The poem as prey, as blood luscious, elusive. The poem as the locked room.
37 posts
You Were Scared To Ruin Me
You were scared to ruin me
I assured you that you wouldn't
The unsaid truth was this:
I was already ruined
Long before I met you
Long before I knew how to love
And even before you became my home
.
But you left and it felt like death
Everyone said I'd get used to it
The cruel desire was this:
I don't want to get used to you
I don't want time to heal me
I always want you to be
An unbearable ache that kills me
.
My mind is being held hostage by you
And even in grief you feel like home
The maddening question is this:
Will you love the monster in me?
Will you love me at the end of the world?
Will you simply just love me?
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More Posts from Unlikelyanonymous
Future love
Perhaps one day you'll hold me, once and forever.
Intoxicated we will be, lost in each other.
And then in the dark, you will touch the right parts of me.
In hushed tones I will show you, that you and I were meant to be.
Then slowly I will learn, how to truly love me.
And gently I will heal, like all my grief ceased to exist.
Dear universe
At 13 I thought that the universe hates me. For it made me tainted and it made me unlovable. Perhaps it was true; or perhaps I was just 13. Now I finally see that there are things that actually love me.
The darkness holds me still and grief kisses my hand. The demons in my head tell me it'll be fine. And hunger kind of always stays along with this unbearable ache. Longing lingers like a lonely child and sinister thoughts eat me up inside. Years of misery and wishing to be dead. Screams of terror and weeps of fate. But dear universe I wont complain. For dear universe I still am loved.
Unguarded
I'm sorry I let you see me unguarded.
Let you see my darkness, left you forever haunted.
I'm sorry I killed you with my insecurities.
The atrocity, your ghost is keeping me company.
I'm sorry If I ever dared to make you cry.
For even the skies could fade at the blue of your eyes.
I'm sorry I could never quite be adequate.
You deserve everything and I'm so horribly limited.
I'm sorry I dreamt of us, peaceful under the moon.
A fever dream for someone who only knows how to ruin.
I'm sorry I blamed everything on the distance.
I can't get you to love me without this deafening silence.
I'm sorry I ever thought that we were binary stars.
Always said "I understand" even with a shattered heart.
I'm sorry I didn't listen to my obscene thoughts.
When they precisely said that misery was all I brought.
I'm sorry my hatred wasn't loud enough to hide yours.
A wreckage cannot be loved. I should've hidden my scars.
I'm sorry I ever let you see the real me.
I'll stay constrained just so you won't leave.
I'll hide myself a little to help you breathe.
Sometimes I want to go back and hug my younger self, and then I remember I’m still her and I’m still deserving of that love
If to love is to rest then I will perceive death for you.
For what greater form of rest do we know than to lie in the cold, dark earth forever?