I Live My Life Under The Basic Principle That People Know Their Minds, Bodies, Genders, And Orientations

I live my life under the basic principle that people know their minds, bodies, genders, and orientations better than I do so I just take them at their word when they say they are a thing.

Meanwhile, on Twitter:

Brain farts, a thread

someone give him a grammy

me remembering that luke and rey didn’t even have a good relationship and we didn’t get to see them as a parental relationship or even as friends

Seriously, stop calling Chanukah a minor holiday. Look, I get it, American Christians and Christian-background atheists think Chanukah is our Big Holiday like Christmas, because they hype it up to try to avoid accountability for Christian hegemony. I get that.

And I get that it’s not one our most important holidays. Those would be Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Pesach (Passover), Sukkot, and Shavuot. Chanukah comes in at number 6 or 7 at best. I get wanting to correct Christians about this because they think it’s our number one holiday and it isn’t. I get it.

But.

That doesn’t make it a “minor” holiday. Tu b’Av is a minor holiday. 17 Tammuz is a minor fast day. Just because Chanukah isn’t in the most important five doesn’t make it minor — we have lots of holidays that are important.

Chanukah is a joyful and wonderful holiday that brings light in the darkest time of year. It has fun, accessible, and sensory rituals, and delicious foods. It tells the story of our triumph over forces of suppression and assimilation. It tells the story of our fight to retain our identity as the Jewish people, and celebrates our success in that. It’s a statement of defiance against every antisemite or regime or Nazi who wants to try to kill us. There are stories of people making menorahs out of potatoes in order to secretly light them in concentration camps. It’s a holiday of defiance and pride in our peoplehood and our continued survival.

And it’s also fun. We get to play with fire, watch wax dripping beautifully down the menorah, make latkes with our families, play dreidel, eat chocolate. I have so many wonderful memories of making latkes with my dad and learning how to hand-grate the potatoes while my dad fried the first batches. I remember him teaching me how to fry them when I was a little older — how to flip them, and how the second batch is always better because the oil got flavored. I remember my mom lighting her really cool flame-shaped menorah, and my dad lighting his little one all in a line, and me lighting all the ones I’d made in preschool, covered in glitter and tissue paper and glue. I remember painstakingly choosing the perfect candle color scheme each night.

I remember the time when I was 18 sitting with my friends watching the candles burn and they lit a ball of tin foil on fire, as 18-year-olds do. I remember last year, my partner singing the word “latke” to the tune of Gregorian chants while mixing latke batter. A few years ago, when I went to a Moishe House event to learn about Chanukah foods from other places, like Moroccan sfenj (doughnuts) and Iraqi mshabbak (like funnel cakes) and Kavkazi kurze (dumplings). The year I made a menorah out of a bike chain for my dad who loves cycling. The year I was in Israel and brought sufganiot (jelly doughnuts) to a retirement home. The year I made tiny little latkes to pose my American Girl dolls with. The past four years, when I and so many others have spread the light by posting pictures of our lit menorahs for @istodayajewishholiday’s Chanukah Project.

I love making latkes. I love sitting in darkness illuminated only by the candles and watching the unique paths the wax takes down to the tin foil below the menorah. I love watching the tiny flames still clinging to life and then going out in a puff of smoke. I love seeing all the amazing creative and cool menorahs that everyone has, even if my Jerusalem skyline menorah is my favorite.

It’s true, it’s not the same type of holiday as Rosh Hashanah or Sukkot, where we’re commanded to have big holiday meals and refrain from work. People go to school on Chanukah. The days are pretty normal. But that doesn’t make it unimportant or minor, it’s just different.

And not only that, Chanukah is probably the most widely celebrated Jewish holiday. Many Jews only celebrate 3 or 4 holidays and Chanukah is one of them. Many Jews only celebrate Chanukah and Pesach. Many Jews only celebrate Chanukah. To them, it absolutely is super important. Maybe religiously it’s less so, but culturally, in America, Chanukah is very important. And cultural understanding are every bit as relevant as religious ones.

Again, I get the desire to push back on the way Christian hegemony reframes our calendar. The way it centers the wrong things, in the wrong places. The way American Christian society ignores our actual very important holidays to the detriment of our employment and education and social lives. Listen, as someone with adhd who went through years of public school with my first quarter grades always noticeably lower because of the days I missed for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and my inability to catch back up, I fully agree. I wish Christian society could see us and our calendar in any other context than a last minute shoe-in attempt to “diversify” their own holiday.

But none of that is Chanukah’s fault. We don’t need to put down or diminish it. It’s a fun and beautiful holiday, and especially in times like these, we need all the light we can get.

LGBT+ Fantasy/Fiction Books and TWs

1. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell-

(Fantasy, Witches, Vampires, kind of Harry Potter-y, Romance, TW for mention of suicidal ideation/self-destructiveness, abandonment, foster care, neglect, murder/violence, gun violence and relationship issues in the second book. It has some heavy topics but is written in a pretty light tone.)

