Accurate Af - Tumblr Posts
Which prehistoric creature has the most Just Some Guy energy?
Sacabambaspis
“what are you reading?”
“its a…online book.”
bts at a drag show/gay bar
i was already babbling abt how much i wanted to do this with my bias line and then y'all made me realize i should just make it a whole damn headcanons post so. welcome! here we are! here is my brainrot on how the boys would turn up on drag night at the gay bar 🏳️🌈✨ if this content is not for you, it costs $0 to just keep scrolling ✌️
knj: everyone expected that joonie bby would be flooded with attention from the people who came out tonight specifically in search of a tall, built daddy, but there's a group nobody saw coming that ends up swarming him first: the lesbians. they fucking love him, and he finds himself getting sucked into an hour-long conversation on the back patio about roni horn and rha hyeseok. he'll probably end up agreeing to start a book club with his new sapphic friends before the night is over (and he'll run into them all again the following weekend when he goes to support soyoon at one of her gigs lmao) 👭
ksj: entirely oblivious to what it looks like when a person is flirting with him, despite that being exactly what happens to him for quite literally the entire night. each time someone new walks away from the table, he'll turn back to yoongi and jimin with the same question: "okay, now surely that wasn't flirting, was it?!" only to be immediately told that yes, yes it was and no, nobody would sit through a 20 minute ted talk on the lore of maplestory if they didn't also want to sit on his dick. he'll argue til til he's half-hoarse from screaming over the music that there's no way everyone in the club could possibly be flirting with him - but frankly, he's not mad at the ego boost 🍆
myg: putting the suga in suga daddy, he's breaking hundreds at the bar to make sure everyone has a stack of singles to tip the queens, and alllllll the drinks are going on his black card. other than that he's pretty lowkey, mostly just sipping steadily at his whiskey and looking at his phone. when somebody finally gets nosy enough to lean over his shoulder and snoop, they realize that he's actively scrolling through his rotation of hookup apps and trying to match up people in the room to their profiles. might slip away for a sneaky link in the bathroom oop, but he'll be back in time to close his tab out 💳
jhs: full-send GAGGING at the queens and their dancing. he can't even stay in his seat because song after song he's jumping to his feet just so he can dramatically collapse to the floor with a gay scream, getting his life entirely with every new kick, flip, spin, and death drop. the word slaaaaaaaay! has never been shouted with more enthusiasm than it is tonight by this man, and he does not give a fuck that he won't have a voice tomorrow. once the show is over, he is the absolute center of the dancefloor, popping and locking and showing off his footwork like he was born to do it-- and the boys will definitely catch him practicing his duck walk at some point in the next week 🕺
pjm: without a doubt, he is the LIFE of the mf party, lost in the lights and outta his mind u kno?? it's literally just the like crazy MV, actually. will make everyone do shots as soon as they get in the door and then at least once an hour the rest of the night, if only because he really likes flirting (and by flirting i mean making out) with the shot boys. lbr he probably gets several shots poured or spat into his mouth, and if anyone's hopping up on the bar to get tequila sucked out of their belly button, it is absolutely this demon. and ofc he's bringing at least one person home with him - "it's gon' be a good night" indeed~ 😈
kth: disappears into the crowd a few songs into the set, but he texts the group chat that he's fine and just made some friends, so the night carries on without him. it isn't until the next performer is called to the stage - miss tata mic! - that everyone realizes he's befriended the queens, and they've done him up right: cinched for the gods, face beat to make his eyes even more smoldering than usual (...wait, did he bring his colored contacts from home?!), and moving fearlessly in borrowed six-inch heels. and of course, his choreo is flawless. he easily earns enough tips to pay yoongi back in full and then some 👠
jjk: the definition of 'happy to be here'. loves the lights, the music, the ~vibes~, all of it. he somehow knows every word to every single song, and the more drinks he has, the louder he's singing along. and the queens love him for being easy to fluster, the way even his ears flush with color when he blushes, so he gets a whole lot of ass and tiddies in his lap and his face (rewarded with generous tips, naturally). when the lights finally come on and everyone stumbles outside, he's a drunchies king, and he thinks the food from the truck in the parking lot is quite literally the best thing he's ever tasted. he repeatedly shouts 'DAMN!' up to the night sky, one fist swinging as he eats, until someone pours him into the car so they can all head back home 🍗
fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.
hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.
hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy
hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it
hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently
hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love
horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho
Rapline in Ddaeng
Hoseok: ‘My hand’s down my pants’ energy
Yoongi: ‘My hand’s down your pants’ energy
Namjoon: ’You’re going to put your hand down your pants for me, babygirl’ energy
Ichabod: We don’t download movies illegally because we’re honest, hard-working people
Sean: And we don’t know how
inspiration struck in the middle of the night and I could not rest until this came to fruition
𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ?
