If We're Being Honest [1/2]

If We're Being Honest [1/2]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader Word Count: 6.8k [Part 2]

Summary: Already having an awful week, you're a bit out of it while at Josie's with your friends, too busy sulking and drinking down your feelings to keep up with conversation. The sight of Matt wandering off with a beautiful woman yet again certainly doesn't help. But when you stay behind by yourself to finish your drink and wallow a bit more, you're surprised when Matt reappears and offers to let you stay the night at his place. Eventually, the night takes a turn you weren't anticipating.

Warnings/Tags: Angst with a happy ending, confession of feelings (with a twist), delayed comfort, anxious/depressed inebriated Reader

a/n: This is a two part little fic with angst in this first half and the comfort y'all want in the second half. I was craving angst and a twist on the typical confession of feelings fic, so here y'all go! Feedback is always appreciated!

Matt Murdock One Shot Tag List: @pazii @shouldbestudying41 @kmc1989 @ebathory997 @mattkinsella @yeonalie @shiorimakibawrites @xxdrixx @wkndwlff @leikelle @pinkratts @lazyxsquirrel @1988-fiend @marvelcinematiquniverse @carstairswife @stilldreaming666 @kiwwia-wiwwia @willwork4dilfs @will-delete-this-later-probably @mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment @theetherealbloom @yarrystyleeza @dramaholic18 @ladywholikesreading @sleepysleepymom @tartbeanpuzzles @harleycao @sunflower-tia

Absently spinning your bottle of beer on the table with one hand, your eyes were fixed on the little droplets of condensation along the side of it. Your chin rested in the palm of your other hand as you watched one of the droplets begin to snake its way down the side of the brown glass, moving as if it was in slow motion. Outside of the bar, the downpour of summer rain battered against the window to your left.

Foggy’s hand loudly and abruptly slapping the table broke through your daze, causing you to jump in your seat. Eyes flying over towards him beside you, you watched as he let out a boisterous laugh, throwing his head back over his shoulders. Karen and Matt both quickly followed after, breaking into a fit of laughter along with him. Meanwhile you sat in your seat with absolutely no idea what had them laughing so hard because you hadn't been paying attention to the conversation for the past few minutes. 

You'd been having a rough week, both emotionally and mentally, and were currently trying your hardest not to sit and wallow in self-pity tonight–but you weren't doing a great job of that so far. Not only had you received a wedding invitation to your cousin's wedding the other day, but last night Marci had asked you to be a bridesmaid at her and Foggy’s upcoming wedding. Which of course you'd said yes to, ecstatic for your friends to finally be getting married and having an actual date set for their big day. But all of that had made you increasingly aware of your own single-ness this week in particular, especially after Karen had spent the first part of tonight gushing about the new guy she'd been seeing. 

You were happy for your friends, honestly. They were amazing people who deserved nothing but the best. You absolutely couldn't wait for all of the wedding festivities coming up that you'd be celebrating with everyone, either–for Marci and Fog's wedding and your cousin. You even thought the guy Karen was seeing sounded like an actual great catch for her for once. 

But you just couldn't help but feel like there was something wrong with you tonight. It had been far too long since you'd last had a date, and even longer than that since you'd been in a relationship. It didn't help that you certainly didn’t feel like you fit in with this group of friends you’d somehow found yourself a part of for the past almost year now. 

It had been by sheer accident that you’d met Foggy and Karen one morning all those months ago. And it was only because the three of you had had a coffee mishap at a coffee shop near the office where they worked. It was Foggy who’d chased you out of that shop for the drink you'd accidentally grabbed by mistake. Apparently it had been for his law firm partner Matt, who happened to be very particular about his coffee. They needed to be at the courthouse in time for a court case that morning so he didn't have time to get back in line to reorder the coffee. Having not had a chance to drink from the cup in the time you'd managed to grab it and make your way out the door, you'd readily swapped Matt's drink with your actual coffee that Foggy had grabbed. You’d apologized profusely for the mistake, but you'd formed the opinion that his firm partner sounded like an ass to be that particular about his coffee.

And for the next few mornings before work after that, you kept noticing Karen and Foggy at the same coffee shop. The pair of them were always excited to greet you, jokingly dubbing you the ‘coffee thief’ from that moment forward. It wasn’t long before the morning small talk in the line for coffee eventually led to them inviting you out to this little dive bar at Josie’s where you had finally met him .

Matthew Michael Murdock.

As the laughter subsided at the table, your eyes shifted over to Matt as if they were magnetically drawn to him. There was a broad smile stretched wide across his face, displaying his perfect, white teeth. The adorable, lone dimple in his right cheek was visible tonight just beneath the stubble that was a bit darker and thicker than he usually kept it. His dark hair was partially windswept but now finally dry from the rain that had dampened it earlier. Somehow that had just made his hair look messy in a way that seemed intentional. His tie was partially undone, loose around the collar of his light blue dress shirt; and as usual by the time he’d reached Josie’s, his sleeves had been rolled up exactly two times to reveal those muscular forearms of his covered in that smattering of little dark hairs you’d always longed to touch. 

He looked good– so good. But he always did. 

And of course, you were aware that you weren't the only one who ever noticed that.

The tall brunette you’d caught eyeing Matt all night finally appeared just over his shoulder and you released a sigh, already knowing what was coming next. Matt always attracted attention from beautiful women wherever he went because he was handsome and charismatic and sweet. He was impossible to miss in a room full of people. Which was honestly true of Karen, Marci, and Foggy, too. They were all attractive, successful, and exceptionally well-spoken individuals with big personalities that you couldn’t help but be drawn to.

But not you. You stood out like a painting on a hotel wall wherever you went–common, bland, and not remotely out of the ordinary. 

“Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt,” the brunette began as she stopped beside the table. Her eyes landed on Matt as she flashed a stunning smile his way. “I couldn't help but keep stealing glances at you all night and I figured I'd finally just say hello.”

Matt turned in his chair towards the woman, a charming smile already prepared on his face for her. “Well I'm flattered,” he told her. “I only wish I could say the same about stealing glances at you in return all night, but well–”

Matt gestured at his red glasses as the woman laughed, the sound itself somehow even perfect and attractive. That dark feeling of jealousy and despair began knotting together, swirling in your gut and mixing with the beers you'd already downed. Movement across the table from you caught your attention and you glanced over, catching the sight of Karen playfully but discreetly rolling her eyes at you and Foggy. Foggy chuckled lightly in response, nodding a little. Your attention returned back to the condensation on your beer bottle, not interested in having a front row seat to watching another one of Matt's hook-ups pan out.

“Would it be alright if I bought you a drink?” you overheard the brunette ask. “I mean, if I'm not interrupting?”

“I can assure you that you’re absolutely not interrupting anything,” Matt told her, already sliding his chair back and rising to his feet. “I think these three have endured my company long enough for this evening anyway, and it isn't often a woman offers to buy me a drink.”

Matt said a quick round of goodbyes to the three of you as that beautiful brunette’s perfect laugh trilled over the sound of the rock music playing on the bar’s speakers. You muttered something back half-heartedly, not even bothering to glance up from your beer. It wasn’t like he’d have noticed anyway.

“Well maybe it’s about that time,” Foggy said, pulling the sleeve of his dress shirt back to check the time on his watch. “Marci had appointments for cake tastings tomorrow morning and I do not want to miss out on that.” 

Across the table, Karen raised her bottle up to her lips, downing the rest of her beer before setting the empty bottle back onto the table. “I might see if Alex wants to stop over tonight, actually,” she told you both. “Since it’s Friday and I don’t need to show up at the office for once on a Saturday morning.”

As both of them began sliding their chairs back, gathering their things from the table, you remained seated. Fingers tapping against the beer bottle, you watched as a droplet of condensation raced another over the curve of the glass. Out of your peripheral, you caught the way both Foggy and Karen’s movements slowed, the two of them exchanging an uncertain look with each other. Then you heard the way Karen said your name softly in question. Eyes shifting upwards, you focused on her on the other side of the table.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” she asked. “You’ve been oddly quiet all night.”

You forced a tired smile onto your face, nodding as you continued to rest your chin in your hand. “I’m fine,” you lied. “Just going to finish my drink before I leave, I think. Been a rough week at work and I just need to relax a little.”

“Do you…want us to stay?” Foggy asked.

You shook your head, releasing the bottle from your grip long enough to wave the pair of them off. “I’m fine drinking by myself, don’t worry about me,” you told him. “Go on. You both have someone to get back to tonight anyway, I’ll be alright.”

Karen hesitated beside the table, her concerned eyes landing back on Foggy still standing next to you. It looked like they were having a silent conversation with each other, but the thought of them staying here to keep you company when you knew there was somewhere they’d rather be–some one who’d they’d rather be with–only made that uncomfortable and sickening feeling of jealousy in your gut worse. 

Forcing that smile back on your face, you sat upright in your chair, ignoring the way the bar around you briefly spun in your vision from the beers you'd drank. Attempting to play the part of being just fine, you hoped that neither of them could see the truth behind the mask you’d thrown on. You just wanted to sulk back for a few minutes and finish your beer while you unhealthily forced yourself to acknowledge the fact that Matt looked far better next to a woman like the one he was currently laughing with at the bar than someone like you. Then you’d go home, throw on your stained and worn pajamas that weren’t remotely sexy, and probably watch a bit of mindless television before going to bed. Alone. Like every other night.

“Alright, well…hopefully you enjoy your drink,” Karen replied hesitantly, still looking uncertain.

“Make sure you call for a ride, too,” Foggy said, pointing a finger at the window beside you. “Still raining cats and dogs out there. You don’t want to step in a poodle–I mean, puddle–on your way home.”

You laughed lightly at his joke, though not as much as you would’ve done any other night. Exchanging goodbyes with both of them afterwards, you sighed in relief when they finally turned and headed towards the exit. Slumping back down in your seat, you focused on the window to your left as you drew your bottle of beer back up to your lips, watching as the rain continued to come down hard. 

Maybe Melissa at work was right. Maybe it was time you tried downloading one of those stupid dating apps, even though the thought of weeding out so many assholes who just wanted sex was the last thing you wanted to do. But maybe it would beat being alone all the time. It wasn’t like you were having any luck trying to meet someone the old fashioned way–in person.

Taking another drink from your beer, your attention returned to Matt's back as he sat at the bar beside the attractive woman. Drinking down a few deep gulps, you wondered what it would be like to ever have his undivided attention like that. To have him throw jokes your way because he was trying to win you over, not because you were just one of his friends. To have his hand linger on your thigh while he spoke to you because he wanted you and he wanted you to know that. Or to have him lean in towards your ear and whisper literally anything to you. 

Swallowing your beer down, you tore your eyes away from the sight of Matt at the bar. He'd never once flirted with you like that, the thought only increasing the lingering pain of jealousy now spreading to your chest, feeling like it was sucking your heart into a blackhole of nothingness. You just weren't good enough were you?

Ducking your head, you tried to hide the emotion on your face even if the only person left at this bar to notice and comment would be Josie herself. Still, you'd rather not be asked to explain why you looked quite so miserable. But it hurt to realize that every single one of your friends had someone else to go home to tonight, and here you were drinking alone. Going home to an empty apartment after.

Figuring it was time you just downed the rest of your drink and headed home, you grabbed your beer and quickly drained the rest of its contents. Maybe being drenched in the summer rain on your walk back home would make you feel something tonight besides the growing ache of loneliness. 

Setting the finished bottle of beer back onto the table, you clumsily pushed your chair back. Rising to your feet, you nearly lost your balance when you slid out of the chair. Your hands darted out, grabbing onto the table to steady yourself for a moment. Maybe you'd drank those beers back faster than you'd realized, clearly a little more buzzed than you'd expected.

“Not a big deal,” you mumbled to yourself, maneuvering around the chair, “I can still manage to walk back inebriated in the rain.”

Slipping your purse from off the back of the chair, you tossed the strap over your head and readjusted it on yourself. Then you pushed the chair forward so as not to trip over it before turning. 

Immediately you stopped when you saw you weren't alone, a surprised gasp coming from you. You would’ve stumbled backwards if it hadn't been for your hand that flew out, grabbing onto the back of the chair you'd just pushed in. Matt was standing at the edge of the table, his cane unfolded and in both of his hands.

“Hey,” he said, his attention clearly fixed on you. “Josie said you were still here by yourself.”

Brows knitting together in confusion at him suddenly appearing over here when he had just been at the bar, you glanced back over to where you'd last seen him. The brunette he'd been talking to had disappeared entirely, no longer sitting on the bar stool. 

“Yeah, I was just…finishing my drink,” you replied, still scanning the bar for the woman. “Weren't you with someone just a minute ago?”

“Well I was,” he answered, “until Josie pointed out how you were sitting here all by yourself after Fog and Karen had already gone home. Had me worried. Are you doing alright?”

Your gaze returned back to him, taking in the look of concern etched across his handsome face. The same look Karen and Foggy had shared tonight. 

“I'm fine,” you said, repeating the same lie. 

Matt's head tilted curiously to the side, a mannerism of his that you always found adorable. Except for right now, because it felt like he was analyzing what you'd said far more closely than your other friends had.

“If you're heading out, I can call you a car,” Matt suggested. “I can even wait with you if you'd like.”

You shook your head, beginning to make your way past him. “I'm fine, Matt,” you told him. “I was just going to walk back.”

“In the rain?” he asked. “I might be blind but I'm not deaf. It's pouring outside. And you've had quite a few drinks tonight, let me just call you a car. You shouldn’t be walking home in that.”

“Maybe I want to take a walk in the rain,” you countered, coming to a stop beside him. “Something wrong with that? It's just rain.”

His brows drew up onto his forehead behind his glasses as he shifted on his feet. “You really want to walk almost two blocks in the pouring rain right now? Stumbling down the sidewalk alone?” he asked. “You sure about that?”

A frown settled onto your face. When he put it like that, no, you sort of didn't. But you also didn't feel like waiting to grab a cab, either. Especially if it meant waiting with Matt and being the cause of further ruining his evening.

“Alright, how about this,” he continued when you hadn’t answered. “You come back and stay at my place tonight. I think we can both manage a walk around the corner in the rain. I'll let you borrow something dry to sleep in and you can take the bed. That way I won't have to worry if you made it home alright and you can still have your walk in the rain.”

As his offer made its way past the alcoholic fog in your brain, your body stiffened. Had Matt really just invited you to stay the night at his place? Because he was worried about you getting home? And he'd walked away from what was clearly going to be an obvious hook-up? For you ?

You could feel your heart beating a little faster in your chest as all these things gradually began to register in your mind. Why would he do that? He’d never invited you to stay at his place before.

“I–” you began.

You could barely find the words to reply, your brain too muddled by the alcohol to think clearly. Was this just an invitation as a friend, or was it something more? 

“Is that a yes?” he questioned. “Because it sounds like the rain has eased up a bit, now would be the perfect time to head out before it downpours again.”

