WARNING- This Is A Rant About Forgiveness And Letting Go. Centered Around My Childhood. I Keep A Lot

⚠️‼️WARNING- This is a rant about forgiveness and letting go. Centered around my childhood. I keep a lot of things vague but there's mentions of emotional, slight physical abuse and addiction.‼️⚠️

"How can you still love dad but you can't forgive mom? If anything dad was WORSE"

Maybe. Maybe not. You don't even know a thing.

For starters. I HAVE let go of mom. I let her go a long time ago. When I was turning 13, she called me, crying the same crocodile "I'm getting sober and staying sober" tears. And I told her, straight up.

Don't you EVER contact me again without a one year chip, a letter from a sponsor, and can look me in the eyes without crying your lying tears and tell me you've changed.

I haven't heard from her since.

I learned yesterday she died, twice, but they saved her, both times. I didn't feel a single thing about it. I just kept watching my show "Serves her right" and moved on. Because I do NOT give a fuck about her.

I've let go of a lot of what you all have done, in fact. The only reason I let you stay in my life is the fact y'all are more or less sober and more or less functional.

"But dad is as bad an addict. And he's DONE WORSE"

He is. But has he?

Dad never got high and drunk and screamed in my face about how he can kill me, wants to even.

Sure. Dad did scream in my face. Because words were never our strong suit. Communication something his thick bullhead never learned. Because we're two Taurus who do nothing but lock horns and it's the same as how he was raised. Constantly arguing with his mother.

A big difference between our mother and father?

For starters you two were favored by mother.

Father, blessedly, loved me more than the son he'd prayed for. Because I was the only one of us three who was ready to love him when he stepped in and out of our life.

Know why he stepped in and out? To keep us from seeing his worst.

Where mother deemed it suitable to expose her very young children to the monster she was and then blubber on about how sorry she was without trying to make changes.

Dad never apologized for something if he didn't plan to fix it. And he made leaps and bounds while I was living with him and forcing emotions and communication on him.

He was a functional addict, at least. I never had to worry if he'd black out and miss work or wreck the car, or start choking me, or even raise a hand to me.

I pushed him once. I pushed him and screamed and cussed and asked "What!? You finally gonna hit me!?"

He looked horrified at the very notion.

And I was so pissed off at the moment I just laughed and walked away.

And he made me dinner and asked if I wanted to sit at the table with him.

That's another thing. I didn't get a home cooked meal from mom until she married her bitch of a now ex-wife who I had mutual animosity for.

And yes I'm a hypocrite because he's an addict too.

But he was, some how, bipolar as he was, the most stable part of my life.

He was also there for my most crucial moments.

Before my teenage years I lived on and off with him. Running to him for safety, comfort, privacy and space. And as a teenager I ran to him again for the same things. From mid middle school to mid high school, where life is really starting to make sense and you learn who you are as a person and the people you want in your life. It was HIM. There for the mood swings. And yes he gave as good as he got, but damn did he take a lot.

He's also the only THE ONE Person who didn't let my little brother treat me like trash.

I spent YEARS fighting tooth and nail against him, literally, physically.

Brother came to stay with me and dad briefly and he put my brothers shit to a stop so quickly I got whiplash.

He was my literal one and only defender.

Idk. Maybe I'm crazy, stupid, a hypocrite.

And I wouldn't live with him where he is in life right now. Or even permanently with who he was before my stint with him in my beginning-mid teenager years.

But those hm, four-ish years?

They were the most important.

He taught me love takes work. Patience and understanding and hard sweat blood and tears.

I'll never have the dad I loved back.

So I guess now it's time to let him go, too.

But at least, unlike with mom, I can look back on my dad and think. Know. With 100% certainty and his whole heart. He loved me truly, sincerely, even when I was a raging bitch.

So I'll let go. But I don't owe a single person my forgiveness. Not even he gets that.

Reblog if you think asexuality is a legitimate sexuality.

I'm trying to prove something.

