First Post!

First post!

Hello :) I'm Nico (any pronouns, aroace)

If I get the courage to post somewhat often (I usually just lurk and heart), it will probably be stuff that I've made, random things or night/shower thoughts that (pre)occupy my brain!

Here's some media I enjoy (in alphabetical order 'cause I cannot rank for the life of me) :

Blue Period (manga)

Bungo Stray Dogs (manga)

Dr. Stone (manga)

His Dark Materials (books and HBO series)

ManlyBadassHero (gaming youtuber)

Omori (game)

Professor Layton (games)

Riordanverse (books)

SPYxFAMILY (manga)

The Dark Pictures (game anthology)

The Promised Neverland (manga)

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun (manga)

Vocaloids and vocaloid producers (music)

Vtubers (various)

Webtoon (various)

Yo Kai Watch (games)

This is just a fraction of the things that go round in my head like a pinball ball (there's also languages, dinosaurs and dragons and lizards-)

This is the first "installment" of the eye series!

I had to start with TPN because the trio was what sparked this idea

I thought "wouldn't it be nice to have angry/determined anime eyes hanging on the wall?" and then I did it

Unfortunately for Ray, I couldn't decide between manga and anime; in the end I just went with the anime version to make it look a bit more cohesive, but it still looks off?

I'm still very happy with how Emma and Norman turned out!

This is the first page of a sketchbook I have yet to finish. Yes, this is still from 2020

I feel slightly (very) guilty

BUT FUNNY CACTI, RIGHT?

Short vent under the cut

Right now it feels to me that I will never be able to have a truly meaningful conversation or relationship with the people around me (irl). Everyone always talks about (straight, as far as I know) relationships and "omg look at how hot they are" and only reach out to me when they're bored (rarely) or out of pity (possibly less rarely). Even then, it still seems hollow, because we can't really connect over interests we don't share. Or worse, quite condescending (if I were to really exaggerate it, it kinda looks like they're feeding a poor dog they found on the streets, only to go on about their day soon afterwards, knowing they did a good deed; I can't currently think about a better metaphor).

Being out (even to people I know might be accepting) is not an option for me at the moment (I mean, I could come out as aroace, but I don't really want the "awkward smile/ok, uhm, cool? What even is that/why did you feel the need to tell me that" reaction, which I know will happen, and bigoted family members (ahem, all of them) may find out; definitely not as genderqueer/nonbinary/agender, completely out of the question). Also, I highly doubt that would change anything.

Maybe I simply suck at social interactions, maybe they're just normies (/neu) and I need to get better friends with similar interests (where though?), maybe it will all be fine eventually (hopefully I'll find a stable-enough job as soon as I get out of school and possibly move out? I don't know...).

What I do know is that I will get out of this situation someday. To make it very clear: I do not plan to give up anytime soon.

For now it's just... sad? A bit underwhelming?

I know I reblogged those links on the situation in Palestine just yesterday, but I really do highly recommend checking out this independently-run website (DecolonizePalestine) if you're like me and were exposed to a crap-ton of conflicting info over the years and were confused on what to believe. The site gives a history overview, debunks myths, and has an FAQ page, with all pages having a list of sources at the end. It's at least a good starting point, I think.

The third "installment" of the eye series!

I divided them into groups of three, so expect more!

At the beginning of the manga they seem to be the "true" protagonists, so I just put them together. For the others it's simply vibes, really-

P.S. : I haven't been feeling great lately (mentally or physically), that's why there have been only reblogs for over a month