Theres So Much Loneliness And Anger Thats Built Up Inside Me I Dont Know What To Do Anymore

there’s so much loneliness and anger that’s built up inside me i don’t know what to do anymore

Why would you fuck Adam sandler

it was on my bucket list 

It’d be a missed opportunity if I ignored the date

i’m violently sobbing bc i will never get to live the life i want to live

Parallels are funny

I was never into anime when we were friends. I just wasn't a fan, until recently. I was watching a few different animes based on another friend's recommendations. Jujutsu Kaisen is the one I am referring to as I write this. I never thought about why Satoru Gojo's and Suguru Geto's relationship really affected me until I saw this piece of art.

Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto fit us so well.

The love, the intensity, the ending. One who would do anything for the other if they asked. One who kept the other in check while allowing them to feel truly free. One who was shining too bright to notice the darkness consuming the other. The one who had endless possibilities, and the one who wanted the impossible.

From freshman year to the middle of our junior year of college, we were inseparable.

Constant rides and study sessions. Doing homework, and practicing our pass-off music together. Those first few classes in our major were hard, but don't worry, I was there to always lend a hand when you needed it. Classes just kept getting harder. We both started to get busy and overwhelmed. I know you started to feel depressed when I was advancing in classes, and you were struggling with the same ones. I was there to support you as much as I could, but I had to keep going. I just didn't realize that I was leaving you behind. I thought you just needed more time, but you were focused on other things.

We were a duo- connected at the hip. Always together, never too far apart.

The friendship was innocent. Sharing laughs and having late night conversations. Small, drunk kisses that didn't mean anything, right? Cuddling and sharing blankets. Matching outfits and saying I love you. We talked about getting matching tattoos. I swore you were my soulmate. We shared so many late night drives. Remember when we went to the beach at midnight and didn't get back home until 4am? Yeah, I replay the video sometimes just to hear your voice.

Everyone thought we were dating.

That was so funny, right? Of course as best friends we shared locations, had specific nights just for us to get dinner, had sleepovers every weekend, and joked about why we haven't slept together, yet. Of course, as best friends we would push the limits of what other friends do. Of course, I noticed you were struggling, I tried my best to help you. It wasn't always what you needed, but I tried. -Did you notice my struggle? No? That's okay. I hid it pretty well.- Of course, I got upset when you started to use guys to make other guys jealous. I didn't want to see you play with people's emotions like that, but I also didn't know how to stop you. You couldn't see how it affected you. You didn't see the changes it made.

Some words were said- words I wish I could take back, but it's too late for that.

We didn't speak for quite some time after that. I left my final 'I love you' on your doorstep- a scrapbook of us. The times we did speak were brief and out of pure necessity. Until, one day you volunteered a comment on my performance. I was frozen. You didn't need to compliment me- I didn't need it, rather. This was a critique, but you offered me love, instead.

That was your final 'I love you.'

I know that many other people have experienced a friendship like SatoSugu, but I think we truly encapsulated it, unfortunately. From the intense friendship with wild adventures, to blurring the lines between friend and lover, to losing each other, and to, finally, saying our final 'I love yous' to each other in our own ways.

Just like Satoru Gojo's happiness around Suguru Geto, my happiness was so loud when I was with you that I could not hear your silence. I’m sorry Satoru- Suguru didn’t stay in this universe either. Maybe the next one. In this universe, I spent 3 years loving you, and, now, I will spend the rest of forever missing you. There is no curse more twisted than love.

You're not dead, but I will never see you again. Even if I did, you wouldn’t be the same. You are my best friend, and I was yours.

since the old version of this post was flagged for 'adult content'...

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along with that, reblog if your account is a trans non-binary spectrum safe space or owned by someone on the trans enby spectrum!