*slides A Fifty Dollar Bill Across The Table* Head Canons For,,, Kissing John Egbert??

*slides a fifty dollar bill across the table* head canons for,,, kissing John Egbert??

I see you are a man of taste as well. But you can keep your money.

John Egbert kissing headcannons

HOOO BOY YALL GOT ME NERVOUS TO WRITE THIS 😳😳😳

John can literally and figuratively take your breath away but at first,,, it’s, ya know.

Like kissing a pubescent boy.

No one can take the headcannon away from me that he has braces. No one

When he first kisses you it’s so silly and awkward. He picks you up. Flys you high in the air and tries to serinade you with a bunch of cheesy pick up lines. When he finally dips in for the kiss... your noses bonk. It’s like, romantic and perfect but then just *bonk*

You both just star at each other like 👁👄👁 , John almost started crying because he thinks you hate him. The only person who’s ever shown him kindness and stuck with him through it all, is going to hate him because the fucked up your first kiss... wait. Why are you laughing? Are you laughing at him? What’s happening?-

Smooch.

He planned it all out but you stole his fucking thunder, good job. You, found it so funny how hard he was trying when he could literally come up to you at anytime and try and kiss you and you’d be fine with it. So you had to steal his thunder before he started crying. He was really close to crying. He just wanted everything to be perfect and now it was. It was just, the two of you, kissing in mid air.

After that he calmed down a little bit. He began to practice kissing with you. (He says he wants to learn how to give you kisses so he practices on you, it’s just and excuse to kiss you more)

He’s always nervous his braces are going to cut your mouth, which they have (but you told him it was fine), so he has to be extra gentle.

Unless he’s not. Now did I forget to mention PUBESCENT TEEN

That fucking dude, one day you’re both smooch and holding hands and the next he’s on top of you kissing until your lips are bleeding (he didn’t want them to but braces do that) and until your lips are blue

He loves kisses. Like a lot. He’s so touch starved so any form of affection will make him go over the moon!

His kisses, unless he’s h o r n y, are mostly just. Drawn out by a few seconds, very light and sweet and usually followed by kisses on your neck, cheek, or forehead

Did I also forget to mention how much he FUCKING LOVES TO KISS YOUR CHEEK AND FOREHEAD

like HOLY SHIT

he literally will stop whatever he’s doing and give you a small peck on the cheek. They’re always followed by an “I love you” or cuddles.

But your hands, holy shit. If you thought he was cheesy before just wait. He’ll be fucking bowing and kissing your hand and wrist and anything that you’re comfortable with?

BRUH IF YOURE A SLYPH, THIEF, MUSE, OR LORD

THAT BITCH IS KISSES YOUR ARMS ALL THE FUCKING TIME

He loves it SO MUCH

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

Hi, this is my truest time really using tumblr and I’m hella bored so fuck yeah let’s do this.

Here’s a giant master list of my master lists

Homestuck

Hiveswap

Creepypasta

Sprite edits!

RULES

Requests are closed (permanently lol)

your john stuff was rly cute🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

When bae likes your stuff 😻😻

FUCK IT. ANOTHER REQUEST 😈 I’m starving for kankri content rn so maybe yandere kankri headcanons? pls and thank!

👁👄👁 ➖👄➖ 👁👄👁, this is my first yandere thing man

Yandere Kankri Vantas headcann9ns

BOY HOWDY YALL MAKIN ME REAL BLUSHY TODAY 😳😳

Kankri is a simple man- er- troll. He expects nothing but is still let down by his. S t u p I d friends.

But then, you appear. Just someone regular. No popping features. But that drew him towards you. You didn’t try. You were perfect just by being yourself. When he finally came up to you he was so nervous, he expected you to be annoying and brash like his so called friends.

And no, he wasn’t nervous because he was “shy” he was nervous because you were perfect. He wasn’t nervous because of you, he was nervous for you. He wanted you to be perfect. And you were.

He came up to you, ready with a long and friendly introduction. When you turned to him, he almost froze. You smiled at him. You smiled. He knew that you were perfect from that day on. But when you spoke. It was absolutely perfect. Time froze. All he heard was your voice. It’s all he wanted to hear

“Hey!” You extended you hand out to him, “oh wait! Porrim said you’re kankri right, let me list my triggers”

Y-you knew who he was? Because if Porrim? You cared about his triggers? You cared about how he would have felt if you would have touched his hand without permission?

“Yes, I am kankri. Thank y9u f9r listing y9ur triggers. I’m glad t9 kn9w that at least s9me9ne has respect f9r 9thers. Let me 6egin my saying my triggers”

By the time he was finished he expected you to be zoned out or ignoring him; he turned back to see you in, complete focus, nodding along.

That’s it, he’s gone over the edge. In your first conversation you had already managed to wrap him around your finger.

Let me tell you something, when kankri falls, he falls hard. Every moment of the day is spent with you. Being your personal space, starring at you, and when (gog forbid) he’s busy? He’s wanting you. Watching you. Where? Where is he watching? Oh I’m sorry dear, I cann9t say

He’s always watching. Making sure no one. And I mean no one, is even looking at you the wrong way. He has thousands upon thousands of pictures of you.

He’s just so red for you! So.. so... in love. Oh gog he’s in love with you.

Im in love with them, Im in l9ve with them, Im in l9ve with them, Im in l9ve with them, Im in l9ve with them

Oh it felt so good to just hear himself mutter it. Oh- Wait what’s that... there’s... someone else... talking to you.

N9, n9, n9 that w9n’t d9 at all. My red l9ve. My mate. Please d9n’t speak t9 them. Please please please please PLEASE G9G FUCK

That’s it. He’s gone. He wanted you. He craved you. No one else could have you. Especially not the person you were speaking too. They won’t do at all. Please forgive him. Please?

Kankri, hated violence, really any confederation at all. But the feeling, of thick blood on his hands just felt amazing. It felt so good knowing it was for you. He’d kill thousands more just for you. As long as you’d love him.

He washes the blood.

He puts on a fresh clothes.

He smiles.

He walks to his husktop and opens trollion.

He invites you to dinner.

He has prepared the bloody dinner.

He smiles as he hears the doorbell ring.

Ah yes, they’re here. And dinners already done. Perfect

The door opens to reveal you, with your patient smile.

He opened the door.

The second you walked in the stench of copper filled your lugs, “kankri? What is that...?”

“N9thing t9 w9rry a69ut.... N9thing at all.”

“Kankri? I feel a bit lightheaded. Could you get me some water”

Then it all went black.

He keeps you chained to a wall. Grotesque, I know. He’s always touching you. Being around you. Forcing you to kiss him. To hold him. Please red love. It’s all he wants. He sits on your lap most of the time. Cooing and fondaling over you.

If His silver tongue manages to convince you to love him well there’s no problem! You will die together! You’re going to be togther forever. He’ll never get tired of you. He’ll eventually let you out and walk around. But he always and I mean always. Makes sure to rub his sweat glands into you. You need to smell like mutant scum. Just like him.

If not well, enjoy the long run. He’s not a patient Troll. He wants you. You are his. You want him just as much. You need him like the air you need to breath. He is your life. Just like you are his. But sweetheart, don’t think you’re in the clear. He will burn you, cut you, bruise you, anything to make sure you get it. He will punish you until you understand, he’s carved his name into your very flesh. Don’t worry red love

He loves you.