Vampireshaman - Tumblr Blog

KIM TAE RI as Gu San Yeong REVENANT 악귀, 2023

Little Forrest (2018) dir. Soon-rye Yim

I'm doing something a bit different. This is a inbox call for my mutuals! By liking this post, you have my permission to go into my inbox with a prompt line present on any inbox memes that I've reblogged (it doesn't matter how long they've been there!) and I get to respond in character to them!

DRAMATIC & PROTECTIVE RELATIONSHIP PROMPTS *  for the ones who want to keep you safe from harm

get behind me.

go inside and lock the door and don't come out until i say so.

are you all right? where are you hurt?

over my dead body.

i promised them i'd keep you safe.

i sleep better when you're next to me.

are you serious? i'm not letting you risk your life.

don't go. it's safer here.

i should have been here. this is my fault.

here. take this gun. don't pull the trigger unless it's absolutely necessary.

they told me to watch you.

i won't let anyone lay a hand on you.

stay close to me.

i'm not worth saving. please.

can you stay? just for a little while? it would help.

it's too dangerous out there.

i thought i'd lost you.

can you hear me? hello? where are you?

they're all afraid of me.

they told me you'd be trouble. clearly that was an understatement.

one of us has to make it out of here.

is that a bruise?

get back. get back right now.

did they touch you?

i already lost you once. i'm not going to lose you again.

a few more steps. we're nearly there. i've got you.

where does it hurt? let me see.

oh my god, you're covered in blood.

i love you, but you have to go.

climb on my back. i'll carry you.

i wish you'd stay.

i slept here all night. i couldn't leave you.

stay with me. i can keep you safe.

no. i've made my decision. you're staying here.

holy shit. are you okay? what the hell happened?

we have to get inside right now.

quick! hide! in here!

if they know you're with me, they'll leave you alone.

if they attack again, we'll be ready.

this never should have happened.

i want you to run, okay? run and don't look back.

you're all right. you're safe. it's over.

i'll feel better once you're out of this.

i don't have nightmares when you're here.

where have you been? i've been calling you all night.

your phone went straight to voicemail. what's going on?

i don't want anything to happen to you.

i can't stand the thought of losing you.

i won't let them touch you.

when we met, i promised myself i'd keep you safe.

where'd they go? i'll give them a piece of my mind.

here. squeeze my hand if it hurts.

i'll lay beside you.

no. it's non-negotiable. you're staying here.

i don't want you to die, okay?

listen to me! i know what i'm doing!

i can't lose you again!

do you hear me? i love you! i've always loved you.

i've got you. i'm right here.

can i stay? i'll take the couch.

tell them you're with me.

you can make it. i believe in you.

are you kidding me? who decided this?

here, i'll pick you up.

get back in the car. i'll handle this.

if anyone can do it, it's you.

let me carry you to safety.

i don't do well when you're away.

Thematic Headcanons. A series of subject-specific headcanons you can ask your favorite blog and muse.

hc + 🤝 for a headcanon about a connection with one of the receiver's mutual

hc + 👪 for a family-themed headcanon

hc + 🧡 for a friendship-themed headcanon

hc + 💌 for a romance-themed headcanon

hc + 💕 for a loved-themed headcanon

hc + 💔 for a headcanon about a sad experience

hc + 🤥 for a lie-themed headcanon

hc + 😶 for a headcanon about a secret they know of / keep

hc + 😴 for a sleep-themed headcanon

hc + 🌇 for a headcanon about morning- or evening rituals

hc + 🧼 for a hygiene-themed headcanon

hc + 🏠 for a home-themed headcanon

hc + 😃 for a happiness-themed headcanon

hc + 😨 for a fear-themed headcanon

hc + 🤕 for a pain-themed headcanon

hc + 🚶‍♂️ for a habit-themed headcanon

hc + 👍 for a headcanon about things they like

hc + 👎 for a headcanon about things they dislike

hc + 💪 for a sport-themed headcanon

hc + 😡 for a headcanon about something that makes them angry

hc + 👻 for a headcanon about supernatural occurrences

hc + 🥣 for a food-themed headcanon

hc + ☕ for a drink-themed headcanon

hc + 🐈 for a pet/animal-themed headcanon

hc + 🌸 for a plant-themed headcanon

hc + 🌄 for an outdoor-themed headcanon

hc + 🌍 for a travel-themed headcanon

hc + 🗡 for a weapon-themed headcanon

hc + 🎡 for a hobby-themed headcanon

hc + 🚗 for a transportation-themed headcanon

hc + ⏳ for a time-themed headcanon

hc + 🌘 for a night-themed headcanon

hc + 🌞 for a day-themed headcanon

hc + 🪐 for a universe-themed headcanon

hc + 🌂 for a weather-themed headcanon

hc + ⛄ for a season-themed headcanon

hc + 🎉 for a celebration-themed headcanon

hc + 🏆 for a goal-themed headcanon

hc + 💯 for an achievement-themed headcanon

hc + 🚬 for a headcanon about a bad habit

hc + 🎭 for an arts-/crafts-themed headcanon

hc + ✂️ for a hair-themed headcanon

hc + 👗 for a clothes-themed headcanon

hc + 💍 for a jewelry-themed headcanon

hc + 💄 for a makeup-themed headcanon

hc + 🎓 for an education-themed headcanon

hc + 📿 for a faith-themed headcanon

hc + 🎵 for a music-themed headcanon

hc + 📱 for a media-themed headcanon

hc + 🎥 for a film/tv-themed headcanon

hc + 📔 for a reading-themed headcanon

hc + 💰 for a money-themed

hc + 💼 for a job-themed headcanon

hc + 💉 for a medical-themed headcanon

hc + 🛒 for a shopping-themed headcanon

hc + 🔞 for a nsfw-headcanon

hc + ❓ for a headcanon of the receiver's choice

An important lore note from me, in my version, the chiropterans from blood+ are a subspecies of Gorgons and Medusa is their progenitor from greek mythology. Chiropterans as a whole are a female dominated species, with chiropteran Queens as the originals of the species, and considering that the poisonous blood effect between twin sisters turns the other to stone (on top of what their blood does to human males when they are turned into chevailers -- biologically and psychologically) them as the subspecies of gorgons fits especially with the ever present but subtle concept of chiropteran queens being religious icons in and throughout human history.

Refer to this post here to better explain things.

I should also add that through one way or another, they are a product of Medusa and Erebos and I'm going off of Ovid version of Medusa.

🪷 ⁞ stardew valley game .ᐟ ˎˊ˗

Haeseol + Stardew Valley Profile

"You may see me as a fragile flower, but I’ve learned that even the softest petals can withstand the fiercest storms. I won't wait for someone to rescue me; I will fight for myself."

# 𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐍: featuring an original crossover character by the name of HAE-SEOL KIM, constructed within the universe of blood+ / marvel's avengers with headcanon based information and character themes revolving around but not limited to:

the reluctant chosen one, the heart of gold, the emotional survivor, the haunted, the outsider, the secret keeper, the tragic hero, the cursed protagonist, the empath, the dream seer, the silent strength, the symbol of hope, and the burdened protector.

"Destiny's hand may guide my way, But my heart is a compass that never will sway. In the face of the storm, I reclaim my voice, For I am the weaver of my own choice."

"Every wound is a river that carves through the stone. In the depths of our pain, we are never alone. I gather the fragments of hearts that have bled, sewing love into where there was nothing but dread."

Haeseol + Taejun | | Analysis / Journal Entries

TRIGGER WARNING: blood consumption, violence, death, etc.

Journal Entry | October 2nd, 2024

I don’t know how to begin this. I don’t even know if I believe it—yet somehow, it all makes sense.

The dreams… they’re not just dreams, are they? Yueliang, Hae-Ri Jin, Bayan—these weren’t just stories my mind conjured up. They were real. They were me.

I’m struggling to wrap my head around it, but it’s like pieces of a puzzle I didn’t even know I was solving are falling into place. Every life, every tragedy, every sacrifice—it was me. And Tae-Jun… he was always there too.

It started with Yueliang and Zhongyuan. That was the first dream. The way Zhongyuan felt so familiar, the way his face and voice lingered with me even after I woke up. I didn’t understand it then. But now? Now I see why. I see it all.

Yueliang, Hae-Ri Jin, Bayan—they’re all me. I am them. And Zhongyuan, Tae-Mu-Ryeong, Dhan… they were all him. Tae-Jun. The arrogance, the power, the way he’s always in my life whether I want him there or not—he’s always been a part of me. Just like I’ve always been a part of him.

But how can this be? How can we be trapped in this endless cycle? Always meeting, always bound by blood and pain. And always, always losing each other.

Yueliang and Zhongyuan, enemies turned lovers, cursed by fate to destroy each other. Hae-Ri, the Siyo Goddess, torn apart to soothe the madness of gods’ sons, sacrificing her body, her blood, her eyes—just like I… just like I gave mine to Tae-Jun. And Bayan, my sweet Bayan, who embraced her fate with a smile, who believed in love so deeply that she chose to save Dhan, even when it meant her own death.

