I'm Sitting At A Bus Stop Almost Alone And I Haven't Been This Calm In Months

I'm sitting at a bus stop almost alone and I haven't been this calm in months

The same bus passed three times already but it's not what I'm looking for

And this should be it, this should be reason enough to write

but it's not

For I've been tired to my core and all I've wanted

Is to be held by the one adult person I let myself be known

For I need something bigger than my name. For I need someone who knows better than I do

But it's all futile and I can't bring myself to ask her for kindness

But it's all without point and I can't write anymore

"Nomen Omen, just like Moliére" - Zero (me)

some time ago already, a month maybe

a cold night and a blue apartment

just the kitchen lit up and just me inside

the buzz of the microwave

and the holler of the wind

and the shake of my hand

and the poorly executed confession

"it's not back, not really. it's just

my brain is a scumbag and it just

wants me to go down, and i just

can't tell it to shut up every time,

you know"

and you didn't before

but you tried your best in the moment

you told me you will be there always

and I appreciated it, like no other

I swear I did

and you told me

"please call me if this ever gets worse"

no idea why, it came back like a curse

you still don't know, noone does, actually

I'll tell you the truth only when you ask for it

because you don't need this in your life

on another cold night, in a lit up apartment

I'm telling you goodnight, far too early

• "tonight I'm going to sleep hungry" - zero [me]

apparently I have 100 likes on this account, which is not exactly a lot considering how many things I posted but I'm still happy about it [:

somewhere on your way you lose the want for sleep at night

you stay up until the sun shines through your window and fall asleep once your house stirs

the nights are long and you haven't felt so alone in so long

and on those nights

nothing has a face

the whole world is all eyes

there's something missing

the missing poster is missing a face

the mirror is missing a reflection

you're missing feeling at home

you're missing your old self

you're missing yourself

and on those nights

you don't have a face

" reflectionless " - zero (me)

everything is changing and it feels like spring came too quickly

it's sunny and bright outside this weird February

and everything seems to be changing so rapidly

and I've come to realise everything is dependant on a perspective

when I saw an angel from a weird angle

the bright sun making it's features distorted

and lately I've been cold in more ways than just one

and today I felt like crying about everything

and I did when you held me at a bus stop and told me you're grateful to have me

and we talked about the future

or the lack of it

in the time we had until your ride home came

both decided on a silent life and nice cafes

I need you to know you're a good kid

and I know you're going places

• places better than this one - zero (me)

(on friends who hold your head like they're afraid of hurting you in any way. on having no future but still hoping for at least another summer. I came back home with cold finger tips and this poem scribbled on my hands. I told you about my ideas for my poetry but now you're in one.)

you improvise a home by street lights

act like the dark is welcoming enough

leave at the same hour day by day

noone really knows what you're doing

you don't really know what you're searching for

your sister calls it running away

you try to say it's anything but

who are you trying to convince

your sister calls it running away

your mother says it is alright for

you get back when it's getting late

your sister calls it running away

you don't think it's a run if noone's chasing

zero (me)

"til death do us part"

the statement upsets me dearly

for it assumes there is no love after death

why would I stop loving you so early

my feelings won't stop right with my breath

so if there is anything after this form, not long enough nearly

my sweet oblivion, let me take you to the altar

first time possibly, hopefully the second time

and I will promise you to hold your hand and never falter

for loving you only on this earth would be a crime

- zero (me)