I Was Listening To This Song, And Billy Rays Verse Came On, And I Felt Like I Got Hit By A Pile Of Bricks.

i was listening to this song, and billy ray’s verse came on, and i felt like i got hit by a pile of bricks. his voice reminded me of joel’s. although they’re not similar necessarily, it was moreso the contrast of his southern, middle aged man voice with noah cyrus’ younger female voice and the guitar. and the bricks came again. this song is SO joel and ellie, specifically from the last of us part two. hear me out (spoilers for the last of us part two below):

Noah:

When I turned twenty, I was overcome

With the thought that I might not turn twenty-one

Death upon my doorstep, if I took just one more step

There'd be nothing left of me except these songs

ellie learned about the truth when she was 17. at 19 she expresses to joel how she was supposed to die at 14. since knowing the truth, she has always felt like she was supposed to die. beyond that, the survivor's guilt she carries has her waiting for her turn. additionally, ellie's quest for revenge sends her on this murder mission to seattle, and later, at 20 (presumably), what is basically a suicide mission to santa barbara (even if she doesn't think that it is). is she gonna make it back? she seems to think so. the cockiness of it makes it seem as though she might not care whether she lives or dies. it might cross her mind when dina confronts her about it. she’s gonna go regardless. she narrowly escapes death quite a few times during that trip. what would she leave behind? journal entries with poems/lyrics. her guitar. the songs she shared with dina. as the audience, we're haunted by joel's words: if i ever were to lose you, i'd surely lose myself. what does she have left of joel? the guitar and the songs that connect them, and bring back all these flashbacks and memories of him.

And my father told me, "Noah, when you don't know where you're goin'

Just stand still, soon enough you will

And when all the hope and joy you feel turns into paranoia

'Cause it will, remember just stand still"

i think of joel and ellie at the end of the last of us part 1. how he tells her he struggled with surviving, and how it’s about finding something to fight for. turning the guilt and bad feelings into something that can keep you going. just the paternal-ness of the advice he gives her at the end of the first game.

Just stand still

Just stand still, oh

at this point in the song, billy ray’s verse comes in. but in the original version without the feature, the lyrics are different. and i think the different verses are fantastic lenses to look at joel and ellie in game two through.

noah’s verse 2:

Six months sober, but nothing much has changed

Life's not over but I'm feeling twice the pain

And I'm not bеtter, but I'm not quite the samе

But it keeps coming, so I keep countin' the days

weeks have passed since joel’s death when they go to seattle. ellie is still set on going after abby and getting revenge. they go, they come back. ellie doesn’t get her revenge, and is still just as broken as she was before. a year or so has passed since joel’s death when we see ellie and dina at the farmhouse. life isn’t over. ellie has one with dina and jj, taking care of him and the farm. but she’s still deep in her grief and has ptsd from joel’s death. but life doesn’t stop, she keeps going in a way. but she’s still stuck on his death. she’s not who she used to be before his death. she’s still haunted by it. she hasn’t moved forward on her grieving journey, but it’s not the same as it was before because of the life she has now, with dina and jj.

billy ray’s verse 2:

As you get older, it gets harder to change

You might find yourself alonе with just your shame

But it's not over

It's all gonna be ok

And whеn times are tough remember what I say

i think this shares the sentiment joel would feel if he could see ellie after his death, if he was looking in on her from an afterlife. once again i think back to his advice to her at the end of game 1, the survivor’s guilt, and how even if the struggle is a long process, there’s something to do to help it (find something to fight for). in the context of after his death, i think he would just love to tell ellie that it’s all gonna be okay. it would tear joel to bits to see ellie the way she is after his death.

Noah & Billy:

My grandfather told my father, "It don't get easier, just harder

Yes, it will, remember just stand still

And when all the hope and joy you feel turns into paranoia

'Cause it will, remember just stand still"

generational advice. if ellie got the chance, she would have taught jj to play the guitar. something beautiful in a tough world. something to connect people in a difficult life. besides the Big Lie, joel didn’t necessarily lie to ellie about the hard things in the world. they share a level of honesty that this world requires of them so that they can survive. i think ellie would be the same with jj.

Just stand still

Just stand still, yeah

Noah & Billy:

Just stand still and watch the sunset bleed

With only dirt under your feet to feel, just stand still

the emotional build up in this bridge is what really ties everything together, so i think the sound here is as important as the lyrics. despite the different moods of the song compared to the final scenes in santa barbara, these lines remind me of those moments. a stripped back ellie, with nothing but some bloody clothes and a switchblade, sitting in a foggy beach, letting it all out. nothing to feel except the sand and water, and all of the pent up grief she can finally let out. sit still and let out.

Sixty-seven thousand miles an hour around the sun

And that is how it feels, just stand still

she’s finally feeling everything that life has thrown at her. she’s finally feeling reality. the reality that joel is gone, and cannot be brought back. she can also finally see him again, as he was before his death. she’s feeling him again, which is what changes everything, forcing her to stop the fight and sit still.

