Establishing Couples Of Hazbin

Establishing Couples of Hazbin

What I mean by the title is that I'll be talking about couples that were couples from the start but were built up to be during the show. Now I put Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss together when talking about how the 'healthy' couples were still problematic as all fuck; honestly, it's like the healthy couples were just called healthy because the people involved are actually happy to be next to each other most of the time. I guess that's healthier in comparison to the messy couples

Anyways, the only built-up couples in Hazbin I can think of are two while Stolas and Blitzo is the only couple really being built up in Helluva. And Stolitz is practically the whole show of Helluva Boss by now so they need their own post.

And the thing is, whether it's stable or messy, all the couples in the hellaverse suck. They suck on some level, in some shape or form. Just, again, the healthy couples are probably just better in comparison to other relationships because the people involved are actually typically happy to be together.

(Also bringing up episode 4 at a couple points and I don't mean any disrespect if I don't have the same opinions as some. Just my own perspective and nothing more)

Cherri Bomb and Sir Pentious -

This is pretty short given how there's very little development to their relationship to the point (Seriously, TVtropes says that if one doesn't watch the pilot, it can feel that way, but no. I watched the damn pilot before the show and it still felt like it was out of nowhere). Anyways, there's a serious lack of concern about consent from both sides. Pentious might be the lesser of two evils at best, since he went ahead and stole a kiss from Cherri.

Of course, since I said that Pentious is the lesser of two evils, then Cherri is so much fucking worse. Particularly when she just let people drag an unwilling Pentious into a sex room to have sex. Granted, absolutely everyone didn't give a fuck that Pentious was being forced into sex but in this relationship, why the fuck would I want him to be with a woman who didn't a bat her eye at what was happening at the damn club? In fact, why would I want Pentious to be with a woman who only ever had any visible interest in him when Angel mentioned the 'two dicks' thing? Cherri could have gone to literally any snake demon in Hell if that's what she's going to care about. And if she would have liked Pentious because he's nice, then Cherri might think that he's easy to manage. Considering the shit she did at the club, I can't be convinced that Cherri would never think of Pentious as 'easy to manage'

Husk and Angel Dust -

Considering this was more important to the writers, there's more development but I still think of it as messed up and/or problematic from both sides.

First up, on Angel, he constantly invaded Husk's boundaries and personal space and just kept doing it no matter how blatantly Husk hates it. There's even a possibility that the scene at the bar in episode 4 was even a power move on Angel's part, just wanting to feel powerful or in charge for once. And just because there's a reason why Angel would do that doesn't mean I'll think it's okay for him to do that

I guess Husk takes in stride, while we're moving onto him. For whatever reason, he just cares that Angel is fake that it makes it fine that his boundaries were pushed all the time. I'm getting that impression anyways. But then he starts insulting him in the song and I first had the legitimate impression that Husk was doing it on purpose to get back at Angel for the harassment. Husk also seems to care about influencing Angel however he wants even if it's not consistent. Like how he says that Angel should have pride in being, according to the lines in the song, 'a coked-up dick-sucking ho' but then he turns around and makes it sound bad that Angel is maybe thinking about indulging in drugs

I guess Husk and Angel are fine when the writers didn't have them fight but I still think how they were before hooking up wasn't really all that great, especially if it's supposed to be a good relationship. I mean, I wouldn't consider it good if I got together with someone who continuously acted like they got better things to do than care about if they made me comfortable. The same for someone who makes me feel like I'm being insulted in some attempt to 'cheer me up' after I break down. (I got a little confused about some things that Angel said when he broke down so I didn't take him all that seriously when he went on about it but I digress and the point still stands)

Sexualities of Blitzo Cash

Okay, so this is probably going to offend people and I'm sorry for that but let me explain when I say this: I doubt Blitzo is actually pansexual.

So Blitzo has had multiple people when it came to his sex life or romantic interests over the course of the series and I thought about them all. Then I realized something: they're almost all guys

All the people Blitzo is confirmed on-screen, more or less, to have had sex with: Stolas and Chaz

All the people Blitzo has had sexual interest in: Moxxie, Fizzarolli, occasionally Millie, and maybe season 1 Striker (come on, for that last one, if you watched the episode, you'd at least see how I can see it)

All the people Blitzo definitely has had a relationship with: Verosika

Just to put it all together so that you can see it better -

Moxxie

Fizzarolli

Stolas

Chaz

Verosika

Occasionally Millie

Maybe season 1 Striker

See? Five out of seven on the list are guys. I got no indication that any of them are trans, either, so they were born male and stuck with it

I don't mean anything bad, either, when I bring up the trans thing. What I'm getting at is, if you're going to have a character you say is pansexual, AND give them as many people to be interested in like how Viv and the rest of the writers did for Blitzo, then why not take advantage of your character being pansexual?