Slowly you nodded, the ‘yes’ coming out of you before you even realized you’d agreed. Because could you really pass up the chance to stay over at Matt’s place? You knew you’d always be left wondering what might’ve happened if you didn’t go. 

His hand extended out towards you, the movement drawing your gaze downwards. It hovered there in the space between both of your bodies, your eyes lingering on it. 

“Should we go then?” he asked.

Swallowing hard, you hesitantly reached your hand out, slipping it with uncertainty into his. But when his fingers curled around your hand in return, you realized that’s what he’d been silently asking. For you to hold his hand as you walked back with him in the rain.

“Probably will make it easier to keep either of us from tripping,” he told you, turning the pair of you around in the bar until you were both facing the exit. “Though I suppose now if one of us falls down, we both do.”

His head turned towards you, a cheeky grin on his mouth directed solely at you. You could feel the way your heart skipped in your chest at the sight, the cold, miserable feeling that you’d been experiencing all night easing its way out of you just a little. 

“So, do you care to lead the way or…?”

Snapping out of your daze staring at him–something you were grateful he couldn’t see–you quickly nodded. “Right, sorry,” you muttered, beginning to lead the pair of you towards the door.

The moment you’d led the pair of you out of Josie’s and out from beneath the little overhang at the entrance, the warm rain had already begun to soak your hair and your clothes. It had felt good though, especially with Matt’s warm, calloused hand wrapped around yours. As you sidestepped a puddle, you found yourself surprised at the unexpected turn that your evening had taken. Though there was still something on your mind and your inebriated brain just couldn’t resist finding out the answer as the pair of you neared the corner of the block.

“So…how much did I ruin your night tonight?” you asked Matt cautiously.

He glanced over his shoulder towards you, his cane tapping along the sidewalk and occasionally splashing up water each time it hit a puddle. Your bottom lip rolled back between your teeth as you began nervously gnawing on it, afraid of his answer.

“You didn’t ruin my night,” he replied easily. “Though I’ve been a bit worried about you. You’ve been quieter more than usual tonight. Is something on your mind?”

Yeah, you , you thought.

But of course, you couldn’t say that aloud.

You shrugged, your gaze dropping to the pavement ahead of you. “Just feeling a little down on myself, I guess,” you muttered. 

Hearing the words aloud had you cringing as you walked. You hadn't exactly meant to be honest and tell him that. 

“Feeling down on yourself about what, exactly?” he asked.

The pair of you rounded the corner, your blouse already drenched and sticking to your skin. Glancing up at Matt from beneath your lashes beside you, you couldn't help but notice the way his dress shirt was soaked and clinging to his muscular torso. It was physically painful how attractive he was. 

“It's stupid,” you mumbled, focusing back down on the pavement. 

Matt's hand squeezed yours, your heart practically slamming into your ribcage in shock at the gesture. You hoped he didn't notice the way your palm was gradually beginning to dampen with nervous sweat.

“Tell me what's on your mind,” he urged. “You know I won't judge you.”

The pair of you were quickly approaching Matt's apartment building as his words hung in the air between you. It was true though, in all your time knowing Matt he'd never once been mean to you. Never once had he made you feel bad about yourself. If anything he'd always been sweet and supportive, which only made you like him that much more. You sighed, and then suddenly you felt your drunk thoughts spilling out of your mouth faster than you could stop them. 

“I feel like I'm not good enough,” you confessed, the words spewing from you. “I haven't had a date in a long time. And then there's Marci and Fog who're getting married soon–and that's great. They're perfect for each other. And Karen, well, she might usually have poor luck with men, but she gets dates left and right. And she's gorgeous and smart so I get it. And then you–” you continued, wincing at the memory of him next to that brunette at Josie’s, his hand on her thigh, “–you could have a new fling for every night of the week in this damn city. But me?” You roughly shook your head, a tear managing to slip out of your eye and camouflaging itself with the drops of rain on your cheeks. “No one looks twice at me. I'm not special and I'm certainly not Karen or Marci. I don't even remember the last time a guy showed up to my place with flowers. It's been a long time since someone actually asked me on a date. And–”

You stopped short, your brain finally catching up and realizing all the things you'd just said aloud. You sucked in a breath as the wave of embarrassment hit you, your mouth promptly closing. How could you have possibly just admitted all that to Matt of all people?

“You know that's not true, right?” Matt said gently, his hand once again squeezing yours. “I'm sure plenty of guys have given you second or third looks. You're an incredibly smart and talented woman and you're being far too hard on yourself.”

You scoffed loudly, rolling your eyes as heat burned at your cheeks. But at the sound of your disbelief, Matt's hand gave a sharp pull on yours, drawing you both to a stop in front of his building. 

“Hey,” he said, tugging your hand and pulling you towards himself. “You should stop thinking about yourself like that. Stop being so critical of yourself. You're so much more than you give yourself credit for.”

Hearing his kind words, you couldn't bear to look him in the face. Feeling awkward, your gaze fixed down on your wet dress flats. “Easy for you to say,” you muttered, the alcohol once more loosening your tongue, “because you're successful and don't remotely have an issue attracting the opposite sex. It's not like that for the rest of us.”

Matt said your name firmly, the tone of his voice practically commanding you to focus back on him. His expression was serious despite the red glasses he wore obscuring his eyes, making it impossible to see the entirety of his face. His hair was soaked and clinging to his head from the rain, a few droplets streaming down his handsome face as he fixed his attention solely on you. Your hands instantly began to grow clammier under his undivided attention and you hoped he thought it was just from the rain.

“You're an amazing person and some lucky guy is going to come and sweep you off your feet,” he told you. “You'll find him, I can assure you of that.”

As you gazed back at him on the sidewalk, the rain still falling over the pair of you, your buzzed brain tried to understand if there was something else hidden in Matt's words, some other thing that he was trying to tell you. Because just like he'd never invited you to stay at his place, he'd never said anything like that to you before. He'd certainly never looked at you like he currently was before, either. 

“Please try to be kinder to yourself,” Matt nearly begged. “Okay?”

Unsure what to make of his behavior tonight, you nodded slightly. “Okay,” you agreed quietly.

He smiled back at you, the sight nearly knocking you off your feet. It was quickly becoming far too difficult to just stand here trying to look at him as only a friend. And it was getting harder and harder to keep your mouth from blurting out how you felt with that stunning smile on his perfect mouth. Thankfully he continued on towards the entrance of his building, breaking you from your thoughts and leading you into the small lobby and over towards the elevators.

The entire way up to Matt's apartment had been silent after that. You were too busy trying to analyze everything he had been doing and saying tonight to even remotely think of conversation. Because it was supposed to have been that pretty woman at the bar coming up to his apartment tonight, not you. Yet here you were, still holding Matt's hand as he led you down the hallway to his place.

And while this certainly wasn't the first time you'd been here before, it was the first time you'd been here alone at night with him. The thought of staying here overnight in his bed still had your insides buzzing along with the beer you'd downed this evening. 

Was there something more you were missing? Every step closer to his apartment had you feeling like there was.

Matt eventually pulled you to a stop in front of his door, fishing his keys from out of his dress pant pockets. You watched in silence as he unlocked the door, your nerves only growing as you stood there. 

“You can come on in,” Matt told you, swinging his door open and gesturing for you to step inside. “Make yourself comfortable.”

Chewing the inside of your cheek, you hesitantly stepped forward and made your way past Matt into the apartment. Your shoulder gently and accidentally brushed against his damp chest as you tried to squeeze past him. Immediately you wrapped your arms over your chest, feeling your heart beat a little harder from the brief touch. His chest was so incredibly solid, you'd never understood how he was so in shape.

Glancing down as you paused in his entryway, you noticed the damp patch you were making on his floor as he shut and locked the door behind you. 

“I'm sorry, I'm dripping water everywhere,” you told Matt. “Do you have a towel or something?”

“How about I grab some dry clothes for you to change into,” he replied, slipping out of his dress shoes. “Then we can worry about the mess we're making.”

As he made his way down the short entryway, you stood awkwardly in place, arms still wrapped around yourself. When Matt reached the end of the little hall, he paused, glancing back at you with a charming smile on his face.

“It's just water, it's fine,” he assured you. “You can come in.”

Slowly you began to make your way into his apartment, cautiously making your way over to the side of his leather couch. Matt once again assured you he would grab some dry clothes for you to change into before disappearing into his bedroom, leaving you alone.

The lights were off in his apartment, but truthfully you didn't even need them. Looking out the window to your right, your eyes landed on the eyesore of a billboard just across the street. It had been awhile since you'd been here at night with your friends and you'd forgotten just how bright it was. Currently it was advertising a nearby hospital, the blue light shining through Matt's windows and coating the room in a navy glow. In a way it was beautiful, but you could absolutely understand why he’d gotten such a great deal on the place. 

“Hopefully these will work,” Matt said.

Tearing your eyes away from the window, your attention returned to Matt as he was leaving his bedroom. But your breath immediately caught in your throat at the unexpected sight of him sauntering his way towards you with some neatly folded clothes in his hands. It felt like you suddenly couldn't breathe as you watched each of his casual steps towards you.

He'd taken his damp shirt off and removed his glasses when he'd gone into his bedroom to grab you some clothes. The sight of which had left you damn near speechless because you'd never seen him shirtless before. It was impossible not to just blankly stare at the sight, taking in all of the defined muscle along his chest along with the girth of his muscular arms. You curiously noted the scars on his chest, but you were too busy trying to control your now violently beating heart at the view before you to think much more of them.

Matthew Murdock looked far too good to actually exist in real life. 

But why hadn't he thrown a shirt on before he'd come out to hand you the clothes? It would’ve taken him barely any time to do so. Had it been intentional that he'd done that? Was it…possible that Matt might’ve been trying to make some sort of move on you tonight? Was that why he’d invited you back here this evening instead of the other woman at the bar?

He stopped just before you, a smile on his face as his eyes fixed somewhere along your chest. You always loved when he took his glasses off around you, but unfortunately it wasn't often. He always seemed far more vulnerable, which was probably why it was a rare sight. But he’d removed them now, and as you watched him, you noticed the faintest twitch to the corner of his eyes. You wondered what that was about as he extended the clothes in his hands out towards you. 

“Here,” he said softly. “Hopefully they're comfortable, but if not, I can always get you a towel to dry off. Though really you can sleep however you're comfortable.” His smile turned cheeky–a smile he didn’t often flash your way–as the corners of his eyes creased. “Not like I can see anything anyway.”

Your fingers tightened around your damp blouse at the implication of his words. Had he just said he didn't care if you slept in nothing? In his bed?

Swallowing hard, your eyes dropped down and focused on the shirt and sweatpants that were neatly folded in his outstretched hands. His clothes. He was offering you his clothes to sleep in. Nervously you unwrapped your arms from over your chest as you took a step towards him, your trembling hands carefully reaching out and accepting the clothing from him.

“Thanks,” you whispered.

Glancing up, you realized how close the pair of you were now standing to each other. Barely any distance was left between you two. Had he even managed to move closer or were you imagining that?

“Of course,” he whispered back.

He was still smiling down at you as you drew the clothes in towards your chest. His head had tilted ever so faintly to the side as you observed him, the heat of his body warming you in your damp clothes. Why hadn’t he moved? Why was he still standing so close? 

A thought struck you as you stood there, your attention turning towards his lips. Was he…wanting to kiss you? No, that couldn’t be it.

…could it?

He had invited you back to his place after all. He’d walked you home with him in the rain hand in hand–which had been his idea. That had been far more intimate than anything the pair of you had ever done before. And now he was letting you stay the night in his bed, offering you his own clothes to change into. Saying such nice things about you. And he was just standing there, gazing down at you in nothing but a pair of damp dress pants because he’d removed his shirt without bothering to put on another one. 

This had to all be intentional, right? He could’ve easily gone home with the brunette from the bar, but he chose you, didn’t he? Maybe what he’d been saying earlier outside the building in the rain had meant something more. Could he have been talking about himself being the guy to come along and sweep you off your feet? Had that been what he’d meant all along?

Hope instantly sparked in your chest at the thought. Everything seemed to make sense, everything seemed to point at the fact that Matt might possibly view you as more than just a friend. So was this your moment then? Your chance to tell Matt how you felt and to hear he felt the same in return? Because he was still just standing there, so close you could kiss him. Why else hadn’t he moved?

Without even thinking–most likely due to the alcohol in your system–you leaned forward and boldly closed the rest of the distance between your mouths. It was a hesitant kiss, your lips ever so gently pressing against Matt’s in an uncertain connection. You couldn’t believe how incredibly soft his were, how warm they felt against your own. Your stomach began somersaulting inside of you because you were kissing Matt. It was everything you’d wanted for almost a year now.

Until he gently but abruptly pulled away from you.

Your eyes fluttered open as you drew back from him, taking in the look of utter confusion on Matt’s face. Panic immediately set in, your hands tightening around the bundle of clothing in your hands. 

“What–what are you doing?” he asked.

“I–I thought–” you stammered, struggling to form a sentence. “Was that–is this not…?”

Matt’s head only tilted further to the side, his dark brows furrowing further together on his forehead until there was a deep crease between them. You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or your nerves at this point, but you felt on the verge of vomiting now.

What the hell had you just done?

“Did you think I was inviting you here to sleep with you?” he asked in disbelief. He said your name, the sound like a stab to your chest as he shook his head. “I had no intention of that. You’re drunk and you’re my friend. I wanted to make sure you got to somewhere safe tonight. I wasn’t trying to take advantage of you. That’s not–that’s not what I was doing.”

“Oh my God,” you breathed out, taking a step back from him. “Oh my God, I thought that–that you…”

Your words trailed off, eyes growing wide as the urge to bolt quickly took over you. You could feel the sting of tears burning in your eyes already, absolutely mortified at what you’d done and how you’d wildly misread the entire situation. How could you have been so incredibly stupid?

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, vision blurring from the tears welling up in your eyes. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have–that wasn’t okay. I shouldn’t have done that. I’ve had too much to drink and–and I wasn’t thinking,” you blabbered on. “I absolutely misread things, I just thought that–that maybe you liked me, too and–”

Matt said your name softly, as if he was trying to calm a panicked animal. “You’re my friend,” he told you. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression at all this evening but–”

You practically threw the bundle of clothes back at Matt’s bare chest. His hands flew up, somehow catching them, but the gesture had cut him clean off. That spark of hope that had formed in your chest moments ago quickly sizzled out. A roiling, churning instead grew in your stomach, making you certain that you’d throw up soon if you didn’t get the hell out of here. 

“I need to go,” you blurted.

Turning abruptly, you hurried through Matt’s living room and down the entryway hall. Behind you, you heard him calling your name, but you didn’t dare stop. You couldn’t face him, not after what you’d just idiotically done. Especially not now as the tears were finally falling down your cheeks in hot spurts, embarrassment and rejection both burning inside of you. You just needed to get out of here, needed to get away from this entire horrible situation. You couldn’t believe you’d just gone and kissed him like that.