2. Red White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston-

(enemies to lovers, about the son of the President and the Prince of England getting into a fight, they have to fake a friendship to fix their PR situation, TW for being publicly outed and semi-graphic sex scenes, also often politically charged discussions)

3. Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller-

(Ancient Greece, demigods, exile, TW for war/violence and tragedy, homophobia, bad parenting)

4. The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic-

(It’s about the mafia/college sports and happens to have a compelling queer storyline in the process. Demisexual main character and other gay characters. (slow burn, it’s a trilogy and the romance doesn’t happen in the first book) TW for a lot of things, it’s about kids from broken homes and the mafia so there is abuse, self harm, murder, police intervention, organized crime, drug use, assault, rehab, all kinds of weapons, manipulation, slurs, etc. The second book has mentions of r*pe (not extremely graphic but it is mentioned a handful of times and there is one semi graphic scene), and torture. It is a great series but it has heavy content and is not light reading if you go in unprepared.)

5. The House on the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune -

(MLM, fantasy, found family, heartwarming romance, magical creatures)

6. Heartstopper by Alice Oseman-

(MLM, graphic novel, slow burn, coming out TW for anorexia, self harm, suicidal ideation, homophobia)

7. The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater-

(Fantasy, about a secret private school, slow burn)

8. They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera-

(Bisexual Latino characters, whole story takes place in 24 hours because at about midnight- aka the start of the book- they get a phone call saying they’re gonna die, TW for death, family in hospital, violence, police intervention, and foster care)

9. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo-

(queer characters (but no romance in the first book, TW for graphic depictions of violence, ableism, mention of abuse, mention of sexual slavery and assault, imprisonment)

10. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee (Historical Fiction Romance, Travel/Journey, Best Friends to lovers, MLM characters. TW for abuse, homophobia, racism, suicidal ideation, alcoholism, depiction of epileptic seizures, gun violence, and discussion of insane asylums)

11. In Deeper Waters by FT Lukens-

(Royalty, kidnapping, MLM characters not being released until April but it looks great)

12. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz-

(coming of age story, MLM, TW for violence/injury, surgery, transmisogyny, homophobic violence)

14. We Contain Multitudes by Sarah Henstra-

(coming of age, friendship and romance)

15. Love and Other Curses by Michael Thomas Ford-

(magical realism, a curse about falling in love)

16. More Happy than Not by Adam Silvera-

(MLM main character, YA, “it's about a boy who is considering a memory-alteration procedure to forget he's gay because leading a life as a straight teen would probably be way easier for him. It's about science versus nature, friendship, sexuality, and a quest for happiness.” About the happy ending and how even bad moments lead to good. Hopeful but despairing. TW for medical procedure to erase sexuality, internalized homophobia, homophobia from others, depression)

17. I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver-

(Nonbinary main character, nonbinary muslim side character, romance/love and building a family out of people you care about. About finding your voice. TW for coming out and misgendering, family rejection/struggle)

18. We Are Okay by Nina LaCour-

(WLW, moving out and coming of age, self-discovery and childhood romance, TW for loss, depression, loneliness)

19. The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness-

(Contemporary, about the normal people’s lives while living among Chosen Ones. Family/coming of age/acceptance story. TW for monsters, apocalypse, violence/explosions, anorexia, anxiety attacks, unrequited romance)

20. Lizard Radio by Pat Schmatz-

(Dystopian story about a teenager struggling with their gender identity, TW for abandonment, oppressive government, outlawed homosexuality)

21. Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas-

(trans main character, hispanic characters, paranormal YA mystery with MLM characters)

22. Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat-

(Bisexual main character, TW for kidnapping/stockholm syndrome, abuse, sex scenes)

23. Witch Eyes by Scott Tracey-

(fantasy, MLM, supernatural)

24. Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda by Becki Albertalli-

(romance, MLM, coming of age, TW for a closeted boy being blackmailed)

25. Fun Home by Alison Bechdel-

(WLW, graphic novel, coming of age, TW for csa, pedophilia, teacher/student relationships, none explicit if my memory serves correct)

26. George by Alex Gino-

(Trans girl, slice of life, coming out story, TW for deadnaming, homophobia, transphobia)

27. Afterworlds by Scott Westerfield-

(WLW, supernatural, fantasy)

28. Witchmark by C.L. Polk-

(MLM, Sci-Fi/Fantasy, mystery, Alternate universe post WW1, TW for murder/war, depression/angst)

29. The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling-

(WLW, Sci-Fi Horror, dystopian future, fictional planet, TW for psychological/emotional horror, toxic relationship, death)

30. The Culling by Steven Dos Santos-

(MLM, Dystopian Fantasy under a totalitarian, extremely cruel government. People must undergo ‘the trials’ in order to work for a government task force- if you fail at any of the trials you are forced to participate in the Culling, where the member has to choose a family member of theirs to die. TW for death, extortion, brutal violence, murder, totalitarian government)

31. Deposing Nathan by Zack Smedley-

(MLM, about a court case regarding the main character and his best friend- deals with breaking points in friendships and how people and perception change. TW for biphobia, gay bashing, legal trial, abuse, knives, violence)

32. Ziggy, Stardust, and Me by James Brandon-

(MLM, Gay main character, historical fiction (Vietnam war), about a character dealing with his alcoholic father and family issues who creates a fictional world to cope where he can be out and openly himself. Coming of age. TW for bullying, alcoholism, institutionalized homophobia, familial homophobia, conversion therapy, war mentions)

(this list is a WIP and anyone can add to it! If I need to add TWs or further explanations let me know!)