If a character had a list even as long as Blitzo's, then the writers should have thrown in a trans person in it, as well as a nonbinary person and a genderfluid one and maybe even whoever else is on the spectrum. Fuck, the Helluva Boss writers couldn't even have thrown in some more women for Blitzo than just Verosika and sometimes Millie

Really, by the time the episode Oops came along, when I saw the fucking 'make out' request that Blitzo made of Fizz, I became convinced that Verosika was only created and that the occasional interest in Millie popped up at all JUST to prove that Blitzo isn't exclusively gay. But instead of making me think that he's pan, I just think he's bisexual with a heavy leaning towards men than women

Expectations Going Forward

As much as I put this title, this post isn't anything much. Really, it's just a bunch of things I wanna say about Helluva Boss and, to a lesser extent, Hazbin Hotel. Still stray away from this post if you don't want shit talked about these shows

First up, I used to get pissed over characters and writing decisions in Helluva Boss. That's how I was able to make a list of posts about how stupid the characters are which led me to believe that the show is just an universe where everyone's a dumbass in some shape or form. Then I dulled down in my anger when making a realization: it feels like Helluva Boss is just an edgy soap opera.

I mean, I don't watch soap operas so the most info I got is when it's being parodied on shows I do watch or when I hear about real soap operas in passing. If I got it right, soap operas have mainly three things: clearly defined heroes and villains, lots of relationship drama, and big emotional moments

Like sure, the heroes might be as despicable as the villains or maybe more so but the show makes it obvious who you're supposed to root for no matter what the heroes do. Then there's the big emotional moments thanks to either the heroes and villains that the soap operas clearly define or relationship drama. The relationship drama doesn't really need to have chemistry in soap operas just as long as it's a spectacle to watch. And the first two things create the big emotional moments to give us relief after a whole episode of it pounding in either how much of an evil bad guy that they were when oppressing the heroes or how two people are tragically kept from being a couple (or best friends again in the case of Blitz and Fizz) because of a misunderstanding or lack of communication or whatever other cliche tropes that soap operas like to use. It might even matter how much anything was built up or how well it was built up, either, just as well as it was to a certain extent before giving the big reliving emotional payoff

Really, from the sounds and looks of it, Helluva Boss checks all the major boxes of a soap opera. It's just more edgy because it has a shit ton of swearing and sex instead of a shit ton of Spanish. Sure, there's people who say that this show is some big masterpiece and they can go ahead and think that. I just can't think of this show as anything more than, as stated before, an edgy soap opera. It has gotten easier for me to see the show once I settled into that opinion

And honestly, I'm fully, completely expecting Hazbin Hotel to be that, too. Just a show full of spectacle, clearly defined heroes and villains, and big emotional moments. In another words, another edgy soap opera. I think it'll even have some relationship drama in the form of Angel Dust and Husk and that'll probably not have any actual chemistry, just as long as it looks sweet. Pretty much like Stolas and Blitz, although that one also has 'tragic' along with 'sweet'

Established But Not Quite Couples

And what I mean by that is that, yeah, we know a couple is together. We just don't know how, exactly, they're together. They could be dating or they could just be fuck friends. If nothing is outright said or confirmed directly, either in the show or even by the mouth of anyone in charge of it, then I'm not running on my assumptions. So far, there's only one couple I really know who applies so here it goes.

Mayberry and Martha -

This couple is living together but that doesn't automatically mean a relationship. Like I said, they could just be fuck friends. Not to mention, more importantly (at least to me to bring up)...

These two women being together doesn't make any fucking sense to me. Mayberry caught her husband cheating on her with Martha and went on a literal murderous rampage. Martha not only got almost killed by her but had to deal with assassins that Mayberry hired because she hated that much that Martha died.

Even if Martha doesn't know about the hired hit part, there's still the 'I-almost-got-killed-by-you' part. Why the fuck would anyone want to be intimately involved with someone who tried murdering them? Typically, you gotta be outright forced to be with someone who does that shit. And while Mayberry may have gotten revenge on who she wanted dead, I doubt that means she completely got over it and would be - likely should be - incensed if she ever came across Martha again.

Seriously, of all the female same sex couples for the show to put out, why did have to be the two women who, by all logical means, shouldn't even want to be in the same fucking room together, let alone be fuck friends?

