Paranoia - Tumblr Posts
It feels like an echo chamber in here!
The last page spread I filled of my journal: (+ other assorted pages)
cw: mention of sexual assault (reflective in nature), frank talk of sex, injury/ gore??, clump of my human hair, nudity (in drawing), disordered eating, my period. I don’t know I haven’t read over this it’s my fucking journal.
Frequently non linear and switching between fiction and real event.
That feeling when you really wanna coin a xenogender based on smth ur very autistic abt but ur too shy abt it. Also, the ccs involved in it ACTIVELY USE TUMBLR.🧍
Bro, what if they end up seeing my blog. They actively interact with their community on tumblr…
IK THIS IS A RESULT OF PARANOIA, BUT IT’S TOO NERVE WRACKING 😭😭
0 | Prologue
PAIRING: The Darkling / Aleksander Morozova x OC
WARNINGS: blood, violance, angst, hurt, paranoia, hinting at death, anxiety, panic attack, threatening, persecution
WORD COUNT: 1K
Masterlist Dark Blood and Light Masterlist
PREVIOUS . 0 | PROLOGUE . NEXT
Running, a term awfully familiar to the fleeing shadow. She knew this could mean her end and she was on her own.
No one helping. No one to cling to in her last moments. No one that would mourn over the person running in the dark.
Bare feet were hurting as the ginger-haired woman ran through the deep gloomy forest, her eyes constantly searching left to right, desperately trying to find a way to escape the unavoidable. Leaves scrunched beneath her, and the raw feeling of the snowy earth send shivers down her spine.
Regrettably, caring about such insignificant things were the least of her worries as the sound of clapping horse hooves was getting louder and louder.
The young woman knew looking back towards her followers would seal her fate, not only for her but so many others.
Escaping them seemed to be impossible, every turn she took only bought them closer. An indescribable pain ran through her left thigh, but she could not stop now, she was so close. Only a little bit further and she would have escaped them.
Dark red liquid poured down into the pure snow and her footprints, leaving a trail as she kept on limping towards her freedom.
Without warning her feet buckled under her weight. The sole thing the woman could feel, as she tumbled down the hard forest ground, were the branches pulling at her hair, scratching her and the small bork pieces that kept sinking into her tender flesh.
The ginger-haired woman’s kind eyes felt heavy, the blood loss and constant running finally taking its toll.
But the only thing her mind wandered to were dark obsidian eyes lovingly staring down at her and warm embraces that used to make all of her fears disappear.
As she laid there helpless the three men kept closing in on her, merciless looking under every nook and cranny. Bringing up her last bit of strength, scarred terribly shaking hands grasped the earth beneath her in a last attempt to escape. The woman’s vision was hazy. Barley making out her surroundings she kept slipping in and out of consciousness. Now listening to the small sounds of sturdy boots getting louder, she slowly crawled towards her last hope of surviving: an old tree trunk. Letting herself rest against it, hidden from their sight, her breath came out short and hasty. The woman’s chest clenched as her heart put up the courage to finally take a look at her visible wound. A bullet was burning itself inside her leg from deep within. The unbearable pain that she felt as her nails plugged inside the open bleeding flesh made her want to scream in agony.
It was hard motivating her body to not give up on her as her vision faded over and over again. The young woman knew her body would not endure the pain much longer, but she had to; she could not abandon him, not after all these years. Gradually pulling the bullet out of her body, concentrating on not making a sound, made her careless as she failed to notice her pursuers inching closer to her hideout.
Now that the bullet was finally gone, blood gushed out in long thick streams. Her relieve was short lived as she committed the most mindless mistake of her entire life: she called for him, wishing for a miracle.
A distance away, a deep scratchy voice called out for his companions, having finally determined her location. Ragged breaths increased as she slapped her hand over her own mouth and shut her eyes out of fear. Silently she prayed that her savior would rescue her once again, even though she knew her prayers would remain unanswered.
Her time was running out, and she was torturously aware of that. A painful sting ran through her scalp as she was harshly jerked upwards. The young woman's body was too exhausted to fight back as the man kept her captivated. Two silhouettes stepped forward, smiling as they imagined the fear reflecting in her radiant light blue eyes that resembled the sky and silk sash of the royal bloodline.
She could barely make out the look of the two silhouettes as her vision failed her once again. That moment she knew, her life was not hers anymore, it laid within the hands of her adored saints.
As they came towards her slight frame the snow seemed to melt after every step they took. An ironic warmth wrapped itself around the red heads body and blinded her fear, transforming it into a gentle feeling of acceptance.
Not long after, they stopped. Mockingly looking down at the traitorous human right before them.