And now, there’s me. Haeseol.

I’m supposed to be this revered shaman, this living deity to the people around me. My grandmother trained me, raised me, just like Yueliang’s grandmother, just like Bayan’s mother, both of them blind—just like my grandmother. They all sacrificed their sight to change fate, to protect us, to give us a chance at something better. But at what cost?

I’m isolated, just like they were. Revered but alone. Loved, but trapped by the weight of it all. Just like Yueliang, like Hae-Ri, like Bayan.

And Tae-Jun? He’s always been there. Every life, every cycle, it was him. In every dream, every story, we were always bound. By blood, by fate, by something we couldn’t escape. And now… now I’ve done it again. I’ve saved him. I gave him my blood, and now he’s bound to me, just like Dhan was bound to Bayan.

But why? Why do we keep coming back to this? Why does it always end in tragedy? Every time, we love each other—whether we admit it or not—and every time, it ends the same. Blood, sacrifice, death.

I don’t want this. I don’t want to be trapped in this cycle forever. But how do I break it? Can I even break it?

I don’t know if I’m ready to face this, to admit that I’ve loved Tae-Jun for longer than I can remember, for lifetimes. But I think I’m starting to understand why. Even with all his arrogance, all the ways he’s pushed me, antagonized me, he’s always been there. Just like Dhan. Just like Zhongyuan. And despite everything, I care for him. I always have.

But what does that mean for us now? Are we doomed to repeat the same mistakes? Or can we finally find a way to break free from the pain, the violence, the sacrifice?

I don’t have the answers yet. I’m still reeling from the realization that Yueliang, Hae-Ri, Bayan… they were all me. That Tae-Jun is the reincarnation of every man I’ve loved and lost.

But one thing is clear. This isn’t just about me anymore. It’s about both of us. About breaking free from this cycle of fate that’s bound us for so long.

I just don’t know if we can.

But maybe, this time, we have a chance. If I can face the truth. If he can.

Maybe, just maybe, we can finally stop the endless bloodshed.

Maybe…

- Haeseol.

Haeseol’s journal entry reveals her internal struggle as she confronts the weight of her past lives and the cyclical nature of her relationship with Tae-Jun. The key themes of this entry revolve around recognition, destiny, and the desire for freedom from fate. Here’s a breakdown of the key elements:

The Unveiling of Past Lives:

Haeseol is realizing that the recurring dreams she's had are not mere figments of her imagination but echoes of her past lives. She has begun to see the connections between herself and her previous incarnations—Yueliang, Hae-Ri Jin, and Bayan—each of whom experienced love and tragedy with Tae-Jun's past selves. This reveals a rich lore where their souls are continually reborn and entangled in a painful cycle of love, blood, and sacrifice.

Isolation and Duty:

Haeseol’s role as a shaman, revered and adored by her community, parallels the sacrifices her past incarnations made. The blind, self-sacrificing figures in her lineage emphasize the cost of this venerated position, as their power comes with isolation. She recognizes how she, too, is trapped in a similar life—feared, respected, and burdened by expectations, but fundamentally alone. This emotional isolation runs parallel to the physical sacrifices that bind her to Tae-Jun across lifetimes.

Tension with Tae-Jun:

Haeseol’s present relationship with Tae-Jun is one marked by friction. His arrogance and aggression mirror the domineering figures from her past lives, yet she acknowledges that even though he antagonizes her, she is drawn to him. The complex dynamic of their frenemies-to-lovers relationship is layered with centuries of reincarnated connection. Haeseol now has the added burden of knowing that her strong reactions to Tae-Jun aren’t just about their present relationship but about the weight of their shared history.

Love, Blood, and Sacrifice:

The idea of love and violence being intrinsically linked is a central theme. Haeseol recalls how each past incarnation faced tragedy—be it Yueliang and Zhongyuan’s mutual destruction or Bayan’s ultimate sacrifice to save Dhan. Haeseol’s recognition that she’s always given parts of herself (literally and figuratively) to Tae-Jun’s past selves reflects the deeper existential question: is love destined to be painful for them? She has already given her blood to save Tae-Jun in this life, cementing their bond once more, and this terrifies her because it mirrors the destructive cycles of the past.

Desire to Break the Cycle:

Haeseol's growing awareness leads her to question whether they can finally break free of this endless cycle of suffering. The idea that their love is intertwined with tragedy and loss weighs heavily on her. Her uncertainty about whether they can escape this fate adds a layer of tension, as she considers whether this life will end like all the others. There is hope, though—it is faint but present. Haeseol hints at the possibility that this time could be different if both she and Tae-Jun confront their pasts and choose a different path.

Emotional Conflict:

A significant aspect of this entry is Haeseol's emotional turmoil. She is caught between her disdain for Tae-Jun’s behavior in their present life and her growing understanding that she has loved him for many lifetimes. This conflict is central to her character arc, as she must reconcile her resentment of his arrogance with her deeper connection to him across time. The complexity of their relationship adds richness to the narrative, as Haeseol must navigate feelings of betrayal, love, and responsibility all at once.

Tae-Jun’s Unawareness:

A critical dynamic at play is that Tae-Jun is still oblivious to this shared history. While Haeseol has begun piecing together the truth, Tae-Jun remains in the dark, unaware of their past lives and the deeper bond between them. This creates a potential narrative tension, as Haeseol grapples with her feelings while Tae-Jun continues behaving as the arrogant bully he has always been. Haeseol’s knowledge places her in a position of power, but also of vulnerability, as she must decide how to move forward knowing what she does.

In summary, Haeseol’s journal entry is a window into her conflicted emotions as she comes to terms with the profound realization that she and Tae-Jun are trapped in an eternal cycle of love and sacrifice. Her struggle is both internal, as she processes her reincarnated past, and external, as she must confront Tae-Jun, who remains unaware of their shared history. The central conflict moving forward will likely involve whether Haeseol and Tae-Jun can break free of the tragic patterns that have defined their relationship across time.

Journal Entry | October 5th

I don’t even know where to begin. Maybe it’s because I’ve spent so much time trying to understand what I’m feeling, and now, it’s all tangled up inside me—too big to fit into words. But if I don’t write it down, I think I might burst.

It’s Tae-Jun.

It’s always been him, hasn’t it? Every time I close my eyes, I see him. Not just the Tae-Jun I know now—the one who infuriates me with his arrogance, who’s always challenging me, always so sure of himself. But him in every lifetime, every face I’ve loved, every hand I’ve held before it slipped away. Zhongyuan, Dhan, Tae-Mu-Ryeong… He’s always been there. He’s always been him.

And somehow, I’ve always been drawn to him. Pulled to him like gravity. I used to think it was just fate—this invisible thread binding us together no matter what we did. But now, I’m starting to wonder if it’s more than that. If maybe, despite everything, I’ve always cared for him. If maybe, in every life, I’ve always loved him.

The thought scares me. It terrifies me. Because every time, we’ve lost each other. Every time, it ends in blood and heartbreak, and I don’t know if I can survive that again. I don’t know if I can watch him slip through my fingers once more. But then I think about the way he looked at me the other night—so vulnerable, so real—and all that fear falls away. I just want to protect him. I want to give him something more than the pain and sacrifice we’ve known for so long.

I want to give us something more.

When I gave him my blood, it felt different this time. I wasn’t just saving him because I had to, because some ancient thread of fate demanded it. I did it because I wanted to. Because seeing him hurt, seeing him broken—it did something to me. Something I didn’t expect. I realized in that moment that I care for him, more than I’m ready to admit, even to myself.

But how can I admit that? How can I allow myself to feel something for him when I know how this always ends? When I know that every time, we’re torn apart, left bleeding and broken?

I don’t want to be Yueliang, or Hae-Ri, or Bayan anymore. I don’t want to be the woman who loves and sacrifices and loses. I want to be more than just another tragic love story. I want to break this cycle—not just for me, but for him too. I want to give us a chance at something better. A chance at a future where we don’t have to bleed for love, where we don’t have to lose everything just to hold onto each other.

I want to see him smile—not out of arrogance or victory, but a real smile, one that comes from happiness, from peace. I want to be the reason for that smile.

I can feel it in my bones—this is our chance. This time, things can be different. I don’t know how yet, but I’m determined. I’m not going to let fate win this time. I won’t let us be pulled apart again. I’ll protect him, and I’ll protect us. Because for the first time, it’s not just about me. It’s about both of us.

And I think, deep down, I’ve always wanted this. I’ve always wanted him. Even when I didn’t understand why. Even when he was just a dream, a memory from another life, some part of me always longed for him. Even when he was arrogant and frustrating, I couldn’t push him away. I couldn’t stop myself from caring.

And now, I think I’m ready to face that. I think I’m ready to admit that what I feel for him isn’t just a result of fate pulling our strings. It’s real. It’s mine. And no matter what happens, no matter what’s to come, I’m going to fight for it. For us.