Then there's not getting into Martha's family, which is its own can of worms. Sure, maybe the family managed to escape before the cops came since Moxxie did tell them that he would call them. Or maybe Ralph and the kids landed in a different spot from Martha when falling down in Hell and couldn't find her, especially Hell should be a huge, overpopulated place. All in all, it's one of the most improbable things ever that the family would personally want their beloved wife and mom to be with someone who tried killing her

Martha cheating on her husband, that's something people bring up sometimes. Except I don't think that was ever a problem because she and her family are cannibals. Wouldn't be surprised if Ralph not only allows his wife to seduce men to lure into their home to trap and eat later but also that Ralph does the same thing for women (and of course gay men for Ralph if the man swings both ways, like how Martha likely seduces the gay women). As for the kids, they're likely told by their parents that Martha just takes men to their home and get all close to those men because it's all part of the trap

The Big Question on Blitzo

Yeah, I forgot to put this in my last post so I'll put it here. You see, everyone goes on and on and on about how Blitzo needs the grimoire to do his business and just the grimoire and Stolas holds it over his head. Now, what Stolas does is despicable but there's something else that I hardly hear anyone else mention. The most buzz about the matter to any capacity that we got was soon after Unhappy Campers aired.

I made an anonymous ask before about why Blitzo doesn't try escaping from Stolas and yeah, getting an explanation from another commenter, it made me embarrassed that I even asked. Like I asked something so incredibly obvious and I legit needed someone to spell it out. But there's still the other thing I was wondering that, as far as I know, hasn't been answered.

Why the fuck were the Asmodean crystals not a thing at the start?

I mean, yeah, Viv isn't good at writing, but that's the out-of-universe reason. In universe, though... we got nothing.

Seriously, there's so many instances where Viv and the other writers don't put in even some throwaway lines as an explanation for shit. Maybe they'll explain this but that's a very strong maybe. Because at this point, my expectations are so lowered that I know that I have to stop hoping for things that I want to see. Like how I hoped the Ozzie and Fizz mid season special would show us how those two met and got closer, only to get Daddy Issues number 5 or something.

But anyways, Unhappy Campers showed that the crystals are better than the grimoire in every single way. More portable, more abundant, doesn't require reading the spells or anything, just need a touch of the button or something, imps are apparently allowed to have them if Barbie is any indication, they even readily provide human disguises. Really, it's the whole shebang.

So really, in universe, what reason is there for Blitzo to not have a crystal from the start? Why did Blitzo think it was more worth it or at least less trouble to go out of his way to break into a demonic prince's home and steal something that said prince WILL eventually notice is missing, if only because of the Harvest Moon Festival? What reason is there for Moxxie or Millie or even Loona to not have any crystals themselves?

Maybe Blitzo lost all legal permission to use crystals and is blacklisted or something. Maybe there's a very specific and exact process to make it okay to own and use a crystal and Blitzo doesn't have the patience and/or time, not if he wants to survive NOW. Maybe there's something in the crystals that let higher-ups know that they're being used illegally so Blitzo and the others can't just mug a succubus or incubus or their crystals. Maybe Loona is too young and then too lazy to bother, especially since she's not let out into the field by her dad. Maybe Moxxie just cared about getting away from his father and took the chance to leave, having no time to really get anything from his home to make surviving and getting by easier, including any Asmodean crystals. Maybe Millie is influenced by her parents who have pride in thinking more with fists than with actual brains so it never occurred to her to get any crystals.

Then again, it's not good writing if I have to guess or speculate all the reasons why Blitzo and anyone else in I.M.P. don't have a better version of the grimoire. And this is a super fucking important question, why don't they have any crystals right from the get go?

Apparently, Viv and the other writers want to make it that Blitzo has a messy, complex affair with Stolas because the owl has something that the former is interested in and needs to secure having it. If that's what they want to do, then obviously, they can do that. Except if they're going to include something that ultimately makes the grimoire worthless in the grand scheme of things, then we NEED an explanation for why things are the way they are. And as far as I know, Viv and no one else on the writing team even said why on twitter or a youtube livestream so we don't have an answer both in the show and outside of it

Really, as long as Blitzo is still going to rob a demon prince and take something that the absence of WILL be noticed eventually, then it's only natural that he suffers for it in some shape or form. It's stupid for him to expect getting away with it, especially if he's going to, for whatever fucking reason, think that it's better to do that than to just take some damn crystals from some ordinary succubi and/or incubi. Considering how Blitzo doesn't deserve the sexual coercion and really could never have seen it coming, though, I guess I just wish the writers could have made him suffer different consequences for his poorly thought-out plan