In a universe that's infinite

Yet everything gets lost in it

You will just stand still

the universe has taken everything from ellie. before her, it took the normal world. for her, it took all the people she has loved. it took the life she came to have once she discovered what the world was in the first game. it took everything. this line also makes me think of ellie’s love for space. it’s such a beautiful feeling for her to have, and beyond the curiosity, it makes sense for her to wonder about a world outside of our own. everything is lost, but the universe is infinite. if you switch the lines, there’s almost hope there. i like to think ellie’s love for space is something that might keep her going after the second game ends.

You'll be right, you'll be wrong, you'll be fine

'Cause life goes on and on, until, until

nothing in either games is objectively right or wrong. there is so much moral grey area for the events of the stories. she might feel right or wrong sometimes, she’ll feel both. it’ll happen. she’ll make mistakes and bad choices and choices she thinks are good. in the end, she’ll be fine. thinks keep moving. she stopped in time for a few years, but she gets to the point she needs to eventually. when everything stills at the end of her fight with abby in santa barbara. when she tries, and isn’t able to play the guitar anymore. she’s still. and then it hits her. and she moves forward. she doesn’t necessarily move on right then and there, but she moves forward, something she wasn’t emotionally able to do the entire game.

Just stand still (Just stand still, just stand, just stand still, just stand still, still)

Just stand still (Just stand still, just stand, just stand still, just stand still)

Just stand still (Still)

Just stand still

Oh, just stand still

Oh, oh, just stand still

these thoughts are everything that came to me while listening. you might think differently or disagree and that’s okay! i encourage everyone to think about it for themselves. i think the most important thing is just the joel and ellie feeling that the song has, which is what struck me the most.

they mean so much to me you don’t understand

i am thinking about the changes to ellie’s response to killing david in the game versus the show. i think both are extremely valid reactions but there’s something about the disassociation and numbness she displays in the show that is extra heartbreaking. especially when you consider how this event changes ellie forever. and i was trying to think of how this trauma affects who she is in the second game, and i think i realized that the show is going to draw an absolutely devastating parallel between this moment and the moment she tortures nora. after she tortures nora in the game, she goes back to dina shaking, unable to get words out, covered in blood, and dina has to comfort her. just like what happened in episode 8. it’s all the more devastating when you realize the interrogation tactics ellie used are possibly ones that she learned from joel. joel is not there to emotionally comfort her like he did after she killed david, but in a twisted way he was there when she interrogated nora. it’s an excellent away of highlighting the dark parts of joel and ellie’s relationship, which i think the show is doing very well with (and much more than the games). and it’s a devastating way to highlight how the things ellie is doing are affecting her. this parallel is going to Hurt

#character development

eddie diaz | the prophecy

everything about the shot of joel and sarah is so tender, given the circumstances. joel just murdered someone for the first time out of defense and he’s holding her face so gently to reassure her of it, that they’re going to be okay. and the way that she’s holding his arms too, ever so gently but enough to just maintain contact, to know that he’s there, to hold on to him in these moments of fear. his state is intense, but he’s not showing any fear or sign of wavering. he has to be strong for her, it’s what she needs to see.

the shot of joel and ellie is so… desperate. he’s holding her face in the same way as the first shot, but you can tell it’s firmer by the way ellie’s ear and cheek are slightly squished. he’s working hard to steady her, but it’s not overly forceful. she’s grabbing on to his jacket, and once again it’s not a forceful grip but it’s just enough to know that he’s there. and his stare. there is fear and concern written all over it. he’s not hiding anything anymore. he’s showing her what she needs to see, albeit not intentionally. he’s someone who cares deeply for her and was and is concerned about her. he’s desperate for her to see that he is there in that moment and he is there for her, in the way an adult should be. in the way she deserves someone to be.

i’m just in awe at how the shots are so similar but so different and so appropriate to who these people are with each other. it’s parallels 101 but i just think the execution was phenomenal down to the little details and i wanted to appreciate that.

to get even more specific to the father-daughterisms of the shot of joel and ellie: i know joel has had that coat for many episodes and ellie’s been wearing that sweatshirt for who knows how long but i just think that the fact that the colors/tones are so similar that they’re almost matching is so, almost like, family-photo-esque? the way people will wear something similar but different in family portraits to show coordination but also differentiate. they’re not trying to show joel and ellie as being the same, but rather as being connected to each other, being family. i don’t know if that’s intentional but it’s how i see this. the second father-daughterism is the blood on both of their hands. the blood on joel’s hand is slightly older so it blends in a little more with ellie, but it’s still visible. but the blood on ellie’s hands is still fresh and sticks out more. both are a testament to their relationship to violence. the blood on joel’s hands which are holding ellie, show the purpose of his violence, to get back to ellie. but the blood on ellie’s hands that are moreso just clinging to him, clinging to something, because she was fighting for her life. her violence was for survival. yes, the blood was there because how could they not be covered in blood, but it can mean so much more if you choose to see it that way. these two birds of a feather, these beings so different yet so similar with this connection that runs so much deeper than they even know. i just think that depicting their relationship and its intricacies in these subtle ways is so powerful

how it started

how it’s going