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The Prince and The Toad

I wrote this to mess with a friend. It started out as a joke about crack shipping which escalated into this hell hole of a fic. This is not meant to be taken seriously in any way, shape, or form. I mainly made it to make my friends squirm and laugh about how horrible it is, so don’t read it if you plan on taking it seriously and etc. (You should also check tags for warnings!)

Summary:

Callum is a horny teenager who can’t keep it in his pants. Bait is a hungry frog who didn’t get any moonberries (thanks Rayla). What could go wrong?

Callum wasn’t sure how he found himself balls deep in his brother’s pet, but he did. Y'know what? That was a complete and utter lie. He knew exactly how he had gotten here, he just couldn't believe that he actually ended up… here. His one-eyed wonder worm buried inside a toad. A glowing toad that growled a lot and had sharp teeth, but a toad nonetheless.

He had been feeling a little off the past week or so, it hadn’t occurred to him why at first, but it became increasingly obvious that his willy was in need of a good wack. Normally he’d wait till all the others had fallen asleep and sneak off for some privacy, but Rayla was incredibly astute. He couldn’t roll over without rousing her, knives and all.

They hadn’t quite reached a town yet, not since dropping the dragon egg in the frozen lake, and while this cave was nice Callum couldn’t exactly rattle his snake while looking at his baby brother. He watched Rayla at the mouth of the cave, ever the lonesome-warrior stereotype. “Hey, Rayla, I’ve been thinking,” Callum fiddled with his hands nervously, flipping unthinkingly through his sketchbook.

She half turned, smiling good-naturedly as she quipped back, “Dinno, sounds pretty dang'rous tuh me.”

He flushed, knowing he had to push through this or he might never get a moment of relief. Hell, half of him yelling at Rayla earlier today had just been his pent up sexual frustration! There was definitely an apology in order, perhaps he could kill two birds with one stone? “I wanted to say sorry for yelling at you earlier,” he sighed, setting down his sketchbook. “And thank you, for being honest.”

Rayla offered a tired grin, “Yeah yeah, jus’ fergeh it,” she fiddled with her bracelet, looking like she had more she wanted to say, but nothing but distant wind filled the silence. “You haven’t had a good nights sleep since at least before… you met us, so I’ll stand guard tonight. You should warm up by the fire.”

There was a long moment where it looked like Rayla was going to argue, but eventually her shoulders sagged in exhaustion, “Thank you.” While it’s nice to know he’d finally get some quality time with his right hand, he felt bad for manipulating his new… friend? Assassin-friend? He promised himself he’d do something for her later, right now he needed to stay focused.

At night it was colder than he had expected, the chill of the air made his breath as clear as a fire’s smoke. Rayla had passed out near Ezran, both of them naturally and protectively leaning toward the egg. Callum would only be gone for ten minutes, they’d be fine without him, right? He couldn’t blow his chance for hand to gland combat. Without a second thought, Callum crept out of the cave, glancing around for somewhere nice to sit. He picked a spot not too fire off, but just far enough that no one should be able to hear him if he gets too carried away slapping the magic salami.

It took a while to get comfortable, it really was freezing out, and with how it was looking, Callum wouldn’t be getting off for a good long time. At this rate he might never ding his dong at all! Callum froze as he heard a rustling to his left, “R-rayla-! Ahahahaha, I’m sorry I-” it is not, in fact, Rayla, but the smallest member on their team.

Bait makes a strange sound- between a croak and a groan, and stares at Callum very judgmentally. “Are you fucking kidding, you could at least knock before walking in on me!” this one sounds more like a grumble, but Bait jumps closer, warily sniffing at things Callum wanted him nowhere near.

“Just go back to ca- aah- that’s not for you!” Callum caught a whimper in the back of his throat as Bait looked curiously at his (now) very hard quiver-bone. “Bait!” he tried to ignore the way his voice cracked needily, this definitely wasn’t happening. That was not toad slobber on his piss pump. No sooner had Callum wished it to never happen again, than Bait had licked the entire length of his thrill drill, seemingly enjoying himself.

This was about when it had occurred to him that they hadn’t shared any of their berries with Bait that night before bed, not after he’d stolen the last of Rayla’s moonberry juice. It had seemed fair at the time, but it had left the glow toad very hungry. Callum shivered at the thought. He really should just take him back to camp- he couldn’t imagine doing anything in front of him, but… if he took Bait back to camp now there’d be no time for him to slam his clam.

A rather sick thought curled up and made itself at home in the back of his head. Its presence was heavy and hot, coiling around his brain like his fingers on his sin stick. Why go jerkin’ his gherkin’ all alone when he could have Bait play his flesh flute? It wasn’t like any of them could speak to animals so Bait wouldn’t be able to divulge their secret and Bait might fill up on Callum’s daddy butter, that way he wouldn’t be hungry anymore! It was mutually beneficial, even if it was more than a little gross, it’d be easier to unload his yogurt truck with a helping hand- or, er, tongue?

“H-heeey, buddy, pal, lighty-lighty frog boy,” Bait scowled at him, turning in circles and flattening the ground beneath him so he could lay down. “You’re understandably hangry at me, I get that, buuut,” he waits for the glow toad to look up at him, and only continues once he’s sure he has his full attention. “I’ll let you suck the juice from my beanstalk, it's verynutritious- like moonberry juice!” At the mere mention of moonberries Bait was drooling. “If you polish my sword I’ll make it worth your time, I promise,” Callum offers his hand to the sun-powered amphibian, who places his own foot in it grudgingly, he can almost imagine Bait grumbling about Callum giving him lots of jelly tarts.

Unsurprisingly, this was the first time Callum had ever had someone swallow his Dr. Feelgood- or in this case something. Nothing at all like he expected, but that might just be the whole ‘bestiality’ concept. Sure, Bait put his mouth all over, well, everything, and it was likely disgusting and smelly and overall a place you wouldn’t want to put the family jewels. But damn did it feel good.

Bait, being a glow toad, was of the sun arcanum, and holy fuck was his mouth hot (in more ways than one). He easily felt himself falling into a quick rhythm, pulling Bait off his joystick before quickly yanking him back down. It was hard not to move, a little niggle in the back of his mind reminded him that he didn’t want to get caught, especially not like this, but the bare ground on his ass was frigid and uninviting. Bait, for his part, was strangely well practiced at sucking Callum’s cum gun. His tongue was long and thick, not to mention he kept from biting off Callum’s love muscle (despite Callum’s roughness). It wasn’t long before- with his back against the ground, hips raised (if only to keep from freezing his butt off), he found himself cumming into the hangry lumpa-grump.

There was no way he was getting up. Sure, the ground was cold, his third leg was hanging out, and there was a toad licking its lips sitting on his chest. But Callum would be damned if this wasn’t the comfiest he’d been in forever. That is, until he heard Rayla. “Callum? Callum, where’d ye go?”

Without a moment’s hesitation he’d scooped Bait up in one hand and yanked his pants back up with the other, “Just a- gimmie a minute! Had to- was just- bathroom! Pee, I had to pee, yep, and Bait was being my… look out.”

“ ‘at’s fine, I’ll take over as look out fer now.” Rayla seemed too tired to question him or his disheveled appearance. Callum nodded, placing Bait on the ground, “Right, good, great, I’ll be sleeping then, in the cave. Asleep. Goodnight!”

Maybe, if he played his cards right, Callum wouldn’t have to be pent up on this adventure at all. Bait seemed to pulse softly as if in odd agreement.