Moments of Stupidity 9

So yeah, I decided that, rather than restarting the numbers or something for each season, I'll just add all of them up. So, for example, the first episode of season 2 makes post number 9 for Moments of Stupidity. Anyways, let's get started on this one because this episode adds more to pre-existing instances of sheer dumb. And I mean in the plot or overall narrative because the writing decisions do indeed get dumber

The Circus -

First up is Paimon, in his delivery over giving Stolas the news of his arranged marriage. Seriously, why show that picture of Stella? Was it really the best picture they could get? And why the hell did Paimon think throwing 'bitch' in 'stop crying' was any better since he was saying that to a distraught child? Really, this instance might be more forgivable if it's ever been established that Paimon actually doesn't spend a lot of time with his kids or just kids in general. Then again, it would bring into question he bothers with having children, particularly so many that he can't keep track of their names

Next up is the decision for kid Stolas to be accompanied with just the butler. Seriously, even if Stolas has never made a debut or anything, he very fucking clearly isn't part of the common masses. What the fuck was the security plan for that outing? If anything, they were just lucky no one tried any mugging or kidnapping shit

Okay, so, Stolas... when he's a kid... while children as a whole aren't actually stupid - stupidity is more of an individualistic thing than anything - but children as a whole are vulnerable to doing stupid things or not catching onto things that an older person could and would. But here, Stolas never picks up on the fact that the things in his house are being stolen. Even if Stolas is abnormally lonely and doesn't know how things works when it comes to socializing, you'd think he'd eventually notice that his shit was being stolen. Especially when kid Blitzo made it a thing to steal everything

Buckzo was rather dumb, too, because he had his son steal shit from the Geotias. Unless they're a traveling circus, it would be dangerous for him to stay in one spot for Paimon to go back to so that he could get revenge for all the expensive shit being stolen. Especially since Paimon at least has seen Buckzo's face and should recognize him. It wouldn't be hard to put two and two together that everything was stolen after the playdate that Buckzo made his son go to. Not that we ever find out if Paimon found out but, regardless, Buckzo is just lucky that he likely never got caught (although I'm sure he was planning on throwing Blitzo under the bus if the need came up). Paimon also probably was racist enough against imps to think they all look the same so Buckzo got lucky there, too, if that's the case

Then Stella. As much as people are saying that Stella was made into an idiot in Western Energy, this episode is where I think she starts getting stupid. Western Energy just merely emphasized it. A vast majority of people have pointed it out arleady but her motivations don't make any damn sense. As a result, it's stupid for her to be pissed over Stolas having the affair if she's truly never loved him. In fact, the woman had all her dialogue be all about how she hates being bother getting made over the affair and Stella bother getting made over the affair and be against the divorce when Stolas brought it up. Like, you should be fucking happy over getting the divorce, not idiotically against it. Actually, you should have tried getting a divorce for yourself! There was no explanation as to why Stella never tried divorcing Stolas, either, like if the Geotia was old fashioned and so denied women the power to divorce. Why the fuck not? They're already so old-fashioned to do arranged marriages so denying Stella the right to divorce because of her gender wouldn't be too out of left field

Oh, and speaking of that, now that we're back to adult Stolas, he gets several moments of stupid. Three in the flashback and two outside it. First, Stolas is a moron for getting fucking ahead of himself when seeing Blitzo again. Viv may have said - for whatever that information is worth - that Stolas can't tell apart fiction from reality but who the fuck just goes straight to 'someone I had one playdate with over 20 years ago and never had any contact with whatsoever has come back to ravish me!'? Seriously, who makes that leap of logic!? Then that damn owl instantly shrinks back when Blitzo starts flirting with him. Seriously, Stolas, you were the one who started this flirtatious shit so why the fuck are you getting cold feet at the fantasy seemingly actually happening?

Second, the gloating of a good memory. Even though Stolas has said that he doesn't know Blitzo's name but then asked if there was an 'o' in his name. Like fuck, if your memory is shit, then don't gloat about it. It'll be noticeable!