The Chariot.
You like to be in control and hate to see things stagnate. You need to be constantly moving, or at least constantly planning how to get ahead. When things start to slow down, you’ll find a way to get them moving and shaking again! You’re very goal-oriented, and you’ll reach them, too — as long as you stay focused. You’ve got a strong competitive urge and you like to come out on top. You’re certainly not backward about coming forward!
You’re often at your best when you have to assert yourself and take charge of the situation. You’re confident in expressing your needs to others, for you know that no man is an island and you can’t do everything by yourself. You have faith in your capabilities, and you know who you are and what you want. You’re determined and assertive, but you need to watch that this assertiveness doesn’t come on too strong. Many people don’t know what to do with someone who is direct and truthful!
Like everyone else, you have your faults, and there are times when your life seems to spin out of control. In an effort to find some kind of balance again, sometimes you take too much control, coming across as aggressive and bossy. You cannot control everything, and at times like this, you have to prioritize and pick your battles wisely. You don’t have to be in control of everything, and often it’s best not to be. It gives others a chance to grow and to learn things that will enhance their own lives.
Tagged by;; @arkhampsych (thank you ciar! ♡) Tagging;; Whoever would like to do it?
Good things that come from being on Tumblr for 5+ years:
By this point, you’ve either found a blog theme that you like or you’ve completely resigned yourselves to the default themes. Either way, you know longer care about your blog theme and that’s the way it should be.
You constantly gain a new appreciation for the, like, five followers that have followed you since the beginning.
You have a never-ending library of memes in your blog’s archives
If you ever need a pick-me-up, you can go back into the depths of your blog and find old content that you never thought you’d see again.
You probably never reblog unsourced/reposted art because you’ve been on Tumblr long enough to remember the original post in the first place.
A great appreciation for the updates that actually made the site work better (putting the reblog button at the bottom of the page, for instance)
A complete apathy to any sort of drama that this site devolves into.
You’ve probably discovered XKit by now and are grateful every day of your life.
You’ve seen and/or participated in some of the greatest events on this website, for better or worse (Mishapocalypse, the “reblog this if you’re in _______ fandom” posts, “What color is the sky?”, DashCon and the immediate fallout)
Bad things that come from being on Tumblr for 5+ years:
Different day, different discourse.
You’ve slowly watched people that you’ve followed for years go through eighty blog changes and that cool SuperWhoLock blog you once liked is now a belly-button fetish blog and you have to wonder where it all went wrong.
“Guys we literally settled this argument like two years ago why the fuck are we doing this all over again”
Living long enough to see people’s opinions on groups, events, and identities completely flip flop in the course of a couple of years.
Your block list is a mile long and full of porn blogs
Going from thinking that Tumblr was the best website ever to an old, jaded veteran who just wants to post memes is a very hardcore slide and it’s given me whiplash
Posts that you really used to like were deleted a long time ago back before deactivation was a thing.
Being 18+ years old on this site and knowing that the opinions of most of the users basically boil down to what minors think is social justice but really isn’t. Their hearts are in the right place…but… well, they’ve got a ways to go.
Out of the blue, someone will message you why you don’t post about certain shows anymore and you don’t have the heart to tell them that you haven’t tuned into that show in 4 years.
I hate this website let me drink and leave me be.
modern au levi doesn’t use any social media except reddit, and the only subreddit he’s in is r/cleaningtips
fear me. this is literally my favorite way to write.
I hope this has not been made before
theres this pipeline from being a gravity falls fan as a kid to being a malevolent/tma fan as you grow older and im not even surprised by it. you guys had to enjoy nerdy weird shit when you were kids to enjoy whatever the fuck happens in these podcasts. me included. my fate was sealed when i saw bill cipher at age 10.