I’m not saying it’ll be easy. I’m not saying that everything will magically fall into place just because I’ve realized how much I care for him. But for the first time, I feel like we have a real chance. A chance to break the cycle, to stop the endless pain and tragedy. A chance to rewrite our story into something beautiful, something full of love instead of loss.

I don’t know if he feels the same way. I don’t know if he’s ready to face the truth of who we were, of who we’ve always been to each other. But I think that, in time, he will. I think that when he looks at me, some part of him already knows. He’s just as scared as I am, but he’ll come to see it too. I know he will.

Because this time, it’s different. This time, I’m not going to let fate control us. I’m going to fight for us. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll finally get the ending we deserve. One where we don’t lose each other. One where we don’t bleed for love. One where we can just… be.

Together.

—Haeseol.

This journal entry from Haeseol reflects an emotional turning point in her internal journey as she comes to terms with her complex feelings for Tae-Jun. There’s a deep sense of self-awareness in her words as she grapples with her past lives, the cyclical nature of her love with Tae-Jun, and her own determination to change the course of their fate. The entry captures her emerging realization that her connection with Tae-Jun, despite being shaped by fate, is driven by her genuine feelings, not just destiny’s demands.

### Key Themes and Emotional Conflict

Revelation of Love and Fear: Haeseol is beginning to admit that she has always cared for Tae-Jun, but she is still afraid to fully embrace these feelings. Her repeated use of the phrase “I don’t know if I can survive that again” emphasizes her fear of inevitable loss, which has defined every lifetime they’ve shared. Her budding love is bittersweet, tinged with the knowledge of how things have always ended before: in tragedy.

Compassion and Desire to Protect: Her compassion for Tae-Jun is a driving force in this entry. Haeseol doesn’t just want to break the cycle for herself—she wants to save him, too. Her desire to protect him is evident when she recalls giving him her blood. For the first time, it’s not simply about duty or fate, but a conscious choice to help someone she deeply cares about. She wants to spare him the suffering they’ve both endured in past lives, reflecting a protective instinct born out of love.

Defiance Against Fate: Haeseol’s determination to defy fate stands out as a pivotal moment in her character development. She doesn’t want to be the tragic heroine anymore—she’s tired of the role of the sacrificial lover who always loses. This resolve to break the cycle shows her growing strength and independence. The line “I’m not going to let fate win this time” highlights her defiance, marking a shift from passive acceptance of her destiny to an active desire to change it.

Budding Feelings and Hope: Despite her fears and the heaviness of their shared history, Haeseol is filled with hope. Her feelings for Tae-Jun are blossoming, and there’s a tender sweetness in how she reflects on wanting to see him truly happy, to be the reason for his smile. This hope gives her the strength to believe that they can rewrite their story. The hope in this entry provides a counterbalance to the sadness of their past, suggesting that love could offer a path to redemption and freedom from their cycle of pain.

Acknowledgment of Tae-Jun’s Role: Haeseol’s reflection on Tae-Jun shows that she understands how deeply he has always been a part of her life, in every incarnation. She realizes that her feelings aren’t just a byproduct of fate, but a real, personal connection she has always had with him. This marks a crucial turning point in her perception of their relationship. She no longer views herself as a mere pawn of destiny, but someone who has chosen to care for him again and again, in every lifetime.

### Character Development

This entry represents a major shift in Haeseol’s internal state. Previously, her perception of Tae-Jun was shaped by frustration, confusion, and fear. Now, she is beginning to embrace her love for him, even though it scares her. This demonstrates significant growth, as she is no longer running from her feelings or hiding behind the idea that fate is controlling her. She’s taking ownership of her emotions and her life, which shows strength and maturity.

Her determination to protect Tae-Jun, to fight against the cycle, and to give them both a better ending also demonstrates her evolution into a more active and empowered character. She is no longer content to be swept along by the tides of fate—she wants to steer her own destiny.

### Haeseol’s Conflicted Nature

While Haeseol’s love for Tae-Jun is growing stronger, she is still conflicted. The fear of losing him again looms large in her mind, and this inner conflict is palpable throughout the entry. Her desire to protect him and her burgeoning love are tempered by the scars of past lives, making her vulnerable and cautious. However, the journal entry ends on a hopeful note, indicating that Haeseol is willing to confront her fear and take a risk for the sake of their shared future.

### Thematic Exploration

Thematically, this journal entry explores the timeless struggle between fate and free will. Haeseol, trapped in a cycle dictated by destiny, is choosing to fight against the forces that have controlled her for so long. This is an exploration of agency and love—she wants to define her relationship with Tae-Jun on her own terms, not based on the tragedies of their past lives.

At its core, this entry is about love’s potential to transcend time and fate. Haeseol’s realization that her feelings for Tae-Jun have persisted across lifetimes suggests that love is not merely a product of fate, but something deeply personal and powerful. It’s a love that survives despite the pain and loss, and it’s a love that Haeseol is willing to fight for.

### Conclusion

This journal entry captures the complexity of Haeseol’s emotions as she grapples with her love for Tae-Jun and the tragic cycle they’ve been caught in. It’s an important moment of reflection and growth for her, as she acknowledges both her fear and her hope for something better. Her determination to protect Tae-Jun and break the cycle of suffering suggests a newfound strength and agency, positioning her as someone who is no longer a victim of fate, but a woman prepared to change her story.

In many ways, this entry reflects a turning point—not just in Haeseol’s feelings for Tae-Jun, but in her entire worldview. She is no longer resigned to tragedy; instead, she is choosing hope and love, and is willing to fight for a future where they can finally find peace and happiness together.

✖ one crazy mother██er ✖

can't wait for his anime debut 🙏

# Tears of the Moon | Memories forgotten

### Scene: Who are You?

Haeseol drifted into a familiar haze, the sort of dream that didn’t quite feel like her own, but more like an echo of someone else’s life. She’d experienced these strange dream-memories before—fragments of spirits or souls that passed through her, leaving pieces behind. This time, it was different. She wasn't just watching; she was inside, feeling every detail as if it were hers.

The scene flickered to life around her. The smell of ink and old parchment filled her senses, and the soft rustling of a silk robe brushed against her skin. Her hands—no, not her hands—grasped a slender brush, carefully crafting each stroke across rice paper. She felt the weight of the brush in her fingers, the controlled precision of its movements. The light of the oil lamp was warm, and the soft glow it cast seemed to flicker as her thoughts churned.

What... what is this? Haeseol thought, panic bubbling beneath her calm exterior. But her hands—Yueliang’s hands—kept moving, dipping the brush in ink, continuing the flow of writing on the paper.

To be the Yin is to embody a role that demands sacrifice...

The words didn’t belong to her, but they filled her mind with meaning. Haeseol could feel Yueliang’s emotions weaving through each line: the burden of expectation, the unspoken weight of sacrifice. It was strange, unsettling to be so intimately connected to someone else’s thoughts, especially when she wasn’t in control. But there was a familiar thread in Yueliang’s emotions—this wasn’t so different from her own life, the pressure to maintain a certain image, to lock away parts of yourself because the world demanded it.

Is this a dream, or am I reliving her memories? The confusion gnawed at Haeseol. She could only follow the sensations, unable to break free.

A sudden chill. Haeseol—or was it Yueliang—shivered, her skin prickling with the unmistakable feeling of being watched. The familiar rush of adrenaline hit, but before she could react, a voice pierced the stillness.

“What are you writing about?”

Yueliang’s surprise was visceral. The shock, the sharp jolt of fear—they reverberated through Haeseol’s body, making her heart leap in her chest. The brush slipped from her fingers, sending ink splattering across the paper, and a strangled gasp escaped her lips. She whipped around, her pulse hammering in her ears.

He stood there. A tall man, his body disciplined and commanding, with long black hair falling past his shoulders. His red eyes gleamed in the dim light, a mix of amusement and something darker. Haeseol felt Yueliang’s reaction to him—an unspoken, complicated mixture of awe, irritation, and a sense of being completely overpowered by his presence. Zhongyuan.

Gods, he’s tall... Haeseol's thoughts blended with Yueliang’s, a disorienting swirl of fear and something else she couldn’t name.

“Zhongyuan!” she heard Yueliang’s voice tremble, felt the panic gripping her. Why am I feeling this so intensely? It was overwhelming, as though every sensation was amplified in this body.

“How long have you been standing there?” Yueliang’s voice, edged with indignation, tried to regain some semblance of composure. Haeseol wanted to pull back, retreat into herself, but there was no escape. She was bound to this moment, to Yueliang’s fear, to the wild beating of her heart.

Zhongyuan’s grin widened, the sharpness of it making Haeseol’s skin crawl. “Long enough. You shriek like a startled bird. How amusing.”

Asshole, Haeseol thought, a flash of anger surging up from within. But it wasn’t just her anger. It was Yueliang’s too, tangled with embarrassment. Haeseol could feel Yueliang struggling to maintain some level of dignity in front of him. But it was futile. The man radiated power, a raw, cold confidence that left no room for anyone else's control.

