My Next Chapter Of The Sun In My Eyes Is Super Important. It's A Big Turning Point. And It REFUSES TO

My next chapter of The Sun in My Eyes is super important. It's a big turning point. And it REFUSES TO BE WRITTEN. I have been staring at it for days. Writing scenes and discarding them. Rewriting scenes and then going back to the discarded ones.

On top of it, I'm in the middle of moving and it's incredibly stressful and I'm sick. So in order to give my brain a break from all the havoc, I decided to create a masterlist for my fanfiction. And in typical Christy fashion, I'm laboring over it. Wanting it to be perfect. I have a forever long post about Lili I've never put out there and I want to add it to the TSIME stuff but I can't seem to ever finish the post. I think it's too long. I literally have six moodboards for Lili. So maybe I should break it up into multiple posts. Or not. I don't know.

Also I've got this half written Christmas fic that I've been sitting on for a year that I'd love to post in time for the holidays.

If you're wondering why it's been three years and TSIME still isn't done, this is why. **

**Well also, I'm a sadist and your tears bring me joy. But it's mostly the indecisive thing.

11, 15, and 24 for the fandom asks! 😍

Thanks for the asks @longbobmckenzie! Whoo, prepare for my essays 😆

11. Which characters are your least favourite and why?

Ooh, okay, I'm go by season!

S1: is definitely Erikah. She's a spoiled baby who blames MC for her own self-made misery.

S2: It's a tie between Kassam and Jo. No matter how nice I was to Jo she was rude and entitled and mean. Kassam hurt my feelings by ignoring me and not falling in love with me and I'm still salty about it.

S3: Miki. She sucks. She's rude, in your business, self-righteous and she can see herself out. Also, her hair is stupid.

S4: This is a tough one. Cora annoyed me though I'm not sure why. She just rubbed me the wrong way. And Hazeem pissed me off because he didn't love me back. I went full Ani Difranco about that singing, "Fuck you and your untouchable face..." while scribbling little hearts with mustaches on them.

S5: Everyone except Lulu. They are all my least favorite. If I'm forced to pick someone in particular I'd go with Suresh because he legit upsets me. Not in an I'm annoyed way, but in a, I should probably call my therapist way.

15. If you had the power to make one character exist in real life, which character would it be?

Oh man, this one is difficult. I am stuck between Angie and Bobby. The sunshine or the starry night sky? I think I'd say Angie, just cuz we would have fun hanging out, drinking boxed wine, and being snarky.

24. Pick 3 end-game canon couples and tell us how long you think they lasted after the show.

Gary and Lottie: Okay so my head canon here is that it's gonna be an on-again off-again kind of relationship. So, initially I think they break up within a week. But then find themselves talking a lot and end up dating long distance and visiting frequently. But Lottie is both brittle and jealous and goes scorched earth, dumping him over and over. And Gary's sort of baffled and exhausted with the whole thing, but he keeps taking her back because the sex is good and he kind of likes the pain of someone bossing him around. Overall I think it's a solid three or four years of back and fourth before Gary is the one who finally has enough and dumps Lottie. But he meets someone new right away and that's the girl he marries and has many blonde haired, black-browed babies with.

Hope and Noah: If they lose, they don't even make it off the stage before they have another fight and break up. If they win, I think it would be rocky but they'd stick it out long enough for the reunion. At which point Noah sees MC, and is all swoony and sad and finally ends things with Hope. Then he pulls a Jake on MC to see if she'll leave her current partner for him IRL. And in my mind, because I'm mean, she's like… nah.

Jo and Rahim: I think they'd be in it for the long haul. Like I can see them getting married. But no kids. Jo ain't got time for that. But I think eventually Jo would get bored and I 100% see her cheating and getting busted because she's an awful liar. But I think they'd work through it and Rahim would eventually take her back. He's very jealous so it would take some time, but I think they'd make it through.

Man, I put way too much thought into these 😆

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Thank you @mrsbsmooth! She's so beautiful! Marisol hair FTW! But AJ's hair also looks amazing on her.