~Just a thought~

imagine if a bunch of Koopa’s just started carrying a hanker chef with them because Luigi is a bit of a crybaby, and if he starts crying around them, then maybe they can get some brownie points from Bowser for treating their partner so well by offering it

silly non serious thoughts

- if in one of their first meetings Al said something Vox did/suggested was “capital!” (as one of those small compliments he does to butter people up) and Vox’s brain was like “WOW HE SAID IM CAPITAL FHDFHG MARRYMEMARRYME” but he blurts something stupid “ghh I LOVE CAPITALISM” and Al’s like “hmmMMmm I’m sure you do my friend.” (Vox brain: “HE CALLED ME HIS FRIEND WE’RE FRIENDS SHDHFJ”)

Except I remembered “capital” was more of a UK thing and made myself sad

- Vox has a folder of “every time alastor laughs/hums/said his name/says good morning/goodnight/best jokes/best threats/says something nice” .mp3 compilations. it’s like the worst asmr. He totally didn’t feed it into an AI. (Actually I think if alastor ever found out Vox had done any corruptions/deepfakes of his voice, vox’s days would be numbered. As pathetic as Vox is, it would be even more pathetic if he considered ai-alastor-voice as inferior to the real-deal because he was an alastor audio purist. But we know he’s a cheap creep and has no standards so probably has ai-al read him bedtime stories and morning peptalk.)

anon please just let me tell you these are fucking hilarious I'm losing my shit ALLSLKFKKKLLLJ, "ghh I LOVE CAPITALISM" is so stupid I love it

Oh how I wish I could write fics for these

Very Strange Situations Alastor and Vox Have Been In With No Context

◈ Trapped in a very large walk-in closet for three hours during one of Rosie's parties. They fell asleep.

◈ Had their hands magically glued together for 12 days straight. Still managed to get their shit done.

◈ "Well, a clown car is more than five dollars, so we can't use that." Said Alastor thoughtfully.

◈ Niffty proposes to Vox with a dead earwig while Alastor takes pictures and calls it a "magical moment"

◈ Climbing out of a sewer pipe holding two baby alligators apiece. Alastor makes his kiss while Vox swears very creatively.

Horror is my favorite genre, ever. Here's some movie reviews! 

And before anyone asks. Whatever kink you're thinking I might have while reading this. Yes. 

I'm actually rewriting this after having finished it and deleting the whole thing on accident. So. It's not as good as it was originally. Sorry y'all. 

Candyman 1992 10/10 ⭐

Not only was the lead actress amazing and hot but the lead actor, Tony Todd, was sooo sexy even covered in mother flipping bees. I'm allergic but I'd risk my life for a kiss from that man. He's still hot! I got a thing for noses and he's checking all the boxes idk what to tell ya. 

And sure the murdering and kidnapping and stalking isn't so good. But like. He loved that white gurl of his and it killed him. Smh

Friday the 13th idk which 10/10 ⭐

Sexy. Buff. Manly man. Can rip me apart bare handed. Can crush my skull in one fist. Is a mama's boy, always a plus. But maybe on the wrong end of the spectrum soo… idk. Seems a terrible MIL but I dunno I'm not planning to make it past the honeymoon. So. Worth it. 

Jeepers Creepers 3 11/10 ⭐

I love this entire series. I think Jeepers is sooo hot leather daddy frfr. 

Him hunting people for body parts and being immortal is pretty damned cool. 

Those claws. Ugh. Moan. 

Favorite scene is in movie three tho. Idk why him catching those teenagers on the bikes was so amazing to me but it was??? I love that he has a pimped out torture van! 

Hellraiser 13/10 ⭐

Cenobuns are sexy AF. They can ice these buns ANY day ANY place. The Engineer, The Female and Butterball can have foursome with me as the meat or the olive on a toothpick any fucking time. Pinhead can get it too, but, idk… I wanna cuck him. 

They are dimension hopping puzzle box loving autistic BDSM Dom's who live outside of any other form of normal there can ever be. They know the key to pleasures and horrors never before seen and all they wanna do is give it to you. And lemme say. I'll take it. Any. Fucking. Time. 

Terrifier 10/10 ⭐

My sis HATES clowns. One of these days I'm gonna get her to sit down with me and watch it. With all my clowns and dolls and gnomes. It's so yummy, sexy, and funny! Clown-ussy, as teens would say. 

Terrifier 2 11/10 ⭐

Loved how they thickened the plot. They threw some flour in that stew and let it burn. I want all costumes in this from the clowns to the Halloween the teen wears. Clown-ussy back at it again and even better! Love the sidekick, too. I imagine he adopts her like a little stray. 

Idk how people were throwing up. I laughed the whole movie! Clowns ARE funny, y'all. 

Scarehouse 11/10 ⭐

I can't even-

Corset popping her ribs. 

Acid pillow fight. 

Ripping out her implants. 

By the time I watched this movie I was ELEVEN and had been hit by the puberty semi truck that ran he over, backed up, and went back over. I was over sexualized while being increasingly disinterested in sex of any form dealing with a number of mental health illnesses and gender and sexuality concerns. Having only fake female friends after losing my only true one. So Idk I really liked this one.