Your frantic hands fumbled with the lock on his door, but you managed to undo it and wrench it open in a rush. Continuing to ignore him calling after you, you pulled the door shut after yourself before you darted across the hall and straight to the door leading to the stairwell. Throwing it open, you began racing down the stairs as fast as you could, a hand covering your mouth as you tried to muffle your pathetic sobs. Your heart slammed away against your ribcage as the tears began to fall faster down your cheeks. As you descended the stairs, your vision blurred from tears and the alcohol you'd drank, causing you to stumble a few times on your way all the way down to the main floor. 

Ignoring the looks from the few people you sprinted past in the lobby, you headed straight towards the building’s exit. Forcefully pushing the doors open, you made your way back out onto the sidewalk and into the rain. A choked sob slipped past your fingers as you continued to hurry down the pavement and back towards your own apartment, your flats quickly becoming soaked as you stepped through a few puddles, splashing water up onto your dress pants. 

You’d just gone and kissed Matt like an absolute idiot. Of course he’d told you that he only saw you as a friend. Why would Matt ever be interested in someone like you? Someone awkward and average, nothing special. 

You’d absolutely ruined that friendship now, too. There was no way in hell you could ever face him again. You weren’t sure how you were going to survive Marci’s wedding months from now. Maybe if you were lucky you could try to ignore him all day. He’d probably be more than happy to do the same after tonight.

“ Why did I kiss him?” you lamented to yourself. “How stupid !”

Your tears continued to fall, mixing with the heavy rain drops pelting your cheeks as you rushed back to your place. All you wanted to do was get up to your apartment and crawl beneath the blankets in your bed and hide. You just wanted to forget this entire nightmare of an evening. There was no way to salvage what you’d done, to take it back. 

You should have never gone out tonight.

i miss reading angst matt 😢😢😢

Enduring | Matt Murdock x AFAB!Reader

Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x afab!Reader

Warnings: Angst, chronic (lower abdominal) pain, mentions of spotting (blood), self-loathing, allusions to Doctors Not Listening To Patients With A Uterus, health anxiety (warranted), non-sexual intimacy, hurt/comfort, self-indulgent, not proof-read

Summary: You’ve been experiencing chronic lower abdominal pain for years regardless of the point in your menstrual cycle. Some days, it’s worse than others, but when the first heatwave of the year hits New York City and you have another flare-up, your day takes a sudden turn for the worse. Thankfully, Matt is there to comfort you in any way he can.

WC: 3k

A/n: Even though I tagged my tag list, don't read if this could be triggering to you! So, I know pain is a very sensitive subject and everyone experiences it differently. I used my personal experience with pain and chasing a diagnosis to write this. That doesn’t mean it’s the only experience. Lower abdominal pain can have many causes, which is why advice from a medical professional is often necessary. That being said, I know how hard it can be to have been born into a female body and be treated like my pain is worth less for whatever reason just because I was born female. There is no shame in standing up for yourself in a man’s world that completely disregards women’s health. I had to learn it the hard way to the point it has taken a toll on my mental health, so I just needed to write a little comfort piece for my own peace of mind before my appointment on Monday. I wrote this for the sake of getting it out of my system, meaning it’s probably not perfect, but if you can relate to what I said in any way, feel free to read it and make up your own mind. (I will not be posting this on AO3 for now. I hope you can forgive me for that.)

Matt always knows when something is wrong with you. 

Sometimes, he can smell it. Other times, it’s the way you taste when you kiss him or the sweat that clings to your skin, or when he goes down on you and your essence is slightly tangier than it was the day before. 

Matt knows when you’re ovulating because the changes in your hormones make him go crazier than he already is for you, and he is familiar with the metallic scent of blood when you’re on your period. He can tell when you start sweating more often, when your muscles tense up more than usual, or when you are slightly more emotional. He knows before you even do because he has to. 

You are miserable almost every day, really, but more often than not it happens around the time of your period. So, he pays close attention to the signs. When the painkillers stop working, or when you get more tired, or when you stop moving around as much. When you tell him you’re fine even though he can feel the muscles of your abdomen tensing under his touch when he hugs you. When he can tell you have been crying and he wasn’t there to help. He has to know because you need him. 

You’re not entirely dependent on him, of course; you have lived on your own before and while it was hell, you pushed through somehow. With him, you don’t have to be alone on the days you can’t get out of bed because the pain keeps you locked in a fetal position, or on the days you have to cower on the bathroom floor until you’re too weak to move. Matt has reached a point of knowing you where his four working senses don’t play much of a role in telling what kind of a day you’re having; he just knows. 

Tonight, he senses it when he comes through the door after work, finally escaping the raging heat from the streets that made him feel like he was dying on the commute home. He instantly loosens his tie to get some air into his lungs, feeble fingers working desperately to free himself, but it doesn’t take a second longer for him to realize something is wrong. It is nothing but a mere hunch—some kind of aura that emits from somewhere in the apartment that makes the hairs on his arms stand up. He calls your name, frantically searching for your heartbeat. Through the rattling of the fridge as it tries to keep up with the rising temperatures inside, he makes out the rapid drumming of your heart against your ribcage. If you’re not dizzy yet, he thinks, you soon will be. 

Upon hearing you huff from the kitchen floor, Matt doesn’t hesitate tossing his bag mindlessly into the nearest corner, followed by his keys before he makes his way to find you. He’s overheated, itchy, and sweating through his clothes, but not anywhere near as desperate as he is to get to you. 

“Sweetheart?” he asks.

Hearing the sound of his voice, you realize that what felt like five minutes must have been hours spent on the cool kitchen floor. You can’t even remember how you got there. The hours have blended into minutes, the tiles digging into your sweat-coated skin. You’re curled up in a ball, wearing nothing but one of Matt’s loosest shirts. You couldn’t stand the feeling of a waistband around your stomach, so you took your pants off, changing into the oldest pair of cotton underwear you could find. It’s all soaked by now, and part of you wonders if you did finally get your period or if your pores just decided to drench you for the fun of it. 

Everything hurts. Your muscles are tense, yet at the same time they are so incredibly weak, you don’t react when the front door opens. He’s worried, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. It is as though the pain has made you entirely apathetic, coiling in your lower stomach and spreading into your legs like a parasite. All you can do is succumb to it. 

Matt’s feet come into view. The purple cast of the billboard outside falls upon him, painting the shadow of a halo above his head. It’s ironic, really; the man you love as your knight in shining armor, a Catholic looking like an angel in artificial neon light. 

His gentle voice reaches for you, “What’re you doing on the floor?”

He doesn’t ask if you’re okay because he knows it is futile, but even that question you don’t know how to answer. What are you doing on the dirty kitchen floor?

You clear your throat, trying to sound nonchalant when you answer, “It’s too hot up there.”

He crouches down. “Just too hot?”

You sigh. “No.”

It was a good day until it wasn’t, and then you were in pain again and all the days you spent feeling a little more like yourself are suddenly gone with the wind. The tears wrap a noose around your neck for the second time today, your eyes burning with faint resistance. Every time you think it gets better, it gets worse again. And every time you try to pretend that maybe things are looking up for you and it isn’t as endless of a pit as you thought, the exact opposite proves itself. You’re tired; you’re in pain and you’re tired and you feel so silly for letting it dim the light Natt pointed out a few days ago that he had so deeply missed, but there is only so much hope you can have.  

This isn’t the first time he has found you like this, but it truly never gets easier. Hearing the strain in your voice, the quiver in your entire being as you try to catch your breath, telling yourself not to fucking cry. It never gets easier to know how much you beat yourself up for something that isn’t your fault. Because the doctors that were supposed to listen failed you, and now the road to relief is paved with bricks you can barely climb over. You are on your way now, finally, but the future is still not certain. In the end though, what kills him the most is that he can’t help you. 

Matt reaches out, his hand shaking as he aimlessly brushes his fingers over your forehead. “Cramps?” he says.

You nod weakly. 

“Since when?”

“I don’t know,” you confess, and that is when the glass overflows. 

With a click of his tongue, he wipes the first of your tears away. His brown eyes bore into your soul, completely bare in front of him. Your body is like a complex crafted melody only he knows how to decipher.  

The tears quickly form a barrier between you and the tiles. Matt tilts his head. The faintest hint of copper clings to your skin. “Did you get your period?” he asks. 

You shake your head. “Just… some spotting.”

“Explains the blood.”

He is way too nonchalant about it, you think. The way he accepts your version of normal even though you feel like a failure trapped in a body that refuses to work like it is supposed to.

“How’d you get here?” he asks again, his voice so soft you want nothing more than to hide your face from him and cry some more. 

He refuses to let you go, gripping your chin to the point it almost hurts. “I was trying to do the dishes and then–” a broken sob gets stuck in your throat. “It hurts and it’s hot, and I can’t breathe.”

He gently cradles your face in his hands. “I know,” he says like he can read your mind. And maybe he can.

Your chest heaves with every breath you take. “I couldn’t stand anymore, so I laid down. On the floor,” you tell him. “I just… I didn’t get anything done today.”

“Doesn’t matter.” 

“It does. I–”

He cuts you off, “No, sweetie, it doesn’t. I can wash the dishes, but I can’t replace you.”

His dedication hurts. You used to be called sensitive and not worth the drama, but with him, you count, and that hurts because you are barely hanging on by a fragile thread. You don’t know how to ever give back to him what he has given you. The countless nights you patched him up after he got his ass handed to him do not seem to matter much compared to what he does for you. 

He studies your erratic heartbeat for a moment. “You want a heating pad?” he offers. 

You physically cringe at the thought of a hot water bottle when the entire city could function as one, and you are quick to deny, “Too hot.”

Matt chuckles. “Yeah, I figured.” He brushes a damp strand of hair away from your face. “Have you taken anything yet? Advil? Naproxen?”

You growl. “You know none of the pills they gave me fucking work!” 

He doesn’t seem deterred by your tone. All he does is smile softly at you, fingers tracing invisible patterns on your skin.

“I know,” he says. “I’m just trying to help.”

“Well, nothing’s helping,” you retort. 

“That why you’re lying on the floor?” 

Another tear rolls down your cheek and past your cracked lips. “I told you. Nothing helps.”

Snapping at him for only trying to care may be petty of you, but there is nothing you loathe more than feeling so utterly helpless. 

Matt moves closer, your words pearling off of him like he is made of stone. He doesn’t even flinch. 

“Okay,” he murmurs. “Can I try something else?”

The voice in your head is screaming, what else is there to do? You are tired of trying everything and nothing ever working. Two more weeks until you will meet with a new doctor, but those two weeks might actually kill you. That’s what it feels like, anyway. 

He sighs, “C’mere.” Without another word from you, Matt slides his arms under your sticky frame and lifts you off the ground. His skin offers a stark contrast from the cold kitchen tiles, but he’s clean, and he smells like home. Not this place, not this city, but him. 

“Where are we going?” you ask.

“Bathroom,” is all he tells you. 

Your brain is too slow to even dare protest. He carries you to the bathroom, setting you down on unsteady legs. 

“May I?” he asks. You nod, but even as he pulls his shirt over your head, he doesn’t once let go of you. 

You close your eyes. The pain in your abdomen is dull yet searing. You try to focus on anything else, but just when you think it’s getting better, it breaks through again, burning through you like a wildfire on the blade of a hot knife. And that makes you sad. It makes you so sad and angry you don’t know what to do with yourself. You want to scream and cry and tear the apartment apart, but you’re exhausted and tired and you know that if this pain keeps rippling through you, you might fall apart. 

You hate when he sees you like this. When you’re falling apart and there’s nothing either of you can do, and you blame yourself even though there is nothing to blame yourself for. Matt knows that. You sometimes wonder if you are a burden to him and he just won’t tell you because he doesn’t know when to stop. To stop caring, to stop helping, to stop trying to change everything. But then again, he has always told you that loving you isn’t a burden. If you get lost in the what ifs, you might actually fall apart.    

“I’m gonna start a cool bath,” Matt murmurs next to you, snapping you out of your thoughts with his gentle baritone of a voice. “Just stay here.” 

You nod weakly, too exhausted to argue. The thought of immersing yourself in cool water, even for a few minutes, seems like a small mercy. 

Water starts to run in the distance. His belt hits the floor, followed by the fabric clinging to his skin. You’re afraid you might get dizzy if you open your eyes. Dizzy because of the pain. Dizzy because of him. 

The cabinet behind you rattles when he reaches for it. “Claire gave them to me, but you took these before,” he says, skillfully working on the cap of an orange capsule. “They’re a bit stronger than Advil.”

You don’t protest, you simply let him place one of the pills in the palm of your hand. He is right behind you with his hand on your waist when you take them, swallowing with a handful of water. There’s nothing sexual in the way he touches you, just a tenderness born from years of knowing each other’s bodies inside and out. 

Maybe that is why you could never be a burden to him; he has felt like one for most of his life, and the last thing he wants is for his love to feel the same way. And he needs you to remind him that he is everything to you, too, his hands never wavering when they find your skin. You’re his lifeline as much as he is yours.

The cold water hits the inside of the bathtub, pattering down like raindrops on a windowpane. Matt gently tugs you closer to him and guides you toward the tub. At first, when he lifts you in, the cool water is a shock to your overheated skin, but it doesn’t take long for you to welcome the change in temperature. 

He eases you between his legs once he is sat, your back against his chest, wrapping his arms around you. His hands come to rest on your lower stomach, close enough to allow you to pull your legs up to your chest. It’s the only position that doesn’t hurt. 

You remember nights spent crammed in the same position, not because of you but because of his nightmares. The roles were reversed then. When it’s too hot outside, he needs the world on fire to burn a little less bright. Today, you finally realize what he must feel like on days like these. 

“How’s that?” he asks, his breath warm against your ear.

You nod. “Better,” you whisper. Better isn’t perfect, but the pain is just dull now, and the gentle movement of his fingers against your sore muscles lulls you into a state where you can breathe. It’s not perfect, but it is as good as it gets. 

Your head falls back against his collarbone. “Thank you,” your voice is barely above a whisper when you tell him.

He shushes you, lips moving to your temple. The gesture is supposed to say, don’t thank me. But it feels wrong not to. 

You lift your head enough to look at him, finally, your eyes fluttering open to look back into his hazel orbs. “Matt…” 

“Yeah?” he breathes. 

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” you confess. It’s a truth you’ve grappled with, the stark realization that his presence has become indispensable. It is a burden, to be loved so fiercely, as much as it is an addiction. Because a life without him seems like a sheer impossibility you don’t ever want to face again. 

Matt holds his lips against your skin, smiling. “Good thing you never have to find out, hm?”

You chuckle weakly. “You sure about that?”

“Mhm.”

“What if you get sick of me?”

“Then I’ll be sick of you for a few hours,” he says, “and you’ll be sick of me ‘til we’re not.”

Your eyes roam his face for any indication that he might not be telling the truth. “That easy?” you ask. 

