Who Do I Miss?

Who do I miss?

A person, place, hobby or environment? Or do I miss those shades of me, that I could never achieve. The traits I always wanted to inculcate, but my inner self always remained immune to. The traits that I still aspire to have, but I know my heart and mind will never align to accept and be the person that I find ideal. I will always be a crooked version of my imagination of myself. I miss the person I longed to be. I miss the person I'd never be.

Do I hate myself for what I turned out to be? No. None of us do.

I was thirteen when me and my friend participated in a school function. While we changed into our costumes, our similar red coloured sweatshirts, not the part of our basic uniform, got exchanged. I took hers home and she took mine to hers. It is a plain and simple mistake, but at that time, I felt like we were giving each other an access to our oddly private domesticity, a glimpse into our lives outside school. As a kid, i felt it took my friendship with her, a level up. And to be honest, I have not stopped feeling so, even now.

If you give me a bunch of thorny roses, you must not expect me to make a cake out of them, and serve it to you without thorns.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give ourselves is a little bit of understanding. The world is too judgemental and the least we can do for ourselves is to be a little easier on us. Let's understand that every days ends with a different rate of productivity, and altogether different vibe. It is too difficult to be perfect in such a competitive world each day. Let us rather try best to feel perfect, with what we managed to do, at the end of the day. Even if it was merely breathing. Because the place we live in, even simply living through the day constitutes success.

After years of stern teenage, and hard opinions, I have realized I am more at peace when I am flexible and little soft on everything. If I am wrong, the bad guy, the toxic one, all it would take me is a little admittance, to myself and to the people in question. I believe the more effort we invest in trying to justify our actions, the more we disturb our peace within. What will it cost me? A little ego bruise that doesn't stand a chance before the settling peace within?

The worst mistake one can make as a human is not keep backup of everyone in their life.