On Another Night I Have To Spend Without You

on another night I have to spend without you

the brightest one of them all, with hope in the air

even with my friends around, I promise you

to use the knowledge given to me by past lovers

and once the sky lights up with fireworks again

I shall call you and tell you all my love, as

the first thing in the new year should mean

the whole world, and nothing does, like you do

• Mel, my light - zero (me)

there seems to be a universal understanding

of the fact that no good life was a good story

good lifes make good examples and I make

poetry and bonfire stories that can't go unheard

and I am glad for all the harm that was done

to me and only to me, for maybe it was better

to make my life worse and my poems relatable

noone reads poetry when they're alright, and

more so noone ever writes poetry when happy

maybe the stars aligned in this way for every poet

maybe god made us with a bigger purpose, than

any mortal happiness, made us for eternal things

written in ink and lived through in our own blood

- zero (me)

[ I finished writing my poetry book and I just know I will hate all of them in a year or two. I am never proud of my poetry. my mind is a burn book ]

i will pack up all my life

and leave memories behind

writing a few notes to friends

to make sure I am forgotten

I know I will die one day

my mum raised to believe

if I spill my blood it will be okay

but I won't do this here

I won't rot away

in the same fucking place

who made me die in everyway

i can't Die here- zero (me)

(writer's block hit me like a truck and my life has been so chaotically stoick I hate it. also it's a song draft not a poem but we will ignore this fact)

i think I will die wondering

what you all really think of me

maybe on my funeral

give a speech that's literal

my last words probably will be

"I don't think you even knew me"

I'm so afraid to tell you anything

I guess I will die wondering

/

the spring had came

what have we became?

I don't tell you anything anymore

we're right back where we've been before

looking out the window

I think it's even worse now

to contemplate my death

think of the last breath

when the sun is shining until late

it's something I grew to hate

/

so many questions in my head

and poems you will never read

why the hell do you even like me?

I ask myself that constantly

it's not that I don't trust you all

it's just that I can take the fall

once I'm gone you cannot cry

don't take the fall, just learn to fly

/

you tell me how you see me, still

it does not make sense to me

the most random of compliments

what have you even meant?

it just proves to me furthermore

how little you got to know me for

I know that it's my fault

your trust came to a halt

I wish I could tell you what I think

and when I try I just shrink

in on myself and just decide

it's gonna come out when I die

• you never knew me/things I don't tell you - zero (me)

[yes, it's a draft of a song. yes, i probably will never finish it. yes, i'm not okay. yes, that's the only reason i came back to writing]

some time ago already, a month maybe

a cold night and a blue apartment

just the kitchen lit up and just me inside

the buzz of the microwave

and the holler of the wind

and the shake of my hand

and the poorly executed confession

"it's not back, not really. it's just

my brain is a scumbag and it just

wants me to go down, and i just

can't tell it to shut up every time,

you know"

and you didn't before

but you tried your best in the moment

you told me you will be there always

and I appreciated it, like no other

I swear I did

and you told me

"please call me if this ever gets worse"

no idea why, it came back like a curse

you still don't know, noone does, actually

I'll tell you the truth only when you ask for it

because you don't need this in your life

on another cold night, in a lit up apartment

I'm telling you goodnight, far too early

• "tonight I'm going to sleep hungry" - zero [me]

apparently I have 100 likes on this account, which is not exactly a lot considering how many things I posted but I'm still happy about it [:

I'm sitting at a bus stop almost alone and I haven't been this calm in months

The same bus passed three times already but it's not what I'm looking for

And this should be it, this should be reason enough to write

but it's not

For I've been tired to my core and all I've wanted

Is to be held by the one adult person I let myself be known

For I need something bigger than my name. For I need someone who knows better than I do

But it's all futile and I can't bring myself to ask her for kindness

But it's all without point and I can't write anymore

"Nomen Omen, just like Moliére" - Zero (me)