He nods, fingers coming up to find your lips. He touches them for a moment, exploring the soft skin there. Instead of kissing you though, he halts.

“What?” You frown. 

Matt shakes his head. “Nothing. Just… You’re gonna be okay,” his voice is barely above a whisper. “I’ll make sure of that.”

A whimper breaks from your chest. He believes it wholeheartedly, but it is incredibly hard to hear it out loud because you don’t believe it. You press your lips together, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to spill over again. “I just wish it didn’t have to be this way,” you whisper. “I wish I could be… normal.”

Again, he nods, fingers brushing over your cheek to catch a stray tear. “You are normal,” he insists softly. “Your pain doesn’t make you any less. And ‘cause I know how strong you are, I know you’re gonna be okay.”

“Even if I’ll be ill for the rest of my life? Even if I–”

“Of course,” he stops you. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. I promise. Not ‘even if’ but regardless of whether it’s endometriosis or… or something else. Your pain is a part of you, but it’s not all of you. I love all of you.”

There is no stopping the avalanche of tears that is forced down the hill by his words. They hit you harder than an arrow to the heart. 

You crack under the weight of your emotions. “I love you,” you whisper. Those three words mean the world, but they feel inadequate to describe what you feel. 

“I know,” says Matt. “I love you too.”

The once open wounds of the blood you shed just to find him are nothing but scars now—scars you can learn how to live with once you accept that there is nothing wrong with you. Being a human being with an illness, both mentally and physically, doesn’t make you any less worthy of love. It doesn’t make you any less worthy of life. 

With Matt by your side, you are no longer alone in this. You have him, all of him, and that makes all the difference. 

Matt Murdock (Angst) Tag List: @acharliecoxedfan @gpenguin666 @itwasthereaminuteago @norestfortheshelbywicked @yarrystyleeza @littlenerdyravenclaw @thychuvaluswife @schneeflocky @imjustcal @pipsqueakkitten @merlinbtch @thatonegamefish @amberritonicole @pigeonmama @bohemianrhapsody86 @a-gir1-has-n0-name @winkev1 @callsign-ember @chittaphonstar @buckyyyismahhlife @trublu2u @xnatyx @zomtart @abucketofweird

Also tagging: @moncherriis

---

BROKEN FUTURE

PAIRING: jungkook x reader

GENRE: college students, angst

TAGS/WARNINGS: established relationship, pregnancy, arguing, logic vs feelings, blood, heavy angst, minor character death, talks of abortion, uncensored profanities

WORD COUNT: 9k (excl. synopsis)

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘵𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦!

𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗖𝗧𝗟𝗬 𝗡𝗢 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗚𝗜𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗠 𝗢𝗥 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡

SYNOPSIS;

You and Jungkook were the epitome of young romance ever since the early days of high school, with dreams of a shared future that included graduation, exciting careers, and a life filled with love and adventure. Your bond was unbreakable, or so you believed.

𐚁₊⊹

You stumbled backwards, your legs weak and unsteady, and your back collided with the cold surface of the wardrobe. A gasp escaped from your mouth, sharp and involuntary, as the reality of the situation struck you with full force.

You blinked rapidly, hoping that your vision was somehow deceiving you, that the line would fade or vanish altogether.

But it remained, bold and certain.

“No, this can’t be happening, not now” you kept chanting to yourself.

You paced back and forth in your room as tears streamed down your face, marked by sobs that echoed through the confined space of the thin walled apartment that you shared with your boyfriend. Your heart was pounding against your chest like a trapped bird desperately seeking escape, and your tear-streaked face betrayed your inner ruckus as you tightly clutched the small white stick in your trembling hands.

A positive pregnancy test.

The longer you stared at it the more breathless and disoriented you felt.

You remembered laughing and dismissing what your friends, Hana and Mina, had to say about your stomach protruding more than it usually was. But now, the two distinct lines displayed upon its surface confirmed your greatest fear. It scared you how much of a blunt reminder it was of the life-altering consequences that awaited you.

The room, once a haven of comfort, now felt like a suffocating prison, closing in on you from all sides. Louder and audible sobs escaped your lips, intermingling with short gasps for air, as panic consumed your thoughts.

The weight of the situation bore down on you, colliding with your dreams and aspirations. You had invested countless hours into your education, many sleepless nights, and gave your everything to strive to become a nurse. You didn't want it all to go to waste.

How would Jungkook react? What would he say?

Jungkook wasn’t just any college student; he was ambitious, dedicated, and entirely focused on his dream of becoming a lawyer so he could build the future you both planned together. He had worked tirelessly since his early days, excelling in every class, every extracurricular, all with the singular goal of being accepted at a top law firm. You remembered the long nights he spent studying, the countless sacrifices he made to stay on top of his game.

You didn’t want to ruin what he worked so hard for.

But the problem didn’t just end there.

What would your parents say?

You were the only child, the apple of their eye. They had worked tirelessly and sacrificed so much to provide you with the best opportunities. Your mind flooded with images of your parents’ faces — the pride in their eyes when you were accepted into your dream college, the joy in their voices during frequent phone calls, and the unshakeable support they had always shown you.

They had high hopes of you making them proud, often reminding you of the bright future they envisioned for you. They trusted you to be miles away from them, pursuing your dream with their hard earned money.

But now?

What do you tell them now? You were barely 21.

Your heartache intensified with every step you took, your feet echoing in the silence of the room. “What do I do?” you cried to yourself as you sat on the bed, bouncing your legs up and down.

Just as despair threatened to overwhelm you, the front door creaked open, and a familiar voice echoed through the hallway.

“Babe, I’m home!” you heard.

Jungkook returned home after a long day of classes at the university, and he stepped into the apartment expecting a quiet and peaceful evening. However, as he switched on the main lights, he heard the sound of soft cries coming from the bedroom.

“Babe?” he called out once again, his brows furrowed in confusion as he took his shoes off.

Hearing no response, he made his way towards the bedroom. There he saw you sitting on the bed with your face buried in your hands. Your tear-streaked face and trembling shoulders immediately sent alarm bells ringing in his mind. Concerned, he dropped his backpack and speed walked over to your side.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asked, taking your hands away from your face. Instead of answering, you threw yourself into his embrace and wrapped your arms around his neck, breaking down even more.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Come on, tell me” he asked, his voice soft and filled with genuine worry.

“I…I think w-we messed up Jungkook” you cried in between your sobs.

“What do you mean?” he frowned, pulling away and looking at you confusingly.

You looked up at him with your red puffy eyes, filled with a mixture of defeat and anxiety. It took you a moment to find your voice, but you had to tell him. Breathing out a shaky sigh, you revealed to him the white stick that displayed two red lines on it. Your voice quivered as you uttered the words he never expected to hear.

“I'm pregnant” you finally muttered out, your voice barely above a whisper as you felt yourself choke up with overwhelming emotions.

Jungkook’s eyes widened, and his initial shock soon transformed into a mixture of fear and uncertainty.

“W-What?” he stuttered as he shifted his gaze from the pregnancy kit to you. A wave of emotions crashed over him, and his mind spun with conflicting thoughts.

“That day…you didn’t use a condom, a-and I forgot to take the morning after pill” you then said, adding to his fear.

There was a long uncomfortable silence, and you saw the way Jungkook’s gentle gaze shifted into sheer panic and disbelief. “Are you serious?” he asked, his voice shaky and unstable. And you simply nod, sobs continuing to escape from your mouth.

“Fuck! This can’t be happening” he abruptly stood up, startling you. You eyed him anxiously, his breaths became shallow and he began pacing around the room as he ran his fingers through his brown locks.

You and Jungkook had dreams of your own which you were both set on achieving to live up to the future you both planned. And the idea of a baby entering the equation threatened to disrupt everything you both had worked for, and he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the weight of responsibility that accompanied parenthood.

“I’m scared, Koo, I never wanted this to happen” you whimpered, “I don’t know what to do” you bit down on your nails.

“Abortion. Y-You need to get an abortion” Jungkook blurted out without thinking twice, stopping in his tracks and turning to you.

You felt your entire world stop, his words hitting you like a physical blow. The thought never crossed your mind, but now having to be confronted by it, it made you feel sick to your stomach. It felt too cruel to you.

You looked at him in disbelief, “are you serious?” you asked as you stood up.

“Does it look like I’m joking to you Y/n? I don’t want my, and our, future to be ruined by a drunken mistake we’ve made” he said, taking a few steps towards you.

“But it’s our baby Jungkook, we can’t kill something we both created” you argued, feeling more tears flood down your cheeks.

“So then what the fuck do you want me to do Y/n? Stay and raise the kid with you?” he raised his voice.

“I’ve been studying so hard and spent so many sleepless nights wanting to become a lawyer, and I’m almost there. I don’t want to have it all going down the drain over a child I don’t even want” he spat.

“And you think I do? I’m all the way on the other side of the country, Jungkook. I made a promise to my parents to work hard and make them proud. I’ve been working just as hard as you. Do you think I want to throw it all away too?” you cried.

Jungkook let out a deep frustrated groan as he pulled onto his hair, “then what do you want to do Y/n? If you’re going to keep the baby, you know it’s going to ruin both of our futures, and none of us want that” he tried to explain.

But you lightly shook your head as you sat back down on the bed, “but I can’t kill it either. I just can't, it’s our baby” you cried, hugging yourself around your womb.

However, as you expressed your decision to keep the baby, Jungkook’s anger erupted like a dormant volcano finally reaching its breaking point. His frustration swelled as he confronted you, his voice trembling with a mix of rage and despair.

“What are you being so damn selfish?!” he exclaimed, causing you to flinch.

“You fucking know this is not the right time! We're both in university, away from our homes and barely making ends meet. How can you even think about going through with this knowing it’s not what we want right now?!” he raged.

Your eyes widened at his outburst, feeling your heart sink to the pit of your stomach. Tears welled up in your eyes as you fought to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

It was as if it was a battle between logic and feelings. You knew he was right — bringing a child into your chaotic, uncertain world would be a huge challenge and put your hard work in jeopardy.

But you didn’t have the heart to go through an abortion. You couldn't explain it, but despite the logical reasons, doubts and the fears, you felt a deep connection to the life growing inside you.

The look in your eyes and face scared Jungkook.

You were a person of deep emotion and empathy, traits that had always guided your actions and decisions. And now, faced with the reality of an unexpected pregnancy, he could see those same traits overwhelming you to make decisions that would put all your hard work and future at risk.

He knew that you knew he was right, but he also knew that an abortion was not an easy decision for you. Everything that connected you and him, you’d protect. And the baby somewhat served as a symbol of your long and unbreakable bond.

“I know it's not an ideal situation Jungkook, but I just can't” you whimpered. The room seemed to shrink around them as their opposing perspectives clashed. Jungkook’s anger surged, fueling his words.

“Okay fine, but what about my life? What about our plans? This is going to ruin everything we've worked for Y/n. We won't be able to finish our degrees, pursue our careers, or have any stability. How can you be so selfish and inconsiderate?!-” he continued raising his voice.

“I’m not forcing you to stay!” you yelled almost instantly.

The room fell silent, the weight of your words hanging heavily between you both. Jungkook felt his slowly anger subside, and his shoulders slump in surprise and defeat as his teary eyes stared into yours.

Both of you were passionate individuals, deeply committed to your goals and aspirations to build yourselves a future you both planned ever since you were kids. But in the sudden unexpected turn of events you found yourselves at a crossroads, your paths diverging before your very eyes.

The heart that was once one was torn into two, each piece slowly drifting away from each other and into the unknown path ahead.

The silence was deafening, too loud and suffocating to speak into. And you mustered up the courage to soon break that silence.

“I said what I had to s-say…and I n-never said that you had to s-stay” you cried through your trembling voice. But who were you kidding? You and him both knew how badly you wanted him to stay.

“You’re right, this isn’t what I expected, let alone wanted, but life is full of unpredictable shit Jungkook. I’m scared of the future ahead of me, but I can never have the heart to kill a life we both created, whether you choose to stay or not” you sniffled, placing your hand over your womb.

“Y/n-” Jungkook tried to speak as he stepped forward, but you were quick to cut him off.

“I’m sorry for ruining everything we had planned, okay? But please…I can’t do this. It’s difficult for me enough” you cried.

Jungkook struggled to find words as tears began to stream down his cheeks, mirroring the anguish in his heart. In that moment, the love you both had for each other felt tested and strained under the weight of your diverging paths. You both grappled with difficult choices and the uncertainty that lay ahead. Despite the heartbreak, you had to confront your individual desires, knowing that your decisions would irrevocably shape your lives.

Without saying a word, Jungkook heaved out a deep sigh before storming out of the room. Hearing the front door slam shut, you dropped down on the ground and broke down into loud heart wrenching cries.

You felt torn. Confused. Overwhelmed. You loved Jungkook more than anything, but you couldn’t deny the connection you felt with the life blooming inside you despite your fears.

You knew that carrying this baby to term would cost you your future, your hard work and your parents’ money, but you couldn't shake the feeling that terminating the pregnancy would be an act of betrayal against yourself and your unborn child.

You yearned for Jungkook’s understanding, for him to see things from your perspective and be with you in this journey. But you knew he wasn’t ready to become a father, not when he was close to achieving his dream. And the last thing you wanted to do was ruin everything he was working for.

As you gazed out of the window, you wondered if you could find a way through this. At the same time, you questioned your own strength, your ability to raise a child against all odds.

Perhaps you could seek support from your parents, lean on their shoulders to seek guidance and stability. But you knew you couldn’t do that. They’d hate you. Perhaps they might disown you, too disappointed and ashamed to have a daughter like you.

You had Hana and Mina, but even with them, you felt as if in the end there was no one who knew you like Jungkook did. No one who could comfort you like he did. But the person who knew you the most and loved you the most was now abandoning you, and you were scared.

And deep down, you prayed he came back, telling you he would stay.

As the morning light streamed through the curtains, you slowly opened your eyes, your eyelashes weighed down by your tears. You had cried yourself to sleep, your heart heavy with emotions. The soft warmth of the bed provided a fleeting comfort, but the faint scent of Jungkook’s cologne that still lingered in the sheets and in the air brought you back to the painful reality and the memory of last night.

As you sat up on the bed, a wave of nausea washed over you, causing you to wince and clutch your stomach. You stumbled toward the bathroom, your body still plagued by waves of morning sickness. Dropping down in front of the toilet, you hunched over and began vomiting.

But it wasn't just the nausea that burdened you; it was the painful realisation that your dreams, your relationship, and your future had suddenly become entangled in a web of your overwhelming choices.

On the other hand, the front door unlocked, revealing Jungkook, looking weary and disheveled, as if he hadn't slept at all last night. As he pushed open the front door, his footsteps echoed through the quiet hallway as he stumbled in, a haunting reminder of the fracture in your relationship.

