I Felt This Deep.

I felt this deep.

Really deep.

Balls deep.

If I could do it all over again, I'd definitely be a slut. I always wanted to be one, but I was too self-conscious because I didn't like my body and I thought no one else would either. It took age to understand that there's literally always someone who wants to fuck you at any given moment. Like right now, there's someone within a mile of you who will happily blow your back out if you give them the green light. But now I'm married and monogamous and boring, but I'm a slut in my heart, because honestly, I never had any interesting experiences NOT being a slut, and that seems a waste.

non-practicing slut. is this anythign

The Sun in My Eyes: Chapter Titles

Obviously, when I began writing The Sun in My Eyes, I had no idea was going to take the rest of my goddamn life to complete 🤣 So I titled the first eight chapters whatever came to mind. My absolute favorite is "The Midnight Bombshell What Bombs at Midnight" which is a very obscure reference to an episode The Tick. Runner up is, "The Night was Sultry" which is from a movie called Throw Mama from the Train. I digress... When I realized that TSIME was gonna take awhile, I started using song lyrics for chapters. I have a file that has hundreds of lyrics that follow the themes of the story like weather, light, sky, moon, stars, etc. And they're all broken down into categories of: Love & Hope, Sexy, Angsty, and Hesitance & Longing. So for each chapter I'd decide the predominate emotion and then pick a lyric from the list. Or rather I'd pick eight of them and then make @throughthejunobush pick which one 🤣

Every once in a while someone on Wattpad messages me to ask about them. So, now that the story is done, I thought I'd just share what the songs were. Enjoy!

9. This Daydream is Dangerous – Treacherous by Taylor Swift

10. Follow the Sparks, I’ll Drive –  I Think He Knows by Taylor Swift

11. A Light Shining Through – Collide by Howie Day

12. Just Outside the Circle of Light –  Circle of Light by Ani Difranco

13. Need the Sun to Break – Need the Sun to Break by James Bay

14. I Want to Give You a Brand New Sky – Sunlight by Mason Jennings

15. Captivated By You Baby Like a Fireworks Show – Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift

16. Hand in the Flame of a Flickering Lighter – She Sets the City on Fire by Gavin Degraw

17. Here Comes the Sun in the Form of a Girl – Heaven Tonight by Hole

18. Everytime You Shine, I’ll Shine for You – Jump Then Fall by Taylor Swift

19. Kiss Me Once 'Cause You Know I Had a Long Night – Paper Rings by Taylor Swift

20. Shadows Bleeding Through the Light –  Almost Here by Delta Goodrem

21. No Comfort in the Shade of Shadows Thrown – Lover of the Light by Mumford and Sons

22. Got Scared When the Lights Went Low – Soldier by Gavin Degraw

23. Just a Touch of the Fire Burning So Bright – Just a Kiss by Lady A

24. Wrap Me in Everything that Glows – Hold On by Delta Goodrem

25. Just Keep Me Where the Light Is – Gravity by John Mayer (I know he's disgusting, but I titled the chapter before I knew how awful he was)

26. Toda Mi Vida, Se Abriga Con Tu Calor – Enamorada de Ti by Selena

27. The Fear Before the Flames – Glitter in the Air by Pink

28. One Minute There was Road Beneath Us, the Next Just Sky – Falling is Like This by Ani Difranco

29. You Should See the Way She Holds Me When the Lights Go Low – Hearts Don't Break Round Here by Ed Sheeran

30. You’re All I Want, So Bring Me the Dawn – Need the Sun to Break by James Bay (again)

31. And The Sky Turned Black Like a Perfect Storm – Clean by Taylor Swift

32. It’s Hard Letting Go of the Afterglow – Headfirst by This Wild Life

33. Praying for The Light I See in Your Eyes – Believe Again by Delta Goodrem

34. Flicker and Sway, Still Dancing on the Aftertaste – Old Flame by Kimbra

35. Baby, Look Up, The Sky is Falling – The Happening by Tanerélle

36. Keep Glowing, I’ll Follow Your Explosions – Kill the Lights by Matt Nathanson

37. Like the Colors in Autumn So Bright Just Before They Lose It All – Red by Taylor Swift

38. Deserted Like the Moon is at Dawn – Sanctuary by Delta Goodrem

39. We Will Lie Under Different Stars – Different Stars by Trespassers William

40. Feels Like Summer But It’s Earthquake Weather – Earthquake Weather by Matt Nathanson

41. Day Bleeds Into Nightfall – Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi

42. Morning Light, It Stings a Little – Forever by Lewis Capaldi

43. Been Burning for You Baby Since the Moment I Left – Paul by Cavetown (some sites say it’s "minute I left," but I’d already committed to moment)

44. My Eclipsed Sun, This Has Broken Me Down – Hoax by Taylor Swift

45. Weepin’ In a Sunlit Room – My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift

46. Remnants of Fire Blow Like Sand in the Night – Map of the World by Mariachi El Bronx

47. Skinny Dip in Water Under the Bridge – Skinny Dipping by Sabrina Carpenter

48. Every Shadow Disappearing Into Dawn – Gold in the Summertime by Matt Nathanson

49. Making a Shelter for a Flame – Lighting Matches by Tom Grennan

50. Pocketful of Sunshine - Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield

51. Starting Like a Fire, Tonight You Lit the Flame – Everything Will Change by Gavin Degraw

52. Old Flame, I Fell for Your Inferno – Old Flame by Kimbra (again)

53. Under the Exit Lights as Beautiful as Ever – Forever by Lewis Capaldi (again)

54. 'Cause You're the Storm That I Believe In – You're the Storm by The Cardigans

55. Like Stars in Hidin', You and I Burn On – Undercover by Zara Larsson

56. At Last I See the Light – I See the Light by Mandy Moore & Zachary Levi (Tangled soundtrack)

And that was what destroyed you in the end: the longing for something you could never have.

Leigh Bardugo

Oddly enough, I'm all of these women 🤣 So thank you.

i love you shy women. i love you melancholy women. i love you aging women. i love you perverse women. i love you romantic women. i love you strange women.

@mrsbsmooth

Please consider giving (even a little bit helps) to my friend Saga and the illustrious Queen Ana of Flutterton, who has a broken toe and meds and vet visits coming up. Thank you!

Ana and I are visiting the vet tomorrow to see how her toe has healed this past week (two weeks? I've lost track of time). It will be interesting to see what they say, considering she's a master at escaping her bandage 🫣

I'm very thankful for the support you guys have given me since this accident, but we're not really out of the woods just yet. As I mentioned in my original post, we have tomorrow's visit plus, most likely, a third visit in another two to three weeks. Veterinary costs are expensive enough, but then we have the medicine she has to take on top of that, which insurance doesn't cover 😭

If there is room in your budget, I would very much appreciate if you could spare €5 (approximately 5 USD/4 GBP) or more to help me out with covering these costs 💜

Photos from today when she a) managed to "free" herself from her bandage just before our lunch walk, and b) made Greta Thunberg proud by prohibiting food waste in form of picking up a loaf of bread from the street before her "mean" owner could even react (said "mean" owner just accepted her faith and are now praying the bread wasn't bad or anything because she does not want to have to deal with diarrhoea)