Both fit perfectly into the scenery, covered in mud, leaves and every dirt that laid underneath the snow. It was well deserved, she thought; at least she made them struggle. The person who stood before her possessed similar hands to the ones captivating her. He was immensely large and bulky in comparison to the other man beside him, who stuck out like a sore thumb. Brilliant colors were the other persons way of presenting his noble heritage. She could not manage to make out every detail of his checkered west or his expensive sash that clearly showed his superior status, but she would always remember his eyes. His beautiful ocean blue eyes that glimmered like he just received the most extraordinary gift he had ever been gifted.
Hot salty tears stung as they ran down her once smooth face while she kept on thinking about all the horrid things they could do to her, and it only got worse the longer she thought about them.
His delighted grin grew as her fear finally rose above the surface; happy the handsome man could grasp her trembling beneath his eyes.
Eagerly he took three large confident steps towards her cowering frame, now crouching down to her height. Gently he grabbed her chubby chin between his elegant fingers and twisted her head upwards, facing his own. Tilting his youthful face towards the shell of her ear, he whispered in a pleasant voice glazed with honey but poisoned with amusement and a hollow soul.
„Got you little dove“
Written in 2021. Do not copy, translate or reposte without my permission
Hello! I hope you enjoyed the prologue, even though it propably could have been longer. I again apologize for all my spelling and grammer mistakes, as you know English is not my natice language, but I tried to erase as many mistakes as possible.
If you find any mistakes, please make sure to inform me of them!
One of my fears about being in a relationship.
Paranoia
My back can feel the chair
No enemy can lace the interim air
With silver spades that daily lay
For me an early grave.
At least there are walls inside this maze.
Walls are solid, constant, opaque
And windows let me patrol this space
To shut out the e’er-watching gaze.
Corner nooks are all I know
Eyes vigilant, plastered straight ahead
Spine bristled against your next move
Thick electric shielding me from you
For my biggest fear is losing that distinction.
Dread
Like the world is on the brink of cracking, like someone is just about to call you with some bad news, like I'm on the brink of dying. What is this? Paranoia? Anxiety? A survival mechanism?
Will things ever get better again? Idk,but I wish I had a friend to do things with. My anxiety halts my excitement for all the things I want to do. Even just going for a long walk. *Sigh. I guess if I'm honest with myself,I am lonely. I have my Son, but he's 18. He's creating his own life. I can't put my wants on to him. And my mum , she's 67 and housebound. She's a riot, and I love chilling with her,but she's not going to be going for a hike any time soon. I just don't meet people doing the stuff that I do. And because of the anxiety/paranoia I always have my earphones in with my music up loud, or my head in my phone looking through Reddit, Imgur,or here. I really hope things change soon for the better. And I have to get a cat to make my new flat a home. Now breath. 🖤🤍🐈⬛🐈
This thing appeared in my head at night....this is ridiculous LOL 😭😭😭
basically he has ass long hair, my brain is like:
Reblog because i need more hastags!!1!
This thing appeared in my head at night....this is ridiculous LOL 😭😭😭
basically he has ass long hair, my brain is like:
this ridiculous post reached 20 likes......damn-
but thx!!!1!!1 xd ✨❤
This thing appeared in my head at night....this is ridiculous LOL 😭😭😭
basically he has ass long hair, my brain is like:
content warning for vent post
sorry this isn’t my usual content.
WARNING FOR: descriptions of paranoia
so a situation happened. i dont want to go into detail, but it happened and im not denying it, no matter how much denial i was in for the first few days.
it involves another person. i know they might see this post; i’m sorry if you do. it was tough for me since i was already going through a lot of stress lately, but i think something inside of me just flipped after that and it’s changed me completely. i’m not sure if i’m going to go back.
i feel so paranoid. every time i say something and am not responded to, i start to panic severely to the point of having panic attacks because of my fear of lack of reciprocation. i’m already easily upset but now i’m just unstable. i need to know i am loved.
and i know i’m overreacting, i don’t want to overreact, but my mind has a way it wants to act, and i’m just being dragged along by it.
i don’t blame said person. they didn’t know i’d have this reaction. i blame myself for acting like this, for letting myself act in such ways that it snowballed into my psyche completely changing.
i’m not gonna deny it; i do make sexual jokes. but unless i am around my friends, i limit them or just don’t say them in general. if anybody has a problem with it, please tell me gently so we can work something out. sorry for the tangent, but this is part of it.
in these past few days, i have gone from denial, to anger, to just plain guilt.
i’m sorry to everybody. i might go on hiatus if things get any worse.
Friends I am once again asking you to stop reblogging shit like "reblog for luck" or "reblog in 5 min or something bad will happen" etc etc it literally preys on OCD and paranoia and mine spirals when I see this shit so please stop reblogging it I'm begging you