Unlikelyanonymous - Tumblr Blog

Thorn to my rose

Pic via pinterest

In a room full of strangers, our eyes met in secrecy.

With that striking smile of yours, you simply just ended me.

Gently whispered words killed me more than any poison could.

Loved you way too fondly than any lover ever should.

In frightened voice and shaky hands, I was scared to lose you.

In granted lives and afterlife, I was never meant to have you.

What is life anymore, if not just the absence of you?

Had to watch you bleed to death, what is even left to lose?

Once again in life I am terrified to let you close.

You were my known ruin. A lethal thorn, my gentle rose.

What a subtle form of self harm it is to love you.

Such a gruesome death to die.

What a comfort it is to be to be loved by you.

Such a torment it is to be not.

I want to kill myself just enough for you to visit. Atleast then I'll get to see you somewhere that's not just my dreams.

Pic via pinterest

You were like the sea

The delicate intimacy of you visiting my dreams. Only then I get to see you.

The sea, with all its hurricanes, all its storms. It reminds me of you.

Watching you fall in love and out of love. But never with me.

You were like the sea, with all its stillness. And all its peace.

My intense longing for you to stay. So hopeless yet so ardent.

Because just like the sea you were. Always changing yet so persistent.

Spring is awaking from its slumber 🤍💐🌾

Tw: self harm

Broken mosaic

Broken like a mosaic, this grief is beautiful.

Cold as a grave, this silence is peaceful.

A pain drenched tartarus was what made childhood.

A longing filled asphodel is what makes life cruel.

Sinister evil spirits, they whisper in the dark.

Cold harsh voice, it will shatter up your heart.

The silence kept saying with such delicacy.

But mind kept begging for sincere secrecy.

So close your little eyes, home is full of ghosts.

Hide your own self, it is terrifying to be known.

Shred your skin, once again you'll be filled with relief.

One last cut; an eternity of sleep.

And I wonder

Your voice so sweet through a telephone.

Your presence is a comfort, oh it feels like home.

Dancing on your roof while it's raining above.

And i wonder if you feel it grow.

Your touch like velvet, would I ever refrain?

Honey brown eyes, oh they drive me insane.

A nasty chase and we meet again.

And I wonder if you'd like to stay.

Your skin shines bright like an afterglow.

Your laugh's a symphony, oh I wish I could own.

Your love is a cure, I'm a ruined soul.

And I wonder if you'll ever know.

Pic via pinterest

Is it normal to grieve yourself?

And still yearn the grief?

To know you'll be eternally hurting,

Why is it such a relief?

If I believed in god I would ask him why he did this to me.

But I do not.

If I believed in myself I would ask me how I let this happen.

But I do not

Tw: self harm

Autumn still

The spring air is filled with laughter and serenity.

Not something to be tainted with my goddamn tragedy.

But I am alone and my wrist is bleeding.

Despair surrounds me like death to the grieving.

I don't know peace; I perhaps never will.

For my disconsolate existence it is autumn still.

Pic via pinterest

Tw: eating disorders and self harm

The monsters in my head. They won't leave.

An empty stomach. A grave where I live.

Scars on my thighs. A strange relief.

A disconsolate existence. A sigh of grief

My shattered childhood. It haunts me still

Whimpers of pain. A broken will.

Venomous family. Full of greed.

Begged you to stop it. It never did.

Him

He was butterflies.

He was anxiety.

He was silent cries.

He was that feeling of empty.

He was reliance.

He was trouble.

He was treacherous.

He was loyal.

He was steady.

He was unstable.

He was needy.

He was unpredictable.

He was my almost lover.

He was a goddamn nightmare.

He was a million little emotions.

Mixed into a disconsolate one.

What is family if not hate disguised as love

Tw: self harm, ed

Alternate universe

In an alternate universe,

I am 14 and alone in my room,

And my hands haven't harmed myself yet.

In an alternate universe,

My mom isn't emotionally dead,

And my dad isn't the monster yet.

In an alternate universe,

I still have her by my side,

I haven't screwed everything yet.

In an alternate universe,

I don't flinch when I look in the mirror,

There are no scars on my thighs yet.

In an alternate universe,

I still eat like a normal person,

I haven't ruined myself yet.

Alternate universe

In an alternate universe

I am 14 and alone in my room

And my hands havent harmed myself yet

What can life offer anyway

That I can't have with you in death?

What feels more like home anyway

Than it does besides your grave?

Image via pinterest

The grave that I call my home

Where love doesn't exist.

The monster that I call my father

For whom peace doesn't exist.

The demon that I call my mother

For whom compassion doesn't exist.

The nightmare that I call my world

For which I dont exist.

The despair that I call myself

For whom joy doesnt exist.

The curse that I call my life

Where living doesn't exist.

I don't think I could ever stop writing completely.

permillion44

There is love in my mother's disapproval.

It is there in the way she looks at me,

The way she loathes my existence.

It's not visible but it's there.

There is love in my father's resentment.

It is there in the way he talks to me,

The way he is ashamed of me.

It's not apparent but it's there.

There is love in my family.

It is there in broken dreams.

It is there in domestic scars.

So much love that you almost mistake it for hate.

he called me neurotic

but what i think he really meant

was that the roots of my anxiety

are growing deep within my head

-

sometimes my thoughts run far

away, escape all rhyme and reason

the seeds of logic overthrown

by the fruits of anxious seasons

-

i just take my time to breathe

and think up a solution

i take a minute and i trawl

through the depths of this pollution

-

poison planted in my mind

by words and dirty looks i catch

in a net of pure self hate

in which fearful thoughts hatch

-

he called me neurotic

and sure, ill take it on the nose

my garden of fear and self hate

truly needed that last rose.

-

(photo via)

Losing a friend

Ask me where it hurts

Everywhere I'll say

Ask me if I miss you

Everyday I'll say

What am I?

A strange thing to wonder

I'm the anger of my father,

And the silent cries of my mother.

I'm the broken pieces of childhood,

Of a once happy daughter.

What can life offer anyway

That I can't have with you in death?

What feels more like home anyway

Than it does besides your grave?

I wish I was religious so atleast I could pray to something.

But I talk to god and the sky is empty.

For nothing can restore my faith,

This is not the world I wish to live in.

I wish I was what my parents wanted me to be.

But I look in the mirror and I am empty.

Nothing can restore my self,

This is not the body I wish to be in.

I scream and cry and yell at you to have given me this life.

Birthed me ugly,broken,tarnished and useless.

Ruined me and made me hate myself.

But what right do I have to blame you or anyone else?

For no one has been as cruel to me,

As I have been to myself.

You didn't ruin me; I just hate myself.