And Again If Said Person Sees This Im Fine With Having Another Talk - Tumblr Posts

content warning for vent post

sorry this isn’t my usual content.

WARNING FOR: descriptions of paranoia

so a situation happened. i dont want to go into detail, but it happened and im not denying it, no matter how much denial i was in for the first few days.

it involves another person. i know they might see this post; i’m sorry if you do. it was tough for me since i was already going through a lot of stress lately, but i think something inside of me just flipped after that and it’s changed me completely. i’m not sure if i’m going to go back.

i feel so paranoid. every time i say something and am not responded to, i start to panic severely to the point of having panic attacks because of my fear of lack of reciprocation. i’m already easily upset but now i’m just unstable. i need to know i am loved.

and i know i’m overreacting, i don’t want to overreact, but my mind has a way it wants to act, and i’m just being dragged along by it.

i don’t blame said person. they didn’t know i’d have this reaction. i blame myself for acting like this, for letting myself act in such ways that it snowballed into my psyche completely changing.

i’m not gonna deny it; i do make sexual jokes. but unless i am around my friends, i limit them or just don’t say them in general. if anybody has a problem with it, please tell me gently so we can work something out. sorry for the tangent, but this is part of it.

in these past few days, i have gone from denial, to anger, to just plain guilt.

i’m sorry to everybody. i might go on hiatus if things get any worse.