Sir, May I Bite That Beautiful Neck Of Yoursjust A Little, Please?

Sir, may I bite that beautiful neck of yours…just a little, please?

I will forever wonder what if

Thank you honey!!!

I honestly don't know exactly what dad meant by that sentence, I can only guess since then, because I haven't spoken to him either. Maybe I should talk to him first and then draw a conclusion about how R relates to me. Because it's not even certain that he knows and only father guessed, because he knows my reactions. (i dont know.) And R's behavior is also often misunderstood even without *Delulu*. Sometimes I feel like he likes me, but recently there have been days (like this week) that he has kept his distance. But there also because I started to distance myself from him for the first time after the gathering. So maybe he did it because of me, because he saw that I needed some space now. (I don't know that either) You can already see that our story is a bit stormy because you read my posts (which I can't thank you enough <3) and now I'm a little stuck. You maybe right and R is like James and remains unrequited love. But at the same time, I still have an idiotic hope that maybe… maybe he has some feelings for me.

I have stepped back a bit since my father informed me that I should look around my own age group. I felt I had to do this because I was scared. Since then I haven't even spoken to R, I haven't written him back and when we met at school I didn't pay him much attention, I just said "hi" and lived my normal university life. However, my repressed emotions began to break out and the fact that I saw him, but he wasn't smiling at me but at the other girl, or that he wasn't paying attention to me bothered me. I felt a kind of distance from him since the gathering, so I think that's why he didn't force us to talk. But because I kept suppressing my feelings, I became very sensitive and irritable, and my friends didn't understand that either. Of course they don't understand, how could they? I could never admit to them that I like R, (although I'm starting to feel that everyone knows.)

Today I felt that I couldn't hold back anymore when R walked past me in the corridor but suddenly stopped me and asked if I was okay. It's the first time since then that he spoke to me and I wanted to boldly say yes, but when I opened my mouth not a sound came out. I felt a lump in my throat and tried to fight back my tears, but I couldn't really hold them back anymore. Then R came to me quite quickly and I could totally see that he was worried. Then when he asked what was wrong, it didn't matter to me... I simply couldn't hold myself back and I fell specifically for him and ran into his embrace. Yes, I hugged him after several days of not speaking. He didn't say anything, as if he knew that I just needed a hug right now and let me cling to his shirt and crumple it well. Then he hugged me so tightly that I even cried a little... He had no idea that He was the reason I was crying. I ran into the arms of the one for comfort for whom I cried. I quickly stopped and apologized to him, and before he let go, he said quietly: "You know, if something bothers you, you can tell me"

No. I can't say that you are the one who presses my soul. That you are the one who has made me feel like a living dead for days. That you are the only one in whose arms I can find comfort and simply collapse into you I still want to feel.

What a bitter story.

If He grab my neck and kiss me hard, that would fix me.

I don't have high expectations for guys my age... just be 30-40 years old and then I'll be interested for you.

ྀིྀི