Noah Cyrus - Tumblr Posts
I Got So High That I Saw Jesus (Live Recording)
Soulful sisters
i was listening to this song, and billy ray’s verse came on, and i felt like i got hit by a pile of bricks. his voice reminded me of joel’s. although they’re not similar necessarily, it was moreso the contrast of his southern, middle aged man voice with noah cyrus’ younger female voice and the guitar. and the bricks came again. this song is SO joel and ellie, specifically from the last of us part two. hear me out (spoilers for the last of us part two below):
Noah:
When I turned twenty, I was overcome
With the thought that I might not turn twenty-one
Death upon my doorstep, if I took just one more step
There'd be nothing left of me except these songs
ellie learned about the truth when she was 17. at 19 she expresses to joel how she was supposed to die at 14. since knowing the truth, she has always felt like she was supposed to die. beyond that, the survivor's guilt she carries has her waiting for her turn. additionally, ellie's quest for revenge sends her on this murder mission to seattle, and later, at 20 (presumably), what is basically a suicide mission to santa barbara (even if she doesn't think that it is). is she gonna make it back? she seems to think so. the cockiness of it makes it seem as though she might not care whether she lives or dies. it might cross her mind when dina confronts her about it. she’s gonna go regardless. she narrowly escapes death quite a few times during that trip. what would she leave behind? journal entries with poems/lyrics. her guitar. the songs she shared with dina. as the audience, we're haunted by joel's words: if i ever were to lose you, i'd surely lose myself. what does she have left of joel? the guitar and the songs that connect them, and bring back all these flashbacks and memories of him.
And my father told me, "Noah, when you don't know where you're goin'
Just stand still, soon enough you will
And when all the hope and joy you feel turns into paranoia
'Cause it will, remember just stand still"
i think of joel and ellie at the end of the last of us part 1. how he tells her he struggled with surviving, and how it’s about finding something to fight for. turning the guilt and bad feelings into something that can keep you going. just the paternal-ness of the advice he gives her at the end of the first game.
Just stand still
Just stand still, oh
at this point in the song, billy ray’s verse comes in. but in the original version without the feature, the lyrics are different. and i think the different verses are fantastic lenses to look at joel and ellie in game two through.
noah’s verse 2:
Six months sober, but nothing much has changed
Life's not over but I'm feeling twice the pain
And I'm not bеtter, but I'm not quite the samе
But it keeps coming, so I keep countin' the days
weeks have passed since joel’s death when they go to seattle. ellie is still set on going after abby and getting revenge. they go, they come back. ellie doesn’t get her revenge, and is still just as broken as she was before. a year or so has passed since joel’s death when we see ellie and dina at the farmhouse. life isn’t over. ellie has one with dina and jj, taking care of him and the farm. but she’s still deep in her grief and has ptsd from joel’s death. but life doesn’t stop, she keeps going in a way. but she’s still stuck on his death. she’s not who she used to be before his death. she’s still haunted by it. she hasn’t moved forward on her grieving journey, but it’s not the same as it was before because of the life she has now, with dina and jj.
billy ray’s verse 2:
As you get older, it gets harder to change
You might find yourself alonе with just your shame
But it's not over
It's all gonna be ok
And whеn times are tough remember what I say
i think this shares the sentiment joel would feel if he could see ellie after his death, if he was looking in on her from an afterlife. once again i think back to his advice to her at the end of game 1, the survivor’s guilt, and how even if the struggle is a long process, there’s something to do to help it (find something to fight for). in the context of after his death, i think he would just love to tell ellie that it’s all gonna be okay. it would tear joel to bits to see ellie the way she is after his death.
Noah & Billy:
My grandfather told my father, "It don't get easier, just harder
Yes, it will, remember just stand still
And when all the hope and joy you feel turns into paranoia
'Cause it will, remember just stand still"
generational advice. if ellie got the chance, she would have taught jj to play the guitar. something beautiful in a tough world. something to connect people in a difficult life. besides the Big Lie, joel didn’t necessarily lie to ellie about the hard things in the world. they share a level of honesty that this world requires of them so that they can survive. i think ellie would be the same with jj.
Just stand still
Just stand still, yeah
Noah & Billy:
Just stand still and watch the sunset bleed
With only dirt under your feet to feel, just stand still
the emotional build up in this bridge is what really ties everything together, so i think the sound here is as important as the lyrics. despite the different moods of the song compared to the final scenes in santa barbara, these lines remind me of those moments. a stripped back ellie, with nothing but some bloody clothes and a switchblade, sitting in a foggy beach, letting it all out. nothing to feel except the sand and water, and all of the pent up grief she can finally let out. sit still and let out.
Sixty-seven thousand miles an hour around the sun
And that is how it feels, just stand still
she’s finally feeling everything that life has thrown at her. she’s finally feeling reality. the reality that joel is gone, and cannot be brought back. she can also finally see him again, as he was before his death. she’s feeling him again, which is what changes everything, forcing her to stop the fight and sit still.
In a universe that's infinite
Yet everything gets lost in it
You will just stand still
the universe has taken everything from ellie. before her, it took the normal world. for her, it took all the people she has loved. it took the life she came to have once she discovered what the world was in the first game. it took everything. this line also makes me think of ellie’s love for space. it’s such a beautiful feeling for her to have, and beyond the curiosity, it makes sense for her to wonder about a world outside of our own. everything is lost, but the universe is infinite. if you switch the lines, there’s almost hope there. i like to think ellie’s love for space is something that might keep her going after the second game ends.
You'll be right, you'll be wrong, you'll be fine
'Cause life goes on and on, until, until
nothing in either games is objectively right or wrong. there is so much moral grey area for the events of the stories. she might feel right or wrong sometimes, she’ll feel both. it’ll happen. she’ll make mistakes and bad choices and choices she thinks are good. in the end, she’ll be fine. thinks keep moving. she stopped in time for a few years, but she gets to the point she needs to eventually. when everything stills at the end of her fight with abby in santa barbara. when she tries, and isn’t able to play the guitar anymore. she’s still. and then it hits her. and she moves forward. she doesn’t necessarily move on right then and there, but she moves forward, something she wasn’t emotionally able to do the entire game.
Just stand still (Just stand still, just stand, just stand still, just stand still, still)
Just stand still (Just stand still, just stand, just stand still, just stand still)
Just stand still (Still)
Just stand still
Oh, just stand still
Oh, oh, just stand still
these thoughts are everything that came to me while listening. you might think differently or disagree and that’s okay! i encourage everyone to think about it for themselves. i think the most important thing is just the joel and ellie feeling that the song has, which is what struck me the most.