An uneasy stillness hung in the air, accompanied by the distant sound of you heaving and gagging in the bathroom. His heart clenched with guilt and conflict realising the physical toll pregnancy was already taking on you, and he knew you needed him now more than ever.

With hesitant footsteps, Jungkook made his way to the bathroom, where he found you hunched over the toilet, your face pale and your eyes looking tired. The sight tugged at his heartstrings, the realisation of the life growing within you engulfing him with conflicting emotions. He couldn't deny the love he had for you, nor the bond you both had formed over the years.

It wasn't that he didn't care for you; rather, he struggled to envision a life where he could balance his aspirations and provide care for a baby. He just wasn’t ready yet.

With a heavy sigh, Jungkook felt his firmness crumble. He couldn't ignore the sight of you, doubled over in discomfort, emptying out whatever you ate yesterday. Kneeling beside you, he reached out tentatively, his hand coming to rest on your trembling back and rubbing it in a gentle manner.

Your vomiting eventually subsided, and you slumped back, exhausted and pale. Jungkook stayed beside you, his hand never leaving your back as he kept you steady. As your breathing steadied, he wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on your shoulder.

He could feel the tension in your body slowly dissipate as you leaned into him, finding comfort in his embrace. He pressed a soft kiss on your neck, the familiar touch stirring a mix of emotions within both of you.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his lips brushing against your neck in another soft kiss. You nodded weakly, your eyes welling up with tears.

Yet, even as he held you, Jungkook’s mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. He felt a crushing guilt for your pain, but also a deep-seated fear of losing his dreams. He loved you, without a doubt, but the thought of sacrificing his future for a child he wasn't ready for filled him with dread.

As you turned to look at him, he saw vulnerability mixed with a flicker of hope. It was a plea for understanding and support, for unity in the face of an uncertain future. He knew at that moment that his decision would shape not only your lives but the life growing inside you.

Conflicted and divided, Jungkook realised he had a choice to make.

He could choose to run away from the responsibilities that lay ahead, escaping the challenges and embracing a life of comfort and ambition. Or he could confront his fears head-on, standing shoulder to shoulder with you, embracing the unknown together.

There was an unspoken understanding between you as you both stood looking at each other — a realisation that your paths had diverged. Deep down Jungkook knew he didn’t want to stay. He couldn’t be the partner you wanted, nor the father the baby deserved.

He knew he had hurt you with his words and what he was about to do next, he was guilty, but he couldn't stay.

You knew Jungkook for years. You could practically read him like a book, especially what his eyes displayed. And staring up at him now, and the look in his dark and tired eyes, you knew.

You knew.

You knew he wasn’t going to stay. Whatever that was happening right now, it was the least he could do to offer you some kind of comfort before he leaves you. Out of pity at least. And that was what hurt you the most.

“Jungkook-” you tried to say, but he beat you to it.

“Let’s get up first and wipe your face” he said and he stood up, and he held your arm as he helped you up to your feet.

Grabbing some tissues from the nearby tissue box, he passed them to you and you began wiping your mouth. You then tossed the tissue and flushed the toilet before you followed him out to the living room.

Your tears didn’t stop, and neither did your eyes leave his. You waited. You waited for him to say something — anything.

Jungkook’s shoulders were slumped, and he looked as though he had aged years in a single night. There were bags under his eyes, face pale and puffy as if he hadn’t slept at all. He sighed deeply and hung his head, unable to meet your gaze. He fumbled for words, the silence stretching unbearably between you.

“Y/n,” he finally managed, his voice barely more than a whisper, “I don’t know what to do. I really don’t” it then cracked.

“Baby I love you, and I never wanted to hurt you,” he said, “but I can’t do this. I can’t stay. I’m not ready to be a father just yet” his lips trembled as he spoke and tears building up in his eyes.

“I have dreamed of becoming a lawyer ever since I was in elementary school, you know that, and I have come a long way working hard towards it. And I know you tirelessly worked hard for your dream too. But this is too much Y/n. Balancing our academic life alongside parenthood, I can’t do it. I just can’t!” he gritted his teeth and pulled on his hair in frustration.

“I know I’m being selfish, but I’m scared Y/n, just as much as you are” he said, his teary eyes finally meeting yours.

“I’m scared. I don’t want to lose everything I’ve worked for, but I can’t stand the thought of losing you either” he sniffled.

Your heart shattered at his words, knowing that you were both trapped in a situation with no easy answers. Seeing him like this, so vulnerable and broken, shattered your willpower to stay strong. You had never seen him so scared, so utterly defeated. And you wanted to reach out, to comfort him, but your own fear and sadness held you back.

The weight of your predicament hung heavily in the air, and for the first time, you realised just how fragile your future had become.

There was no right or wrong solution in this. And it shattered you both completely that maybe it was best to just part ways and live with the choices you both made. No matter how badly you wanted him to stay, you knew you couldn’t let your decision on keeping the baby weigh him down. And as much as it hurt you, you knew you had to let him go.

“I…” you tried to speak but found yourself choking on your sobs. You shut your eyes tight and clenched your hands to tight fists by your sides as tears continued to flood down. You took a deep breath and fluttered your eyes open to meet his gaze again.

“Like I said, I’m not forcing you to stay Jungkook” your voice was weak and barely audible, but Jungkook could still hear you clearly. And it somewhat angered Jungkook that you were still adamant on keeping the baby knowing the consequences.

A deep frustrated groan escaped from his chapped lips as he ran his inked fingers through his messy locks.

“Y/n, it’s not like I don’t want a family with you, of course I do. I do want a baby with you one day, but just not now. We can have all the babies we want when we’re settled with our careers!” he said, his breathing fast and ragged.

He walked over to you and hastily cupped your face in his, leaning his forehead against yours as he looked down into your eyes.

“You’re the only woman I picture my life with, no one else. And I do see a future with you. I do see us with a family of our own. But this is all too early my love. We’re barely standing on your two feet right now” he tried to persuade you. You felt his hot breath fan over your quivering lips, absorbing everything he was pouring out to you.

“I know this is not easy for you. I know we created this baby. But please, please think with your head and not your heart for once” he then said. And somehow his words rubbed you the wrong way.

With the little strength you had, you shoved him back, taking him by surprise.

“Why can’t you just accept that I don’t want to get an abortion Jungkook?” you cried.

“Maybe you don’t have the heart to understand how hard it is, but I do. Whether it was a drunken mistake, we still created a life, and it’s growing inside my womb. And killing something we created? I just can’t, okay?” you slapped him with your words.

Jungkook stood stunned for a second before his features morphed into total defeat. At this point, the two of you were just going round in a circle with no end. And Jungkook didn’t see the point in trying anymore, because either way, the two of you had already made up your minds.

He didn’t know how to respond to that outburst. All he could do was stare at you silently crying. “Right…okay” it was all he said before giving you a teary glance and walking away.

You watched him walk into the bedroom, and you felt your heart sink to the pit of your stomach. Your world was slowly crumbling down and there was nothing you could do.

He wasn’t staying.

Using the walls to guide you, you staggered your way to the bedroom where you heard shuffling. You stood silently in the doorway, your heart aching as you watched Jungkook furiously stuffed his belongings into the suitcase.

The room felt heavy with tension, but none of you spoke a word. You stood there crying silently, a torrent of emotions coursed through your veins.

Jungkook, on the other hand, was aware of the presence by the door, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up. His heart was torn apart. He never wanted to be faced with such a dilemma, but his determination to fulfill his dream was much stronger.

Although you didn’t want to force him to stay, you felt yourself give in to the fear of being alone without him by your side.

And you found yourself trying once again knowing the obvious answer. As tears cascaded down your cheeks, you mustered the strength to break the silence that engulfed the room.

“Jungkook,” you whispered as you walked inside, your voice trembling with sorrow.

“I’m sure we can find a way to make this work. Together” you said Jungkook paused for a moment, his hands frozen in midair, caught between the task at hand and the plea of the woman he loved.

His eyes were filled with hurt and unspoken emotions when he looked at you. “We can't Y/n” he finally replied, his voice hoarse and tinged with regret.

“I can’t have a baby that would ruin everything I’ve worked hard for. Please try to understand” he added.

With every shirt stuffed into the suitcase, your heart sank deeper into despair. The realisation that you both were headed towards a heartbreaking separation became more tangible with every passing moment. And as he closed his suitcase, the sound of the zipper sealing your fate seemed to echo throughout the room.

You watched, your eyes following his every movement, as he picked up the suitcase and walked towards the door. The weight of your shattered dreams lingered heavily in the room, overshadowing the memories of your once-happy days.

“I hope you find the success you're searching for Jungkook, truly" you said with a small smile on your face as you followed him to the door, your words filled with a mix of sadness and hope.

Swinging his bag over his shoulders, Jungkook gave you a look of guilt and disappointment through his teary eyes. “I love you Y/n, I always will, but I’m sorry” he whispered.

Jungkook didn’t exactly know what he was sorry for; for choosing his dream over love, or for how cruel fate was. With one last glance, he picked up his suitcase and walked towards the door. You felt a lump form in your throat as the door shut behind him, the ache of loss enveloping you.

The room grew quieter, emptier, and as the door closed behind him, you knew that your relationship had entered a new chapter, one that would require your own cognition, healing, and a willingness to rebuild what had now been broken.

You were scared. The bright clear you and Jungkook had planned was now all dark and blurry. And the possibility of your parents disowning you terrified you even more.

But even though fear was following you like a shadow, you were determined to protect what was now a symbol of your lost love.

“Momma will protect you baby” you cried, caressing your abdomen.

2 YEARS AGO

──────────

Hand in hand, you and Jungkook strolled along the deserted sidewalk, your fingers interlaced as you both savored the aftertaste of the delightful dinner you just had to celebrate on you getting into your dream college — the same one Jungkook was going to go to as well.

Your footsteps echoed softly against the quiet streets, a soothing rhythm that mirrored the calmness of the night. The night air was cool and breezy, carrying the faint scent of blooming flowers from nearby gardens.

Jungkook pulled you a little closer, feeling you shiver from the gentle breeze that rustled the leaves of trees. Your lips curled up into a tender smile as you glanced at him, and he returned the smile followed by a soft peck on your forehead.

You walked in a comfortable silence for a while, the only sound being the rhythmic tap-tap of your footsteps on the pavement. Wanting to light up the mood, Jungkook gave you a light nudge and a playful look.

“Wanna hear something funny?” he asked, and you raised your brow in curiosity. He leaned in and whispered something into your ear, and seconds later, you found yourself laughing hysterically as you doubled over clutching your stomach.

Your laughter rang out into the quiet streets, earning a few curious but admiring looks from people who passed by. Your laughter was music to his ears, a symphony of joy that he cherished a lot.

“Jungkook! Oh my god, I can’t believe you just said that!” you playfully elbowed him, looking at him a little surprised.

“What? It’s true though” he reasoned, giving you a shrug. Jungkook continued cracking more jokes, and your laughter continued to echo through the tranquil night.

Soon enough, you both found yourselves walking up a hill. As you reached the summit, your laughter gradually faded into silence, replaced by a shared sense of awe.

Reaching towards the edge and leaning against the rails, a deep overwhelmed sigh escaped your lips as you gazed at the scenery in front of you. The twinkling lights of the metropolis created a breathtaking view, as if the stars had descended to earth.

You and Jungkook stood there, side by side, hand in hand, each lost in your own thoughts. No words were needed as you both admired the breathtaking view.

The view felt like a canvas of dreams and aspirations, and in that moment, it felt as if the world was yours to conquer. The night had shifted from chaos to serenity, and your connection with Jungkook felt deeper than ever.

The cool breeze continued to brush against your cheeks, but now it carried a sense of calm, as if the city itself was taking a deep breath, ready for another day of challenges.

You tilted your head upwards, your gaze fixated on the starry sky above. A soft sigh escaped your lips as you admired the celestial beauty that shone light at the dim earth. Your eyes began to water, and your shoulders drooped a little, feeling a sudden heaviness weighing upon your heart.

Sensing the shift in your mood, Jungkook turned to look at you, his smile faltering as he noticed your glistening eyes.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked as he pulled you closer.

You gave him a weak nod, “yeah, I just…I miss my grandma” you answered as your voice cracked.

Jungkook felt a tug in his heart, and his hand moved up to your waist, giving it a gentle comforting massage as he leaned into place a kiss on your forehead.

“I know she’s proud watching how strong you are” he said, and his words brought comfort to your heart as you imagined her among the shining stars in the heavens above.

“I hope she is” you whispered, leaning your head against his shoulder.

You knew she was.

It had been almost three years since your grandmother had passed away, but the memories of her and all the time you’ve spent with her were still vivid and precious, engraved deeply in your heart. She was more than just a family member. She was your best friend, and your life mentor.

Growing up, you had spent countless hours at her house. Her grandmother always had a way of making everyday moments magical.

You recalled the countless hours spent in the garden with your grandmother, tending to the vibrant flowers and vegetables. She had a way of turning mundane tasks into magical experiences. She taught you the names of each plant, explaining how they thrived under different conditions, and in the process, imparted lessons about patience, hard work, and the beauty of nature.

Your grandmother’s faith in you had been a guiding light, especially during the dark days of grief and doubt. When you received your acceptance letter to nursing school, your first instinct was to rush to her house to share the news. But she was no longer there. Her chair by the fireplace was now empty, and her presence remained a cherished memory.

As you closed your eyes, you could almost hear her gentle voice, filled with warmth and affection.

“You can be anything you want to be, darling. I’ll always be proud of you no matter what. Never forget that strength is in your blood.” she would say, her eyes sparkling with confidence. “Believe in yourself, and the world will open up to you.”

You were pulled back to reality when you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around you, pulling you into a warm embrace. He didn’t say anything, just held you close, offering silent comfort. Feeling the love and warmth radiating from his hug, the tears you had been holding back now flowed freely.

“I miss her so much,” you whispered, your voice breaking.

“I know baby” Jungkook murmured while stroking your hair gently, tightening his embrace as he rested his chin on top of your head.

“But you know she would be so proud of you. You’ve become everything she believed you could be” he said.

His words brought a fresh wave of tears, but also a sense of peace. You knew he was right. your grandmother’s legacy lived on in you, in the way you cared for others, in your passion for nursing, and in the love you carried in your heart.

If not for yourself, you wanted to work hard and make her proud.

1 MONTH LATER

───────────

It was a cold winter morning and the air was crisp, biting at the young man's cheeks as he walked alone, lost in his thoughts. Jungkook, his breath visible in the frigid air, trudged through the frosted pathway towards his lecture. The icy wind whipped through the campus, reflecting the chill in his heart.

It felt like an eternity, but it had been a month since he had broken up with you. A decision made out of fear and a desperate need to protect his dreams. It had been a month since he last talked to you. A month since he even saw you. He had been avoiding you completely as if you didn't exist, yet he still wondered how you were doing. Part of him felt like he lost the right to, but his heart was still there in your hands.

