I Don't Know If You Understand Tho...

I don't know if you understand tho...

That's how much I love you.

For the sake of skincare I understand have a good day your honour

sorry. ground your boyfriend into a paste and applied him liberally under my eyes before i went to bed and now im fresh faced and glowing

are you home. do you want to play. have you eaten today. can i bring you a snack. can you hold my hand

Since the Canada griffin was proudly mentioned recently I figure it can’t hurt to ask if you do happen to have plans to design Canada griffin goslings at some point in the future? (muse permitting)

I DO NOW.

I present to you

honklings

Mushrooms. You were mocked for mushrooms. You could grow them anywhere, any kind you liked, whenever you wanted.

You coped with it. You were the fun guy at school. Made jokes at your own expense. No one paid much attention to you.

Your last straw was when George, stupid fucking Spiders George, left a dildo on your desk. A fucking mushroom dildo.

Embarrassed and seething, you began plotting. Did you know you could control mold too? You didn't as a kid, but you did now.

No one suspected you. Black mold started growing voraciously in your old school. It rendered the whole building unusable. But not before you poisoned a whole crop of bullies, people who'd called you useless, with the spores of a new fungus you'd bred in ants. You named it lovingly, "Ophiocordyceps Sporadus"

There wasn't mush room for error. You gave them two years before their skin began flaking in soft pieces. Their doctors were baffled by red spongey rashes. That was only the first stage.

You pushed their growth further. The fungal infection bloomed inside of their spines. Researchers were terrified. They thought only bacteria could become resistant to treatment. Fools.

A sickly shade of purple now laced beautifully over each victim. The public had noticed by now. They were horrified. You were pleased. You'd begun phase two.

They started coughing. A sharp acrid cough, full of spores. And they shed it too. The hospitals tried to stop it. But you just planted more, in different places.

By now, your victims grown fruiting bodies. Erupting from their mouths, their heads awkwardly thrown back in a permanent position.

Tall yellow phallic structures. Mushroom dildos. It was poetic. Suck that George.

Hospitals and heros were helpless.

The victims were dangerous. They rushed at any whiff human scent they found with hardened fungus claws. The only way out was to burn them. And they did.

Huge pyres of human bodies burned. The city reeked with death and roasted mushrooms. The world voted to lock down the entire city. It was condemned. But not before you left.

After all, you were young. And there was a world out there. People to meet. Mushrooms to collect. Civilizations to infect.

You have a completely useless superpower in a world full of amazing superpowers. You have been a laughing-stock for years, until you started using your powers for evil… nobody is laughing now.