*Actually Happened As I Was Adjusting The Chemical Levels With HCL*

*Actually happened as I was adjusting the chemical levels with HCL*

*Much older guy cat calls me from the other side of the fence*

Me sarcastically: Oh yes. Please continue catcalling me through the fence. It is *greatly* appreciated. It’s not like I feel uncomfortable or anything what with me being in a bikini as a uniform and you being fully dressed. Yes *please* do FUCKING continue.

Me in complete seriousness and fear for my own safety being that I was a minor at the time: Bitch come in here and keep talkin shit like that and I swear to god I will slap you I the face with a rescue tube, and break your spine over the water pumps. Don’t make me swing this liter of Hydrochloric Acid your way, boi you know I fuckin’ will.

It is company policy to take a 15 minute break every 45 mins. Not just so we can fuck around. 1. we’ve got chemicals to check and leaves to skim. 2. Kid’s will not realize how tired they are until they’re in the middle of the pool with no energy to get out. We do this for safety reasons. Do not say shit like ‘Ya’ll sure do take a lot of breaks’ or ‘The other guards don’t do that’ 1, they should and, 2, fuck off.

Do not come into my pool without a pass, and say 'ah, but chu got me right?'

No. No I don't 'got chu'.

Get out of my pool.

We actually can’t tell if you peed in the pool. But it’s a lifeguard-Illuminati rule that we do not let the kids know this. EVER.

Do not say ‘The other guard lets us eat in here’ or ‘The other guard lets us stay till the exact minute of close’ or ‘the other guard lets us dive in this five foot pool’. Do I look like a 6′2 black man? No? I’m a small 5′3 white girl? That means I’m not the other guard.

Do not tell me ‘it takes five seconds to lock that gate, you can let us stay’. There’s other shit we have to do before we lock the gate. Shit that takes 15 fucking minutes. And sometimes the gate doesn’t want to lock and we have to call our manager down to get another key. Fuck off.