As he made his way inside the building, his steps felt heavier than usual, burdened by everything that had happened a month ago. Every day has been a challenge for him. He barely took care of himself anymore like he used to when he lived with you.

He never wanted this to happen, for things to turn out how they were, but he was so torn between his dreams and his responsibilities.

“Jungkook!” he heard a manly voice call out for him from behind, breaking him out of his thoughts.

He stopped in his tracks and turned around, and there he saw his best friend jogging his way towards him. As he finally reached him, the short male threw his arm around Jungkook's neck as they both continued to walk.

“What's your plan after your class finishes? You only have a two hour lecture today” the boy asked.

Jungkook sighed and turned his gaze back to the front, “I don't know, just do a few grocery shopping first and head back to the dorm” he answered.

His routine ever since he moved out of your shared dorm has been the same — wake up, attend lectures and head back to the dorm to continue studying. On his days off, or if he had hours to spare, he would do a little shopping or go to the gym.

Anything to get his mind off you. But as days passed, he felt himself grow weaker and tired, maybe because of not having you by his side.

“Ehh? That's it?” the boy cringed.

“Then what do you want me to do Jimin? And besides, it's freezing cold” Jungkook sighed once again.

“Me and Taehyung are planning to head out for a karaoke night and have dinner there as well. We booked a room, so you should join us” Jimin suggested.

But Jungkook shook his head, “thanks, but I'll pass,” he told him.

Jimin's face dropped in disappointment, “come on Jungkook, loosen up. You can't keep living in the dark like this” he said.

“But what if I want to live in the dark like this?” Jungkook stopped and turned to the blond one.

Jimin stayed silent and stared at his best friend with a heavy heart. Despite Jungkook's efforts to be silent about his pain, Jimin could see through the facade, recognising the hurt and weariness in his best friend's eyes.

Jungkook gave Jimin one last look before turning around and walking away.

“Because you're guilty Jungkook,” Jimin said, loud enough for Jungkook to stop almost instantly.

Jungkook's fists clenched, and his jaw tightened, but it wasn't anger that boiled within him; it was a mix of shame, regret, and frustration. Jimin walked towards Jungkook to catch up with him, and placed his hand on his broad muscular shoulder.

“I know you're still thinking about whatever happened between you and Y/n. And I know you're still hurting thinking about her even though you're doing everything to avoid her” he began to speak.

Jungkook's heart clenched at his best friend's words. He was right.

“But you can't keep running away like this,” Jimin added, “and can I tell you something?” he then asked as he turned himself to face the weary man.

Jungkook raised his head to look at his best friend who paused for a moment as he nibbled on his bottom lip.

“You need to talk to Y/n, and I mean properly” he began, and Jimin could see how almost instantly his face fell hearing your name. The silence that followed was loud, and Jungkook could feel his heart starting to pick up its pace.

“We did, Jimin, but it didn't work out. Clearly we already knew what we’re choosing” Jungkook told him.

“I know, but just…” Jimin sighed as he trailed off.

“She's struggling a lot, Jungkook. Her friends said she's barely attending her classes anymore. But when she does, it's like they can't even recognise her anymore. I saw her yesterday and it made me worry about her even though we’re not close. She's gotten paler and thinner, and has bags under eyes like she hasn't been sleeping for days. I tried to talk to her a few times but she just didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want to talk to anyone” he explained.

Jungkook's heart sank to the pit of his stomach, and his walls around him came crumbling down.

“You and her may be on different terms about the baby, but she really needs you more than anything right now. I know all of this is sudden, and that you're not ready, but you can't run away from your responsibilities forever. Go and talk to her, you'll both figure something out, I'm sure of it” he said as he placed his hand on his best friend's shoulder.

To Jungkook, it was easier said than done. But right now, he couldn't endure the heaviness in his heart as the realisation was soon settling in him as he began to acknowledge how his actions had caused you pain. And everything Jimin had told him began to make sense. He was right, he needed to talk to you again — to see you.

Jungkook quickly blinked away the tears before they could fall, and he relaxed his clenched fists as he zoned back to reality.

“You guys aren't completely alone in this, okay? You have us, always” Jimin reassured the boy who looked like he was carrying the weight of the world. Jungkook's heart warmed at his words, and he couldn’t help but feel grateful to be surrounded with amazing people in his life.

Jungkook hoped to see you find you during the rest of the day so he could talk to you, but you were nowhere to be found. He tried to approach your two friends, Mina and Hana, but they scowled at him and walked past, ignoring him completely.

Jungkook sighed and gave up, and decided to wait until tomorrow.

THE NEXT DAY

──────────

It was another crisp winter morning, and amidst the frost-kissed streets, Jungkook clung onto his bag as he made his way to the university. His heart was heavier than yesterday and his steps were uncertain.

His thoughts were consumed by what Jimin told him yesterday. It was all he could think about. After failed attempts to get a hold of you anywhere at the campus yesterday, Jungkook hoped that he would get to see you today at least.

As he reached inside and into the hallway, he heard a loud, shrill cry that pierced the air. It came from the corridor that led to the female toilets.

Confusion and worry consumed him as he quickened his pace. But when the screams and yells began to sound familiar, he heard your name. He heard those familiar voices desperately calling for you to wake up, and in that moment his heart stopped and his fear intensified. His heart began to pound in panic, and without a second thought, he broke into a sprint.

As he reached the entrance to the female restroom, he pushed the door open, and there he saw a sight that made his heart drop. There you laid on the tiled floor, looking paler than he had ever seen you, your face blank and eyes half open.

“Oh my god! Mina, call the ambulance!” Hana yelled at Mina. Your two friends were kneeled huddling around you as they tried to get you to consciousness, but you were barely giving any response.

That's when Jungkook noticed the blood that ran down between your legs, staining your skirt and the floor beneath.

He ran towards you and pushed your friends aside, gently scooping you and cradling you in his arms. Your body was so cold that he almost flinched.

“Y/n, hey, wake up!” he gently shook your body. You were barely conscious, and he could see you trying to keep your eyes open.

“J-Jungkook?” you struggled to speak as your hand slowly made its way up to his sweater. You tried to grab hold of him but your body was too weak.

“I’m here, I-I’m right here baby” he whimpered as his hug tightened.

“W-What’s happening?” he trembled as he looked at the two panicked and crying girls.

“I-I don’t know. We were just talking a-and all of a sudden she collapsed, and now she’s b-bleeding” Mina explained.

“Jungkook,” Hana looked at him, “I-I think she might be having a miscarriage” she stammered tearfully.

“The ambulance is on its way right now” Mina said.

Time seemed to come to a stop as Jungkook felt his world crumble. It was in that moment, with his heart in his throat, that he feared the worst and hoped for the best, ready to confront the unexpected turn of events. The voices around him blurred into the background as he focused on your pale face.

“I’m sorry” he whispered as tears pooled in his eyes, “I’m so sorry” his voice cracked in the end. He wished he could turn back time, undo the pain he had caused, and be there for you in every possible way.

“O-Our baby, she’s g-going to be o-okay, right?” you stammered, trying to focus your gaze on him, but all you could see was blur. Jungkook’s chest tightened at your question, and he didn’t know how to answer, and instead just hugged you to reassure you.

A few moments later, the paramedics finally arrived. Jungkook felt his body suddenly lose its warmth as they took you from his arms and placed you on the stretcher. He silently watched you finally lose your consciousness, and the paramedics quickly rushed to place an oxygen mask over you.

“We need to get going, now” one of them urged, and with a nod from the rest, they all made their way back to the album with the stretcher.

Jungkook didn’t think twice to ditch his class and rush to his car to follow the ambulance with Mina and Hana deciding to tag along. At that moment, he didn’t care about anything. All he could do was pray for you and the baby to be safe.

As Jungkook and your two friends rushed through the corridors of the hospital, his heart violently pounded in his chest. “She’s going to be okay, right? A-And the baby?” he asked, looking at the doctor desperately.

“She’s going to be alright. But we can’t be too sure about the baby since she’s well early into her pregnancy, and bled quite a lot” the doctor answered honestly before rushing inside the emergency room, leaving the crying boy standing numb.

All he knew was that if anything happened to the baby, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

Jungkook sat himself down on the chair with his head buried in his hands, lost deep in his thoughts. That was until he heard Hana’s angry voice.

“This is all your fault!” she yelled as she marched towards him. Jungkook didn’t react or lift his head to look at her, instead, he let her say whatever she had to.

“If you weren’t such a selfish fucking coward none of this would’ve happened!” she screamed.

“Hana, calm down” Mina told her. Hana glared at him and backed away before sitting on the chair opposite him.

But she was right, he was a coward.

Time crawled by as he anxiously paced the hospital's cold floors, continuing to question his past decisions and praying for the baby to be okay. He had never felt more helpless and regretful. Every minute that passed felt like an eternity.

And finally, the same doctor emerged from the emergency room, his face a mix of exhaustion and relief. Jungkook rushed over to him, his heart filled with a mix of fear and hope.

“D-Doctor, are they okay?” he asked.

“She’s okay. She’s stable now, we managed to stop the bleeding” he began, “and miraculously the baby is okay too” he added.

Jungkook’s tensed shoulders finally relaxed as relief flooded over him.

“It seems like she collapsed because of stress and weakness. I encourage her to take some time off and stabilise her health first, because she’s at a very vulnerable stage of pregnancy — so anything can happen” the doctor explained. Jungkook nibbled down on his lip in guilt. It was all his fault.

“She’s resting, but you can go and see her” he gave him and smiled before leaving.

Jungkook turned and looked at your two friends, they gave him a look that they wanted to go first.

So he let them. And as he sat there feeling relieved that both of you were safe, he thought back to that day. He couldn't believe the situation he had created, the pressure he had put on you to get an abortion, and how close he had come to losing you both. He realised the magnitude of the situation that his fear and immaturity had created, and the innocent life he was so willing to abandon.

He couldn’t deny the connection he began to feel between his unborn baby.

Thirty minutes or so passed.

After Hana and Mina were done visiting you, Hana gave him a hard glare as she walked past him.

“If you really love her, Jungkook, you better make it right” she said, before leaving.

Jungkook clenched his jaw as he watched them leave, but then his attention went towards where your room was. He took slow and hesitant steps, and when he finally reached the room, pushed the door open. There he saw your pale and fragile form on the hospital bed. Seeing the tubes and monitors surrounding you, his heart grew heavier.

You were awake, sitting up when your back rested against the pillows. Your expression was unreadable as you blankly stared at the plain white wall in front you. The sight was a clear contrast to the vibrant girl he had once known.

“Y/n” he whispered your name as he slowly walked towards you, the sound barely audible in the quiet room.

But you heard. And before he could draw nearer, your voice pierced the silence, cutting him off sharply.

“Get out” you commanded.

Your words were like ice, sending a shiver down his spine. You didn't even glance in his direction, your eyes remaining fixed on the empty space before you. The coldness in your tone struck him, differing from the warmth he had always associated with you.

But who was he kidding? He made his choice and he knew you were going to hate him, especially after everything he had said to you. You were upset, heartbroken, and you had every right to be.

But why did it hurt so bad?

He stood there clenching his fists, paralysed by your rejection, feeling the ache of his heartache like a physical pain in his chest. Blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over, he searched desperately for something to say, some way to bridge the gap that had opened up between you.

“I’m sorry” he finally whispered.

It was all he could say. It was a pathetic attempt to reach out, to offer some sort of comfort or apology, but he knew deep down that mere words could never erase the pain he had caused.

In all honesty, deep down you knew he wasn’t entirely at fault. But you were angry. Angry at him. Angry at yourself. You were angry at the world.

You heard the rawness in his voice, the guiltiness.

But you were afraid he was going to fall in the trap of your doomed fate, and you didn’t want to ruin or burden his life any more than it already was.

“Just get out Jungkook. Go. Go live the life you want. Don’t let us hold you back” you said, finally turning around to look at him with your glossy eyes.

And as he stood there, shattered and empty, he realised that in that moment, he had lost not only you, but a piece of himself as well.

“I’m sorry Y/n” he said once more, lowering his head as he slowly broke down.

“Me too” you replied before tearing your gaze away from him. there was some silence between you both as Jungkook stared at your silently crying form.

“I love you, and I’m sorry” his voice cracked.

With a final longing gaze, he turned around and walked away with heavy footsteps. It was a matter of seconds that once he stepped his foot out of the room, he would be leaving behind the girl he loved and the life you had once dreamed of together.

When you heard the door closing with a soft click, your shoulders dropped. With a shaky sigh, you clenched your eyes shut, unable to contain the flood of emotions any longer.

You began to sob.

And each sob grew louder as seconds passed by, echoing outside the corridors. Jungkook heard the heart wrenching cries, and it took him so much to not stop and run back in to engulf you in his arms.

His eyes, filled with tears, shut tightly, as if closing them could shield him from the reality of the pain he felt. His breathing was ragged, each breath came in shallow, uneven gasps. The sobs that he tried to choke back rose uncontrollably from his chest, shuddering through his body.

He felt a raw ache in his throat, the bitter taste of the partition of your years long of love. He bit his lower lip and clenched his jaw, but the sobs broke free, escaping in rough, broken bursts the further he walked away.

Everything was over.

And despite that, you both knew deep down that a piece of your hearts would forever remain with each other.

𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗦 𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗩𝗘𝗗

@𝗷𝗸𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰

©️

(insta: jeonjkfiles)

---

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

raven unit I (m) jjk

Jeon Jungkook x Reader

‒ raven unit. (m) chapter one: gallaticus. ✎  [13k words]

genre: political!Au, taskforce!Au, warcrime!Au

warnings: eventual smut, angst, gore, violence, drug mentions, alcohol mention, graphic description of violence, death.  With your life at risk and several people around you dead, your loyal head of security makes sure your safety is taken care of when he’s out of the picture. Three ruthless, dangerous and deadly men take on the task to protect and hide you, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok and the one in command, Jeon Jungkook.  masterlist. chapter two. So, I would just like to mention I neglected my duties to write the requests sent my way because my good friend @diofulin​ had me thinking of this idea and when I knew it I had written 25k words and was looking at a small series. For what it’s worth, I hope you like it. Comment, reblog and I’ll be posting the nest chapter around Wednesday. 

