The Invalidation And Abuse Of Asexuals Is Alive: My Story

The Invalidation and Abuse of Asexuals is Alive: My Story

*mentions of self harm

Full Disclosure: This occurred while I was a sophomore in high school- I am now a senior. I identify as queer and at the time of this relationship was questioning if I was asexual but I was fairly certain.

When I was a sophomore in high school I had a girlfriend who emotionally abused me. At first I didn’t recognize that that was what it was but I have had a couple years to evaluate now and I understand that what was happening was not normal.

So to give you some background, I was questioning at the time whether I was asexual or not. I had no urge to have sex regardless of whether I was or not, I was only in high school for crying out loud. But I had a girlfriend who really wanted to have sex.

I explained to her that I didn’t really want to have sex and that I was questioning if I was asexual. It felt at first like she wanted to understand. She would ask me questions about asexuality but then she would ask deeply personal questions about what turned me on, if anything did at all and if I masturbated. If we had been dating for longer, I may not have thought it was as weird but I was naive at the time of this situation and I also was not as comfortable with my sexuality.

Regardless I could brush of that first part and I don’t really find that so much abusive as just strange, kinda weird but oh well. It’s later that it became emotionally abusive.

She would text me at night, asking me if I didn’t want to have sex with her because she disgusted me. I would try and reassure her and tell her that I thought she was gorgeous and besides that I didn’t care what she looked like, I loved her anyways. She would get weirdly defensive and say that I knew she had depression and I can’t just keep her from having sex because it makes her feel like she’s awful.

Now I want to say, I understand that depression is an awful mental disorder to deal with but in no way shape or form should it ever be used as a tactic to get someone to feel bad like this. It should never be used to get your partner to have sex with you.

I felt so guilty. Even though I knew that I wasn’t disgusted by her, she made me feel like I was simply by not having sex with her. She made me feel like I was ruining her mental health by not having sex with her. I was constantly trying to do something to appease her so she wouldn’t bring up the sex topic. It was ruining my mental health.

She would ask me to do other sexual acts so that she could be satisfied but I wouldn’t have to have sex. Which at the time felt like a compromise but believe me- it’s not.

If you don’t want to do anything sexual you are in no way obligated to.

Of course there was other emotional abuse that was occurring regarding the fact that I never called her, she made me pick, unknowingly, which wrist she should cut and other things but this was the specific abuse towards my asexuality.

A time lapse of a cat through the day:

I relate so much to this…

Doctor Who Headcanon

You know how people are always blurting out their plans or telling the Doctor personal stuff? How often it happens? The companions question it in the show and the villans also seem to wonder why they do it. That got me thinking: two hearts. For humans at least, when was the last time you heard someone else’s heartbeat? Probably the womb, or you mom’s arms, or your friend’s chest or something: moments of trust and safety. The Doctor has two hearts which means that they’re probably louder than the sound 1 normal heart makes. So whenever someone hears that heartbeat, subconsciously they associate him with safety and trusting memories and feel close enough to say things that are personal. That would also explain the villans telling him their plans. When predators go after prey they can sometimes hear the heartbeat of the mouse, rat, etc. and know they are in power. If someone were in the mindset of a power hungry predator and hear the quickest and loudest heartbeat they have ever heard: they feel in power. They think they’ve got him cornered and he’s about to go down, so why not tell him? The Doctor explains it by saying he just has one of those faces, but I feel he’s just got two of those heartbeats. :)

Something fucking stinks here…

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Okay so Peter Parker and Dr Strange alright

I see all these posts and fan art and such portraying Peter as this super goofy kid when he’s with Dr. Strange and you know I’m for it sometimes but other times like right now I’m not.

Peter Parker is a science nerd!

Do NOT come here and tell me that as soon as he found out that Doctor Fucking Stephen Strange was an actual Doctor with his PhD and shit he did not geek out just a little

Or a lot.

Dr. Strange has done some pretty cool surgeries during his career and I fully believe that Peter Parker would be fascinated.

He would be asking questions about all sorts of things involved that he’s always wondered about. He would be a science nerd. That’s what he is. Let my baby be a nerd and geek out.

Don’t make him out to be a dummy.

Sure he is a meme king.

Sure he is a teenager and goofs around a lot.

But he is no dummy!

He didn’t fucking die for this shit

Ares : Happiness is dogs. A lot of dogs. Just dogs. Only dogs.