Third, after Blitzo and Stolas had sex and Stella found out, Stolas rubs it in Stella's face. Right in front of some friends that she had over for mealtime. Sure, those friends could have just been friends in the loosest definition but still some people Stella felt comfortable enough to invite to eat over in her home. What's more, they could spread rumors. There's no reason why they wouldn't and nothing should be stopping them. So Stolas was even stupider at Ozzie's for caring that he's caught being out with Blitzo when he happily, gleefully gloated that he had an affair in front of others. It may not be the same size of a crowd compared to Ozzie's but it doesn't take away any of this stupidity

Out of the flashback, for Stolas's second to last stupid moment, it was going on in his song that Blitzo led him on and he was the fool for believing the advances. No. Blitzo was a selfish douche but he was still aware of what he was doing. Here, Stolas has apparently been blind and oblivious to how he's at fault, too. He's legit acting like he never forced Blitzo to make that deal in Murder Family. Like he never constantly acted with lustful desire and only lustful desire towards Blitzo. Like he wasn't holding the Grimoire over Blitzo's head to keep up the transactional fucking. And if Stolas genuinely believes that he never did anything to be at fault, then he's being stupid, not just selfishly selective in what to admit. And given how Stolas probably can't tell apart fiction from reality, it does make it possible for Stolas to be stupid that way

For Stolas's very last stupid moment, Stella approached Stolas, berated him, Stolas declares that the divorce is gonna happen, and Stella threatens him with 'what will the rest of the family think' as well as bringing up her brother's name. Now the stupid moment is also something I don't understand, especially when I watched a video of HezuNeutral bringing it up, is why Stolas says that he doesn't care what Andreaphlus thinks. What I mean by that is, Stolas has a purpose to the family beyond providing a heir while Stella is just an incubator and that it's usually women who get in trouble concerning political marriages, which are the points HezuNeutral brought up. Maybe Stella knew this and is trying to rely on Stolas being too stupid to realize that by bringing up that he'll be the one in trouble and not her, although that'd be giving too much credit to the writing. Stella's intimidation tactic doesn't work but Stolas reacts like he really believes it. At the very least, he doesn't deny that he would get in trouble for having a divorce. It's like, are you really blind how much more important to your family you are compared to Stella? How could you not know?

Finally, there's Blitzo in the flashback, as an adult, and he gets three moments himself. 1) getting the idea of stealing the fucking Grimoire from Stolas. Like the first episode showed, it's a valuable and powerful artifact - despite how we almost never see it used for anything. The only exception is Harvest Moon Festival - that will be missed if it's stolen. Yet Blitzo still tried stealing it anyway. Then there's how he tried stealing it. He went ahead and seduced Stolas, complete with biting his neck, and fully planned to just leave Stolas tied to the bedposts while taking the book. You seriously never expected an angry Geotia going after you if you left him like that? What's more, Stolas saw your face. He knows your name. It would be so damn easy for Stolas to find you

2) at the beginning when Blitzo was trying to break into the palace, he actually tried to get Stolas's attention from the window upon seeing him. How in the fuck were you going to explain to someone in the palace, who highly likely is demonic royalty, that you were outside the fucking window and on no doubt private property of demonic royalty? What explanation did you think you had that wouldn't get you in trouble?

3) Blitzo actually tried killing Stolas via neck twist. Maybe Blitzo somehow doesn't know about owls but why the fuck would he feel comfortable just trying to kill off just anyone who's distinctly not an imp or a hellhound? Wouldn't be important to note that maybe he's different from the common masses just by looking at him? If Blitzo doesn't know he's a prince, then why the fuck did he not research this much? Because you shouldn't just be able to kill off royalty and expect to move on with your life. People would notice! Maybe it wouldn't be as big of a deal since Octavia was born as insurance for the family line but someone will still fucking notice. There's gotta still be a reaction, too. Just something!

And now that I think about it, this mistake of Blitzo either stealing the Grimoire or attempting to kill Stolas has put Loona in danger. Seriously, if Blitzo really got in trouble with high-ranking demons, they could have easily wanted to go after his daughter while they were busy with him, should they find out. Even without that, Loona would have been left on her. Yeah, she's an adult woman, but having to take care of yourself after having spent at least some years with at least one person doing it for you, that's bound to be a tough thing for anyone to go through no matter how old they are. And Blitzo would make that happen to Loona should anything happen to him during this really fucking stupid quest in getting the Grimoire. Fuck seriously, even if he doesn't give a fuck about himself as long s plans through, or give a fuck about thinking his plans through, why couldn't he thought about how the consequences of his actions could and would affect Loona?

(Okay, so if Blitzo does wrong by his daughter, it's either because he's stupid and reckless or overprotective. Well, at least it's better than when Stolas does wrong by Octavia because he prioritizes his own shit first and foremost)