Lulu if she had decent hair and not-blonde eyebrows.

For @sparxaf

So today's eps happened.

Welp. My thoughts are all over the place. Enjoy.

No bits. Not even a kiss. Fuck everything. Also I had to sit through not one but two Finn love confessions. I skipped all the previous ones so I can only imagine how tedious it is for those who have basically seen this same scene with him four times now. Also, I was nice to Gabi while she sat there and daydreamed about how things might play out with Suresh if I'm the one dumped. GABI IS A DICKHEAD.

AND WHY DIDN'T I GET ONE ON ONE TIME WITH MY BELOVED LULU? WHY DO YOU HATE US, FUSEBOX? AND NO SHOWER SEX? I WAS PROMISED SHOWER SEX.

Onto the positives (sort of). We got to tell off Meera, Nicolas, and Suresh. I told Suresh I'd never forgive him and want no connection with him ever and he said, "It doesn't get any clearer than that." Yep. And I only had to say it half a dozen times for it to become crystal.

Was Alfie cold for what he did to Meera? Yes. Was it hilarious? Also yes. I legit laughed out loud when he went, "Errrrr." GOLD.

I will say for me, this was one of the most fun eps of the season because Nicolas was hysterically funny to me. When he chastised Kat for believing the lies he spread I almost choked to death on my laugh snort. Though it was a little unsatisfying how happy he was to leave. He's all STICK WITH MY PLAN. Sir, your plan didn't work. You're leaving. You suck and you should feel bad about it.

Anyway, I liked it when Kat said this:

Because all I could hear in my head was this 😂😂😂

God I love that movie.

Ahem. Back to complaining. Could we not with Meera's prolonged goodbye scenes and even longer post dumping scenes where everyone kisses her ass for being so great? Soldiers going off to fight a winless war get less heartfelt, tearful farewells than this salty bitch. For as long as I had to sit through her bullshit (twice) I want the same length of time dedicated to everyone telling MC how wonderful she is and apologizing PROFUSELY, groveling really, for ever doubting her awesomeness. "Sorrrrrry," with abashed face ain't cutting it.

Oh also, when Meera found out she was leaving and Dana asked me what I thought, I chose to say that it changed nothing. Her being there or not didn't make any difference to me. And Dana had the nerve...

Yes. Yes I am. Meera has been nasty to me when I literally did nothing to deserve it. I was nice to her. I told Alfie to choose her. Alfie knows I'm not into him and I haven't spoken to him privately once since he came back with her. I've done everything to get out of their way and in return I was treated like trash by her and no one stood up for me. But now I'm supposed to pretend to be sad that Meera won't be around to insult me or call me a liar or a backstabber? Dana, you can fucking take a long walk off a short pier.

THE GALL. I told everyone that I forgive nothing. I don't forgive Meera. I don't forgive Suresh. I don't forgive Nicolas. I don't forgive any of you dicks. I AM PETTY AND ANGRY. I meant to do a self-righteous, above-it-all angel MC route, but I'm too mad 😂 I told off Meera more than once and it was delightful.

Overall, it was a little emotionally satisfying, but the fun stuff was overshadowed by yet another episode of everyone licking Meera's booty hole. Like when did she make this miracle transformation they're going on about? It seems more like she was always a bitch and she just didn't hide it on her return. We didn't get enough character development from anyone to see an actual transformation.

Oh well.

I will say, these eps inspired a fic idea. One that isn't about Suresh getting kicked in the balls, I mean. I have three of those going already. No, this is something else. I want to finish TSIME first, but I think I'm cooking up something special for S5. Mwhahahahahaaaaa.

I should probably put a read more break somewhere in this, because it's super long, but I'm cramping and don't know where to put it. Let's blame Meera.

THIS.

meera the entire time she’s back in the villa:

the other girls: 

Holy fuck, I chose Lulu and then dug out Suresh like three or four times as he was booted from the show. It was so fucking satisfying, I don't even care to finish the season. If I can't have actual romance, I'll take spite, thanks.