Overwhelmed - Tumblr Posts
I’m starting my new job on Monday and the last 48 hours, everything that could go wrong, has. First I got a 10 day shut off notice for my water/sewage, then one of my cats, I think, had a stroke and can’t move his back legs and finally, there was a bad storm and the electric has been off since early Friday morning. I have no money to pay the water/sewage bill because I’ve been out of work since the beginning of June. My cat is about 14 years old and now he’s having accidents because he can’t walk and he’s in pain. My mom thinks I should put him down, which more than anything I don’t want him to be in pain and suffer. I can’t get him to eat or drink today at all. He just lays there and looks around. It’s like he’s not my Oscar anymore. I don’t think I have a choice now but I’ll have to borrow money from my mom to do it. And it’s so freaking hot without the AC, the electric company has an estimated turn on time of 6pm tomorrow.
I’m just very overwhelmed right now because I honestly have no clue what direction to go. The heat is getting to me and my cats. I keep trying to cool them down with cool washcloths but they run because water. I need to do laundry for Monday and I can’t without electricity. I have to be up at 5am on Monday with a commute of over an hour because of traffic and I don’t know where I’m going on Monday.
Life is truly testing me and I’m failing right now. This whole summer has been test after test of my mental health and just everything. I feel like a complete failure at life. This is not where I thought I’d be at 37.
➳ 🍜 ⌗ ˏ˝ ✗ ˞ good day in my mind !! ☻
I am still showing her around, but it feels as though she might be overwhelmed. I hope she is not!
Go out continuously for a few days with people and the next thing you know you're confused as to why you're overwhelmed in the middle of the night while you sit alone in your room.
I hate when I’m having a bad day, I’m angry at the world, and some prick decided it would be a good time to try me. Or that “friend” thinks its an okay time to start their shit again.
Like, no. I am not your pet, I am not here for your entertainment. Back up. I swear I will tear you to shreds.
“How do you deal with overwhelming feelings?”
1. screaming
2. impulsively writing poetry on the random pieces of paper
I'm going back to work after two weeks off. Was asked if I'm looking forward to it. This was my answer:
No, because that means:
getting up when the alarm rings, no matter if I feel rested
cutting good morning cuddling with my cats short, because I have to get them feed and myself dressed to get to work on time
fighting my way through a too loud and too bright world to get to work
then actually being happy to see some of my collegues, but having to concentrate hard to focus on those 5 people and not the 50 others around who I would never talk to voluntarily
eating at 12 PM not because I'm hungry, but because now I have an half hour break meaning I either eat now or not eat until 5 hours later
getting home so tired from the constant overstimulation that I don't have the strength to see the people I actually want to see
not eating what I want, but whatever is available quickest so I can crash for a few hours of exhaused sleep because all those stimuli took away all my energy
having a few hours to actually do what I want until I have to sleep again so I can halfway function the next day
repeat 4 times
use the weekend to do laundry, cleaning and grocery shopping and whatever else needs to be done because I didn’t have the energy to do it during the week
finding out that the amount of time and energy left is far too little to enjoy my weekend
realizing that the next time I get more then a few days off will be Christmas
trying to decide what I hate more: the world or myself, because we are forced to work together although we couldn’t match worse
Sometimes you need to "Shout to the Lord" (humor, but with some truth too)
I don't want to change
But there is this feeling in my stomach
This tightening hold in my chest
These tears that are so easy coming
I'm not ready for change
I will be treading a new world with such little experiences
It's going to take such a long time and patience, and I have neither
Maybe I have to change
I can't go on like this, I'm sabotaging myself
I'm deliberately dying to feel control
But every time I try to change I never succeed how then will I know that this also doesn't end in failure?
I'm afraid that I'll try again and won't succeed
I don't want to go back into that hole
Everything seems fine for now so why am I feeling this way?
Why am I hesitating to change if it is for the best?
What am I feeling?
What is this?
I don't want to change
But there is this feeling in my stomach
This tightening hold in my chest
These tears that are so easy coming
I'm not ready for change
I will be treading a new world with such little experiences
It's going to take such a long time and patience, and I have neither
Maybe I have to change
I can't go on like this, I'm sabotaging myself
I'm deliberately dying to feel control
But every time I try to change I never succeed how then will I know that this also doesn't end in failure?
I'm afraid that I'll try again and won't succeed
I don't want to go back into that hole
Everything seems fine for now so why am I feeling this way?
Why am I hesitating to change if it is for the best?
What am I feeling?
What is this?
I don't want to change
But there is this feeling in my stomach
This tightening hold in my chest
These tears that are so easy coming
I'm not ready for change
I will be treading a new world with such little experiences
It's going to take such a long time and patience, and I have neither
Maybe I have to change
I can't go on like this, I'm sabotaging myself
I'm deliberately dying to feel control
But every time I try to change I never succeed how then will I know that this also doesn't end in failure?
I'm afraid that I'll try again and won't succeed
I don't want to go back into that hole
Everything seems fine for now so why am I feeling this way?
Why am I hesitating to change if it is for the best?
What am I feeling?
What is this?
I don't want to change
But there is this feeling in my stomach
This tightening hold in my chest
These tears that are so easy coming
I'm not ready for change
I will be treading a new world with such little experiences
It's going to take such a long time and patience, and I have neither
Maybe I have to change
I can't go on like this, I'm sabotaging myself
I'm deliberately dying to feel control
But every time I try to change I never succeed how then will I know that this also doesn't end in failure?
I'm afraid that I'll try again and won't succeed
I don't want to go back into that hole
Everything seems fine for now so why am I feeling this way?
Why am I hesitating to change if it is for the best?
What am I feeling?
What is this?
76 -
The anxiety built up. I kept sitting there in a daze, unable to concentrate & subconsciously holding in my breath (as if to block out pain).
Then I gasp and come to. Idk a weird fugue state.
I’m such a talker and yet when it comes to describing what I feel or why….I often find myself speechless. Riddle me that lol.
So I sat on the bathroom floor and cried. Had to force the tears at first but then it was like a dam breaking loose.
Then my husband held me and soothed me and he really is the best.
Ok see, I just have to remember that I am loved and seen and cherished - so it’s not the end of the world!
It felt so cathartic to cry. To really sob. And poof, it feels a little less scary now. You know, life.
One day at a time. Each day a little better and brighter.
Stupid world
Being at the mercy
maybe i am a people pleaser i long to be loved by all and fear being hated however i never seem to get what i want.