Okay, So Like, If We All Kinda Agree That Hawks Has Bird-like Tendencies, Can We Agree That He Has At

Okay, so like, if we all kinda agree that Hawks has bird-like tendencies, can we agree that he has at least (a couple times) done the bird wash thing where they ruffle themselves in a puddle of water- but like, he’s done it in the bathtub? Does he do it on purpose or is it an instictual thing? Does he make a mess or does he have specialized bathroom floors that are splash-zone safe? Does his S/O accidentally see him do this and say nothing or do they just kinda shrug and be like ‘well birds do that.’

I need answers.

Sitting on the stand is so BORING OMG. You have no choice but to come up with different scenarios in your head. For example:

‘What would I do if there was an active shooter right now?’

‘Is my cat really deaf, or is he just faking it cause he hates me?’

‘What if some hot guy/gal came in right now and started hitting me up?’

‘I wonder if witchcraft is right for me?’

‘Is that pizza-rat in the subway just Master Splinter on his way to feed his 4 turtle sons?’

‘Let some maniac come in here talkin bout some ‘Bakugou is better that Deku’ I swear to god someone’s about to catch a fade.’

“I don’t like how y’all operate”

-A transcript of an inside joke between me and my co-Guard.

-Additionally why you should get ‘in’ with the regular pool moms

Guard 2: *whistles for adult swim time*

Group of children: *still in the pool after 2 minutes*

Me: Guys come on, adult swim time, y’all gotta get out.

Group of children: *not hearing me because they all have ear plugs in*

Me: *a little louder* GUYS come on, let’s go! Out of the pool please!

Children: *seeing me waving my hands at them telling them to get out, finally start getting out*

Mother: *who has been watching this whole time and knew it was adult swim and did nothing to tell her own kids to get out* come on, get your shit together we’re leaving.

Me: Come on guys, your mom wants to leave, let’s hustle!

Mother: I don’t like how y’all operate.

Me: I’m sorry...???

Mother: I don’t like how you shouted at my kids.

Me: *internally* your kids weren’t listening, they had ear plugs in and couldn’t hear me, and you weren’t doing anything about them either, so I don’t like how I just had to parent your kids for you but you ain’t hear me say shit about it now did ya?

Me: *externally* Oh, ma’am I’m sorry about that-

Mother: The other lifeguard didn’t even call for an adult swim. Y’all just petty.

Me: Oh, no ma’am she did. She whistles 3 minutes ago. All the other kids got out too *i motion to the other kids who are all sitting outside of the pool*

Mother: You did’t have to yell at them like that. You should have just got them attention another way.

Me:??? Okay, sorry about that ma’am. Have a good day.

Me and Guard 2 sharing a look of mutual ‘tf is her problem?’

Cool Pool Mom (to me): Sweetie don’t worry about her. Her husband’s cheating on her anyway.

My face:

Okay, idk where this is banned but please ban it everywhere. The kids at my pool call it ‘colors’ and instead of just splashing, the person who’s ‘it’ calls out colors and if someone’s color is called in the water, they HAVE to take off swimming. And it gives me so much anxiety. But the kids ‘walk’ when they play it instead of running in, but it’s still not a game that should be played at the pool. Someone could get seriously injured, and it’s actually happened where one kid got too excited and was running and busted his toe open on the edge of the pool, and a little girl smashed her face into the wall because she wasn’t paying attention while playing the game.

Please ban this game everywhere.

My pool just banned the game lifeguard which is something I’ve been begging for for years THANK THE LORD!!!!!!!!!

I’m just saying that if that were BLM, there would be blood in the streets. Where’s the rubber bullets and tear gas for the armed rioters storming the Capital Building? Ya’ll just ran out? Last spring-summer shooting at actual peaceful protesters drained your arsenal? The fuck?

Kid at my pool hearing my speaker from the guard chair: you listen to Billie Eilish?

Me: I mean, sometimes, yeah.

Kid: Dang, you DEPRRESSED depressed