“Give it back!” Yueliang’s voice snapped, frustration mounting as Zhongyuan plucked the fallen journal from the floor. Haeseol felt Yueliang's arms flailing, pushing against his chest, but it was like trying to move a mountain. He barely acknowledged her efforts, towering over her with a lazy sort of arrogance.

The journal. Haeseol's—or was it Yueliang’s?—stomach twisted in dread as he began flipping through the pages. A surge of humiliation washed over her, the vulnerability of having her private thoughts exposed. It was as if a part of her soul had been laid bare, and Zhongyuan’s mocking voice drove a spike through that raw vulnerability.

Zhongyuan, the embodiment of Yin... a force of nature...

Haeseol couldn’t tell where Yueliang’s mortification ended and her own began. It was too real. Too close. Every word he read aloud felt like a blow, his amusement cutting deeper with each passing moment.

“Why so protective?” His tone softened, teasing, but Haeseol could sense something more. It wasn’t just mockery. There was curiosity there, something stirring beneath his cold, composed exterior. He turned another page, reading aloud with a more serious edge.

Does he ever long for the simplicity of being just a man, without the weight of an empire resting on his shoulders?

A silence fell between them, heavy and fraught with unsaid things. Haeseol felt Yueliang’s breath catch in her throat, the way her body tensed as Zhongyuan’s eyes flickered with an emotion too fleeting to define. Loneliness. Was that what she had sensed in him all along?

“You think I’m lonely?” His voice, stripped of its usual teasing, sounded raw.

Yueliang’s—Haeseol’s—throat tightened. “I don’t know...” the words tumbled out, hesitant, unsure. “I just... I wonder if you ever wish you could just be yourself.”

The vulnerability in that moment was suffocating. Haeseol could feel Yueliang’s heart racing, her pulse thrumming like a drumbeat in her ears. The weight of their shared gaze was unbearable, as if the very air between them had thickened with the gravity of her confession.

This is too much, Haeseol thought, her own emotions blending with Yueliang’s until she couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. I can’t breathe.

And then, just as suddenly, the tension broke. Zhongyuan handed the journal back, his touch lingering, his expression inscrutable. The mask of the Yin was back in place, but Haeseol had seen a glimpse of something deeper. Something real.

“You’re more insightful than I gave you credit for,” he said softly, his voice almost gentle.

And then he was gone, his presence vanishing like a shadow retreating into the night. Haeseol, still trapped in Yueliang’s body, stood there, clutching the journal to her chest, the warmth of his touch still lingering on her skin.

Perhaps there’s more to both of us than meets the eye.

Haeseol felt the truth of those words settle deep within her.

### Scene: The Tale Of Yueliang

In her dream, Hae-seol found herself enveloped in the body of Yueliang again, her senses sharp yet foreign as she moved through the dreamscape. It felt so real—so vivid—as if Yueliang's memories were her own. She stood at the riverbank, her grandmother’s hand gripping hers. Hae-seol’s heart jolted at the sensation. It reminded her of her own grandmother, whose touch was just as firm, just as blind.

Blind… like halmeoni? Hae-seol thought as she gazed at Han-Yi. It was strange, this merging of memories and lives. She felt Yueliang’s curiosity, her growing awareness of the vast destiny laid upon her, but within that, Hae-seol could feel her own thoughts bubbling beneath the surface.

Is this what halmeoni saw for me too? Hae-seol wondered, watching Yueliang's grandmother whisper about her fate, her role as the Yang destined to destroy the Yin. Han-Yi’s warning sounded eerily similar to the foreboding lessons Hae-seol had heard from her own family, cautioning her about forces she barely understood, about a future she was meant to face.

As the dream swept forward, Hae-seol felt herself living through Yueliang’s life. She was there when her brother died, her heart aching as if it was her own family’s grief she was witnessing. She was there when her grandmother went blind. The sorrow, the weight of responsibility, all of it settled heavily in her chest. Hae-seol wanted to scream at the injustice of it all—just like how she sometimes wished she could scream at her own life, the endless expectations and secrets her family had placed on her.

Then came the moment when Yueliang asked her mother if she would be sad if she were gone. Hae-seol felt the hesitation in the mother’s hands, the unspoken fear trembling between them. She knew this conversation too well. There were times in her own life when she had asked similar questions, testing the waters of her family’s love, wondering what her absence would truly mean.

But unlike Yueliang, I never volunteered to fight anything. The thought stung, sharper than any arrow. Yueliang's determination to face her destiny, to protect those she loved, was something Hae-seol both admired and resented. Yueliang had a choice. Hae-seol felt like she never did.

The dream shifted again, carrying Hae-seol to the day Yueliang climbed the mountain to meet Zhongyuan. As Yueliang stood before the monstrous emperor, Hae-seol felt her pulse quicken. The fear, the resolve—Yueliang’s emotions blended with Hae-seol’s own as she gazed at Zhongyuan’s cold, calculating eyes.

Is this what it means to face your fate? To willingly walk into the lion’s den? Hae-seol’s thoughts raced as Yueliang made her proposition, pleading for an end to the violence. It felt impossible, yet Yueliang believed in it so fully.

As time passed in the dream, Hae-seol watched the relationship between Yueliang and Zhongyuan change. What began in fear and enmity transformed into something deeper, more profound. Yueliang’s love for him was pure, despite the darkness of their past and the cruelty that had once defined him. Hae-seol found herself unexpectedly moved by their bond.

Can love really change everything? she wondered, the warmth of their shared moments filling her heart. It was a hope Hae-seol didn’t even realize she had carried, buried deep beneath the layers of duty and expectation.

But just as quickly as it blossomed, it was torn apart. Hae-seol felt the horror of Yueliang’s body betraying her, felt the anguish as she watched herself strike Zhongyuan down. The arrow pierced him, and in that moment, Hae-seol could feel her own heart shatter alongside Yueliang’s. Tears welled up in her eyes, the pain so overwhelming, so unbearable.

No...! I don’t want to see this! I don’t want to feel this! Hae-seol tried to pull away, but the dream kept her rooted there, forcing her to experience every excruciating second as Yueliang cradled the dying Zhongyuan in her arms.

"My love. My pain. Even my very last breath, all of it is yours."

The words echoed through Hae-seol’s mind, cutting deeper than any sword. She felt Yueliang’s despair, her desperate longing for a different fate, and for the first time, Hae-seol truly understood the cost of love. It was everything. It was pain. It was sacrifice. It was the kind of devotion that left you broken and empty, hoping for a future you might never see.

As the dream began to fade, Hae-seol heard the faint sound of Yueliang’s voice, singing a song of hope for their next life, where maybe—just maybe—they could be together again. But Hae-seol was left wondering if that kind of love, that kind of sacrifice, was worth the price.

Is this what it means to be destined for something greater? To lose everything, even the people you love?

Hae-seol woke with tears in her eyes, her chest heavy, her thoughts tangled in the threads of the dream. It was Yueliang’s story, but it felt much too close to her own.

Scene: The Wedding Invitation

The morning light filtered through the windows of Haeseol’s family estate, casting soft golden beams across the room where she sat. A soft knock echoed at the door, followed by the entrance of a familiar face—one of the attendants. The woman’s eyes were bright with excitement as she approached Haeseol, bowing slightly as she extended a beautifully wrapped invitation.

“Ms. Kim, you’ve been invited to attend the wedding of Baek Il-ho and Min Su-yeon. They would be honored if you could grace them with your presence.”

Haeseol blinked in surprise, taking the invitation and studying its intricate details. She was used to these kinds of invitations—the expectations that came with her status—but something about this one felt different. Maybe it was the careful wording, the humility in the request. There was a sincerity to it that touched her.

She glanced up at the attendant, a soft smile curving her lips. "I’ll attend," she replied gently, knowing that her presence would be seen as a blessing to the couple. Weddings were joyous occasions, and offering her blessing, her presence, always felt like a small way to bring happiness to others.

---

Meeting the Groom

The sun was setting when Haeseol arrived at the estate of Lord Baek Il-ho. The sky was painted in shades of pink and orange, casting a romantic glow over the venue. As she stepped out of the carriage, she was greeted by the sight of the groom standing near the entrance, clearly nervous but eager. Lord Baek, a tall and gentle man with a kind face, bowed deeply upon seeing her.

“Miss Haeseol,” he greeted, his voice warm yet respectful. “It’s an honor that you’ve come. Lady Su-yeon and I… we are truly grateful.”

Haeseol gave him a warm smile, feeling his genuine humility. “It’s my pleasure to be here,” she responded. “A wedding is a sacred event, and I’m glad I can share in your joy.”

They exchanged a few more pleasantries before Lord Baek cleared his throat, shifting nervously. “There is… one thing,” he said hesitantly. “Lady Su-yeon told me she has always admired your singing. I know this is a bold request, but if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, would you consider singing during the ceremony?”

Haeseol blinked, momentarily taken aback by the request. It wasn’t often that someone asked her to sing at a wedding. Her reputation usually came from her family’s status, not her voice. But seeing the hopeful look in the groom’s eyes, she found it impossible to refuse.

