Apparently I'm Writing A Multi-chapter Fanfic Of Characters From A Novel That Hasn't Been Published Yet

Apparently I'm writing a multi-chapter fanfic of characters from a novel that hasn't been published yet to work through That Trans Shit idk

Part 2 is up on AO3!

Kissing, as it usually did, led to other things. (Even after more than two years together Corey and Dee still struggled to keep their hands off one another when given the opportunity.) Corey was almost unbearably sweet as he undressed Dee, asking if they'd wanted to leave their binder on (they didn't) and urging them to tell him if something felt wrong.

However, while Dee wouldn't have said that anything felt wrong, exactly, neither did it feel right. Corey was doing all the things that used to drive them wild, but the physical sensations felt as if they were coming from a million miles away. As if they were happening to someone else. Their body gasped and moaned at his touch, but it didn't feel like it meant anything.

Read the whole thing on AO3

Read Part 1 here

Changing my name again because I didn't do it right the first time (I thought I'd be fine having my deadname as my "government name" and my chosen name as my middle name. WOW was that ever not the case.)

Asked my friends for suggestions for middle names that started with A, and now I have a dilemma because here's just some of what they gave me:

Arsenal

Atticus

Achilles

Axel

Apocalypse

Archeopteryx

For my perimenopause transmascs waffling about starting T

42 year old transmasc enby, only recently decided to start T because I'm fucking tired of getting misgendered as a woman - I had my first shot a little more than two weeks ago.

Meanwhile, I've been dealing with perimenopause symptoms for more than two years - hot flashes at night, and other weird shit. I also had the vague notion that perimenopause was fucking with my mental health - in the past couple of years I've had to increase my brain meds to pretty high dosages, and I never was entirely happy with how they were working.

But it was also impossible to quantify how much of that could be perimenopause and how much was just Going Through It with:

Going no contact with my mom for being a fucking transphobe

Getting laid off in April

Parenting a neurodivergent 12 year old

Dealing with a resurgence of dysphoria and deciding to do more medical transition

And I'm here to tell you all that shit about T MAKES YOU ANGRIER is just. Like. Scaremongering????? Because 2 weeks in I feel more clear-headed than I have in the last three years.

Which honestly feels pretty:

For real, I didn't realize the amount of brain fog I was dealing with until I woke up a couple days ago and went... wait. Why is everything.... not foggy????

So. Yeah. 42 year old transmasc enby who waffled for years about T, have struggled with my mental health for a few years and assumed it wasn't related to perimenopause, and two weeks into doing T I feel more clear-headed than I have in a long-ass time.

Past Me, when I first realized how much my writing gave away about my anxiety, neuroses, and trauma

Now Me, leaning into it and using my writing as free therapy

There's been this promotion running at Loblaw-owned grocery stores (one of the 2 major chains in Canada) for several weeks where the cashiers have been asking if you want any "limited edition" Marvel trading cards. And I guess everyone's been saying no, because today...

So naturally I had to check in with my 12 y.o. when I got home.

Me: Okay, C. I need you to confirm something for me as a marketer. How long has it been since anyone in your class cared about the Avengers?

C: [stares at me blankly for several seconds]

Me: Do you not remember?

C: ...kindergarten...????

Which goes to confirm my theory that this whole promotion was some out-of-touch C-level executive going THE, UH, MARVEL... SOMETHING... UNIVERSE? WE'RE DOING THAT. KIDS LOVE THAT SHIT, and then MULTIPLE corporate departments of people being too afraid to tell this guy that he's an out-of-touch moron.

I'm now a marketer, but a long time ago, I used to work for a company that did this type of promotional printing, and I can guarantee that:

At least 3 different departments in Loblaw had to sign off on this

Disney's legal department made everyone who touched this project at any point hate the entire thing from top to bottom.

Somewhere between 20 and 30 people ended up wanting to psychically incinerate the exec who thought of this by the time the promotion launched.

Some middle-level marketing manager is crying about how they're going to create vanity metrics to measure that won't make this look like a complete and total waste of time and money.

So yeah. This whole thing is deeply hilarious to me, specifically, from top to bottom.

It's a hellish time to be unemployed.

"AI" has enshittified already-terrible ATS (applicant tracking system) software, making it even harder to get your resume seen by a human.

Text-generated AI spam applications means that new jobs are being posted for 2 days before being closed because they're being flooded with hundreds of fake applicants.

HALF of hiring managers admit they think it's acceptable to post fake jobs, and two fifths say they've done it in the past year.

So it's no surprise that nearly 4 months after being laid off, my job hunt is Not Going Well. And today I broke 3 digits on job applications!

My job hunt in 2022 was hellish - 127 job applications and 17 companies interviewed with to get my last job. And yet, I'd give just about anything to go back to THAT job landscape and not this enshittified nightmare fuel hellscape.