Keep reading

---

pairings. jungkook x reader (f)

genres/aus. comfort, established relationship

warnings. descriptions of anxiety

notes. another self indulgent writing with jk on my mind <3

masterlist

—

oh god. why do you do this to yourself? and always at this time at night, always when you have to piss too.

it’s late, around 1:30 in the morning and your boyfriend is sound asleep peacefully snoring into his pillow. you’ve grown accustomed to his sleeping habits and it’s now become something you miss on those months he’s gone for work.

he fell asleep easily, as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out fast. muttering an ‘i love you’ half asleep before slumber took over.

you’ve been scrolling on your phone switching from different apps back to tiktok. until one specific tiktok appeared on your for you page, one that piqued your interest with the eerie sound. a lady was explaining a nightmare she had and how she saw a creepy, shadow face with picture evidence. and now you can’t unsee it and you paused the video because the sound was becoming overwhelming and suddenly you feel like it was in the room with you.

you remember how you had to pee and that urge comes back but no way are you walking that three feet in the dark.

you scroll past the video and it’s one showing an otter swimming in a pool. yes, much better.

but that haunting image keeps flashing behind your eyes, so you exit out the app and go back to youtube. trying to find one of your comfort videos you always go back to rewatch. you take a peek over your phone to see the faint outline of jungkook on his side, mouth slightly open. oh how i wish that could be me right now.

anxious thoughts hit you again and you wonder if you turn over, would that face be there?

you’ve always been like this since you were little. afraid of the dark and gets easily scared. suddenly you wish you kept that ocean nightlight you had since you were five, but your mom gave it away to your cousins.

there’s only one thing you could think of.

“kook, kook..” you gently shake his shoulder to wake him. it takes a few more tries before he’s awake. your phone automatically turns off from the screen not being touched. leaving your room pitch black.

he breathes out, “what’s wrong? you okay?” you open your phone, illuminating the room a bit.

you bite your lip. “can you walk with me to the bathroom? i’m scared..” do you sound like a child right now?

jungkook, without questions, kicks the blanket off and crawls out of bed to walk around to your side of the bed.

“come on.” he mutters, he holds out his hand for you to grab as you get out of bed. you’re clinging to his side as you take those few steps to the bathroom in your room.

when he turns the light on, you both hiss at the brightness. your appearances in the mirror looks like you’ve been in bed for a bit. but jungkook doesn’t look bothered at all, a small smile that says a million things to you eases your worries.

he leans against the counter with his arms crossed as you do your business before washing your hands.

while you’re in front of the sink, he comes up behind you to circle his arms around your waist. “wake me up always if you need anything, i don’t mind. and if i don’t wake up for the first couple times, i allow you to smack me with a pillow.”

you chuckle. “okay.”

“okay.”

he walks you back to your side of the bed and tucks you in, crawling over you to get on his side. blindly reaching for your hand under your pillow, giving it a squeeze. “put your youtube video on baby.”

you nod, even though he can’t see. then you hear his soft snores again. you lean in to place a kiss on of his forehead before doing as he says.

---

“you drew stars around my scars”

pairing: experimented on! jungkook x experimented on! reader

powers au!, childhood besties au!, patients au!

genre: angst, fluff, sfw

wc: 5.9k

synopsis: meeting jungkook was like gazing up at the brightest star in the sky as you lay helpless on the cold ground in the dark night. you both found comfort in one another. you healed each other as you suffered through painful experiments together. the pain was bearable, with him by your side. whenever he was around, your smiles were brighter, your shoulders were lighter, and all your worries just seemed to disappear in an instant. good things don’t last though. you learned that the hard way.

OR

jungkook and y/n meet in the hospital both trying to be cured of their ‘disease’ (they have powers :O) and form memories along the way <3

tw: experiments on human (not detailed though), scars, gun

*inspired by ‘cardigan’ by taylor swift: “you drew stars around my scars” pls listen to it while u read this 🥹🥹(A/N: GONNA BE FIGHTING HARD FOR TICKETS TO ERAS TOUR THIS WEEK SO I WROTE THIS HOPING TO MANIFEST SOME TICKETS😭🙏🙏)

——

13 june, 2005

You monitored the pale, white room around you. White bed. White cupboard. White walls. You sighed in frustration. Your rainbow obsessed 7 year old brain screamed at you to add some colour to the walls. Note to self: Bring crayons to colour walls next time.

“Please…I will take care of her… don’t do this…”

Hearing the small familiar voice of your mother, your eyes lit up, and you climbed onto your white bed, propping your elbows onto the tiny window frame in the small room, peeking your small head out as you stared curiously into the other room. Your mother talking to a man in a white coat. They were having a serious conversation, and your mother seemed like she was about to cry. Why is mommy crying? Is she hurt? You thought to yourself, immediately jumping off the bed and running to the room next door to find your mother and comfort her.

The moment you entered the room your mother was in, you noticed she instantly wiped her tears away, trying to hide her tears from you.

“Hey sweetie, you like the room?” She plastered a smile on her face as she looked endearingly at you.

“It was alright. It could have more colour though. Next time I should bring my crayons and draw Bibi on it!” You let out a huge smile at the thought of Bibi, showing off your missing front tooth. Bibi was your imaginary friend. Picture a golden retriever, but covered in rainbows. Making friends were not exactly your specialty. For some reason, everyone called you a freak and did not want to talk to you, all because you were able to move things with your mind. And so you found comfort in your imaginary friend Bibi instead. He was the only one who understood you.

“Hey sweetheart, you’ll be staying here for a while, ok? It’s to make you better. Don’t worry, mommy will come back to visit when I can.” You could tell your mother was holding back her tears. It was the same face she made when daddy screamed at her and left us, or when she received a call that grandma died.

“W-why can’t mommy stay with me?” You felt tears brimming at your eyes as a sinking feeling appeared in your heart. You could feel that something bad was happening.

“Y/n, you are a danger to your mother. You need to stay here to get better-“ The doctor in the coat was cut off as I screamed out loud.

“NO! I WANT MY MOMMY! IM NOT GOING TO STAY HERE!” Your tears were overwhelming you as more people stomped into the room, grabbing your mother’s arms as she tried to grab you into her embrace. She had released her tears by now, sobbing uncontrollably. The people who stomped into the room grabbed her arms harshly, dragging her away from me and out of the door.

You felt your arms being pulled back by the doctor as you tried reaching out for your mother. You let out a frustrated scream, as your emotions ran rampage. The room around you started to shake and you unintentionally slammed everyone in the room against the hard wall — including your mother. Everyone except you fell hard to the ground as they hit the wall, all groaning in pain. You looked at your mother apologetically, then looked at your own hands in disgust. What have I done?

Your mother looks at you with one last glance, glossy eyes as she mouths to you ‘It’s ok, i love you’ The security people, as if unphased from the hit, immediately got up, containing their job as they dragged your mother forcefully out of the room. You didn’t dare to stop them. Not after what you did. You knew you were a monster.

“Do you see now, y/n? You’re a danger to everyone. If you want to be fixed, you will do the wise choice of cooperating with us so you can see your mother again.” The doctor got up slowly, looking at you with a cunning smile.

You gulped. You were scared. So, so scared and lonely. But you knew you had to do this. You had to get better. You had to make your mom proud. So you bravely nodded, agreeing to stay at the facility to get help.

—

2006

You never saw your mother again after that incident. You were unsure if she chose not to see you again because she thought you were a monster or if she was not allowed to visit you, but you sure hoped it was the latter.

You grew accustomed to the lifestyle. Everyday, your morning would be filled with ‘recreational activities’ like playing chess, but having to move the pieces with your mind, or doing basic commands with your powers that the doctors made you do. Afternoons were the worst. They would strap you into the terrifying pink chair in the ‘rainbow room’ and conduct experiments on your brain. For a room called ‘rainbow room’, it was certainly not full of rainbows. You would have to sit through hours of excruciating pain as the voices in your head overwhelmed you. There were so many needles, blood. But there was nothing you could do. None of the doctors cared for you. You had no one.

As time passed, you started getting used to the lifestyle. The food wasn’t bad, you had a chef that would make what you wanted, and servants that would get you what want. The only issue was the loneliness. You realised you were the only patient at the facility. Nobody ever talked to you. The guards, doctors and servants were not allowed to form a relationship with you. You had no one to talk to — except Bibi. But you knew Bibi wasn’t real. You weren’t a kid anymore - you had matured quickly from having to face the bitter reality. Bibi was merely your coping mechanism from the horrors of your daily life.

That was until he came along.

On 13 June, 2006, Jeon Jungkook, a 9 year old boy, was admitted into your facility exactly a year after your admittance. You were excited when you heard the news. You would finally have someone to talk to, someone to share your pain and to hang out with — a friend. Sadly, you did not hit it off as well as you expected it to. Jungkook was a shy, frightened boy, slightly shorter than you, eyes red and puffy probably from the amount of times he cried after being separated from his family. You felt for him. You were in the exact same situation as him a year ago, and you understood that he needed some private time to heal himself. He was definitely not in the mood for making friends. So you kept your distance for a while, not wanting to seem too desperate.

Until the night of his first experience in the ‘rainbow room’. You laid on your bed, reading the same book for the thousandth time as you sighed in boredom. Until you heard a sniffle in the hallway.

Curious, you stepped out of your room, not shocked to see Jungkook crouching into a little ball in the hallway outside his room, crying quietly. You could see the deep scars left on his left arm, the same ones you get daily from the experiments. You crouch down beside him softly, hesitantly patting his back as you tried to comfort him wordlessly. At first, he looked tense and uncomfortable at your touch, but he slowly eased into it as he saw the same scars on your arms. You inched closer to him, giving him a warm embrace as you cried together with him.

After that night, the two of you became closer. He realised that you were just like him. That he was not alone in his painful journey. And so started your friendship with Jungkook.

You soon realised Jungkook was more than a shy, frightened boy. He could be playful and kind at times, and he quickly became your close friend — more like only friend.

He painted your bleak childhood colourful with memories and fun moments. The two of you would make inside jokes about the staff there, laughing at how they always wore the same clothes and probably didn’t wash them, and joke over stupid things like whose powers were stronger or who was taller.

Yet despite all the jokes, the two of you placed deep trust in one another, comforting each other when the experiments got too harsh and painful, convincing each other that it would end some day. Mornings and afternoons of playfulness and fun ended in late nights of cuddling and crying together. This lifestyle became a norm for the two of you. But still it was tolerable, because you had each other.

—

2010

“Y/n, look what I found!” Jungkook ran into your room with a big, smug toothy grin on his face, hiding something behind his back.

“Did you finally find out where your room actually is? Because I’m starting to think you don’t know that since you’re always in my room.” You rolled your eyes playfully as you pretended not to be interested in what he actually brought.

His smile faltered for a second, processing your words, before he faked an angry frown, and pounced onto your bed that you were laying on, tickling you as revenge.

“Ok stop,” you giggled, “I was just kidding, tell me what you brought.” He finally stopped tickling you, pulling something from under his shirt behind his back, as he excitedly presented it to you.

You jaw dropped in shock as you immediately snatched it from his hand, staring at it in disbelief.

“That’s right! A full set of rainbow coloured crayons just for you!” Jungkook beamed with pride.

It was only the previous night that you admitted your obsession with rainbows to him, telling him stories about Bibi, and sharing about how you wished you could colour your room walls. You’ve been begging the workers for some sort of colour since you’ve arrived, but they never met your requests, saying that it was too “childish”. You couldn’t help but wonder how Jungkook managed to get it.

“I bet Bibi could have never gotten this for you, it just proved I’m a much better friend than him!”

You laughed at Jungkook’s statement. After telling him about Bibi, he had been so jealous that you had another friend other than him, even though you repeatedly told him numerous times that Bibi was an imaginary friend. However, you didn’t admit that you hadn’t talked to Bibi in a long time since you’d made friends with Jungkook. That would make his pride swell too much.

“How did you get it? The workers never ever let me get anything like this!” You were still in disbelief.

“Well, doctor choi has been wanting to do the new form of experiment on me since a few weeks back, and he said he would reward me with anything I wanted if I did it! So since I’m the bravest and coolest person ever, I did it today!” Jungkook said with a smug smile.

You frowned when you heard what he said. For the past few weeks, Jungkook had opposed greatly to doing the new format of experiments, since it was on a much larger scale than the previous experiments we had done. Our previous experiments usually ended in scars on our arms, but this new experiment was performed on the whole body. Jungkook had protested against it, because he was too afraid of needles. He had always been less receptive to pain than you. But why did he suddenly agree to do it today?

You looked down on Jungkook’s body, noticing new scars that were on his legs. He quickly tried covering them, saying, “It’s no big deal! It wasn’t even painful!”

You knew it had to be painful. The size of the scarring were just much larger than the usual. You pouted in guilt, hugging Jungkook tightly, “You didn’t have to do that! I bet it hurt so bad!”

“It’s fine, I just wanted to do something for you after all you’ve done for me…” He looked at you, face blushing slightly from your close proximity.

That night, the two of you didn’t sleep, colouring the plain walls with the crayons until dawn broke.

“Pfff. What is that supposed to be?” Jungkook muffled his laughter when he turned to see what you were drawing.

Frowning, you exclaimed, “It’s the galaxy! These are all the planets and all my beautiful stars!”

“Those are supposed to be stars?! They’re so ugly!” Jungkook joked with you.

You threw one of the crayons in his face, ignoring his comments. You didn’t care how ugly your drawing was, you loved seeing the sky and stars shining. Especially the stars. Stars were your favourite thing. Before you came here, you and your mother went stargazing every week, staring into the beautiful sky. Even though you probably would never be able to see them again since you weren’t allowed out of the building, you still held on to the hope that maybe one day you could have that chance again.

You stared at your galaxy for a while before turning over to Jungkook’s side to see what he was drawing.

You were shocked to realise that he was a much better artist than you. You inched closer to his side, smiling when you realised what he drew. A portrait of you and him together, on a lush green field, staring up into a sky full of stars. Although you never told him directly about your love for stars, you realised he must have guessed it from all the times you talked about them and tried drawing them. Your felt your heart beat a little bit faster at the thought of Jungkook being so attentive to your likes.

Your eyes trailed down to below the beautiful drawing to see a small writing below.

‘Y/n and Jungkook together forever!’

—

2015

As the years ticked by quickly, Jungkook started growing from a boy into a man. Once he hit puberty, he shot up like a tree and grew muscles. His featured became more defined and he grew out of his baby fat. You noticed that as Jungkook turned into a teenager, he had also turned more rebellious towards the workers, always unwilling to follow through their instructions and ending up getting punished. Yet he still stayed kind and sweet towards you, acting like the same 10 year old boy when he’s around you.

“One more time and we will not tolerate this anymore! You got it?”

Hearing the faint voice of doctor choi, you quietly get up from your bed and run to your door, peeking out softly, looking in the hallway.

Doctor Choi stood outside of Jungkook’s room in anger, scolding him. You could barely see Jungkook from your angle, only seeing half of his body.

“Ya, ya whatever. I won’t do it again.” Jungkook rolled his eyes and then slammed the door in Doctor Choi’s face, resulting in Doctor Choi stomping away in anger.

When you were sure Doctor Choi was out of sight, you quietly tip toed to Jungkook’s room, knocking on his door impatiently.

“What more do you want? I-“ Jungkook opened the door, annoyed.

When he saw you, he paused and his eyes softened.

“What did you do again? I was so worried when I couldn’t find you this morning! You have to start being more careful! These people have power over our entire lives! You can’t just act recklessly like this!” You immediately pushed past him and entered his room, sitting on his bed, as you looked at him angrily.

He carried a childishly guilty look, nervously scratching the back of his neck.