“I would be honored,” she answered softly. “I’ll sing something fitting.”

---

The Wedding Ceremony

The wedding day arrived, and the atmosphere was filled with an air of quiet reverence. Guests had gathered beneath a canopy of red lanterns, their soft glow flickering in the evening breeze. Haeseol stood by a grand piano set at the edge of the courtyard, her fingers lightly brushing the keys as she took a deep breath.

She had chosen a song—a song that came to her almost instinctively, as though it had been lingering in the corners of her mind for years. The melody was soft, gentle, like a lullaby from a distant memory.

As she began to sing, her voice carried through the air, a haunting and beautiful sound that silenced the crowd.

---

Haeseol’s Performance of Yueliang’s Song

( listen to it here - cc for subtitles | slight flashing and blood imagery )

Her voice began softly, almost like a whisper, as her fingers danced across the piano keys:

Step by step, tears fall under the cold moonlight

Despite my terrible fate, I eventually met you

A gentle breeze blows red lanterns into the night sky

My dry heart overflows with you.

The notes rose delicately as her voice gained strength, every word laced with emotion. Unknowingly, she was singing the song of Yueliang—the ancient song that had been passed through time, connecting love and fate in a way that transcended lifetimes.

Before I knew it, it started raining

And you blossomed in my heart like a flower

I give myself to you

You, who embraced me with kindness.

Her hands moved across the piano as the melody swelled, carrying the weight of every emotion. The guests sat enraptured, not daring to move, as Haeseol’s voice wove the tale of enduring love. Her own heart began to ache as she sang the words, though she didn’t know why.

A destiny woven from above, bound by red thread

Even when it's tangled, it keeps going

Even a painful death can't stop it

As long as we hold on to each other, we'll be together forever.

Her eyes fluttered closed as she felt the depth of the words, the sadness and beauty of them sinking deep into her soul. It felt as though the song belonged to someone else, yet she could feel it in her own heart—an ancient love, unbreakable, despite the trials it faced.

Your face reflected in the ripples of that blue lake

If I could always see the person I long for

Gentle and kind, I brushed your dark hair

I'll never forget the feeling of my fingers around it.

Her voice trembled slightly, not from nervousness but from the sheer weight of the emotions the song carried. She didn’t understand it, but it felt as if she was channeling something from long ago, something powerful and filled with longing.

At the far end in my nightmare

You're the light that banishes the darkness

I smile at you

You, who God gave me as a companion.

As the final lines of the song approached, Haeseol’s voice grew softer, more intimate, as though she were singing directly to someone in the room. She didn’t know who, but the feeling was undeniable.

A destiny woven from above, bound by red thread

Even when it's tangled, it keeps going

Even a painful death can't stop it

Because you and I are connected,

I'll be the sun and stay by your side until the end of my days.

Her fingers stilled on the piano as the last note faded into the evening air. Silence followed. For a moment, no one moved, as if the entire world had been held in place by the song. Then, slowly, the guests began to clap, the sound building into a wave of applause.

Haeseol stood, offering a soft bow, but her heart was still heavy with the lingering sadness of the song. She wasn’t sure why she had chosen it, or where it had come from, but something told her it wasn’t just a song. It was a memory. A promise. Something far deeper than she could yet understand.

As she looked out at the happy couple, she hoped that their love would not be bound by the same fate as the one in her song.

Journal Entries | A Familiar Sorrow

September 28th

There was another dream tonight, though this one was different. I wasn’t myself. I was someone else—Yueliang. It felt familiar, like slipping into a memory that wasn’t mine. As a shaman, I’ve had experiences with spirits and their lingering emotions, but this... this felt more vivid. More personal. I wasn’t just witnessing it—I was her, feeling her thoughts, her emotions, as if they were my own. I could feel the weight of the brush in her hand, the silk of her robe against my skin. The connection was seamless, like I belonged there.

And then, there was him. Zhongyuan. He startled her—me—but the moment turned from surprise to something deeper. His presence was overwhelming, as if he commanded the very air in the room. I’ve never seen him before, but his face, his eyes—those blood-red eyes—felt hauntingly familiar. Like I’ve known him in another life, or perhaps in the echoes of spirits I’ve connected with in the past. He wasn’t just a figure in a dream. There was something more.

What unsettles me most is how familiar he felt, as if I’ve been waiting to meet him. But why? I’ve never dreamed of him before, never seen him in any visions or spirit work. And yet, I can’t shake the feeling that we are somehow connected, as if our paths have crossed before in ways I can’t explain.

I’ve been possessed by spirits, seen their memories and walked their paths, but this… this was different. This felt like it was meant to happen, like I was supposed to witness this. I don’t know what it means, but I can’t ignore the pull I felt toward him. Toward that life.

Who are you, Zhongyuan? Why do I feel like I’ve always known you?

Journal Entry | October 1st

I had another one of those dreams. But this time, it wasn’t just a dream. I was her again—Yueliang. I felt everything as if it was happening to me. The wind in the village, the warmth of her grandmother’s hand, the crushing weight of fate that hung over every moment of her life. It was almost too real.

Yueliang’s grandmother reminded me so much of Halmeoni (Korean for Grandmother). Blind, but seeing everything. Feeling everything. I never thought about how similar they are until now. Maybe it’s that sense of knowing, that wisdom in their blindness. Yueliang’s Halmeoni saw her future and tried to change it. Does Halmeoni see something about mine? Is that why she’s always been so protective, always pressing me to be more than I am? More than I want to be?

But what hit me the hardest was the choice Yueliang made. She knew the danger. She knew she was walking into the lion’s den when she went to Zhongyuan. But she still did it—because she thought love could change everything. And for a while, it did. But then, just like that, it all fell apart. No matter how strong she was, no matter how much love she had, fate came back with a vengeance. Is that how it always is? Can we really never escape what we’re meant for?

When Yueliang lost control of her body, when she was forced to hurt the one person she wanted to protect... I think that’s what scares me the most. The idea of being used, manipulated by forces I don’t understand. What if something like that happens to me? What if there’s some part of my life or destiny that I can’t control?

And yet… despite it all, Yueliang still believed in love. Even after everything. She prayed for peace. For another chance. For him. I wonder if I could be that strong, or if I’d just crumble under the weight of it all.

I’m not sure what these dreams mean or why I’m having them, but they’re starting to feel less like dreams and more like memories. I’m afraid of what might come next. But a part of me—just a small part—wants to know.

Maybe there’s something I need to learn from Yueliang’s story. Something about love. Or fate. Or maybe about how to fight against what feels inevitable.

I don’t know. But I’ll keep listening.

—Haeseol

Haeseol’s Journal Entry – Present Day

I can’t stop thinking about her. Yueliang, the Radiant Moon.

It was her song I sang at that wedding so many years ago. I didn’t know it then, but now it feels obvious—like something has been pulling me toward her all this time. Her life, her story… it feels so close to mine, as if we’re connected somehow. And maybe we are.

The similarities are hard to ignore.

Yueliang was revered, just like I am. A symbol of something greater—radiance, light, hope. Her people adored her, saw her as their guiding moon, just as my community sees me as a blessing, a figurehead to offer protection and peace. They look to me as if I hold all the answers, as if I can shield them from whatever comes next. But what if I’m just as lost as they are?

And then there’s the opposition. For Yueliang, it was the followers of Zhongyuan, the dark sun of the yin, constantly in conflict with the devotees of her light. For me, it feels the same—though I’m not battling any dark suns or cosmic forces. I’m battling expectations, control, the endless power plays around me that are beyond my grasp. There are people who want me to be something—someone—I’m not. And I’m trapped in the middle, just as Yueliang was.

Is this why I feel so close to her now? Is this why her sadness feels like my own?

She loved deeply, suffered deeply, all because of the role she was forced to play. A goddess, a beacon for others, but who was there for her? Who understood the pain of always having to shine for others, even when your own heart feels dark and empty?

I wonder… is that my fate too? Am I destined to be just like her—forever revered, forever isolated? Or am I more than just a reflection of Yueliang’s story?

I don’t know why I’m drawn to her. I don’t even know how I could be connected to someone so ancient, so divine. But something inside me is stirring, something that feels like recognition. Like my soul remembers something my mind doesn’t.

Could it be that I’m tied to her, this moon goddess? This radiant moon of the yang?

The idea feels impossible, yet undeniable. I’ve always been different. Always felt like there was something more to me, something I couldn’t explain. Could Yueliang be the answer? Could she be the key to understanding what I am?

It’s strange. The more I think about her, the more I see myself in her—revered, yes, but also bound by something larger than myself. There’s no escaping it. No matter how much I try to live my own life, I’m always pulled back into the roles I’m supposed to play. The roles that others have crafted for me. Just like Yueliang.

But if she’s the moon, does that mean I’m destined to be her reflection? Or is there something else, something more?

I have so many questions, and no answers.

All I know is that I feel her sadness. Her longing. Her desire to be free of the chains that bind her to her people, her duties, her fate. And I feel that same longing inside me too.

