Books

Books

Dazai: What’s your favorite book? Chuuya: The Little Prince. Dazai: Why? Chuuya: Because it’s a classic, and it has a lot of meaning and symbolism. Dazai: Oh, I see. Chuuya: What’s yours? Dazai: No Longer Human. Chuuya: Why? Dazai: Because it’s relatable.

One hellava speech.

Fukuzawa: I have an important announcement to make. Agency members: What is it? Fukuzawa: As you know, we have been struggling financially for a while. Our expenses are too high and our income is too low. We need to find a way to save money and increase our revenue. Agency members: How are we going to do that? Fukuzawa: Well, I have decided to implement some changes in our organization. Starting from today, we will be merging with the Port Mafia. Agency members: What?! Fukuzawa: Yes, you heard me right. We will be joining forces with our former enemies and working together as one team. Agency members: How is that possible? How did you even agree to that? Fukuzawa: It was not easy, but I managed to negotiate a deal with Mori. He agreed to share his resources and profits with us in exchange for our cooperation and loyalty. Agency members: And you accepted that? Don’t you know he’s a ruthless and cunning leader who will stab us in the back at the first opportunity? Fukuzawa: Of course I know that. But we have no choice. This is the only way to survive in this harsh world. Besides, we have an advantage over him. We have Dazai on our side. Agency members: Dazai? How is he an advantage? Fukuzawa: He’s the only one who can outsmart Mori and foil his plans. He’s our secret weapon. Agency members: But he’s also a traitor who left us for the Port Mafia in the first place. Fukuzawa: That’s true, but he also came back to us eventually. He’s loyal to us in his own way. He’s our double agent. Agency members: Are you sure about that? How can we trust him? Fukuzawa: We can’t. But we can use him.

Guess nobody died.

Ranpo: I’m bored. Let’s play a game. Yosano: What kind of game? Ranpo: A murder mystery game. One of us is the killer and the rest are the victims. Yosano: That sounds fun. How do we decide who’s the killer? Ranpo: Easy. We draw straws. Yosano: Okay, let’s do it. Ranpo: *pulls out a bunch of straws* Yosano: Wait a minute. These are all short. Ranpo: Oops. Looks like I’m the killer then. Yosano: Ranpo, this is cheating. Ranpo: No, it’s not. It’s strategy.

Baddie.

Atsushi: What are you doing? Akutagawa: I’m practicing my evil laugh. Atsushi: Why? Akutagawa: Because I’m a villain, duh. Atsushi: You know, you don’t have to be a villain. You can join the Agency and be a good person. Akutagawa: No, thanks. I like being evil. It suits me better. Atsushi: But you’re not evil. You’re just misunderstood. Akutagawa: No, I’m pretty sure I’m evil. Watch this. *laughs maniacally* Atsushi: *shudders*

Blackmail.

Chuuya: What are you doing here? Dazai: I came to see you, of course. Chuuya: Why? We’re enemies, remember? Dazai: Oh, come on. You know you still love me. Chuuya: I never loved you. You were just a partner. Dazai: A partner in crime and in bed. Chuuya: Shut up! Don’t say that out loud! Dazai: Why not? It’s the truth. You can’t deny our chemistry. Chuuya: I can and I will. Now get out of here before I kick your ass. Dazai: Fine, fine. But you’ll miss me when I’m gone.

Cheesy platonic love

Tanizaki: I love you, Naomi. Naomi: I love you too, Junichirou. Dazai: *gags* Kunikida: *rolls eyes* Atsushi: *cries* Ranpo: *eats popcorn*