“I didn’t do anything bad! I just kind of sneaked out…”

“What!?? You tried sneaking out again?? Are you crazy? You could get into serious trouble-“

“I didn’t try, I did sneak out. I succeeded.” He said with a smug smirk on his face.

You paused your words in shock.

“Wait what? You sneaked out? Whats outside? Did you see the sky? How did you sneak out?” You bombarded him with questions.

He chickled slightly, sitting beside you in the bed.

“Chill, it’s mostly just greenery. But I found a really nice spot. I’ll take you there tonight.” He smiled gently at you.

You don’t know why you agreed with Jungkook’s ridiculous rebellious plan, but the thought of even a chance of being able to see the night sky again was just too tempting.

So now you and Jungkook were currently hiding in the vents, waiting for the right time to sneak out when nobody was looking. You sat rolled up in a circle beside Jungkook who looked noticeably more uncomfortable than you due to his size. The two of you were inches away from each other and you could feel your face heating up at the close proximity.

“This is really uncomfortable.” You muttered in the awkwardness.

He chuckled stating that it would be worth it.

Sure enough, he was right, as he usually was. When the workers were not looking, he quickly dragged you out of the vent as the two of you ran as quickly and quietly as you could to the spot he was talking about.

“Don’t open your eyes!” Jungkook placed his large hands over your eyes excitedly as he led you quietly to the spot.

You followed him blindly, placing your trust in him.

“OK! Open your eyes now!” You could hear the smile in his voice, excitedly opening your eyes.

When you peeled your eyes open, you stayed silent, in awe at the view you saw. The sky was pitch black, but the bright stars around twinkled in the dark. You felt like crying. You’ve been longing for this view for years. And now that you could see it in real life you didn’t know how to feel.

“I-It’s not the best view but I thought you would like it.” Jungkook said with a shy smile.

“It’s beautiful, Jungkook! I love it so much.” You were on the verge of tears, throwing yourself onto him as you embraced him tightly in gratitude.

You could feel him sigh in relief, hugging you back just as tightly.

“I’m glad you love it.”

The two of you sat on the field in silence, staring at the sky in awe. From your peripheral view, you noticed that Jungkook was looking at you the whole time.

“You should take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You joked with him as you turned to him momentarily.

“I really wish I could.” He replied.

You kept quietly, not expecting that response. The two of you stayed quiet for a while before you broke the silence.

“My mom used to bring me out to star gaze every week… I miss her so much.”

Jungkook looked at you in slight shock, not knowing how to reply. Though the two of you shared everything with each other, parents were not a topic you commonly discussed as it was pretty sensitive.

As silence engulfed the two of you again, you asked Jungkook, “Do you want a family when you grow up?”

“Yes, but only with the woman I love.” He stared intensely at you.

You looked back into his eyes, not knowing how to reply.

“Y/n, you are the one I lo-“

You cut him off quickly, pressing your finger onto his lips.

“Please don’t, I don’t think I can handle that.” You say apologetically, “I don’t deserve to be loved. My scars, they’re too ugly. I- I’m ugly. I don’t deserve love.” Your tears fumbled your words.

Jungkook’s eyebrows fumbled, his strong arms grabbing your arms gently, relentlessly pulling it towards him even as you tried your best to pull it away. He gently looked at your scars, rubbing onto them as he pulled them to his lips and kissed them gently.

“They’re beautiful y/n, everything about you is beautiful.”

Your tears started pouring as Jungkook looked at you with so much love and affection, kissing your ugly scars with so much care as if they were the most beautiful thing in the world.

“No they’re not, I can’t even look at them. It hurts, Jungkook. I hate everything about myself.” You leaned your head on his shoulders as you cried harder.

Jungkook hesitated for a moment, before grabbing something out from his pocket.

You almost laughed amidst your tears when you saw what he took out. A pink crayon. You remember giving that to him because you refused to use that colour in your drawings, stating that you hated that colour. (mostly because it was the colour of the chair in the rainbow room) As years passed and your crayons were used up, you never knew he had kept that crayon until this day, keeping it in his pocket like that.

You kept quiet as you watched him curiously. He grabbed your arms gently, drawing cute little stars around them.

“Look, now your arm is a cute little galaxy. It’s even more beautiful than the sky up there.” He smiled gently at you.

Looking at your arm now, you chuckled slightly as it did slightly resemble the universe above you. Jungkook used his fingers to wipe away the tears below your eyes.

“Since I kissed your scars, don’t you think you should kiss mine too?” He smirked.

You laughed, tears dissipating as you bent down and kissed the scars on his arm as well. You grabbed the pink crayon, drawing stars around his scars as well. You frowned when you realise his little universe didn’t look nearly as nice as yours.

“Wow you’re trying to make my scars uglier with your ugly stars.” He teased you.

This time, instead of throwing the crayon into his faces, you smiled endearingly as you leaned your head onto his chest, savouring as much as you could of this sweet moment.

“Jungkook… sorry for cutting you off just now. In fact, I-I actually love-“

Just as you were about to confess, you were suddenly interrupted.

“Jeon Jungkook! I told you no more sneaking out! This is it! You will be punished! Grab her!”

You felt yourself being pulled away from Jungkook’s side as two strong men grabbed both sides of your arms.

“Let go of me!” You tried pushing yourself off and using your powers but you were too weak after the experiments this week.

“Stop! Let go of her now!”

You’ve never seen Jungkook this mad before. Jungkook used his powers, twisting the heads of the two men holding you, making them crumble on the floor with blood gushing out of their eyes. You looked at Jungkook in shock.

Before you could run away, more men appeared, grabbing you once again, other men grabbing onto Jungkook.

At this point, you were a sobbing mess and the both of you were unable to escape since Jungkook’s powers were too weak from attacking the two men.

Jungkook was fuming, struggling in the grip of the two men, as he repeatedly shouted, “Don’t hurt her! Please! Let her go!”

You could feel yourself getting weaker as the men holding you placed a device onto your arm, draining your energy.

“This is your punishment, Jungkook. You’ll never see her again.”

That was the last thing you heard before you blacked out.

——

2016

You barely saw Jungkook again after that. They moved his room into another wing, and held his experiments elsewhere. You were back to 2005, lonely and depressed.

The only times you heard of Jungkook were through overhearing gossips from the workers.

“He caused a ruckus again, asking to see y/n. “

Your heart ached, longing to see him once again as well, and also concerned that he would be punished for being uncooperative.

You started focusing more on following the doctor’s instructions, with the hope that you could rid of your powers quickly so you could be released together with Jungkook. You were starting to see hope, everyday your powers were slightly diminishing and becoming weaker as you focused diligently during your experiments. Although as your powers grew weaker, you noticed you were becoming weaker as well. You’d lost a bit of weight and strength. But that didn’t falter you. You were too determined on losing your powers and escaping the facility.

Every morning, you would wake up to the fading drawing of you and Jungkook together watching the sky, bringing you back to the memory of that cursed night. Nights ended with you daydreaming on what could have been if you guys weren’t separated. You just wished you could have seen him one more time.

You didn’t know that your wish would have came true so soon.

It was 2am at night. You were lying on your bed, staring at the stars you had drawn on your ceiling with the crayons Jungkook gave years back. When someone entered your room quietly.

“Y/n, I have no time to explain. You have to come with me now.”

You looked up, shocked at the familiar voice. Sure enough, it was Jungkook in the flesh. He had an anxious look on his face, as if he was in a rush.

“W-what? How?” You didn’t know how to react after seeing him for the first time in so long. He looked the same from the last time you met him, except he grew buffer and more handsome. You looked at his arms, realising he still had pink stars that looked like the ones you drew around his scars. You assumed that he had traced over the stars when they started to fade so that they would stay intact. You let out a small smile at that.

He grabbed your wrist tightly, dragging you out of your room in a rush as he kept looking around for workers. You were still in a state of shock, unable to say a word as you followed him. When he was sure no one was in the hallway, he dragged you into the janitors room, closing the door.

He turned to you, glossy eyes looking at you as if you were the only thing that mattered in his life.

“I missed you so much.”

“Me too.”

The two of you stood in silence for a few seconds until Jungkook remembered why he came to find you.

“Look, y/n, we have a chance to escape. No, we need to escape. I found out something about the facility here. They have no plans to actually cure us, they can’t. They plan to have us stay here forever, to contain us and weaken us so we can’t escape. They’re afraid of us, y/n. And they can kill us at any time. They couldn’t kill us previously because the government did not allow it with the public watching. But with time passing, I overheard them saying that the public is forgetting and the government gave them the green light to kill us anytime we prove we’re a threat. We need to go, y/n.”

You knew this time it wasn’t a joke. Jungkook had never put on such a serious face before, and you could only nod at whatever he was saying. It was weird, the way you trusted him so easily. But he was the only person in your life who ever truly understood you and supported you. Maybe that was why you agreed to easily to whatever he said.

“W-when do we leave?” Your mind was still confused at how fast things were escalating. A moment ago you were just about to fall asleep, and now you were about to escape from the only place you’ve been in for the past few years of your life.

“Now.”

You followed him quietly as the two of you entered the vent you’d once been in. Memories of that horrible day came into your mind, but you pushed them away. Despite having an inkling that something about his plan could go wrong, you tried ignoring that thought, hoping it would be a success and that the two of you could actually leave together.

The two of you crawled through the vent, going a different route from the previous time. When he stopped abruptly, you stopped as well, waiting for his instructions. Looking down from the vent through the tiny holes, you realised you were above the main entrance of the building, the same entrance you and your mother had walked through the first time you entered.

You held your breath at the memory of that day. You hadn’t seen this door since that day in 2005 since it was always blocked off by guards and lots of protection. You felt heartbeat increase, maybe there really was hope at an escape.

“Ok on my signal you follow me and jump down, alright?” Jungkook turned around to look at you as he whispered. You nodded determinedly in response.

When Jungkook mouthed the word ‘now’ to you, he kicked off an opening on the vent and jumped down onto the floor as you followed along. As you jumped down, you stumbled slightly, but Jungkook caught you, steadying you with his arms.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” The guards, who had been on break took notice of us and ran after us from a few meters away.

“Run!”

Jungkook grabbed your arm tightly, pulling you along with him as the two of you ran for your lives out of the building.

As you ran, you started panicking as all you could see around you were greenery. But then hope came again when you could see a town with people and buildings in the far distance. There was a chance the two of you could make it.

You ran harder, locking hands with Jungkook as you both ran towards the town.

Bang!

The sound of the gunshot resonated through the forest. You didn’t feel any pain. But that made you feel worse. Because you knew it was Jungkook that had been shot.

“Shit…” Jungkook groaned in pain as he grabbed onto his stomach, blood gushing out.

Despite the pain, he didn’t give up, dragging you to a blind spot in the forest behind a tree where no one could see the two of you.

You placed him gently on the floor as tears flowed down your eyes uncontrollably.

“No…no, please…” You muttered as you tried putting pressure on the wound.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Go. Go without me.” He said with little energy.

“No! No… I’m not leaving you here.” At this point you could barely see anything, everything blurred from your tears.

“You have to go now y/n… please… I love you so much…” He said with tears.

“Sorry, y/n, I didn’t want to show you my new power this way, but I have no choice.” He said weakly.

You were confused for a moment, until he grabbed onto your arm and said, “You will run as fast as you can to the town there and not look back once. And you will never ever return to this place.”

Instantaneously after his command, your legs stood up without your will and ran towards the town.

“W-wait! Jungkook! I love you! Stop this now! Please! I’m begging you!”

Your words were no use, your legs following Jungkook’s command as you couldn’t even look back to give a final glance at him.

When you reached the town, you broke down on the street immediately, wanting to run back to help him, but you physically couldn’t.

2018

Healing was hard. Especially without Jungkook. But eventually you moved on, like you always do. After escaping, you found a small job as a cashier at a convenience store, becoming close friends with the old grandma who owned the store. Your income was not a lot, but it was enough for three meals a day and rent for a small apartment. You went on that way for about 2 years, until realising you were too lonely and needed a new companion. And so you adopted an 8 year old golden retriever who had previously been used for animal testing. The moment you saw the scars on his frail little body, you broke down and sobbed at the adoption drive in front of dozens of people. You knew at that moment that he was yours. You named him Jeon Bibi.

—

13 June, 2020

“Jeon Bibi! The park is this way, where are you bringing me to?” You chuckled at your dog’s cute behaviour as he excitedly dragged you away to the opposite direction of the park you usually walked to.

“Ok, ok you’re the boss, i’ll follow you.” You smile affectionally at him as you trail behind him, curious to find out where he was bringing you to.

When Bibi came to an abrupt stop, you realised that he stopped behind the tall silhouette of a man’s back. You looked up curiously at the man, wondering why Bibi brought you to him. The man whipped around when he felt Bibi sniffing his hands.

You felt your breath hitch as the familiar man turned around, staring deeply into your eyes. For a moment, time stopped. Your eyes turned glossy as years of memories flashed passed your mind in an instant, the walls you’ve built around your heart demolishing in a split second. Your eyes trailed from his slightly longer, curlier black hair down to his large brown doe eyes, and to his pink lips, adorning a new lip piercing. You brought your eyes down to his body, noticing he became even buffer and taller. Then your eyes reached his arms and you felt your heart stop, looking at the scars that you once rubbed, kissed, newly decorated by familiar stars that were now permanently inked onto his skin.

He seemed equally shocked as he stared at you, tears brimming his widened eyes.

You both didn’t move an inch, staring into each other’s eyes. You were the first to break the silence.

“I thought you said my stars were ugly.”

He broke into laughter amidst his tears at the fact that that was your first comment after meeting him. You could feel your heart squeeze at his laughter. God, you missed him so, so much. You found yourself laughing along to his contagious laughter. For a moment, it felt like the two of you were 10 again, laughing without any worries.

“Y/n, everything about you is beautiful, even your ugly stars.” He ceased his laughter, small smile on his face as he looked at you intensely, years of memories hidden behind those eyes.

He paused for a second, hesitating before confessing.

“Y/n, I love yo-“

Before he could finish, you cut him off by taking a step closer to him and smashing your lips against his. He instantly melted into the kiss, grabbing you tightly, scared you would be separated again. You hugged him back tighter, reassuring him that the two of you would stay together forever.

After all, he was your star, your salvation, the one who made you love your scars, the one taught you acceptance and love, the one who made living worth it.

A/N: I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭Ifeel so attached to them i cant do this rn i’m so sad. if u don’t understand the last part basically he REMEMBERED THE SHAPE OF HER STARS AND GOT A TATTOO OF THEM EVEN THOUGH HE HATES NEEDLES OK 😭😭😭😭ok but actually this piece was a bit of a rush since i wanted to quickly post it before my great war so it may be a bit incomplete at parts ANYWAYS PRAY FOR MY GREAT TICKETING WAR TMR🙏🙏THANKS LOVELIES FOR READING and do give comments if u can because i love reading feedback <3

---