I want to be free. But can I ever truly be free, if this is the life I was born into?

For now, all I have are questions.

Does that make any sense? — Yeah.

BIG LITTLE LIES | 1x01 “Somebody’s Dead”

“She looked like a girl in a fairy tale - a kind of Rapunzel, her eyes soft with dreams.”

— Eva Ibbotson, The Morning Gift  (via paper-fairy)

Marya Hornbacher, Madness: A Bipolar Life

THE PAST LIVES OF HAESEOL KIM

⌗ ︙ A DESTINY WOVEN FROM ABOVE

➛ The love was there. It didn't change anything. It didn't save anyone. There were just too many forces against it, but what matters is that the love was there.

TRIGGER WARNING: violence, death, famine, sickness, murder, blood etc.

"Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends."

### TALE: TEARS OF THE MOON

In a small but thriving village that lay in the land of Mamic—long before it was known as a Kingdom—there lived a girl named Yueliang. She came from a humble and happy home, the second eldest daughter of a blacksmith father and a seamstress mother. Her older brother was the assistant to the village's head doctor. Despite this modest upbringing, Yueliang always knew she was different.

Her grandmother, Han-Yi, now old and blind, had sensed it the night Yueliang was born during a violent storm. "You are a Yang, child," Han-Yi had whispered one day, squeezing Yueliang's small hand. Back then, Han-Yi wasn’t blind, and they often walked together to the river during the day. "It is your destiny to fight the other half. The Yin." Yueliang, with the curiosity of a child, had many questions, but Han-Yi either hushed her or brushed them aside.

From that moment, Han-Yi began training Yueliang in secret. She taught her all she knew about Mana, guiding her toward realizing her untapped potential, despite their limited resources. It was essential, Han-Yi emphasized, that Yueliang's powers remain hidden. "You are the Yin's mortal enemy," Han-Yi would say, gripping her shoulders tightly, her voice laced with fear. "The only one capable of defeating them. If they knew you existed, they would stop at nothing to kill you. Fate doesn't care if you wanted this or not. You must fight. Destroying the Yin is the only way to bring peace."

The summer Yueliang turned sixteen, her brother died from a spreading illness that had come from another town. His body, like the others, had to be burned to prevent the sickness from spreading further. Yueliang had never seen her mother so devastated, unable to even bring him home for a proper funeral. Three years later, Han-Yi lost her sight.

One night, as Yueliang’s mother brushed and braided her hair with trembling hands, Yueliang asked softly, "Mother... would you be sad if I was gone?" The village had just sent a merchant’s daughter with black hair as a bride to the Emperor, though everyone knew she was a sacrifice to appease a monstrous demon rumored to live in the mountains.

Her mother's voice shook as she answered, "Of course, my dear. Your father and I would be so sad without you. You are our whole world." Yueliang sensed that her mother understood the dangerous path that lay before her daughter.

Yueliang turned and smiled, linking her pinkie finger with her mother's. "Then I'll become so strong that no one will have to be sad anymore. I’ll find a way to change this world for the better." From that day, Yueliang vowed to embrace the one thing that could change her fate and save everyone: love.

Yueliang continued living in her village, growing in her magical abilities. She learned to channel, manipulate, and balance her Mana into forms of light, mastering the art of healing. Despite her grandmother’s warnings, Yueliang often used her powers to help the sick and injured, believing it was her duty to aid those in need, like her brother once did.

Tragedy struck when Han-Yi fell gravely ill. As her grandmother lay on her deathbed, she beckoned Yueliang closer and squeezed her hand. "Do you know why I lost my sight, child?" she asked weakly.

"N-No," Yueliang stammered, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Because I saw what awaited you in the future and chose to change its course." Han-Yi slipped a hairpin into Yueliang’s hand, crafted from magical stones found in the caves. The pin was gold, adorned with a jeweled white flower. Han-Yi leaned in and whispered her final words into Yueliang's ear.

Years passed, and Yueliang was now twenty-three. She wore the hairpin her grandmother had given her, dressed in garments fit for an imperial concubine—the same attire the merchant’s daughter had worn before being sent as a sacrifice. Yueliang had volunteered herself in place of a younger girl with black hair and porcelain skin, knowing she could not let the child be sent to die.

As she ascended the mountain, Yueliang could still hear the desperate cries of her parents, begging her to come back. She knew they would never forgive her, but she hoped they would one day understand why she had to face her destined enemy, the Yin.

Yueliang’s enemy was a man named Zhongyuan, a monstrous figure and tyrant. He was feared for his madness and bloodshed and for the black-haired girls he had slain. When Yueliang finally stood before him, she fought to keep her fear at bay. She knew she had to offer something that would appeal to him more than death.

“Help me end this eternal cycle of Yin and Yang and create an era of peace,” she proposed.

For six years, Yueliang and Zhongyuan moved from enemies to allies to lovers. Yueliang immersed herself in Zhongyuan’s vast library, learning more about Mana and refining her combat skills. Over time, Zhongyuan’s cruel nature softened under Yueliang’s influence. He became more insightful and empathetic, the hatred that had once fueled his actions slowly diminishing in the light of Yueliang’s love.

Yueliang’s unwavering kindness and her desire to heal and help others deeply touched Zhongyuan. He saw in her a genuine wish to change the world, a dream she couldn't achieve without his help. They fought together, laughed together, and learned together, convinced that their love had broken the eternal curse of their fated battle.

But fate, relentless and unforgiving, had other plans.

One fateful day, Yueliang fell under a powerful spell, becoming a puppet in her own body, compelled to harm the man she loved. Zhongyuan's blood was on her hands, her radiant arrow piercing his heart and lung. Yueliang cradled him as he bled out, tears streaming down her face as she begged him not to leave, desperate to find a way to save him.

Zhongyuan, struggling to breathe, tried to wipe away her tears. “Yueliang…” he whispered, his voice weak. He had seen her give everything, never asking for anything in return, not even from him. In his final moments, he wanted to give her something that was truly hers.

“My love. My pain. Even my very last breath, all of it is yours.”

After that day, Yueliang disappeared. It is rumored that Zhongyuan was buried in an unmarked grave beneath the large tree where Yueliang’s arrow struck him—the same tree where they had professed their love to one another three years prior. Some say that Yueliang visits the tree, praying for Zhongyuan’s peace in the afterlife and hoping they will be reunited in the next life and all the ones to follow.

"The mind forgets but the heart will always remember. And what is the heart's memory but love itself." - Twan Eg Tan.

### TALE: THE SIYO & THREE BROTHERS

Centuries passed, and the cycle repeated with the arrival of the Siyo Goddess and The Great Sun.

Long ago, the three brothers, known as The Three Great Spirits, waged a fierce war over control of the world, spreading destruction and chaos. In their father’s desperation, Hae-Ri Jin, the Siyo Goddess, was sent to bring peace. She was the embodiment of water, the calm to their fiery spirits. To save them from their rage, she made the ultimate sacrifice: offering her blood to Tae-Mu Ryeong, the eldest and strongest, while giving her eyes and hands to the other two brothers. Yet their greed overcame them, and they tore her apart in their thirst for more.

As punishment, their father, the Almighty God, cursed them all. Tae-Mu Ryeong, the Great Sun Spirit, was doomed to endure an eternal thirst—no drink, no food, no life force could ever satisfy him. The curse was unyielding, and God spoke these words to seal the fates of his three sons: "The one Siyo that offers up their life for your agony shall become the master of your pain. Their sacrifice shall bind you to them, and you will carry their mark until your final breath."

"I've loved you all my life, even before we met. Part of it wasn't even you. It was the promise of you." - Li-Young Lee.

### TALE: THE STORY OF BAYAN & DHAN (Elixir Of The Sun - Manhwa)

The Dark Siyo, those with black hair, carried the true legacy of the Goddess, though the world had forgotten their worth. Over the centuries, the Silver Siyo rose in prominence, imposters who had cannibalized the original Siyo to gain their powerful healing abilities through consuming their blood. The Dark Siyo, seen as powerless, were cast out and shunned.

Among them was Bayan, a woman whose fate seemed sealed from birth. Her mother, Rangbi, had once been a revered shaman, known for her foresight and wisdom, before her pregnancy with Bayan made her an outcast. Rangbi, blind from the sacrifice of her sight to forge divination orbs for Bayan (made from her blood), was eventually poisoned by the village elders, dying in her daughter's arms. Yet despite Bayan's vow of revenge, it was Rangbi's final wish that her daughter escape to a future beyond the village.

Bayan was sent to the court of Emperor Dhan, the current descendant of Tae-Mu Ryeong, cursed with an insatiable bloodlust. Every concubine brought to him met the same fate—slaughtered by his thirst. Yet when Dhan tasted Bayan’s blood, it soothed the madness within him. Her blood, unlike the others, was a balm to his eternal thirst. In time, Bayan became more than just a concubine. Dhan saw in her the same calming force that Hae-Ri Jin had been for his ancestor.

