished and we would play in the backyard with the pink and white ball. I remember the fences weren't set yet so both my parents were sitting on the edge of the upper part of the yard and watch me and my brother play while they talked about the new planted trees growing in there and I just have all of these tiny memories right in the back of my head and now 20 years later I'm not sure what to do with all of them as we're leaving this place behind for good. I don't know why I remember so much from the time I couldn't even speak yet but ironically the last 3 years are a total blur in my mind as if it never happened to begin with and I'm so scared one day I'll forget these tiny details about my childhood home and it's just so scary to think about as I empty every bookshelf and dresser. My bedroom looks naked and so void of anything. The lack of its weight is unnerving. Idk if it's normal to feel so anxious and stressed out just about moving a set of 4 walls to another....idk what's gonna happen to the trees and their fruits next spring...I don't even know if they can survive on their own and...like fuck it's breaking my heart having to abandon a tangerine tree that's almost as old as me to die or be cut off...what if someone buys our house and decides to demolish it?? I wish I knew how or why it is easy for so many other people not to get attached to something like this. I can feel the walls bleeding every ounce of pain and agony each for of us has gone through while we've been here and I know it's time we leave it behind but I'm just so overwhelmed by every emotion I could feel late at night while the rest of the neighborhood is sleeping that it becomes almost almost unbearable to hold it all inside.

First day of packing to move to a new house and I've had 2 panic attacks so far

Also have to move back to campus in a week

And idk how I'm gonna put everything I've owned in the last 22 yrs in these tiny fucking boxes

"Do u miss them"

-lol no why would I they were horrible to me all those times. did u forget already?

.....

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-*if I think about it more than a few minutes I end up with panic attacks that keep me up crying and shaking all night with nobody to run to for help. So no, I cant afford to miss anyone whos left me*