Their connection deepened, and Dhan began to groom Bayan to be his Hae-Gae, his guardian, his Empress. He taught her to write, allowed her to read official doctrines, and shared the intricacies of ruling the empire. Bayan, once worthless in the eyes of her people, became essential to Dhan, both for his survival and his heart.

But even as their bond grew, Dhan was unaware of the prophecy’s full weight. He did not know that Bayan’s ultimate sacrifice was the only way to break the curse that tormented him. That moment came when poisoned ceremonial wine sent Dhan into a violent blood rage. In his madness, he attacked Bayan.

Despite the agony, Bayan did not run. She embraced him, letting him sink his teeth into her, tearing at her neck as he drank her blood. She endured his violence, knowing that her sacrifice would be the key to his salvation. As her body grew cold in his arms, Dhan’s madness ebbed, leaving him alone with the horror of what he had done.

Dhan wept over Bayan’s body, bloodied and lifeless in his embrace. He pulled out the divination orbs she had carried, swallowing one himself and placing the other in her mouth, urging her to swallow even in death. The prophecy was fulfilled—Bayan’s sacrifice had made her the master of his pain. The curse was broken, their souls bound together in life and beyond.

But instead of dying, Bayan survived, saved by the child she unknowingly carried, the life within her rekindling her strength. Dhan and Bayan were now forever bound—in thought, in emotion, in pain, in love. His suffering was hers, his joys and sorrows intertwined with hers. Everything that was his—his love, his pain, even his final breath—belonged to her.

---

Years passed, and after they both lived long lives, Dhan and Bayan found themselves at the threshold of the afterlife. The weight of time had come for them, their bodies old, but their bond unbroken.

As they stood together in the quiet of the afterlife, Bayan wrapped her arms around him

"Does Your Majesty wish to meet again in our next lives?" she asked softly, her voice carrying the weight of eternity.

Dhan chuckled, leaning into her embrace. “Of course. Were you considering abandoning me?”

Bayan smiled, resting her head against his chest. “No. When the time comes, I'll be your master once more.” Her voice was steady, filled with promise. “Your love. Your pain. Even your very last breath, please give them all to me.”

Dhan held her closer, a warmth spreading through him even in the stillness of the afterlife. "They are all yours, Bayan."

"And when you asked me how long for I have been in love with you, I realized I didn't know the answer. After all those years I just stopped counting, because my love for you seems timeless."- Jhon Grisham

### THE MODERN ERA: THE SHAMAN & THE PRODIGY

In every life, Haeseol and Tae-Jun have been bound by fate, their connection always marked by blood and sacrifice. From ancient enemies-turned-lovers like Yueliang and Zhongyuan, to the tragic romance of Hae-Ri Jin slain by the Tae-Mu-Ryeong that inevitably led to the violence of Bayan giving her life to save Dhan from his madness -- the weight of their shared history follows them. In this life, their bond is reignited when Tae-Jun nearly dies and Haeseol, harboring a secret, saves him once again.

Haeseol Kim, revered as a shaman, is the center of her community's devotion. Raised under her grandmother’s teachings, she is seen as a living deity, often surrounded by gifts and admiration. But her serene public image masks a dark truth: she is not entirely human. Born of a human hybrid, chiropteran queen, Haeseol’s blood is vampiric, passed down from her birth mother. It’s this very blood that saves Tae-Jun when he is fatally injured. In doing so, she transforms him into her chevalier —a protector forever bound to her through blood.

This transformation is not just physical—it ties Tae-Jun to her in every possible way. He becomes hyper-aware of her presence, able to feel her emotions, hear her heartbeat, and sense her every need. His life is tethered to hers, and Haeseol's vampiric hunger can now only be sated by his blood. Though it brings him unimaginable power, Tae-Jun’s new existence is suffused with the weight of eternal servitude, echoing the tragedies of their past lives where love was inseparable from loss.

Yet, this time around, their relationship is fraught with complications. Tae-Jun Park, once a feared and arrogant taekwondo prodigy, has spent his life bullying others into submission. Known for his prodigious martial arts skills, Tae-Jun's reputation is as imposing as his strength. But while others shy away from his aggressive nature, Haeseol stands firm. She hates bullies with a passion and has never hesitated to confront Tae-Jun head-on, calling him out on his behavior. In her eyes, he embodies everything she detests.

Their rivalry is constant, with Tae-Jun antagonizing her whenever he can, pushing her buttons just to see her reaction. Haeseol, on the other hand, refuses to back down, often matching his intensity with her own sharp wit and disdain. Despite their clashes, there’s an unspoken recognition between them—something neither can fully deny. While Tae-Jun exudes arrogance, secretly, he respects Haeseol’s strength and resilience. She’s the only one who stands up to him, and somewhere in the midst of their bickering, he can’t help but admire her.

For Haeseol, dealing with Tae-Jun is infuriating. His arrogance grates on her, but at the same time, she sees glimpses of the person buried underneath the bravado—a fighter, yes, but also someone trapped by the expectations of his family and the weight of their legacy. Tae-Jun, too, carries his own burdens, constantly striving to step out of his parents' shadow, yearning for recognition on his own terms. His pushy attitude, though frustrating, is part of a deeper struggle for validation.

Their dynamic is an odd balance of frenemies, with both of them unwilling to admit that despite everything, they do care for each other in their own way. Tae-Jun may be an insufferable bully, but he also values Haeseol’s opinion more than anyone else’s, even if he won’t admit it. And Haeseol, for all her dislike of his behavior, can't deny that Tae-Jun has a deeper role in her life, one that goes beyond their present-day squabbles.

Bound now by the chiropteran blood and their shared past, their connection has never been more intense. Tae-Jun’s transformation may have made him Haeseol’s protector, but in truth, he’s always been drawn to her, whether as an adversary or something more. Their relationship, born of rivalry and sustained by centuries of intertwined lives, is now a fragile balance between confrontation and undeniable destiny. Whether they can break free from the cycle of blood and sacrifice that has followed them for lifetimes remains uncertain, but in this life, they stand a chance at forging something new—if they can ever stop arguing long enough to realize it.

Botanical book from 1918 🌼

Daily hanbok by 김재은.

### Scene: An Unwelcome Guest

The air was heavy with the smell of burning incense, a thick haze hanging in the small room. Haeseol sat cross-legged on the wooden floor, her body still aching from the most recent possession. Sweat beaded at her forehead, her vision blurring slightly as she tried to center herself. The spirits had been restless all week, and tonight, their presence pressed against her like a suffocating weight.

She could feel them—restless, circling, watching.

But it was one in particular that made her chest tighten with unease.

The room was dim, lit only by the soft glow of candlelight flickering in the corners, casting long shadows on the walls. But even the shadows felt wrong tonight. They moved on their own, creeping, shifting in ways that made her skin crawl.

Then, a cold gust swept through the room. The candles flickered violently, some extinguishing with soft pops. The darkness pressed in closer, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. Haeseol’s breath caught in her throat.

It was here.

The spirit’s presence filled the room, palpable and oppressive. She didn’t need to open her eyes to know it was there, lingering in the corner where the shadows pooled unnaturally.

And then she heard it. That voice. The one that haunted her dreams.

"Shaman..."

The voice was nasally, hoarse, a rasp that grated against her ears like the grinding of bones. It slithered through the air, wrapping around her like a noose, tightening with every syllable.

"You’ve been avoiding me..."

Haeseol’s body went rigid, her muscles locking in place. She forced her eyes open, her gaze darting to the corner where the darkness seemed to pulse and writhe. And there it was—emerging from the shadows, its skeletal form bending unnaturally as it stepped into the dim light.

Its body was long, grotesque, and emaciated, skin stretched tight over bones that seemed too large for its frame. What little flesh it had was gray and mottled, like it had been rotting for centuries. Its limbs were unnervingly long, the fingers twisted into jagged claws. And its face—if it could even be called that—was a gaping maw, dark and hollow, with thin strands of skin clinging to its skull-like features.

It moved with an unnatural grace, each step deliberate, each movement precise. It didn’t lurch or stumble like other spirits. No, this one moved like a predator. Calculated. Patient.

Haeseol’s heart pounded in her chest, her breath shallow as she stared at the creature. She had dealt with angry spirits before. Violent ones. Vengeful ones. But this one… this was something else. Something older. Something that shouldn’t exist.

The spirit tilted its head, observing her with hollow, sunken eyes. Its grin stretched wider, too wide, like its face was splitting open.

"So... young," it rasped, voice dripping with mockery. "And yet, you think you can stand against me? Against what I am?"

It took another step forward, its elongated fingers twitching as if testing the air between them.

Haeseol swallowed hard, forcing herself to speak despite the lump lodged in her throat. “You don’t belong here,” she managed, her voice trembling. “Go back.”

The creature chuckled, a low, rasping sound that reverberated through the room. It was amused.

"You think you have control over me, little shaman?" it hissed, its voice like nails scraping across stone. "Do you even know what I am? What you face? Or are you just a child... playing at a game too big for you?"

It inched closer, its skeletal form casting an impossibly long shadow across the floor. Haeseol tried to move, to shift her body into a protective stance, but her limbs felt heavy, like they were anchored to the ground.

"I know who you are," it whispered, leaning in closer, its breath cold and rancid against her skin. "I know your blood. I know your grandmother. She couldn’t stop me. Do you think you can?"

Her heart skipped a beat, fear gripping her chest. The spirit’s words hit her like a punch to the gut. It knew her grandmother. Ming-Ji, the shaman who had taught her everything she knew. The one who had fought and exorcised more spirits than Haeseol could count.

And this thing… it had survived.

Haeseol’s pulse quickened, but she forced herself to keep her gaze steady, her breath controlled. She couldn’t show fear. Not to this thing.

“I’m not her,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “But I’ll end you.”

The spirit’s laugh was cold, chilling. It tilted its head, regarding her like a curious insect.

"Brave words... for one so fragile."

In one swift motion, it lunged. Haeseol’s body reacted on instinct, her hand shooting out as she uttered a string of ancient incantations. The air crackled with energy, the wards she had set up earlier flickering to life in defense. The creature stopped just short of her, its face mere inches from hers, stopped only by the barrier she had created.

It hovered there, staring into her eyes, its breath rasping, foul and cold.

"You’ll break eventually, shaman," it whispered, its voice soft and insidious. "They all do."

With a final, lingering look, the spirit retreated back into the shadows, disappearing as suddenly as it had appeared. The air in the room lightened, the oppressive weight lifting as it faded.

But even as it left, Haeseol could still feel its presence. The lingering threat. The promise of its return.

She exhaled shakily, her body collapsing onto the floor as the adrenaline drained from her limbs.

She had faced countless spirits, but this one… this one was different. It wasn’t just a lost soul or a malevolent ghost. It was something far worse. Something ancient.

And it was watching. Waiting.

"I know your blood..."

The words echoed in her mind as she lay there, the cold sweat soaking through her clothes. She knew it would be back. It always came back.

Journal Entry | October 7th

There are spirits I can tolerate—the lost souls, the ones who just want to be heard, to find peace. But then, there are others. Darker, more sinister presences that cling to people like shadows, or seep into the land itself, poisoning entire towns with their malice. These spirits... they're not just angry; they're violent, twisted things that live off the fear and misfortune of the living.

I can see them, and they can see me. That’s the problem. Some of them, when they catch sight of me, grow curious, wondering who I am, why I can see them. They follow me, like wolves circling, deciding whether I’m prey. The more aware ones—those that were human once but twisted into something far worse—talk to me. I’ve heard their threats, their promises of harm. They speak of things they’ve done, how they’ve cursed whole families or destroyed lives. Sometimes they don’t even try to hide it.

Some are puzzled by me, though. “So young,” they say, their voices rasping and dripping with disdain or amusement. They cackle when they realize I’m Ming-Ji’s granddaughter, the next one in line to continue the family’s work. A shaman, just like her, they say, voices filled with an eerie glee. They ask how long I’ll last, how much I can take before I break. Before they get to me, or worse—before I let them get to me. The way they watch me, it's like they’re waiting for the day I falter.

There’s one in particular I’ll never forget. I still feel shivers running down my spine when I think of it. It was... not human, not even close. Its body was elongated, scrawny, like all the flesh had been peeled away, leaving only bone and sinew. Its skin—what little there was of it—was stretched tight, paper-thin. And yet, for something so emaciated, it moved with such precision, like a predator toying with its prey, enjoying the chase before the kill.

Its voice... gods, I’ll never forget it. Nasally, hoarse, like it had been screaming for centuries and lost the ability to speak properly. It whispered in my ear once, when I wasn’t paying attention, too focused on another possession. "I see you, shaman. I know your name. I know your blood. And I'll be waiting."

I can still hear that voice sometimes, echoing in my mind when I least expect it. It never attacked me, not directly, but the way it watched me, the way it toyed with me like I was a piece in some game... I know it’s only biding its time. I’ve dealt with many spirits, but none like this one. None that felt so ancient, so utterly devoid of anything human.

I wonder if my grandmother ever encountered it. I never had the chance to ask her. Maybe she left it for me, like an inheritance I never wanted. All I know is that it’s still out there, lurking, waiting. And I’ll have to face it again.

- Haeseol.

good night

### Scene: Late night thoughts and papers

Haeseol sat cross-legged on the floor of her room, a towering stack of textbooks and assignments staring her down like some insurmountable beast. Sighing, she rubbed her temples and glanced at the engagement ring on her finger—the promise ring that still gleamed with a soft, unspoken weight. She twisted it absentmindedly, a bittersweet reminder of everything that had come to a halt. Sixteen, engaged to Shinichi Kozu, her childhood best friend, and yet here she was, buried under homework instead of planning the wedding they'd talked about for years.

Or rather, the wedding they had called off.

Her adoptive parents, Jin-Soo and Ji-Woo Kim, were halfway across the world in Korea, but they still found ways to nag her about her studies. No matter what kind of chaos she was dealing with—whether it was her fame as a revered shaman, the Red Shield keeping tabs on her, or being the subject of secret governmental interest—one thing remained constant: her grades.

“Gotta stay ahead of the game, right?” she muttered to herself, flipping open one of her notebooks. The words blurred for a moment before coming into focus, the overwhelming realization of how far behind she had fallen hitting her. Months of assignments to catch up on. It almost felt like a cruel joke.

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door, followed by the quiet, almost serene presence of Sayaka Inatsu, her unassuming yet formidable bodyguard. Clad in her shrine maiden robes, Sayaka entered the room with a calmness that belied her role. She wasn’t just Haeseol’s protector—she was sent by him. Shinichi Kozu.

Her fiancé.

Or... whatever he was now. The whole situation was complicated.

Sayaka gently placed a tray of tea on the desk next to Haeseol and regarded her with a soft smile. “You should take a break soon. I’ve organized your assignments by subject. You have English and mathematics due tomorrow, and your history paper on Monday.”

“Thanks, Sayaka.” Haeseol sighed, flipping through the assignments that Sayaka had already neatly arranged. It was kind of funny, having a bodyguard who not only protected her from physical threats but also ensured her homework was submitted on time.

Sayaka, as always, had been gentle but firm. If it weren’t for her, Haeseol knew she’d probably be swimming in overdue work. “Do you need help with anything?” Sayaka asked, standing nearby, her hands folded neatly in front of her.

“No, it’s fine,” Haeseol muttered, grabbing her English textbook and flipping it open. “I just... need to focus.” But she wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all herself. Focus was the last thing she had these days. Her mind kept wandering back to Shinichi. Back to Japan. Back to the life they had been planning, one that now seemed distant and almost unreal.

The wedding they’d been talking about for years—it had felt so close, like it was just around the corner. But now... Now, everything had changed. They had both agreed to call it off. Shinichi, ever the composed and understanding religious figure, had accepted it gracefully. He knew better than anyone that the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Still, the thought of it left an ache in her chest. They had grown up together, always thinking they'd end up together. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

And yet, here she was, sixteen years old, with her wedding on indefinite hiatus, staring down a mountain of schoolwork. The irony wasn’t lost on her.

Sayaka, noticing the faraway look in Haeseol’s eyes, spoke again, her voice gentle but firm. “Master Kozu understands, you know. He wouldn’t want you to be distracted by things beyond your control. Right now, your studies are important.”

Haeseol sighed, pushing her textbooks aside for a moment and leaning back. “I know, I know. It’s just... sometimes it feels like everything’s happening too fast. One moment, I’m just a normal kid, and the next... I’m some kind of public figure, with governments watching me, the Red Shield, the shaman stuff, on top of finding out two weeks ago that THE Captain America is my biological father...”

“And your wedding,” Sayaka finished softly.

Haeseol nodded, her eyes falling back to the ring on her finger. “Yeah. That too.”

Sayaka’s serene smile remained, but there was a flicker of understanding in her eyes. “Your path is a difficult one, but you are not walking it alone.”

“I just wish I could hit the pause button on all of this,” Haeseol said quietly, glancing at the stack of homework. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing half the time.”

Sayaka’s expression softened, and she kneeled next to Haeseol. “That’s why you take it one step at a time. Start with this assignment, and then the next. Your parents and Shinichi want you to succeed, but more than that, they want you to be happy.”

Haeseol nodded again, though the weight on her shoulders didn’t feel any lighter. “I know. I’m just tired of everything piling up, you know?”

Sayaka offered her a reassuring nod and stood, moving toward the door. “You’re strong, Haeseol. Don’t forget that. I’ll be back in a little while to check on you.” With that, she slipped out of the room, leaving Haeseol alone with her thoughts and her mountain of schoolwork.

Haeseol leaned her head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. Strong. That’s what everyone kept telling her. But even strong people got tired, right?

She picked up her pen, ready to tackle her English homework. At least if she could stay ahead of her assignments, that would be one thing in her life she could control. And maybe, just maybe, everything else would fall into place eventually.

But for now, there was a pile of papers to get through.